


Trial of the Heart

by Majsasaurus



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Abuse, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Branding, Childbirth, Complete, Cunnilingus, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, It gets happier, Jinchuuriki-centric, Nature Versus Nurture, Pregnancy, Shikadai is a jinchuuriki, Shinobi Politics (Naruto), Slow Burn, Sunagakure | Hidden Sand Village, Tailed Beasts, Toddlers are cute, Tragedy, War, parenting is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 123,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22974232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Majsasaurus/pseuds/Majsasaurus
Summary: Temari let Shikamaru once close and that is why he is the right man to assassinate her, for the sake of peace in a world of chaos after the Fourth Ninja War.But killing the one he loves is much, much harder than he anticipated.
Relationships: Nara Shikadai & Nara Shikamaru & Temari, Nara Shikadai & Shinki, Nara Shikadai & Yamanaka Inojin, Nara Shikamaru/Temari
Comments: 205
Kudos: 130





	1. Broken peace

At first, there had been silence.

Then the dead and wounded had been gathered, burned or buried during solemn ceremonies all over the nations. Some were never found, and the numbers were never made official, but everyone knew the numbers were in the thousands. Unmarked graves with remains of unidentified soldiers were left to be forgotten, which they inevitably became.

The memory of a shinobi is short.

There’s always the next battle, the next conflict to be focused on, and there is simply _no time_ to stop and reflect over what the hell happened and who had died and who had survived.

There was a day or two when everyone mourned the death of the thousands and thousands of shinobi and kunoichi, most of them chunin. Heartbreakingly enough, one fourth of the dead were also genin.

And after the hours of remembering, everyone moved on. Or, had to move on. Were forced to move on.

There were endless amounts of meetings, of the Allied Forces trying to figure out how to move on from this, how to maintain peace, how to even _create_ peace after this bloodshed and after every meeting the nations and their representatives felt like they had moved even further into a dead end. What made matters even more complicated was the fact that each nation felt like being forced into different dead ends every time, and no one agreed. The other nations were jealous of Konoha’s big effort in the war and were mostly enraged when Konoha wanted them to clean up the mess after the war.

The hottest and most well debated question was the Tailed Beasts, which had been released into nature during the war. Verbal promises or not, Tailed Beasts were huge and beasts after all, killing immense amounts of animals and not even one week after the battle the first report was collected. Two Tails had eaten a child somewhere in Earth Country.

And after that, it went downhill.

“Shikamaru.” Yoshino opened the door to his room and walked into the dark room. He was still asleep, which was maybe not a surprise considering only the sun’s first sunrays touched land. Autumn was arriving and Shikamaru was more tired than usual.

His mother walked up to his bed and gently shook his shoulder. No matter how badly Shikamaru just wanted to sleep away and never wake up for work, he opened his eyes.

“The tea is ready”, Yoshino said.

Ever since the death of Shikaku, Shikamaru’s father and Yoshino’s husband, she had lost a spark. Shikamaru couldn’t remember the last time she yelled at him or scolded him for not doing chores. She would just sigh and wordlessly move away.

Scolding had never done much for Shikamaru’s motivation but seeing his mother wither apart from grief and just… not be herself made him fight against the urges to do nothing. He helped in the house more, he helped her wash clothes and he woke up immediately when she, even with the gentlest of voices, talked to him.

He missed her strong voice. He missed having to groan at how troublesome his mother is. He missed what his family used to be. He missed his father.

“Is this a new tea?” Shikamaru asked after taking the first sip of his cup. The temperature was just perfect.

“It’s strawberry”, Yoshino said. “It’s the tea Temari left after she visited the final time. I found it on the top shelf, that’s why I had forgotten about it.”

Shikamaru smelled the steam of his tea.

“Now I remember”, he said. “She said it’s Grass Country’s special tea. She gets it from there.”

“Speaking of Temari”, Yoshino said. “There was a reason I suddenly remembered that she left tea here.”

She reached out a letter to her son. Shikamaru immediately recognised the yellow parchment used in Suna, the kind that smelled of sand and felt harsh against the hand. He opened it and read the only line of the letter.

_Thank you for your letter. I had a great birthday. Hope all is well with you. Miss you too._

_-Temari_

Shikamaru sighed at the shortness of the letter. He had hoped for more.

“What does it say?” Yoshino asked.

“She thanks for my message I sent her last week”, Shikamaru said.

“I thought you were never going to talk to her again”, Yoshino said.

“That’s what the Fifth says”, Shikamaru said. “I know I’m not allowed. But it was her birthday last week. And I just wanted to send a wish to her, nothing more. Nothing political or anything. Just… me wishing her a great day, I guess.”

Yoshino gave him a sad smile.

“If I remember correctly, she turned 21, right?”

“Yeah”, Shikamaru said. He drank the strawberry tea in silence. “This is so troublesome.” Yoshino waited for him to continue. “Just the fact that mine and Temari’s relationship was made political. We were never even properly together! Just colleagues enjoying spending time together.”

“But you really like her”, Yoshino said, that smile returning on her lips. “I liked her too.”

After the Fourth Ninja War Temari had visited Konoha twice, and during both visits she had stayed over at their house. The first time was a political visit and she had a room at one of the hotels in Konoha centre, but Shikamaru found her knocking on his door instead. She had her bag and everything and made herself at home in his room, never asking if she even was welcomed.

But of course she was.

Because she was Temari.

Shikamaru had let her sleep by his side in his bed and had let her hands wander across his back as she had let his hands slide over her.

The second time she visited it was a purely personal visit. She only stayed for one night and what a magical night it was.

She left in a hurry the following morning, wishing him the best and promised to send a letter when she was home again.

That same day One Tail, one of the seven Tailed Beasts Konoha had during the months following the war collected and stored away in a secret place, was stolen. The teakettle he was sealed in was gone and everyone knew who had done it.

Who else could it have been other than Temari of the Sand, one of Suna’s highest generals of war, sister to the Kazekage, who just had happened to stay in Konoha the very same night?

At first Shikamaru was accused of spilling the secret to Temari, telling her where the cursed kettles with the Beasts were located, but the suspicions dropped after an intensive interrogation period.

“Damn fine ninja she is, managing to steal him from right under our noses”, Tsunade, the Hokage, had muttered before emptying her shot after the final interrogation of Shikamaru. “Damn fine ninja, damn it!”

“I know”, Shikamaru had said and Tsunade narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized him. Maybe it had been something in his tone that gave it all away.

“You slept with her, didn’t you?”

The question came out of the blue. Shikamaru briefly held eye contact with his Hokage before letting it drop. His cheeks burned red and his fingers found each other and now he was doing that nervous tic again, where he is twisting his fingers.

“Yes”, he had said and Tsunade had nodded and demanded him to get out of her office. Since then Tsunade had dropped all contact with him, and he got assigned lame missions with low stakes. He had spent most of his days daydreaming instead.

Shikamaru sighed and twisted his teacup, causing a small whirlpool in the cup. He looked at the leaves swirling around in the water. They looked like leaves caught in a merciless hurricane.

“You got another message, too”, Yoshino said and Shikamaru’s gaze shot up. “I already opened it, sorry. It had the Hokage’s seal on and I wanted to check if … never mind. I’m sorry for opening your mail. Here.”

Shikamaru looked at his mother before accepting the opened envelope. Yoshino didn’t look back at Shikamaru, only looked down at her tea, apparently ashamed.

Not knowing if it was good or bad news – though it had to be bad news, why would his mother react that way? – he peered inside the envelope and lifted out the document inside it. He read the message as his forehead wrinkled in confusion.

“Request denied?” he parroted the message.

“I’m sorry”, Yoshino said. “I know you would’ve fit the role perfectly, and I’m sure your dad would also feel that way.”

“But the Fifth is in _need_ of a new assistant”, Shikamaru said. “Shizune moved over to work fulltime at the hospital as Sakura’s mentor.”

“Maybe it’s still about your involvement with One Tail being stolen”, Yoshino said.

“I did not have anything to do with One Tail being stolen”, Shikamaru groaned. “I was just hosting her stay, why doesn’t Tsunade realise it? I didn’t know she was here to steal him, you believe me, right?” He was quite close to mutter how he believed she was in Konoha to meet up with him personally, because she liked him and wanted to spend time with him. Why would she rise on top of him with such sparkle in her eyes if she _didn’t_ want to?

She had used him.

Temari had used him as an excuse, as a reason, to get free passage into Konoha and had violated the trust Konoha had in her.

She had stolen the reason for all the conflicts in the continent. Ever since Shukaku was found missing all alliances to the other nations were broken. If word would spread that Suna managed to steal back the Beast assigned to them, then it wouldn’t take long before Kiri would be there to get Three and Six Tails and before Kumo would come for Two Tails. And that is only if the other nations wouldn’t see this as a chance to steal whichever Beast they could get their hands on.

Alliances between the nations hadn’t existed all summer and would probably not exist for a long time to come.

Shikamaru threw the letter onto the table.

“Okay, there went my plan”, he muttered. “Now I’ve got to find another job. Maybe I should send in a request to work in their administration department instead.”

“You in administration business?” Yoshino said with a chuckle. “Wouldn’t that be a drag for you?”

“Less drag than working out in the field”, Shikamaru said. “Running around, killing people, sleeping out in the rain, nah. I want to have an office and just sit there all day instead.”

“You should ask Tsunade personally why she denied your request to become her assistant”, Yoshino said. “Because if it is because she still suspects you knew Temari would steal Shukaku, then you should get to the bottom with it. Living with a brand of being a traitor to Konoha would be troublesome.”

Shikamaru offered a smile to her.

“Yeah, maybe I should”, he said. “I can get the request form for other open positions, too.” He emptied his cup, while looking at the empty chair on the other side of the table. Dad’s place. Shikaku’s place.

It had been empty for almost a year. Eleven months.

The sorrow was still nowhere near over. In fact, it was increasing the closer October they got. They were already in September.

“You want something from the shop?” Shikamaru asked.

“No”, Yoshino said. “Go now, my son, and ask why you weren’t fit for the job.”

He rose from his chair and after one final gaze at his father’s empty chair left the dining hall.

Tsunade was busy as always. Shikamaru could hear her growl and mutter and yell at whoever poor soul was in the room with her. Suddenly Shikamaru felt relieved that his request to become her assistant was denied, because he had had enough troublesome people to deal with. How Shizune managed to deal with Tsunade for so many years would remain a mystery.

Shikamaru leaned against the wall and closed his eyes while waiting for Tsunade to be done scolding the person inside with her. He almost fell asleep standing when the door opened with force and he jerked awake.

The man, who had opened the door, looked at him and turned back into the room.

“It’s Nara Shikamaru, my lady”, he said.

“Good”, Tsunade answered. “Bring him in.”

Shikamaru walked into her office and tried to not stare at the mess. Her table was filled with paper stacks in incoherent orders, opened books with pages ripped out were filling the floor around her desk.

“Bring in some tea!” Tsunade yelled to the man, who bowed and ran to fill her need. “Welcome, Nara.”

“Lady Hokage”, Shikamaru said.

“I assume you’re here to ask why I denied your request to become my assistant”, Tsunade said. “Quite a lot of people were surprised when I told them. They said I made a mistake not taking you in. That you are a great support and have a perfect strategic sense. That you are just like your father.”

Shikamaru pinched his lips together at the mention of his father.

“So people say.”

“And I agree with them”, Tsunade continued. “You would be a good choice, you truly would. But there’s one quality in you that I can’t look past, and that quality is the reason I chose to not take you in as my assistant for the time being. In a year, I may rethink my choices and make you my assistant.”

“What quality are you talking about?” Shikamaru asked.

“Your relationship with Temari of the Sand.”

“For the last time, I did not know about their plans!” Shikamaru said, trying his hardest to not raise his voice. “I swear, I wasn’t aware at all –“

“I never said you were”, Tsunade said. “Remember, I called it a quality. We’ll bring good use to it.”

Shikamaru paused, staring at his Hokage.

“Like what?”

“It seems like she trusts you”, Tsunade said. “She would probably let you in close.”

“You want me to steal back One Tail”, Shikamaru concluded. “I could never do it. It would be too obvious to repeat their strategy. Me coming to their house, enjoy my time and by the next morning I steal One Tail – it won’t work. They’ll know immediately.”

“I never said you would steal One Tail”, Tsunade said. “It would be too risky. Just like you said, they’d know if we tried to imitate their strategy. Besides, you haven’t been in Suna enough times to even know where they could possibly hide him.”

Shikamaru had never been in Suna, but he didn’t tell Tsunade that.

“So what do you want me to do?” Shikamaru asked.

“I want you to send Suna Konoha’s regards”, Tsunade said. “I want you to invite yourself into the Sand Village, and work with a weapon trade. I’ll assign you to live in their village for a month and I expect you to get them to trade some weapons.”

“Okay?”

“And then, after they’ve signed the deal, you assassinate their little thief princess”, Tsunade said. “Kill Temari and bring her head to me, so I know you finished your job.”

Choji found Shikamaru sitting on the bridge by the river; his legs hanging off the edge of the wooden bridge and body curled around the lower rail. Someone might have believed Shikamaru was asleep by the way his cheek was stationed on the wooden rail and eyes closed, but Choji knew he was awake.

“Hey man”, he greeted and slumped down beside his friend. He clearly expected Shikamaru to talk, and when no respond came, he nudged Shikamaru on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing”, Shikamaru said, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Shall we go somewhere to eat?”

“Not hungry”, Shikamaru said.

“What’s wrong?” Choji asked.

“I’ve been assigned a mission”, Shikamaru said. “Without you and Ino. I’m going alone.”

Choji blinked in surprise. Shinobi are not assigned missions alone. There’s always a team or at least a hidden team as a backup.

“What’s the deal with that? It can’t be true”, Choji said. “What if you get hurt and you’ve got no one to help you?”

 _What if I die?_ was almost on Shikamaru’s tongue, but he refrained from saying them out loud, to not worry Choji too much. He should maybe omit that line from his mother, too. He can’t put her through more stress than she has already endured.

“What is the mission about?” Choji asked when Shikamaru didn’t answer him.

“Not allowed to say”, he said rather snappily and Choji drew back.

“Shikamaru…” Choji said. “What is going on? Are you going to be away for long?”

Shikamaru sighed deeply and his hands brought themselves together in the nervous tic again where he twisted his fingers.

“A month”, he said. “I’m going to Suna. You can guess what my mission is.”

“Are you going to steal back One Tail all by yourself?” Choji sounded absolutely mortified. Just the thought – a lone shinobi in a foreign village, trying to find his way into a place that without a doubt is very well guarded, find the teakettle containing the Beast, and find his way out again without dying – gave Choji shivers. That is only if One Tail didn’t have a jinchuuriki already. If Suna had already taken that step, finding that person and bringing them with him back to Konoha sounded impossible.

And the shinobi being assigned all of this was his best friend.

“No, it’s not that”, Shikamaru said. “Tsunade is not that stupid. The Sand is not that stupid, god, Temari would know immediately…”

“It’s about Temari, isn’t it?” Choji said.

“They want me to assassinate her”, Shikamaru finally admitted. He had sworn not to tell anyone, but the words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Choji knew Temari had stayed over at his house the night before the break in, and he was well informed about the accusation Shikamaru had had looming over his head for the whole summer.

“Oh”, was the only thing Choji said. “Oh. Shit.”

“You don’t say”, Shikamaru said. “Damn everything. I just want to have an office and sit still all day and not run around. I don’t want to kill her. I can kill if it’s for the greater good, but, hell, this isn’t for the greater good. This is blood feud, an invitation to war! And it’s Temari. I don’t… fuck this.” He rubbed his face rather violently. “And besides, if she even gets a hint of why I even came there, she’ll kill me. Oh god, they’ll all kill me.”

Choji waited patiently out Shikamaru’s rant. Shikamaru rarely talked with such burning frustration about anything, and Choji understood the severity of the situation. It was a lot to ask of a soon-to-be eighteen-year-old boy, to murder the only girl he had ever felt something for.

But then again, this wasn’t something out of the ordinary. Uchiha Itachi had managed to kill his whole clan at thirteen, and teenagers in each shinobi village carried the titles as murderers with ease. Shikamaru knew he shouldn’t whine like he did, he had killed before and could kill again, but was it _too much_ to ask to not kill Temari?

“Let’s eat”, Choji concluded. “Let’s… get your mind off this.”

Choji swore to not tell Ino, and Shikamaru walked home, slouching and dragging his feet after him. His biggest concern was to how he was going to break the news to Yoshino, to tell her he will leave Konoha for Suna for a month, trick Gaara, the Lord Kazekage, into signing a weapon trade and murder Temari, and somehow manage to not get himself killed.

This wasn’t a mission of justice. This was a mission of revenge, a revenge for stealing one of the Tailed Beasts and ruining what Konoha had strived for – peace. Having monopoly on the Tailed Beasts was the first step to peace, according to the council’s careful evaluation. Shikamaru’s father would never accept the plan if he would’ve been alive as the Jonin Commander and part of the council, and neither would Shikamaru, if he would have any say in it.

The other nations knew it was a futile plan. That was probably why Temari had stolen Shukaku back to the desert.

Yoshino took the news surprisingly well. Or, she managed to hide her emotions surprisingly well. She just smiled and patted Shikamaru on his shoulder as an encouraging gesture.

“First time in Suna, huh?” Yoshino said. “Send a postcard from there. If the post hasn’t shut down yet between our villages.”

Shikamaru blinked at her.

“I know you hired a missing-nin merchant to bring Temari’s letter to her, and I don’t doubt she did the same to send her response back to you”, Yoshino said. The post between the villages worked less and less as it should, and many relied on private hawks instead. But getting hold of a trained hawk was expensive and difficult and most of the hawks in charge of the post were assigned to carry the mail of the Kages.

Whispers told stories about villages soon being able to do electronic messages within five years, but it seemed too good to be true. Not when money was being focused on warfare instead.

“When do you leave?”

“In five days”, Shikamaru answered. “I can’t refuse. Tsunade has already notified Suna about my arrival, and I can’t get out of it.”

“You are a good liar”, Yoshino said, looking straight at her son. “Lie. Lie your way out of this.”

“Mum…”

“You will do the right thing”, Yoshino said. “It’s okay if you fail your mission. Go there, trick them into assigning the weapon trade and come home. Let Temari live, if you want her to. Don’t let hatred and revenge flow in your veins.”

“And I’d bear the brand of being biased by Suna”, Shikamaru sighed. “I don’t want to kill her, but I can’t come home without finishing the mission –“

“Listen to your mother, Shikamaru. Fail the mission”, Yoshino repeated. “I want you back alive.”

Shikamaru turned halfway away from her, dragging his hand through his hair and ripping the hairband out of its position. His hair fell down on his shoulders in the manner he rarely wore as he went to his room and opened one of his boxes on the shelf.

“Where have you hidden my cigarettes?” he asked after finding the box empty.

“I won’t tell you”, Yoshino said. “No smoking in this household.”

“Argh… mum, please – “

“Shikamaru.” Yoshino offered a sad smile to him. “Let’s play some shogi.”

Shikamaru blinked. Yoshino reached out her hand and exposed a shogi piece in her palm. The King.

“Please.”

Shikamaru looked up from her palm and it became painfully real that both Asuma and Shikaku were dead. Both of his father figures, both of his shogi opponents, gone. The mental pain manifested as a physical pain in his chest and he inhaled sharply.

“Okay.”

He didn’t talk for the whole shogi game. He expected to beat Yoshino pretty fast, but she was sharp and had him baffled at her moves. Finally, Shikamaru managed to corner her and after he had won, she smiled.

“We used to play a lot before you were born”, she said. “But just like you, I never beat him.”

Shikamaru closed his eyes, so he wouldn’t feel the tears forming in his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note! This work is a prequel to my other fic Branded by Love, but is supposed to be read on its own in the beginning. If you haven't read Branded by Love, I suggest you don't before we catch up with the events in that story, to keep up the tension.
> 
> There will be more characters and tags to be added once we get fully into this!
> 
> The number of chapters will change when I plan the final arc, as 25 chapters is more of a goal for me to write towards than a fixed number. There will be additional warnings in the beginning author note for chapters I deem need to be rated more than T.
> 
> For uploading schedule, I will upload a new chapter weekly (every 5-7 days).
> 
> Feedback is appreciated.
> 
> Welcome on board on this journey!


	2. Poison

While Shikamaru was arguing in an internal debate and planning out which two hundred steps he should take to gain the best result out of this train wreck of a mission, Temari was sitting on her window sill, looking over the sand brown village she could almost claim as her own.

In her hands she held the letter Shikamaru had sent her.

_Hi,_

_Happy 21 st Birthday! I was going to send you a gift, but it’s turned out to be too troublesome when the post isn’t working, and the merchant would’ve cashed 1500 ryo for carrying a present. 1500! Then again, I don’t know what you would’ve wanted to get._

_I don’t know if we’re ever going to see each other again. Maybe on the battlefield someday. Things look pretty bad right now._

_Miss you,_

_Shikamaru_

“ _I don’t know if we’re ever going to see each other again”._ This line would make sense if the news that Shikamaru is coming over to Suna to advertise a weapon trade programme Konoha had developed hadn’t dropped that day.

Of course she was thrilled that he was coming and was supposed to stay for a whole month; a month is a long time, but there was a sense of dread slowly growing in her belly. A sense of untold secrets and feelings, a sense of hurtfulness and something hidden.

He had without a doubt figured out that she was the one person who stole Shukaku back to the desert where he belongs, and Temari could only guess he was hurt by her quick goodbye that morning before she headed to the dungeon below the stone statues of the Hokages, where she after intel gathering knew the Tailed Beasts were hidden.

Sneaking in, slaying the guards and sneaking out took less than half an hour for her. She took a detour east through Grass Country instead of south through River Country, which was the fastest way home. She had successfully avoided any search party chasing her and five days after she stole Shukaku, she was home again, and could only wish Shikamaru didn’t get in trouble for hosting her.

She laid the letter inside her little box, where she stores possessions dear to her, and went down to the lower floor level, where the kitchen was. Kankuro was sitting in the coach, sewing shut a hole in his hood.

“Morning”, Temari said.

“You’re not thinking about hosting him here at our place, right?” Kankuro asked.

“Hosting who?”

“You know who I’m talking about”, Kankuro said as he with great concentration threaded the needle through the fabric. “Your Shikamaru.”

“He’s not ‘mine’” Temari snorted.

“We have already found a room for him in one of the inns”, Kankuro said. “You should stay away from him.”

“You can’t tell me what to do”, Temari answered and Kankuro growled in annoyance. He was used to Temari not taking his advice.

“I’m not telling you what do to, but think about it”, Kankuro said. “He will try to persuade you, to get you to confess.”

“There’s nothing to confess”, Temari said. “I’m sure he already knows it was me.”

Kankuro looked up from his craft.

“And that is why you hanging out with him would be even more stupid”, he simply said. “Come on, you being upfront with it is what Konoha wants. They want proof that it in fact was us, they want to put blame on you. On us. They want to start a war, for fucks’ sake, Temari!”

Temari walked over to the dinner table and cut an apple for her as breakfast. The coffee pot was full, Kankuro had seemingly not drank anything yet.

“They want to trade weapons”, Temari said as she poured coffee for her. Black and rich in flavour. Maybe she should put chili flakes in it to increase the flavour. “I read the request the Hokage sent us. Shikamaru is pragmatic. That is probably why she’s sending him of all people.” Temari drank her coffee while looking out of the window. Kankuro continued sewing. “He’s the kind that wants to work with papers. Boring stuff.”

Kankuro laid the hood down on the table and turned to look at his sister properly.

“You know, for an enemy, you talk awfully a lot about him”, he said. Temari snorted loudly.

“He’s not our enemy”, she said. “Not before the declaration of war has come.”

“You still talk a lot about him”, Kankuro repeated. “You had sex with him, right? I see that at the way you smirk. Was he any good?”

“Oh, come one, I will not talk about this with you”, Temari laughed. “You have nothing with my sex life to do.”

“He is a kid”, Kankuro said. “You don’t have to mess with a kid.”

“I do what I want”, Temari said.

“He’s not even eighteen”, Kankuro said.

“He’s eighteen in like nineteen days”, Temari said.

“Are you having a countdown to his birthday or what?” Kankuro asked. “Plan to throw him a nice party with confetti and trumpets, huh? Or a nice night out in a bar when he finally can get alcohol himself?”

“Shut your mouth”, Temari said. “He’s just one year younger than you and much smarter for the record.”

“Just because I didn’t get the brains of the family doesn’t mean he beats me in every category, hey”, Kankuro muttered. “But does he even really matter? Sure, you had fun one night, but… come on. Let’s not host him here.”

“You just don’t want to hear me make noise”, Temari said.

“Don’t you have work to do, you nasty woman?” Kankuro threw his hood at Temari. She grabbed it with one hand and threw it back at her younger brother. “I asked you if he really matters.”

“Of course he doesn’t matter”, Temari said. “He’s just a cute guy I happened to enjoy visiting when I was in Konoha.”

“On multiple occasions.”

“Still doesn’t matter”, Temari said. “Drink your coffee or I’ll take your serving too.”

“You’re annoying”, Kankuro muttered as he lazed away to the coffee pot.

“So I’ve heard”, Temari said and the two siblings laughed.

Shizune showed Shikamaru into her office in the far-left wing of Konoha’s hospital. The walls were covered in shelves with bottles in them. The bottles contained both pills and liquid and none of them had any labels on them. There were probably over a hundred different bottles in the room.

The pig Tonton walked around their legs and Shikamaru could just hope the pig was smart enough to not eat suspicious white crumbs off the floor.

“Welcome”, Shizune said when she had closed the door. “How are you doing?”

“Doing okay”, Shikamaru said. “Wish I could sleep more.”

Shizune smiled at him.

“Still got a couple of days before leaving for Suna”, she said and it was evident even she pitied Shikamaru. Something in her voice made him swallow down some snippy retort. “That’s why I want to teach you a thing or two about poisons. Have you already decided how to end Temari’s life?”

“No”, Shikamaru said. “I’ve got multiple plans, though.”

“Well, now you’ve got a few more”, Shizune said. “Few people remember that medics make the best killers. We can save people, but we can just as quickly end their miserable lives with just a few drops.”

Shizune took down one brown bottle.

“If you decide to poison her, you’ve got three different routes you can take”, she continued. “First. You decide to physically wound her with a poisoned dagger. Most of the time it is not the most effective say. Sometimes I’ve witnessed shinobi with poisoned daggers and oh, how the result ends mostly in just a little stingier wound. Be careful, though, because Suna has damn impressive poisons and venoms. Hurt our pride to tell you that we are not as skilled in that field. But. If you would like to try that route, take this.”

She gave him the bottle.

“It’s viper venom”, Shizune told him. “From the Blue Zigzag Viper. The venom is harmless until entering the blood system, where it travels up to the brain and damages the nerves. Death within twenty minutes. Wipe a little of this on your dagger and stab her wherever.”

“Got it”, Shikamaru said and put it in the bag designed to keep bottles that Shizune had given him earlier. _I must wear gloves when handling this._ She looked at him while he secured the bottle and he just wished she wouldn’t look at him with pity in her gaze. Was it common knowledge among the higher ranks that he had an unspoken relationship with her?

“Your second route”, Shizune said and took down another bottle from another shelf and gave it to Shikamaru. “You choose to poison her through drink or food. This is strychnine and causes respiratory failure. Death within two to three hours.” She gave him another bottle. “And this is Direlock poison. Excellent in tea or wine. Causes violent spasming and vomiting before death.”

“What about coffee?” Shikamaru asked and Shizune gave him a questioning look. “She drinks more coffee than tea. It’s a Sunese thing.”

“Well… It should work well in coffee, too”, Shizune said. “As long as you don’t put it in clear water, all is fine.”

Shikamaru accepted the bottles and put them in his bag. His hands were sweaty, and his shirt was sticking to his back, making his back itch. He wanted to scratch himself, to wash his hands, to get away from this room filled with the deadliest poisons and venoms Konoha had laid their hands on.

His throat was dry, so he turned to nodding to Shizune instead of talking.

“You do remember which order you put the bottles in there, right?” she asked. Surely, she had noticed he was twitchier that usual. Maybe it could be seen in his gaze, which flickered from bottle to bottle on the shelves, wondering what invitation to death there was in them, or at the way he twisted his fingers.

“Viper venom, strychnine and Direlock”, Shikamaru said and pointed at each one. He knew why Shizune had asked him; if he by mistake forgot which bottle held which poison, he would most likely fail his mission and become exposed as an assassin. All bottles were identical and without labels.

“Final route”, Shizune said and gave Shikamaru the fourth and final bottle. “Inhaled poison. This is chloroform. Doesn’t kill, but it will make her fall unconscious and after that, she’s yours to get her throat sliced.”

“She’s stronger that I am”, Shikamaru blurted out. It surprised himself to say that out load and Shizune raised one suspicious eyebrow. He looked quickly down at the bottles he already had in the bag. “I can’t put a cloth drenched in chloroform against her mouth for that many seconds until she passes out. She’ll overthrow me.”

Embarrassed by his words – they sounded almost childish – Shikamaru felt redness cover his ears.

“Then you use something else”, Shizune said. “I’m just giving you options and you decide which one works the best.” She sees him out of the poison storage and just before Shikamaru was going to leave she maintained eye contact with him. “Good luck, Shikamaru. May your mission be successful.”

Shikamaru forced a smile and left without a word.

Shikamaru was now armoured with several different ways to assassinate the thief princess of the Sand, but the more different techniques he had, the more anxious he felt. He was known as a liar but that was _before_ the world fell apart around him. How can he look Temari in the eyes one second and kill her the next?

Shikamaru would like to say that he got himself into this mess, for gaining her trust and friendship during the years as her colleague and for hosting her and letting her closer than anyone else had ever been to him.

But the truth is, he doesn’t know _if_ it is his own fault for getting the mission. He would like to put a little blame on Temari. She was the thief who violated the peace after all. He also wanted to blame Tsunade and Konoha’s council for having such idiotic visions for peace.

God, he can’t grasp where the good ends and the bad begins. Who is truly good and truly evil in this world of morally greyness? Is there even a thing as true evil and true good anymore? It annoyed him that there is no right answer to this equation and his fingers itched for a cigarette, which used to be the easiest thing to help him focus and calm down when his mind was running too fast to keep track on.

Killing Temari will be true evil in the eyes of Suna and her brothers, but a lesser evil and a sacrifice they had to make to give the other nations a clear signal. Stay away from us and the Tailed Beasts we’ve captured, or your head will be on a stake beside the Sunese thief princess. Anything to avoid war.

Shikamaru isn’t evil. He’s just a shinobi doing his job. The wage was great for this mission, and Shikamaru had already been paid one third of it in advance.

“Why can’t you tell me where you’ve hidden them?” Shikamaru groaned to his mother as he packed his bag. “I would like to even have a final smoke before leaving.”

“No”, Yoshino said. “No smoking here. Have you given the deer their grains yet?”

“Yes, I have”, Shikamaru said.

“Have you packed everything?” Yoshino came into his room. Suddenly, she seemed so old and weary. Since the death of Shikaku, her hair had turned grey at a faster pace than before, the eyes set a little deeper in her skull and the wrinkles ran deeper along her cheeks. She was barely fifty but looked like a decade older.

“Yeah”, Shikamaru said. “I think I’m ready to leave. I’ll just go past Choji’s and tell him goodbye. And Ino, too. And then I’m heading to Suna.”

Yoshino put one hand on either side of Shikamaru’s shoulder, looking up at her son’s face. The smile she gave him was beaming.

“You’re so tall nowadays”, she said. “You’ve grown into a wonderful man, Shikamaru. I am so, so proud of you. And whatever you choose to do on your mission, kill Temari or leave her alive, I will be here as your support when you return. Because you will return. Promise me you will return.”

Shikamaru let out a nervous laugh.

“Of course I will return, mum”, he said and returned her smile. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Yoshino gave him a big hug and Shikamaru wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back like he never had in a long time.

“See you in a month”, he said and walked through the door.

Why did he have a cold lump stuck in his throat?

The lump in his throat did not leave before he was on the doorstep to Choji’s house. And just true to what Shikamaru had suspected, Ino was sitting impatiently on the porch to the house. When she saw him, she jumped up and whisked her arms around.

“Choji told me what you’re going to do!” she yelled as soon as he came into hearing distance.

“She read my mind!” Choji yelled behind her. “I didn’t tattle!”

“You guys are impossible”, Shikamaru said.

“And why didn’t you think you could tell me the truth?” Ino muttered and pointed straight at Shikamaru with an accusing finger.

“Because the Fifth gave me orders to not tell anyone”, Shikamaru said and rolled his eyes. “Only you two and my mum know why I’m going. And the council of course. Everyone else thinks I’m this poor shinobi who just happened to be assigned the mission of trading weapons with them.”

Ino looked up at her friend with sad, blue eyes before hugging him.

“I’m so sorry”, she whispered in his ear. “That you have to kill Temari. I know you like her.”

“Please, stop”, Shikamaru said back to her. “Just… don’t talk about it.”

Ino drew back, looking slightly ashamed of bringing up the sensitive subject. She recovered quickly and gently punched Shikamaru.

“Here”, she grinned and pushed three gold coins in Shikamaru’s hand. “I’ve heard that Suna has this amazing lotion for your facial skin, I read it in a beauty magazine. It is made of some herb that only grows on the hillside of their mountains. Could you please look for some and buy for me? Pretty pleaaase?”

Shikamaru could not hide a groan.

“You are so annoying”, he said, but offered a smile to her. He put the coins in the front pocket of his vest. “I’ll look for that lotion. What is it called?”

“I only remember their slogan”, Ino said. “’The stronghold of your skin’.”

Shikamaru snorted.

“Women and their weird skin lotions”, he said. “Okay, I’ll get you that. Does Choji want me to bring anything for him?” Shikamaru added with a chuckle as he turned towards his friend.

“Well… if they’ve got any good food that doesn’t get spoiled stuffed inside your bag”, Choji said. “Candy maybe? They’ve got to have candy, right? Bring me some Sunese candy!”

“Okay”, Shikamaru said. “Lotion and candy, got it. If I get hold of a hawk taking private letters, then maybe I’ll even send a postcard.”

“Are you going to tell goodbye to Mirai?” Ino asked. Shikamaru sighed.

“I don’t think so. She’s just a year old, she doesn’t understand the concept of me being gone for a month”, he said. “I should be going. You can go by Kurenai’s and tell them I already went, okay? Please?”

Two big arms surrounded him and Choji snivelled into his neck.

“You don’t have to be so dramatic”, Shikamaru said, smiling into Choji’s hair. “Take care, now? And eat my fill of barbeque too for this month.”

Choji collected himself and after sharing a goodbye Shikamaru left them and began his three-day’s journey to the Village Hidden in the Sand.

Temari sat in one of the higher guarding towers on the wall of mountains surrounding her village, looking out over the desert. Kankuro had called her a lovestruck fool for walking out to the gates to welcome him, Gaara had seen it fitting and was thankful Temari took the burden of being his escort and Temari herself had snapped to her older younger brother that she was merely shadowing Shikamaru’s own behaviour from when she used to visit Konoha and he was there every single time waiting for her and that her act of waiting for him was a gibe to that.

Kankuro had muttered that she still was a lovestruck fool and had said something along the lines of _don’t come whining to me when your little Konoha lover stabs you in the back_ and Gaara had said nothing, only observed her with a little wrinkle in his forehead.

She had been sitting there for a while now. Maybe she had come a little too early to the gates. Just twenty minutes or so, and that gave her a moment to wind down after yelling at the three messy chunin in the Wind Squad for not cleaning their fans with enough meticulosity.

Or who was she fooling? Temari wasn’t good at winding down. She was always going, running, escaping, looking forward to the following day. Looking forward to meet Shikamaru again.

While she was sitting in the tower, looking over the desert, she was thinking. Of him.

And then she saw a tiny figure crossing the sand dunes. The figure grew as he came closer to the gate and Temari stepped out of the tower, opening her fan. Before he noticed her, she jumped and glided down to him.

Shikamaru jerked to the side when she made her dramatic entrance to him.

“Temari”, he said and sounded more scared than Temari had imagined him to be. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m your escort”, she said and grinned to him. He blinked back at her. “Surprised?”

“Uh”, Shikamaru said. “No? I guess not.”

“You’re probably thirsty”, Temari said. “I’ll show you a good place.”

“Temari”, Shikamaru sighed. “I’ve travelled for three days and two nights in a row, I’m tired, my feet ache and I burned my neck in the sun, would you just please show the way to my inn so I can fall asleep somewhere I know scorpions won’t make nests in my shoes. Please?”

Temari grinned even harder.

“Oh, you had a scorpion problem?” she teased.

“Please?” Shikamaru said. “I want to sleep.”

“Fine.” Temari turned around and nonchalantly walked into the village, with Shikamaru tailing behind her like a duckling.

“Uh”, Shikamaru said again while rubbing his neck. He brought his hand down fast after rubbing at the tender skin, already red and sore from the sunburn. “Um, yeah. Where is my inn, by the way?”

“Who said anything about inns?” Temari asked, not looking at him. “You’re staying at my house. A favour for a favour, you know.”

Shikamaru stopped and stared at her.

“What?”

“Did I stutter?”

“You’re making this so troublesome, you know”, Shikamaru said. “I was supposed to stay at an inn.”

“You don’t fool anyone, Shadows”, Temari said. “You can have my bed. Or even better, we can share the bed.”

“You’re troublesome”, Shikamaru said with his dull face smacked on, but inside he was smiling.

“What else is new?” Temari laughed. “Come on.”

If Shikamaru had been brave enough, he would have walked hand in hand with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pry my head canon of the Sand Siblings being addicted to coffee from my cold dead hands. God I just love writing them drinking coffee and I don't even know why. For those of you who haven't read all my stuff, yes, they drink coffee in four out of five fics and I love it. I also seem to love writing birthdays way too much, as three of five fics also have birthday parties in them. A Majsasaurus trope, it seems.
> 
> But oh. Shikamaru is out in the big world now by himself. How will this turn out?


	3. Good soldiers follow orders

Shikamaru had gone to the bathroom. The stone floor was cool against his sore feet and he spent a longer time than he needed in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet half dreaming. Temari was fast asleep in her bed and when Shikamaru had woken up by being almost choked by her hair, he had realised how incredibly stupid he was.

Why hadn’t he insisted on getting an inn? Why had Temari’s enchantment worked on him and he had followed her like a puppy to her _home_ and fallen asleep in her bed by her side?

He decided that he would announce to her during breakfast that the following nights were going to be spent in the room in the inn, like decided.

He flushed the toilet, washed his hands and opened the door to the silent hall outside.

A dark shadow stood on the other side of the door and Shikamaru met Kankuro’s eyes for a brief second when time stopped and they both stared at each other like they had seen a ghost.

Kankuro was wearing nothing but boxers and neither was Shikamaru. The only difference was that Kankuro’s hair wasn’t in a similar catastrophic mess like Shikamaru’s long hair (why hadn’t he slept with it in a bun like he usually does?), but his surprised gaze made him seem almost maniac.

“Shikamaru?” he blurted out. “What in the fresh hell are you doing here?”

Shikamaru staggered backwards, bringing his hands up in a peaceful gesture.

“I – I “, he said before collecting himself. “Temari invited me.”

“For fucks’ sake”, Kankuro muttered and turned around, making his way to Temari’s room. Shikamaru followed him, unsure of what to do, and he didn’t want to be left half naked alone in the hall in case the other brother would appear. “Temari! Why is there a Leaf Ninja in our bathroom?”

Temari lifted her head from her pillow.

“God damnit, Kankuro, it’s in the middle of the night”, she said. “Can’t we talk in the morning?”

“I don’t want Leaf Ninjas in my bathroom!” Kankuro yelled and Temari jerked up from the bed.

“Shut up or you’ll wake Gaara up”, she hissed.

“No Naras in our house”, Kankuro said.

“What a splendid first impression as a host you give him”, Temari muttered.

“I am not his host!” Kankuro said, sounding more and more desperate. Temari looked beside Kankuro’s shoulder to get a look at Shikamaru and smiled at him.

“Don’t worry”, she said to Shikamaru. “He’s not as dangerous as he may sound. He just tends to be pretty loud at times, and he doesn’t realise it himself.”

“Temari!” Kankuro sounded absolutely slandered. “What – come on! We talked about this.”

Temari drew her head back and laughed dramatically.

“Oh, my foolish little brother”, she said. “You have a flare for causing scenes like this. Kankuro, I’m thankful for your worry about me, but please, it’s Shikamaru. He’s not an enemy.”

Shikamaru forced himself to smile innocently when Kankuro whipped around and scrutinized him.

“Ugh”, Kankuro said. “Very well, spend time together, have sex, whatever, I don’t care.” Now he was looking straight in Shikamaru’s eyes. “But know this, Nara, when it’s time to take up arms against Konoha, I won’t hold back. And you better negotiate well with this weapon trade. I’m tired of other nations backstabbing us.”

When Kankuro left Shikamaru was awfully awake for the early hour and he slid stiffly down under the covers again.

“That was the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever had the drag to endure”, Shikamaru said, feeling uncomfortable by the whole situation. “How come you didn’t tell them?”

“Don’t listen to him”, Temari said, eyes closed as if it was okay to fall asleep again. “He’s just trying to scare you away. But he’s harmless, I promise.”

“Why did I agree to stay here?” Shikamaru muttered again. “You could at least have warned them.”

“Hm”, Temari snickered. “I guess I could have.”

“You are impossible”, Shikamaru sighed as he turned his back to her. Temari did the same and they fell asleep back against back.

Gaara had an equally surprised gazed when Shikamaru and Temari was eating breakfast that same morning.

“Are you not going to tell him your welcome?” Temari asked without even looking up from the face she had built out of apple slices on her plate.

“This isn’t my office?” Gaara said.

“You won’t negotiate weapons by our dinner table”, Temari said. “We’re hosting him while he’s here, that’s all.”

“We’re hosting him?” Gaara echoed.

“That’s exactly what I thought when I ran into him in our bathroom in the middle of the night”, Kankuro muttered. “He scared the living shit out of me.”

“Okay, look, I’m sorry for causing all of this trouble”, Shikamaru said. “Expect me to sleep the following nights in the inn, like we decided before I arrived.” He rose from the chair. “Thank you for your hospitality. I’ll see you in a few hours in your office, Lord Kazekage. I’ve got all the papers with me. Now, I won’t trouble you anymore.”

He left the kitchen and made his way to Temari’s room where he rather aggressively threw his scattered packing into the bag and dressed his vest on him.

“Are you leaving?” Temari stood by the door opening.

“Yes”, Shikamaru said. “This was a stupid idea, Temari. Your brothers don’t want me here and what the hell are we even thinking? I’m not here to visit you personally, I’m here to negotiate a weapon trade. This is wrong.”

“I used to visit you back then even if I was in Konoha on other errands”, Temari said and Shikamaru waited to see if she would add anything. She didn’t.

“That was different”, Shikamaru said. “We had peace, truce, I don’t know what to even call it. It was a time when we could have a relationship. Something other than this. One day we’ll be at war again, Temari, and I’ll become biased by staying here in your home. I mean, thank you for the breakfast and everything, but… this is wrong.”

Temari opened her mouth to say something but snapped it audibly shut again.

“Okay”, she said instead of all her heart’s content she actually wanted to say and Shikamaru was almost surprised by her tone. She sounded like not caring at all. “Do what you want.”

Without a word, Shikamaru put on his shoes and left the building the Kazekage family lived in. The lump in his chest was heavier than before.

Kankuro had given him the address to the inn they had already paid for in advance. After making himself like home in the bare room he emptied his bag and took out the summoning scrolls, the ones with a closed seal. He opened them with ease, as he was the only one except Shizune who had the key to the seal.

Blue Zigzag Viper Venom. Strychnine. Direlock poison. Chloroform.

He cursed internally as he realised he just lost a chance to use these with ease. If he stayed in her home, he could poison her easily. Kill her in her sleep. Anything. Now he had lost his chance. The plan to poison her was now forced to include more steps on the path.

Or was it just his fears he had to overcome?

He barely made it in time to the Kazekage’s office with all the important papers for the weapon trade. The building could be seen from the outskirts of the town, where he was staying, and he figured it would be easy enough to find if he just followed the tower. But as he walked through the winding paths of this village, he walked into more dead ends that he found ways out. The word ‘tourist’ was written all over his forehead when he walked the third time past the same food stall and the woman on the other side of the counter scoffed at him.

“Konohan boy”, she called out. “What are you looking for?”

“The Kazekage’s office”, Shikamaru replied. “I figured I should get there if I just walk east from here, but there are walls and stuff in my way.”

“What business would a Konohan boy have in the Kazekage’s office”, the woman said and threw a dirty look over him.

“None of your business”, Shikamaru said.

“Go down the main road and follow the flags”, the woman said. “One would think a Konohan boy would have chakra control in his feet and climb over the walls rather effortlessly.”

Without a word Shikamaru left the woman and her goods. Of course he could climb over the walls with ease, but since he didn’t know what the common culture in this village was – if it even was allowed to climb on walls or not. He figured they valued their walls as protection from the wind and sand and would hunt anyone trying to climb over them, slowly eroding the dried clay.

Maybe the woman was purposely trying to fool him into climbing the walls, to get him to make a foreign fool out of himself.

The villagers made it quite clear that he wasn’t welcome. Not when he carried the Konohan vest and the Leaf symbol. He received dirty looks from left and right and he didn’t care. In less than a month he will receive death threats after he had killed their princess, so dirty looks were children’s play at this point.

Well. If he manages to kill Temari, that is.

He finally found the Kazekage’s office, after having to climb one of the walls. He mentioned it to Gaara to lighten the mood when he arrived. There were seven council members aside of Gaara in the meeting room.

Differently from the way Konoha’s leadership was formed, a lot of political power laid in the hands of the council members. The Kazekage was the face to the public and the ultimate leader and decisionmaker, but each member of the council held power in their own fields the Kazekage could not directly affect without votes from the rest of the council.

Shikamaru shook hands with each member. The Head of War, a man with blue face paint over his face. Head of Coin, a tall man with a handshake of steel. Head of Trade, a woman with a headscarf around her hair. Head of Torture, a woman with stretched ears. Head of Education, a man with an old, but gentle gaze. Head of Order, a man missing an eye. And finally, Head of History, a woman so old Shikamaru wondered how she was not in the grave yet.

“The walls have the desired effect, it seems”, Head of War said. He had two blue face paint streaks over his eyes, replicating scars running over them. “My name is Kosan.”

“Nara Shikamaru”, Shikamaru said. “I am the shinobi delivering you the weapon trade negotiations.”

“The poor messenger, you mean”, Head of Order chuckled and leaned back in his chair. He brought up a hand and twirled his finger through his blonde beard. “You mentioned our walls. A tourist might think having countless of walls cutting roads and alleys in half is a bad idea. If one could only get a good photograph from above, they might say the complete opposite. Our village is like the nest of a spider, like the tunnels the Sand Hares dig in the shadows of the mountains. It’s a labyrinth. Our village is designed like a maze.”

“So if an enemy infiltrate Suna, they won’t easily find their way into the heart of your village”, Shikamaru said.

“Or more importantly”, Head of Education said. “They won’t find their way out. They become trapped here. They might jump, they might climb over the walls, but they can never escape us. We know the maze like the back of our hand of course. Academy kids have trials in the very streets, tests to find the way from one part of town to another, without climbing. The Maze Trails, we call them. But outsiders like you, you get lost.”

Shikamaru offered a forced smile to the Head of Education, a smile so fake even Gaara looked curiously at him.

“Very well, Nara”, Gaara said. “I have to admit, I was very surprised when the Hokage came with this proposal. There’s no denying in mentioning that the relationship between our villages has been rather cold since the spring. Is this a proposal of an alliance?”

“Or a threat?” Kosan asked and his gaze drilled into Shikamaru.

Shikamaru cleared his throat, calming his nerves.

“My Hokage Senju Tsunade sent me to propose on behalf of Konoha a trade in which we share our drafts of a new weapon technology, which our scientists have developed during the spring and summer”, Shikamaru began. “It’s the newest method of warfare one can find in this continent.”

All council members looked at Shikamaru with interest, and Gaara’s expression was unreadable.

“What is this technology called?” Kosan asked. As Head of War he was immediately intrigued.

“We call it a grenade launcher”, Shikamaru said. It was true that the scientists of Konoha had developed sketches for a grenade launcher, but manufacturing this weapon was still in the future. This was all a risk. Such a great risk.

“And what do you want in return?” Kosan asked right after Shikamaru had finished talking. The man rested his chin on his hands, which were knit together to offer support. There was a nonchalance in his speech that made Shikamaru nervous. “There has to be something you desire more than anything.”

“We want you to take up arms against Kiri”, Shikamaru said.

“Kiri?” Gaara parroted. “There’s no reason for us to show hostility towards Kiri. We’ve got a good trade going on with them.”

“I know they trade you food in return for the ore you mine”, Shikamaru said. “But we want to propose an alliance between our two villages. If you break the peace you’ve got with Kiri, we promise to share our new weapon technology with you – “

“So we can use it against our friends in Water Country”, Head of Trade said calmly. She held no hostility towards Shikamaru. “There is no reason for us to break a perfectly working alliance with Kiri, we’ve got all the perks from this collaboration. Trade for trade. Food is always more important than weapons. You see, Nara, in a land where every little edible grain is worth more than gold a trade with a nation willing to export food to us is our main priority. A village is run by people, not by iron and steel. Once the people in our village has starved, weapons mean nothing for us.”

Shikamaru swallowed.

“We want you to show hostility towards Kiri”, Shikamaru said, remembering the script he had written for this meeting. The risk his and Tsunade’s plan backfired was high, but he had agreed upon this risk. If the plan worked, however, it would secure the remaining Tailed Beasts in Konoha.

He had himself decided to stay neutral to the whole Tailed Beast drama. Deep inside he knew it was wrong to keep them all hidden in a secret dungeon, sealed and restrained, but he simply had no desire to complain about the issue to his Hokage. He was a shinobi following orders, that is all.

“You see”, Shikamaru said. “We’ve got reasons to suspect… that Kiri is a nation with plans to break the peace we through bloodshed have attained.”

Gaara tilted his head to the side.

“Go on”, he said.

“They might steal something very valuable to us”, Shikamaru said. “They might want to jeopardize the peace our nation has fought for.”

“And what, Nara, is it they might want to steal”, Gaara said, carefully weighing his words.

“Something that will bring peace to the world, if handled correctly”, Shikamaru said.

The jaws of Kosan were tightened and Shikamaru noticed how many of the council members clenched their fists. They knew what he was talking about. The Tailed Beasts.

“So, Konoha would want us to break our peace with Kiri, only to satisfy their greedy needs to be the one single nation to bring peace to the world. Like your hubris isn’t big enough”, Kosan said mockingly. “And what if we refuse?”

“On behalf of peace we will break up your peace with Kiri, whether you want it or not”, Shikamaru said. “The difference here is that you are either with us, in which case we’ll show our support to you, or against us and you will suffer.”

Gaara was now staring right into Shikamaru’s soul and Shikamaru could just imagine that it broke his heart to know that the village that once helped him was now turning into their enemy. Shikamaru wondered what Gaara would say to Temari. Would she attack him, drive him away right after he comes out of the building, or play it cool?

But the act had to go on.

“We’ll continue sending vaccines and medicines to you, and you get the drafts of the new weapon technology. The only thing we ask of you is to break Kiri down”, Shikamaru continued.

Kosan rose so violently his chair fell behind him.

“You are so afraid Kiri will break in and take Three Tails and Six Tails to where they belong!” he snarled. “You weak Konohan dog, this alliance of yours is stillborn.”

“Kosan”, Gaara said. “Sit down.”

“My Lord Kazekage, did you hear what this boy just said”, Kosan said. “They are threatening our medicine trade. They want us to break our reliable source of food! For Tailed Beasts’ sake! This is not about monsters; this is about the welfare of our nation.”

“Is this really what it is about, Shikamaru?” Gaara asked and locked his gaze onto Shikamaru. Somehow, the fact that they were sitting by the same dinner table the same morning in Gaara’s home, made the judging, hurtful gaze more piercing to Shikamaru. He lowered his head, thinking that this had to be done, that he is just a shinobi doing his damn job. Someone had to do this filthy job, someone, someone and that someone was he. Because he was friends with Temari, because he had slept once with her. “You are threatening our welfare here in Suna, so we are forced to break the trade alliance we have with Kiri, because you are afraid they’ll take back their Tailed Beasts? Because you want to gang other nations against the one nation you are afraid of. Is this an honourable deal?”

Shikamaru forced himself to look Gaara straight in the eyes.

“Whatever needs to be done to keep the peace”, he said. “Stealing Tailed Beasts is a very serious crime against humanity, and we cannot let that go unpunished. Kiri is onto us, and we expect a break in within a year. We just want your aid in keeping the peace.” He looked Kosan in his eyes, letting a little smile crook in the corners of his mouth. “War would be a very unfortunate incident so soon after the last one. All of us lost manpower. We need to keep our allies close and our enemies even closer.”

“Nara”, Head of History said. “Has anyone stolen a Tailed Beast from Konoha before? Is your security somewhat lacking when you’re so afraid?”

Ah, there it was. The teasing. Just what he wanted. Shikamaru offered a smile to the woman.

“No, my lady”, he said. “No one steals from Konoha. And if something, perchance, would be stolen from us…” He looked at Gaara again. “… we take it back.”

“Where is he now?” Kankuro asked Temari later that day.

“On one of the rooftops”, Temari answered. “Bird spotting, I guess. He likes to do that kind of stuff.”

“And he went there straight after he ate at one of the food stalls?”

“I haven’t left his shadow since the meeting”, Temari said. “Don’t worry, I have him under control.”

“Don’t worry? He threatened us! Konoha threatens us”, Kankuro muttered. “I knew Konoha had some secret scheme with this weapon trade of theirs.”

“We don’t know that yet”, Gaara said. Kankuro slammed his hands down on the table.

“What more proof do we need?” he snarled. “Based on what you told me – he is here to steal Shukaku back! He of all people can’t expect us to believe what he just said was true. That grenade launcher can go shit itself. This weapon trade is just a cover, us ganging up against Kiri is just a perk to them if we fall into this trap. Fuck Konoha. Argh, I hate the way they think they own every nation just because the happen to be the biggest in number and have their dojutsus.”

“They’ve got hubris”, Gaara said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Kankuro turned to Temari, who had crossed her arms over her chest. This weapon trade stank indeed of treachery and fraud.

“Temari”, Kankuro snapped, and she looked up, mouth in frown and forehead in winkles.

“What?”

“You know what to do”, Kankuro said. “Stalk him. Follow him. He trusts you; you’ll get in close to him. Find out his scheme and make sure he doesn’t get into action. They are mimicking our plan! How stupid do they believe we are?”

“I’ll make sure he won’t get a chance”, Temari said. “I’ll confront him.”

He was still on the rooftop when she approached.

 _He looks so perfect,_ Temari thought when she closed in.

“What is that?” he asked without looking at her.

“Ice cream”, Temari said and handed one of them to him. “Made out of goat milk and syrup, it’s good.”

Shikamaru accepted the ice cream and licked the creamy drips that had already melted along the cone.

“Rule number one when eating ice cream here in Suna”, Temari said. “Be fast.” And with those words, she bit in her own ice cream and started to eat it in a fast pace. To her surprise, Shikamaru laughed at her.

“Is nothing sacred in this village?” he asked and looked up on her, a fond smile on his lips. “Like ice cream eating. It’s a slow, monotone process, where you are supposed to enjoy the taste and texture and you – you _bite_ your ice cream like a savage.” His own ice cream was melting, and the sugary milk poured down over his fingers, but he didn’t care. He continued licking it slowly.

“Nothing lasts here”, Temari said. “Not ice cream at least.”

She bit the cone and in just two mouthfuls finished her ice cream, while Shikamaru began nibbling on the cone. His hand was sticky of the sugar sticking to his skin, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Did the negotiations begin well?” she asked, way too innocently and Shikamaru pinched his lips together. His plan was starting to work.

He had now fooled Suna’s council into believing his true motives for being in Suna was to steal the Tailed Beast back. As a counterattack Temari had been assigned to stalk him and to prevent him from doing the last thing Suna wanted him to do.

That meant she was supposed to stay close to him again.

And he could poison her without the hassle of seeking her out, because she would always be there to find him.

He will be able to kill her with more ease now.

Because good soldiers follow order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at me winging ninja politics like a pro!
> 
> tumblr: unioncolours.tumblr.com  
> twitter: majsasaurus


	4. Let me pick up your pieces

“You’re going to burn yourself”, Temari said as her shadow casted over Shikamaru’s face. He opened his eyes and looked at the messy blond hair blocking the sun from his face. “Only a fool would sleep outside in the scorching sun during midday – don’t you have to work?”

Shikamaru sighed and threw an arm over his face, covering his eyes.

“For two days I’ve negotiated with them”, he said. “What a mouldy council you’ve got here in Suna.”

“Konoha is built on shit, too, and you know it”, Temari said. “Why aren’t you working?”

“Your brother threw me out”, Shikamaru said. “Said they wanted to discuss this in private within the council.” He lifted the arm away from his eyes and, through squeezing eyelids looked up at Temari. “It’ll take many days, he said, for them to find a solution. And I would like to go home, but can’t without those papers signed. So, I have to wait for your mouldy council to either accept, refuse or propose something else.”

“You know they are going to refuse”, Temari said and there was something in Shikamaru’s smile that made her take a step back and let the sunrays shine in all their glory right in his eyes. “Why would you like to break our peace with Kiri?”

“I’m sure you have discussed it already by the dinner table”, Shikamaru said as he shut his eyes to avoid the sunrays. “I mean, come on. You know why.”

Temari sat down beside him and blocked the sun again, prompting Shikamaru to look up at her. Those exotic green eyes glistered at him and Shikamaru had to look away as his stomach did that weird thing again. Like something pulled his belly in all different directions and he did not like that she did to him, unknowingly.

Or what the hell. Of course she knew. Of course she knew what horrendous things that smile did to him and whatever his stomach was doing.

“Damn it, Temari”, Shikamaru said. “I don’t want to talk politics with you. I can do that with your brother, but… not you.”

Temari did not push the issue further.

“Want to look around in the village?” Temari asked. “I heard the walls made you confused.”

“Your maze, you mean?” Shikamaru muttered.

“You get used to it”, Temari said and yanked his sleeve. “I’ll show you around in the village. Come.”

Shikamaru allowed himself to be manipulated by her as she jerked him up from his laying position. Temari squeezed his hand before letting it go, like she knew he didn’t want closeness from her.

“This might be the final time we can hang out”, she said. “Before I have to kill you on the battlefield. So, I’d like to enjoy it while it lasts.”

Shikamaru forced a smile, but to his surprise the smile turned out genuine.

_Or before I will kill you._

His smile vanished at the thought entering his head.

“So, princess”, he said. “Any good spots for cloud spotting?”

Temari burst out laughing, because she knew he knew clouds didn’t pass over Suna. This was just a bad attempt at flirting.

_Stop flirting with her!_

“Ever tried fried scorpions?” she asked. “Let me treat you.”

“I can pay for my own – “

“I’ll treat you”, Temari repeated and her gaze left his eyes and focused somewhere else on his face. She smiled like the devil herself. “You did burn your cheeks. You are already red.”

Shikamaru raised a hand to feel his cheek and flinched when it hurt as he pressed a finger to the skin.

“What a drag it is to be here”, he said.

“I’ve got a lotion for that”, Temari said. “We can go past my house to fetch it.”

He followed her back down the promenade to the house that had been owned by the Kazekage family for generations. The building was big, with stories carved as statues into the stone and clay and above the front door a mosaic artwork displayed the first Kazekage and behind him; Shukaku, the One Tailed Beast.

“What does it tell?” he asked.

“Huh?” Temari said.

“The story on the wall”, Shikamaru said. Temari looked up at the statues and the mosaic art on the wall and her face fell into a sad frown.

“How the One Tail became friends with the first Kazekage”, Temari said. “The tale says they fought a bloody battle and became friends afterward, but the first Kazekage tricked him and forced him into a vessel, a jinchuuriki. He was celebrated as a hero for winning over Shukaku.”

There was something lingering in her voice that made Shikamaru’s stomach turn, but this time in an unpleasant way.

They made their way inside her house and Temari dragged Shikamaru once more inside her bedroom, but this time it wasn’t to invite him to stay as a guest after a tiring trip. He sat himself down on her bed while Temari routed about in one of her drawers.

“This lotion is good for sunburns”, she said and dipped her finger into the white cream of a wide bottle she hauled up from the drawers. “Let me.”

Shikamaru flinched a heartbeat backwards when Temari’s finger closed in on his cheek, but he let her touch him.

“There, there”, Temari said while stroking gently the cream on his nose and the burned apples of Shikamaru’s cheeks. He looked down on the bottle in Temari’s hand and saw the slogan printed in red on the bottle.

_The stronghold of your skin._

“Hey”, he said and took the bottle from Temari’s hand. “This is that lotion Ino talked about.” He twisted it in his hands, looking at the text of the bottle.

“What do you mean?” Temari asked.

“Where do you get them?” Shikamaru said. “You remember Ino, right? She wanted me to buy one for her. It’s troublesome, but I promised her to get one.”

Temari stopped the motion of massaging the cream into Shikamaru’s skin and scoffed.

“I can show you were to buy them”, she said and continued. She added more cream to her finger and let her hand run down his cheek, to his chin. With a concentrated gaze she stroked the cream on his chin.

Shikamaru enjoyed watching her seem so concentrated, and he would say it was nice having her massaging his face. It was relaxing.

“Is this… facial hair?” she giggled and stroked her finger over the pathetic small stubble growing on Shikamaru’s chin.

“Just testing how well it grows”, he said. “I’ll shave today.”

She let out a little snort of air through her nose.

“Didn’t your father have a beard?” she asked and just the reminder made Shikamaru’s throat tighter than ever.

He swallowed and nodded, looking down at nothing.

“Would you like to have one too, in his honour?” she continued.

Shikamaru swallowed again. He shook one shoulder.

“What was he like? Your father?” Temari pressed on.

“Stop”, Shikamaru managed to say.

“Stop?”

“Stop… talking about him”, he forced himself to say and _damn it_ his voice cracked. He clenched the fabric of his pants by his knees so hard it hurt his fingers. “Just… stop.”

Temari scrutinized him as she let her hand drop from his face. Without any rush she closed the bottle and put it back in her drawer. Shikamaru remained in his stiff position, staring down at his hands.

“It’s okay”, Temari said and Shikamaru shook his head. If he opened his mouth to say anything he would break. His breath was picking up pace and he shut his eyes to avoid feeling how they were filling with water. “I didn’t mean to – “

“S’okay”, Shikamaru got out in a pathetic sob as he laid down on his side. He didn’t care if he wasn’t allowed to twist her bed cover in his hands as he pressed it up to his face to hide whatever snivelling mess he was.

Temari said nothing. She walked out of the room and left him hiccupping and shaking in the bed. Shikamaru thought at first she left him alone. In truth, he wanted her to. He wanted her to just leave him, to cease to exist so he wouldn’t have to murder her within two weeks, because he had had enough of deaths around him.

The pain of losing Asuma was horrid enough. But he had had his father there as a support. The pain of losing his own father was different from Asuma’s. His father didn’t have a body to bury, so Shikamaru couldn’t get one final look to finalize his passing. To look death in the eye and accept. His dad had just… disappeared into dust and ash.

And it hurt. More than Shikamaru liked to admit. More than he dared to mourn. He had moved on, or pretended to move on, while it was painful to look at the empty chair at the dinner table and at facial hair growing where it shouldn’t because he knew he looked like his father. The ghost of his father haunted him more often than not, but he never spoke about it. Only bottled it up, filling himself with grief he was unsure how to handle.

Temari came back. She placed a glass of water beside her bed and sat by Shikamaru’s back. He did nothing to acknowledge her, only tried to keep his body as still as possible as waves of grief struck through him.

“I’ve lost a father, too”, Temari said and that was the final drop in the bottle of Shikamaru’s emotions. In one great rush of pain through his body he shuddered and cried into Temari’s bed cover. She didn’t touch him. She just sat there by his side as he cried his heart out. She said nothing.

After minutes, when Shikamaru didn’t have any tears left in his body, he threw a side glance at Temari. He felt so heavy he didn’t know if he ever could raise from the bed.

“Eleven months”, he said with a hollow voice. “Soon a year since the war. Since dad died. And nothing is easier. Absolutely nothing! And I hate feeling like this, I hate whining while I’ve got a clan to lead forward and a legacy to carry on. I don’t deserve feeling sad, I mean, Ino has gone through the same thing, and I should be her support when she’s sad.” He began shuddering again. “Damn it!”

No more tears came, but the shivers of grief ran through his body, nonetheless.

“When my father died, we had nothing but each other”, Temari said silently when he calmed down again. “It’s been six years now. And I cried the first time for him two years after his death. When he died we were so occupied arranging our lives. Someone had to lead the village…” She sighed. “Someone had to teach Gaara what it means to be a fellow human being, someone had to take the burden of making decisions.” She paused again. “I had no time to mourn. The only emotion in me was anger. I was angry at dad for letting himself be murdered and for putting us in the shitty situation. I was so, so furious at him for making poor decisions.”

She rose from the bed and walked over to the window.

“Anger is a heavy emotion to carry. And finally, after being angry for two years, I realised that, even if my father was a shitty one, I miss what it meant to be a child. To have someone older and wiser to look up to, to ask opinions off, to just talk to.” She smiled sadly to Shikamaru. “I never got that much of it growing up, but I remember each time dad looked up from his work and asked ‘Temari, how has your day been?’ and it lit up my whole day. And when I finally realised that will never ever happen again, I began sobbing.”

She sighed again, shuffling with her feet as if she didn't know how to be.

“You loved your father”, she continued. “I see that in your eyes.”

Shikamaru nodded against her bed sheets. The silence between them felt like a safety blanket to protect oneself with.

“I have no memories of my mother”, Temari said when she finally broke the silence. “And that sorrow is hollower than anything. More painful than losing my father, by miles. Nothing can fill that hole in my body, the wish to have a mother. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know how you feel. And you don’t have to pretend to be strong in front of me. You can break down and let me be here to pick up the pieces.”

_Let out all the sadness, fear and anger that’s building up inside you. I’ll pick up the pieces._

Shikamaru never forgot Shikaku’s words to him that day.

Temari’s words stabbed Shikamaru like knives in his chest because those were _his_ words, Shikaku’s words. Shikamaru made an effort to sit up and the second he got up in a sitting position Temari hugged him hard.

He let himself be held by her.

“But you won’t be here for long”, he whispered to her. “I will soon head back to Konoha and you know how it will end. You know that we don’t have a chance, Temari, not as the world is now, not as we come from two different villages with two different goals.”

Shikamaru had barely time to finish his line before Temari reached forward and kissed him. He stared at her, unable to process what had just happened.

“Did – did you just kiss me?” he got out and Temari giggled.

“You need something else to think about”, she said. “Looks like you need more lotion on your face. Tears dry out the skin, you know.”

“What a drag”, Shikamaru said, rubbing his tender cheek. Temari did not waste any moments and smeared the cream again against Shikamaru’s skin. When she was finished, he had gathered enough courage to lean forward and close his eyes.

Her lips were where he imagined them to be. He really shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t get attached to her a week or two before he kills her. He shouldn’t feed the feelings he had for her.

“Temari…” he said. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

Her green eyes flashed at him and he found himself being lost in her gaze.

“I do what I want”, she said. “And I want to kiss you. To feel you. Just like the time I visited you. You know, I thought that was the final time.”

“Hm”, Shikamaru said. “Right before you stole Shukaku.”

Now her eyes were flashing anger.

“Not a word about that or I’ll cut your tongue”, Temari said as a warning. “Can’t we just forget about being enemies for once. Can’t we just be two people in love?”

Two people in love?

“I don’t – “ was the first thing Shikamaru let slip past his lips.

“Don’t say it”, Temari said against his skin. “Just… let yourself be free for once. You’re always so concerned about everything, always calculating, always _thinking_. You never take the world as it comes. Try.”

She kissed him again and he returned all the kisses she gave him.

“You…”, he said. “…always make me do the wrong thing.”

“Is feeling a wrong thing?” Temari asked.

“Feeling too much is”, Shikamaru said.

“Let it go”, Temari said. “Let go of your structured world, just for a moment. Just like the last time.”

“I… can’t”, Shikamaru hissed and pulled away. “I’m sorry, Temari. We will never work out. It won’t work.”

Temari tilted her head curiously and Shikamaru’s heart hammered in his throat. Had she already seen through him? He scratched the back of his head and looked down.

“Thank you for the lotion”, he said. “I think I should head back to my inn.”

“Shikamaru”, Temari said. “After all the negotiations are over, after we refuse the offer you’ve brought us… will you head immediately home?”

Shikamaru bit the inside of his cheek.

“Yes.”

“Stay a little bit longer”, Temari said. “Because this will be the final time, for real, won’t it?”

“Hm. Yeah. It will be”, Shikamaru said. “Hm. Uh. See you around.”

Temari did not follow him out of her house. He almost ran down the stairs and out of the building, feeling relieved that he didn’t run into Kankuro, because he’d be probably beaten if they met by surprise again inside Temari’s home.

He walked straight to his inn and the first thing he did when he closed the door to his room was groaning into his pillow.

He just didn’t want more deaths around him.

Asuma.

His father.

Temari.

Why would everyone he felt safe with have to die? Or more importantly, why did Tsunade assign him this mission? Anyone else could’ve done this, anyone, but Tsunade sent _him_ because he had the biggest chance of succeeding in assassinating her.

“I don’t want to kill her”, he whispered to himself. “Oh god, how do I do this? How do I _do this?”_

There were many answers staring back at him. The four different poisons. His own jutsu. His dagger. Basic ninja techniques. If it only was as easy as to just kill. To just do it.

And so, after he had debating for an eternity what he would do and how he should do it, he rose up from his bed and ripped out a bit of letter paper and a ball point pen. With very little thought of reason and a mind dripping in bitterness he wrote a message on the paper.

_Lady Hokage. I have reasons to believe Suna in fact don’t have the One Tailed Beast. Intel gatherings point to a direction in which Temari of the Sand did not steal the Tailed Beast. I will still gather intel to see if I can get information of Shukaku’s whereabouts. If it turns out I am wrong, I will finish my mission by the end date._

_-S_

He paid for a way too expensive private hawk to bring the letter to Konoha. As he saw the beautiful bird take off to the horizon, he bit the insides of his cheeks.

If he didn’t manage to kill Temari, he had now an excuse for that. If he manages to kill her, he could just say he was wrong when he wrote the letter.

And if he went home again and left Temari alive, and years later Suna would use a jinchuuriki or Shukaku in battle, then he was ready to pay the price of being a traitor.

Because that is exactly what his feelings – his stupid, stupid feelings – had done to him.

They had made him a liar to Konoha. And if he never manages to kill Temari – then they had made him a traitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Shikamaru's downfall begins....
> 
> Stay safe, everyone!
> 
> (and if someone is interested in seeing sneakpeeks from this work and other random fic-writing rambles by me, I post those on my twitter, majsasaurus)


	5. My heart belongs to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains **explicit sexual content**. 
> 
> (yes, they do the dirty).

Shikamaru definitely had the feeling that Suna was onto him. The fact that Suna’s leaders in the War Department didn’t reject Konoha’s offer, but said they had to evaluate it carefully, led to Shikamaru staying in Suna.

He couldn’t come home without a signed paper, and the paper could be signed in two ways. Either “we accept” or “we refuse”. And no matter what they said, this paper would be held against them when time for war comes. Shikamaru was basically here with a hidden declaration of war.

There was something in the way Kosan, the Head of War, talked to him, that revealed Suna knew _something_ was up. That smirk and nonchalant posture. Gaara remained unreadable as ever, and Shikamaru barely saw Kankuro at all. Shikamaru could only hope they still believed he was there as a thief and not as an assassin.

Because Suna dragged out their evaluations, Shikamaru had to stay. Temari fetched him every morning to show him around, or just simply hang out with him. He knew she did it because it was her mission, but he still enjoyed spending time with her.

And each night, before Temari walked home again, they kissed. Innocent kisses, sometimes more passionate kissed, all kinds of kisses.

For the first time in months Shikamaru felt happy. He had to admit, having that feeling in his stomach each time he saw Temari was something he looked forward to. He looked forward to hanging out with her, here in Suna.

It was addicting.

 _She_ was addicting.

When he was with her, when he could just let himself fall into the chaotic explosion that was love chemicals in his body. Having revenge didn’t matter. Tailed Beasts didn’t matter, starting a war didn’t matter, Suna versus Konoha didn’t matter.

What mattered was Temari.

And she felt the same for him.

Ever since they had worked together as colleagues two years ago, she had felt something for him. Before that she had felt annoyance for the most part, but after they had grown a bit Temari had found herself thoroughly enjoying Shikamaru’s company.

She had wanted to feel him inside her, and that was precisely why she had initiated sex when she stayed over at his before she ruined the relationship between their villages for good.

But now they had a new chance. He was here. He was _here_.

Shikamaru was explaining something trivial they had casually talked about, sitting in the backyard of Temari’s house. Being one of the richest families in Suna, their backyard was something not every Sunese could even dream of. They had a garden with palm trees and bushes, and a small swimming pool. The soil was of course imported and maintaining the garden was a hassle, but Gaara spent gladly his free time picking the small, hard berries from the bushes and making sure everything grew just the way it should.

Temari watched Shikamaru, dedicated to learning every feature of his face by heart. There were baby hairs sticking out, twirling in random directions around his forehead and ears. He had a tiny, white scar above his right eyebrow. His eyes were hazel brown. The little stubble on his chin was growing again. After being exposed to the sun for the fifteen days he had been here in Suna, a few faint freckles could be seen on his nose.

He was so beautiful, she thought, completely lost in his appearance.

“ – but Choji always makes me wait for him, because he – are you even listening?” Shikamaru asked and playfully flicked his fingers on Temari’s arm.

Temari snapped up from the trance and instead of answering she grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled his lips up to hers.

“I can’t get enough of these”, she said, smiling against his skin. “Shikamaru… I want you. Only you.”

Words like that still stabbed Shikamaru in his chest. He wanted her, too. Oh, how badly he wanted her.

“Can I…” he whispered. “Can I feel you? The whole of you?”

Temari pulled back, gave him a devilish smile and ran inside.

“Come after me!” she yelled and Shikamaru jerked up and ran after her, up the stairs to her bedroom and inside it. Temari had placed herself on the bed, legs tightly closed.

“There’s just one thing”, she said when Shikamaru placed himself on all fours on the bed, leaning forward to her. “Are you afraid of blood?”

Shikamaru cocked his head to the side.

“Huh?”

“I asked you, are you afraid of blood?”

“No?” Shikamaru said. “Wait. Are you bleeding right now? Like… down there?”

Temari nodded.

“It began yesterday”, she said. “Typical. But if you want, I want.” She put her forehead against Shikamaru’s, smiling at him. “Or do you think girly blood is too gross?”

Shikamaru opened his mouth to admit that, yes, it does gross him out a tiny bit, when he shut his mouth with an audible click of his teeth.

“No”, he said. “It doesn’t gross me out.”

He had barely time to finish his sentence before Temari snatched him and threw him by her side. She raised up on her knees, opening her kimono. Shikamaru stared as if possessed and just the sight of her bare breasts made it tingle down on him.

He reached up a hand and cupped her breast, squeezing gently. He brought up another hand and embraced her other breast.

“They feel bigger than last time”, he said.

“They do get bigger during my period”, Temari said casually.

“They do?” Shikamaru asked. Temari giggled and lowered down, until her mouth was beside Shikamaru’s ear.

“There’s a lot about the female body you don’t know”, she whispered.

Shikamaru briefly visited the last time they had made love together. That had been the first time for him, not for her. He had been nervous and had trouble relaxing and his fingers didn’t really cooperate with him like he wanted and Temari had heartedly laughed at his tries to make her orgasm.

It had turned out well in the end and they had laid sweaty side by side in the bed and Yoshino had a weird curl on her lips the following morning and Shikamaru had wanted to sink right through the floor when she looked at him with a fond, but curious gaze. She had heard them; he was sure of it.

But this was not his bedroom. This was not Konoha. This was Temari’s bedroom and this was Suna and Shikamaru tasted her tongue on his before tipping his head to the side so Temari could suck on his earlobe.

Shikamaru couldn’t hide a moan when Temari’s lips trailed down his neck. He grabbed her and swung her to his side.

“Now, my princess”, he teased as he climbed on top of her. She had nothing but underwear on. “Let me handle you.”

“You, my enemy?” Temari teased back. “What can an enemy boy do to this body?”

“He can make you…” Shikamaru reached down to whisper in her ear. “…come.”

“Do it, you coward”, Temari said and Shikamaru let his head lower down to her breasts and he closed his lips around her nipple. He played around with her nipple in his mouth, trying to make up for what he maybe failed to do the first time they had sex together, sucking on it, letting his tongue slide over and around, while his hand reached down to her hipbone and from there over her pubic mound.

She had shaved down there, barely a little stub could be felt. The last time there had been blond curls, now it was all trimmed down. She had planned this.

He removed his hand from under her underwear and continued licking her breasts, eyes closed. When he opened them again, their eyes met.

She was smirking.

“What?” he said, his teasing bravado probably failing. “Does it feel good?”

“Yes”, Temari said. “I just like seeing you so concentrated. At this. At making me feel.”

Shikamaru kissed her.

“Of course, princess.”

“Stop calling me that, enemy.”

Shikamaru’s smile grew wider.

“Anything for you, princess”, he said and managed to duck under her hand just in time as she tried to slap him. He reached down again and placed kisses anywhere he could – on her breasts, in between them, on the nipples, on her collarbones and below the breasts. He kissed a path downwards, towards her pubic mound.

Just before he had time to take off her underwear she sat up.

“I’ll take them off”, she quickly said and jumped off the bed. Shikamaru remained sitting, observing her when she took off the underpants. He got a quick look at blood against a white cotton pad and looked away when Temari threw them in a basket for dirty laundry.

A towel hit him in the side of his face.

“What was that for?” he asked, holding questioningly the towel up in his hand.

“Put it on the bed, so I can lie on it”, Temari said. “I don’t want the mattress to get bloody.”

Shikamaru obeyed and the second he had placed the dark blue towel in the middle of the bed Temari flopped herself down so the springs under her bed creaked.

“Now”, she said and wrapped her arms around Shikamaru’s neck and dragged him down to lie on top of her. “Now that’s out of our way. You are a man with a mission, Shikamaru. Make. Me. Feel.”

Her smile made Shikamaru’s stomach do that thing again and his already hardened penis did a few throbs, as if to ask him to hurry up. It did not go unnoticed by Temari’s gaze and she laughed at the bulge.

“And why, if I may ask, do you still have your boxers on?”

That was Shikamaru’s cue to wriggle out of the boxers and throw them to who knows where somewhere in the corner.

Now Temari was completely naked, and so was he. He started stroking her pubic mound and separated the outer lips to get a better look at the inside. Her opening was slightly red from her period blood.

“Close your eyes”, Shikamaru said and Temari obeyed. It felt amazing to feel like she trusted him, like she knew he wouldn’t do anything she wasn’t comfortable with. The first time around she had been bossy, telling Shikamaru what to do and where to place his hands and he had become nervous about messing up, which he did a few times. Now, the second time, she trusted him to have learned and absorbed the information she gave last time.

She had given free reins to him. She let herself become vulnerable in front of him. She truly trusted him.

Shikamaru let his tongue reach in between her outer lips and Temari shuddered, a strong shudder that made him smile. She tasted a little bit of iron, but he didn’t care. His tongue found her clit and after he got a comfortable position between her legs, he stroked her clitoris gently, with light flicks of his tongue.

She moaned.

His tongue travelled along her vulva, into all of her folds and over the clit again. It began pulsating. His light flicks became harder and it didn’t matter that the muscles in his face and tongue started to ache from the unusual strain, because _she_ mattered.

His muscles weren’t the only thing aching.

Temari pressed her head back against her pillow, when her clitoris pulsated with more force and the painful pleasure throbbed through her. She flung her legs over Shikamaru’s shoulders, pressing his head closer to her clitoris to wordlessly beg him to _lick harder_.

She grabbed his hair and pulled, even more to indicate to do his tongue dance harder.

The moment he began suckling on her clitoris, by now swollen and aching and thoroughly wet from the incoming orgasm she couldn’t supress another moan and he continued, continued, continued licking and sucking hard and harder and a moan sounding more like a growl ripped from her throat as the orgasm waved through her whole lower body.

“Oh my…” she panted as the sensation of total bliss and a storm of endorphins ravaged. “That was…”

“Better than last time, indeed”, Shikamaru said, smiling, as he wiped Temari’s wetness off his mouth with the back of his hand.

“If this continues getting better, I might forbid you from returning to Konoha all together”, Temari laughed, a hoarse laugh. She looked at him and began laughing a whole another laughter. “You’ve got blood on your chin.”

Fast as lightning, Shikamaru wiped off the blood from his chin. He hindered himself the final second from muttering _gross_ because if he would’ve said it out loud, he wouldn’t probably get to touch Temari anymore ever again. But luckily, he kept quiet.

Temari’s hand enclosed around the shaft of his cock and she pumped slowly and the sensation of her jerking him off throbbed through his abdomen. Without letting her grip of him go she slid to the side and Shikamaru flopped down on the bed. She rose on top of him and her dry hand got replaced by wet lips and a tongue massaging his tip.

“Ah”, Shikamaru breathed as her tongue evoke such a lust inside of him that it felt like he couldn’t even control himself.

She sucked him for a moment before separating her legs as she moved above him, and he held his cock in place for her to sit down on it and letting it be thrusted into her.

The first time the inserting part had been a fuss and Shikamaru was so happy it did, this time around, go much smoother than last.

“You know”, Temari said and she began rocking on top of him. “Blood is a good lubricant.”

He didn’t answer, only let him move along with Temari’s body, feeling how the foreskin moved up and down on his tip inside her body. Ah, god, this was perfect. Perfect, perfect, _she_ was _perfect._

Temari began moving harder, her body heavy against her forearms on either side of Shikamaru’s head. She kissed him in a wet, lustful kiss.

“Let me be on top of you”, Shikamaru said and Temari lifted her lower body. His cock slid out of her. It was slimy of blood.

Temari laid down on the dark towel, completely open and swollen and _wet_. Shikamaru climbed up on her and let his cock slide in again in a few careful thrusts and when he was sure it was secure inside her warmth he began pumping harder and harder. Both of them panted and moaned in and out of sync. His cock was massaging Temari’s g-spot and she was gripping hard around the bedsheet, ripping it from the bedding. He did it slow, he did it hard, he did it forceful when Temari threw her arms around him and clawed his shoulders with her nails while almost hissing out a moan.

“Hard- harder, you – you coward”, she tried to say between groaning and growling, which apparently was her way of showing audible pleasure.

“Tema… Temari… I… will… I’m c-coming.” It was hard to talk while having the storm of sexual pleasure inside of him getting ready for a release.

In one final thrust he let go of everything he had contained, and he remained inside her for a few more seconds before pulling out. His cock was drenched in all kinds of different bodily fluids and Temari’s vulva was sticky and slimy of the same juices.

“That was… something”, she said, laying there, trying to collect herself. Shikamaru flopped beside her as his cock slowly shrunk to its normal size. She looked at him. “That was so nice, wasn’t it? Let’s do it again tomorrow.”

He chuckled to her, not really knowing what to say, and wiped his penis somewhat clean against the towel. Temari flipped it up between her legs to get most of the fluids away.

“We need to shower”, she declared. “Come.”

They showered together, cleaning themselves up from the stickiness, before Temari announced that she will wash her hair, too.

“Make yourself comfortable in my room”, she said. “Or if you’re brave enough, prepare some tea in the kitchen. I don’t think Kankuro is here.”

 _Well, he better not be here,_ Shikamaru thought as he walked out of the bathroom. He dried himself with a towel and got dressed. He sat himself down on the bed, which was surprisingly clean, as the dark towel had taken the toll from their sex.

Anxiety surged in his stomach, churned like a meat grinder and turning all the bliss he had felt while being together with Temari into dry dust.

She was still showering, and Shikamaru opened the scroll with a locked seal and found a bottle with no label inside it.

He had enough. He just couldn’t stay by Temari’s side, kiss her, have sex with her anymore when the knowledge that he must kill her was pressing down on him more and more each day. Suna will reject Konoha’s fake weapon trade and after that they will most likely return a threat to Konoha, and if he’s not out of town by then, they’d probably take him as hostage. He will have to run very soon.

And he has to kill the woman showering.

He put on gloves and poured venom of the Blue Zigzag Viper on a disposable cloth. He wiped the cloth along all sides of his dagger and walked into the bathroom.

Temari hummed to acknowledge that she heard him come into the bathroom. The shower curtain was closed, and she seemed busy with rinsing conditioner out of her hair.

“Came to return the towel”, Shikamaru said, struggling to grip hard enough around the dagger. One stab, a single stab anywhere on her body and the venom will travel up to her brain, deteriorate her nerves and kill her.

He reflected himself in the blade of his dagger. His heart was aching and Temari continued showering, unaware of what he held in his hand.

_You are a shinobi. Behave like it. You’ve killed before. Kill her. Do it. Strike now. DO IT._

Shikamaru raised his arm, the dagger close to the shower curtain.

_Strike._

_Strike!_

_You coward. You fucking coward!_

“Are you daydreaming, or what?” Temari asked as she closed the shower tap. Panic grabbed Shikamaru and he backed away from the shower curtain.

“No, never mind”, he said and stormed out of the bathroom. He quickly dried the dagger with a tissue, hoping most of the venom was wiped off, scrambled the dagger into its holder and locked the bottle with the venom away into the scroll just in time before Temari came into the bedroom.

“Are you okay?” she asked and Shikamaru nodded.

“I really need to go”, he said and offered a smile, but it felt stiff and weird because his facial muscles twitched from nervousness.

“Are you sure?” Temari asked.

“Yeah”, Shikamaru said and made himself ready to leave when he stopped in front of the door. “Temari?”

“Hm?” Temari said.

“We didn’t use protection”, Shikamaru said. “What if – “

“I’m on my period”, Temari said. “I won’t get pregnant.”

“Are you sure?” Shikamaru asked.

“If you really have to go, then go”, Temari said. “But if you stay, I’ll make you pancakes.”

Shikamaru smiled painfully at her and walked a few steps out of her room when he stopped and came back inside.

“Pancakes sounds nice”, he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's in the mood of pancakes?
> 
> (Remember, use protection when having sexual intercourse. They're ninjas, they don't know their sex ed. Do, however, end the stigma around period blood.)


	6. Despair

The two following days were torture for Shikamaru. Temari slept over at his room at the inn later that week and Shikamaru couldn’t sleep. Her face seemed so peaceful, so serene. He wanted to frame it, to kiss it, to look fondly at it forever.

If her face remained like that forever, maybe her death would at least to the outsider’s eye seem peaceful.

He held the pillow a few centimetres above her face for a long time. If he pressed really hard and simultaneously sat on her chest, she wouldn’t have the strength to lift him off her. A minute or so and she would suffocate to death.

He could of course use his shadow to strangle her, but he didn’t want that. It would violate everything they had built up since their chunin game. She hated his shadows or feared them and taking her down with the very weapon that got her interested in him – it would be wrong. More wrong than stabbing her, poisoning her, suffocating her with a pillow.

His hands were slightly trembling when he fought to make the decision to lower the pillow over her face.

Instead of pressing it to her face and blocking her airways he placed it beside her and reached down to gently kiss her.

“Good morning”, he said.

Temari opened her eyes and smiled the gentlest smile he had ever seen her produce towards him. It wasn’t the least cocky. It was sweet.

“You’re awake”, she said. “That’s new.”

He laughed.

“Once in a blue moon I can wake up before you”, he said. “Don’t get used to it.”

“You lazy prick”, Temari said and raised up from the bed.

They made breakfast together and when Temari went to the bathroom, he made the final decision. This would be the final time he tries to assassinate her, before he would accept that he couldn’t do it and he would leave her and run home like a dog with its tail between its legs.

But he must try one final time. This will be his fifth time trying. The fifth time he tries to poison her, or stab her, or suffocate her. If he fails now, he is doomed to fail forever.

Temari took a little bit longer time in the bathroom, which wasn’t a surprise considering there had been a tiny splotch of blood on the bedsheet that had escaped the cotton pad she wore.

What a drag it had to be to be a woman, Shikamaru thought, while measuring up Direlock poison in her coffee cup. His final try.

When Temari came back from the bathroom he was ruffling around with his own bag, carefully hiding the scroll with the bottle inside among his other stuff in the bag. He hid it away and when he looked up from his hands, he saw Temari drink her coffee in big gulps. His heart almost stopped when he observed her drink, his stomach went cold and his throat tightened.

She was drinking the poison.

She was going to die.

In ten minutes she will experience seizures until her lungs stop working and Shikamaru rose up on shaky legs, feeling nauseous. He decided to remain by the door for a little longer while, to decide whether to run now or after she had started cramping. He still had a few healthy minutes with her, and his first instinct was to run up to her and kiss her one final time, but he couldn’t. She could still have poison on her lips.

“See, it was a mistake for you to wake up so early”, Temari called out to him. “You’re lagging.”

“Heh”, Shikamaru said, trembling slightly as he walked up to the table and he almost gasped out of shock when looking down at the table.

Temari wasn’t drinking the poisoned coffee. She had taken _his_ cup and had begun drinking from that one instead of the her own poisoned one.

“You took my cup”, Shikamaru blurted out.

“Yeah”, Temari said. “You were taking forever in the hall.”

“You were taking forever in the bathroom”, Shikamaru retorted.

“There’s still coffee left, don’t worry”, Temari said and gestured toward the poisoned cup.

“Have – have you taken a sip from it?” Shikamaru asked and Temari raised an eyebrow.

“So what if I would’ve”, she said. “It’s not like you would be afraid of my spit.”

“But have you?”

“No”, Temari said. “I took yours.”

Shikamaru’s heart was beating fast and he wondered if it could be seen above his sternum how the blood was rushing through him. His brain froze and his thoughts didn’t work as he grabbed the coffee cup and threw it with a little too much force into the sink. The porcelain shattered and the poisoned coffee splattered everywhere and Shikamaru stared at the mess he just caused.

_This is messed up. Oh, fuck, I’m too stressed, this won’t work, I won’t be able to do it._

“What is wrong?” Temari placed her cup down and cupped Shikamaru’s cheeks with her hands. “Shikamaru? You’re so pale.”

“I thought – I thought…”, Shikamaru tried to say, but didn’t get anything out of his mouth. “I think I might be getting sick.”

“You don’t seem to have a fever”, Temari said after placing her hand on his forehead.

“I want to… go somewhere to get fresh air”, Shikamaru said and Temari’s eyes flashed. She took a step back, calculating in her head what was happening.

“Why?”

“I’m homesick”, Shikamaru said, avoiding her gaze, because he had enough. Enough of this mission, enough of sneaking around Suna and Temari’s brothers with Temari by his side, enough of pretending like he isn’t in love with her.

Good soldiers follow orders.

Fuck orders. Fuck being a soldier. Shikamaru wants to quit.

He stormed into the bathroom and splashed water in his face. Temari remained outside, not wanting to break his privacy.

“I’ll escort you out”, she said quietly. “But first you must come with me to the Kazekage’s office and bid your goodbye and sign that you break the weapon trade.”

Shikamaru stared at her. That would be the final thing he wants. He wants to run away. He wants to leave her and Suna and never return. Or no, he didn’t want to leave her. He wanted to wrap his hand in her sand blond hair and kiss her and never leave her side but as things were now, he just _couldn’t._ He had to leave. He had to leave her.

He didn’t want to face Gaara and the council now. He didn’t want to see anyone.

But he can’t expose more of his poor nerves now. He had already behaved too weird when shattering the coffee cup and he can’t expose himself now.

“Okay.”

They walked in silence to the Kazekage’s office after Shikamaru had packed his bag. By now Shikamaru knew how to walk through the maze in Suna to find the shortest route. Temari walked a few steps behind him, as if she wanted to see if he remembered to walk left or right at the right places and he could hear her huff and snicker occasionally when he remembered the right direction.

Temari knocked on the door to Gaara’s office, but nobody opened.

“I think he still has a meeting”, she said. “Let’s wait.”

Shikamaru sighed and rubbed his neck.

“What a drag”, he said.

“A little delay of ten minutes won’t hurt you”, Temari said. She looked down at her feet before meeting Shikamaru’s gaze. “Why do you want to go home?”

“Because I don’t want to be here anymore”, Shikamaru said. “I’ll just report to the Hokage that I failed to bring this weapon trade into execution. We both know this was a stillborn idea.”

Temari furrowed her brows. Shikamaru imagined she was confused, wondering if she had failed her mission to keep track off him. She might think he managed to steal the Tailed Beast and she never noticed.

“It’s me, isn’t it?” she said. “You just don’t want to spend time with me.”

Shikamaru sighed.

“True.”

Hurt flashed over Temari’s eyes.

“Then what was the point of everything?”, she snarled. “I spent time with you because I like you, you idiot. Did you just pretend, all along?”

“I know you spent time with me because it was your mission”, Shikamaru said back. “You never trusted me in the first place. Come on, Temari. You don’t have to pretend.”

“Why do you think I was pretending then, mister?” Temari asked.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you”, Shikamaru snorted. “We are – “

“Enemies?” Temari spat. “Was that what you tried to say, huh?”

“Not necessarily”, Shikamaru said. “But if you want to interpret it as such, then do so.”

“What is wrong with you?” Temari asked. “We had it so nice this morning, and suddenly, you want to run home like a puppy. I have guarded you for seventeen days now, and I’ve had the best seventeen days of a long time, because you were here! Did it mean nothing to you? Was it way too troublesome to stay out in the heat, or way too troublesome to touch me, way too troublesome – “

“Shut your mouth”, Shikamaru said and Temari took a step back at his harsh words. “You want to know the truth? I feel sick. I feel sick of you not trusting me.”

“When have I not trusted you?” Temari hissed. “Give examples.”

“Your maze makes me sick, your council is rotten”, Shikamaru continued, ignoring what Temari had just said. “And I have felt like an idiot since I came here.”

Temari stared at him.

“’Like an idiot’?” she parroted.

“You know what I’m talking about”, Shikamaru said. “I just want to leave this cursed place.”

Temari took another step back, face completely still.

“There was so much more to this than a damned mission”, she said. “Yes, I had my eyes on you for your whole stay because it was an order, but hell, I really, really like you. For real. But thank you for showing your true colours. Seems like this was nothing but a mission for you.”

Shikamaru opened his mouth, but no sound came out of it.

The door opened and Gaara stood behind it.

“Hi”, he said. “You wanted to see me, Nara?”

Shikamaru took a step inside and Temari came into the room with him. The second he heard her close the door and the threatening _click_ of a door locking he realised he messed up. Big time.

“Come here”, Gaara said and showed him a paper on the desk. “I need your signature here, and then you are ready to leave.”

Shikamaru took the pen, but before he pressed it to the paper he stopped.

“How did you know I was leaving?” he asked, looking up at Gaara’s blank face. “I never said I was leaving.”

Not a single muscle in Gaara’s face moved.

“I guess it could be heard through the door when you said about how our council is rotten and you are homesick”, Temari cut in.

Shikamaru felt unease spread in his stomach.

“I just have to leave. My time is up here anyways”, he said and bit down on the inside of his lip while pressing the pen against the paper.

He didn’t put his signature down before reading the contract he was supposed to sign. The contract was dictating the break of the weapon trade. Only that it didn’t say so. The word Tailed Beast flashed in front of his eyes and he looked up to meet Gaara’s blue, hard eyes.

What he was about to sign was a confession.

“I’m not going to steal Shukaku”, he whispered. “I swear, let me go, and you’ll never see me again.”

“We figured that out already”, Gaara said. “Your actions did not point in that direction.”

Shikamaru swallowed.

“I came here to advertise the weapon trade”, he said. “We break the trade. I’ll return home and tell the Hokage your regards.”

He dropped the pen and backed off.

“Goodbye, Lord Kazekage.”

He turned around and to his surprise Temari was not standing alone by the door. Kankuro stood by her side. When had he arrived? Or rather, why hadn’t Shikamaru been able to detect him when he was quietly standing in the shadows?

“Blue Zigzag Viper venom”, Kankuro said and took a step forward. “Strychnine.” He took another step. “Direlock poison.” Now he was standing close to Shikamaru. “Chloroform.”

Instinct told Shikamaru to back off, but he forced himself to remain rooted on the spot.

“Yeah?” Oh god, he sounded way too arrogant.

“Do they sound familiar to you?” Kankuro asked.

“I know next to nothing about poisons”, Shikamaru said.

“And it has slipped your genius mind that I am a poison specialist?” Kankuro continued and Shikamaru’s worst fears became reality. They had busted him.

Before Shikamaru had time to think of a reply Kankuro put his hand in his pocket and exposed a bottle without label. Shikamaru recognised it as one he had carried with him, but _when_ did someone steal them? He had used them the final time this same morning. Kankuro smashed the bottle down onto the floor and sent the glass shards flying around their feet. Shikamaru took a step back.

“What the hell did you plan to do with them?”

“Nothing”, Shikamaru replied.

“Don’t lie, you bastard”, Kankuro snarled. ”You don’t work with poisons!”

“They are shinobi equipment”, Shikamaru said, trying to sound secure

“You just said you know next to nothing about poisons”, Kankuro said.

“I did not come here to steal One Tail, I swear.” Shikamaru raised his voice, forcing it to remain steady and not shiver.

“Then what are you doing here?” Kankuro asked.

“I came here to trade the weapon, like I’ve told you a thousand times!” Shikamaru said. “But apparently it was too hard for you to come up with an answer, and that is why I am breaking the contract.”

“And breaking contracts is done by poisoning?” Kankuro asked.

“I haven’t poisoned anyone”, Shikamaru said. “Let me go now.”

He took a step to the side to walk past Kankuro, but Temari was still standing firmly in front of the door. Her gaze was practically burning him.

“Shikamaru, you don’t have to lie”, Temari said and Shikamaru shrunk at her tone. “You came here to kill me, didn’t you?”

Shikamaru opened his mouth but not a single word came out of it. He looked frantically around himself in the room, trying to come up with a plan to escape. He hadn’t exactly expected them to have been able to rob the bag with all the poisons off him.

They were three against one. He could trap them in a shadow stretching to three different people, but that would be a chakra draining shadow which wouldn’t hold up for that long.

And it wouldn’t help on Gaara. Gaara’s sand could move without a single movement from its shinobi and Shikamaru suspected that the second he tries to trap Gaara, Gaara will crush his hand with sand.

“Is it true, Shikamaru?” Gaara asked with a voice made of silk. “Did you come to Suna to assassinate my sister?”

Shikamaru took another step back, looking over his shoulder at the window. He could maybe destroy it and run, but he had to be fast to avoid the sand. How in the fresh hell did he let himself be fooled into this? Why didn’t he refuse this mission, why did he let himself be held by Temari, why did he finally give space to his feelings for her?

Why didn’t he kill her?

The answer was simple.

Because he was in love with her.

His heart beat a thousand beats per second and the inside of his throat felt dry as dust.

“Did you stay over at our house and invited her into your room with the intention to poison her?” Gaara asked.

“Yes, it is true”, he began rambling. “Yes, I’m sorry, my real mission was to come here to kill you, Tema – “

He couldn’t finish his sentence before Kankuro swiped his arm through the air. Shikamaru brought up his hands and the shadow reached Kankuro the same time as Kankuro’s chakra threads connected to Shikamaru’s arm.

The chakra strings pulled hard, but with Kankuro’s mobility being limited, he didn’t manage to pull Shikamaru’s hands out of their position.

“A confession”, Kankuro said, remaining paralysed in the shadow’s grasp, but the grin on his face made it seem like being paralysed wasn’t anything to be worried about. There were still two mobile shinobi in the room. “You just confessed in front of the Kazekage.”

Shikamaru kept his eyes focused on Temari.

“Temari, I’m so sorry for everything I tried to do”, he continued rambling. He wasn’t even thinking straight, he just had to get this off his chest, because it could maybe save him. “I – I know I tried to kill you, and I don’t deny it – “

He could feel their gazes burn him. Just as Kankuro was locked in place, so was Shikamaru. The chakra strings around his arm held him firmly in place and he had to fight the tightness of them to not stumble forward.

“You don’t deny it?” Temari snorted. “That was comforting to hear.”

“Temari, please, listen!” Shikamaru wetted his lips and now his voice began shaking. “I tried, but I failed. I failed because I can’t kill you, I couldn’t, because you mean so much to me. Please, Temari, I didn’t kill you because I love you, you – you have to understand. Trust me.”

Gaara didn’t raise from his chair, but the gourd by his hip opened and sand started pouring out and made its way to Shikamaru. Without being able to move away or parry the sand, it twisted around his leg like a whip and Shikamaru knew that he had lost before the actual fight had time to start.

“Temari, please”, Shikamaru had time to say before the sand around his leg snatched him to the side with such a force he dropped the shadow jutsu and fell to the floor. The shadow around Kankuro’s feet snapped and Shikamaru rolled over to his side, ready to run away when Kankuro kicked him in the ribs, preventing him from getting up. Each kick came with force and Shikamaru curled himself into a ball, protecting his face and head with his arms.

Kankuro stopped kicking when Temari came up to him.

“Stop that”, she said and Kankuro spluttered:

“Temari, you know what he tried to do!”

“I heard him perfectly well”, Temari said.

Slowly, she crouched beside Shikamaru and brought her hand up to his shoulder and caressed him gently. He shuddered at her touch and the sand around his ankle tightened when he moved slightly.

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered.

“You claim you love me, yet you tried to kill me by poisoning my coffee?” Temari asked slowly. She didn’t sound accusing, not at all. She sounded sad, while still stroking his arm. “It was sheer luck I took your coffee cup this morning. I did it as a joke. And if I hadn’t done it, I’d be dead. Direlock poisoning is a really nasty death. I would have died in a horrible way.”

Shikamaru said nothing.

“I trusted you”, Temari said and now the accusation in her voice entered. “I trusted you, I made love with you, I let down my defence for _you_. I fucking trusted you.”

“I’m sorry”, Shikamaru whispered, so faintly he was sure only she could hear him.

“Who ordered you?”

“My Hokage.”

Temari rose up.

“Clearly Konoha wants to go to war”, she said and turned her back towards him. “Get him out of my sight.”

The sand around Shikamaru’s ankle spread to the other ankle and bound his legs together. He tried to get up, but Kankuro pressed his foot against Shikamaru’s chest, keeping him down in the humiliating position.

“Bring him to the prison dungeons”, Gaara said and Kankuro turned Shikamaru so he was facedown.

Kankuro bound Shikamaru’s hands behind his back with a rope twisting around his wrist. The end of the rope formed a noose, which Kankuro brought up over Shikamaru’s head and around his neck. The whole construction was designed to strangle him whenever he moved his arms too much.

“Does your shadows work if you can’t see?” Kankuro asked and Shikamaru glared at him. “Well. Better safe than sorry.”

Kankuro threw a hood over Shikamaru’s head and Shikamaru’s world turned black.

He could feel the sunrays on his shoulders burning him when they got outside. His vest and shirt had been removed, exposing his upper body. He could hear the uproar around him, townspeople yelling and having hell of a lot of noises around and above him. He imagined they stood on the walls of the maze, looking down at him like he was cattle. They yelled insults at him and Shikamaru counted the seconds before they began throwing things at him.

Then the first glob of something nasty hit him in the back and. It had to be eggs, Shikamaru thought as the slimy liquid made its way down his back, while grimacing under the hood.

A walk of shame, Kankuro had called it. Wherever their prison dungeons are, they get there by foot, through the town, through the maze. And apparently the townsfolk loved this kind of event, to look down at prisoners and laugh and spit at them.

The notion that a Konohan scum with the intention to kill the princess had been caught and was going to be brought to prison had been called out through a speaker and like time had stopped in Suna its inhabitants dropped everything to watch the criminal being dragged through the maze.

Or, that was at least how Shikamaru imagined it. He still had the hood over his head, and he couldn’t see where he was heading. They must have gone through another route in the maze, because it took other twists than he anticipated.

The leash around his neck was a little overkill though, if he had to be honest.

Kankuro was leading him like a dog in a leash and it was humiliating to lose status in such a rapid pace. A few days ago he had been a guest welcomed in the royal halls of Suna’s Kazekage’s office and now he was being dragged by a leash half naked through Suna’s maze and he knew it was his own fault for not running away earlier.

“You dog!” someone yelled and Shikamaru felt how something warm dripped down the side of his arm. The stench was foul.

Urine.

Shikamaru, thoroughly disgusted, winced to the side, a step big enough for Kankuro to react and he snatched the leash forward, making Shikamaru stumble and fall down on his knees.

“Can’t you walk, assassin?” Kankuro asked.

He did it for the show and got the reaction he wanted. The audience was dog whistling and yelling in win. They enjoyed watching this. And Kankuro enjoyed being in control over someone in a way that allowed him to be cruel, especially now when the crowd was cheering on him. Human psychology works in fascinating ways.

At some point Shikamaru got up from the ground and continued walking in shame.

“Where is Temari?” Shikamaru asked.

“Shut up.”

“Why isn’t she here?” Shikamaru snarled.

“Why do you care?”

“Because this is about her and not you”, Shikamaru grumbled and Kankuro yanked the leash one more time, but this time Shikamaru was prepared and regained his balance before hitting the sand.

“If I were you, I’d be humbler”, Kankuro said. “Because as soon as I deliver you to the prison, what happens to you isn’t up to me or Temari. Because then you’ll be prey to our Head of Torture, and she’s a nasty one. Savour the last rays of sunlight you’ll feel for a while, Nara Shikamaru.”

The walk of shame continued.

Head of Torture, Nanashi, had a wicked smile on her lips when he removed the hood from Shikamaru’s head.

“An assassin, you are, huh?” she almost purred. “A poison assassin. Your hair looks familiar, aren’t you one of the shadow people of Konoha? Why didn’t you just kill her with that?”

Shikamaru didn’t answer.

“It’s okay, sweetheart”, Nanashi said. “I know how to get prisoners to talk. Now”, she looked him deep into his eyes, “would you like to go mad or not?”

Shikamaru drew his head as far away from her as he could. His arms were bound around a wooden pole like he was hugging the thick wood, fingers forced into stiff positions, hindering him from using any signs. The rope was wedged into a cut on the pole, so his arms were equally locked in place.

“What?” he breathed.

“I can stir around in your brain until there’s nothing left of you”, she said and patted his head. “I can make you go insane for good. But I think Lady Temari would be mad at me for playing too much around with her pet.”

“Pet?” Shikamaru spit.

“Yes”, Nanashi said, and showed him the whip she had in her hands. “And I think she finds your… intellect attractive, so I’ll leave that for her to use.” Nanashi moved to position herself behind his exposed back. “But your body… is mine.”

There is no word in the common tongue to explain how painful it is to be flogged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who guessed this was how Shikamaru was going to get caught?
> 
> I'm sorry, Shikamaru, I'm afraid prison in Suna isn't the fanciest of conditions to live in. (But I can tell you we won't dwell in times of despair for too many chapters - have hope!)
> 
> I will see if I can speed up my updating schedule during these strange times, for now I'll probably upload every fourth day or so :)


	7. Into your darkness I will follow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Human branding

Shikamaru’s whole body was aching and shivering. He sat on his knees, with his arms draped around his upper body, as if to hug himself. His shirt laid somewhere beside him, but he couldn’t bring himself to put it on. Just the thought of the dirty fabric sticking into the raw wounds on his back made him imagine dirt getting into him and causing an infection.

The fifteen slashes of the whiplashes should be disinfected as soon as possible, but Nanashi just dropped him into the cell and left.

His jaw hurt from clenching so hard, and his mouth was bloody from when he bit the inside of his cheeks too hard at one point. His body felt stiff from cramping and being so tense during the whipping. But mostly his back hurt, the wounds hurt, and the blood had dried over his whole back and he didn’t want to move.

Why had this all come to this?

Reality caught up to him and grabbed him like ice cold water around his heart. He was a prisoner now. He had let himself get caught by Suna, he had already confessed to Temari that he had tried to kill her.

Is there any chance they won’t execute him after this?

Shikamaru tipped down and flipped his legs forward, folding his arms around his knees and it stung and tore in his back. Nanashi hadn’t had any mercy when whipping him, separating the skin from his flesh.

He dreams of Asuma and his father and just wants that back. He imagines shogi pieces being moved over the board and he hears Asuma’s laughter and for a brief second he thinks he feels Asuma’s hand on his shoulder and he imagines that he is smiling at him –

“Hey.”

Shikamaru jerked awake and he stared at Temari sitting on the other side of the iron bars. He had fallen asleep and tipped on his side and dirt had made its way into the lash wounds on the side of his back.

He forced himself to sit up, inhaling sharply at the pain between his clenched teeth.

“What do you want?” he sneered at her.

“Are you in pain?” Temari asked.

“Guess three times”, Shikamaru said. “What do you think? Of course I’m in pain, she flogged me.”

“Your wounds should be cleaned”, Temari said.

Shikamaru rose on weak legs and glared at Temari.

“You should just leave me to die of an infection so you don’t have to bother arranging an execution”, he said out of spite.

“Not if I can have any say in it”, Temari said and pressed her hand against the lock of the cell. There was a chakra sensitive handle on the lock and when correct chakra was infused into the handle the door opened. She showed him a little bag of cotton and disinfectant. “Let me clean you.”

Shikamaru stared at her. The gesture of care made him almost burst out in tears of exhaustion and ache.

“Why didn’t you help me?” he asked, and his voice was so, so weak. “Why didn’t you let me run away?”

“I can’t help assassins”, Temari said. “You betrayed me, Shikamaru.”

“You used me!” Shikamaru snarled back. “Have you no idea how much trouble I had to go through because everyone believed I knew about your theft beforehand.”

“Bringing justice to an unfair political monopoly can’t be compared to murder attempt”, Temari said. “Turn your back to me, now.”

Shikamaru took a few steps back.

“Trust me”, Temari said. “I won’t hurt you. I’ll just clean your wounds.”

Wordlessly Shikamaru sat down, facing his back towards her. Temari kneeled behind him and poured antiseptic onto a cotton pad and pressed it on the first whip wound. Shikamaru inhaled sharply and winced but his body was already so tired from the pain that his movement caused pain in almost all his muscles. The muscles in his back spasmed out of exhaustion and that led to Shikamaru sobbing.

Temari stopped the motion of cleaning his back for a second.

“It… hurts”, Shikamaru finally got out. “It hurts so bad.”

“I know”, Temari said and continued. Centimetre by centimetre she cleaned up the blood and disinfected the cuts. There was not much untouched skin left on his back and Temari’s heart ached for him. “We don’t teach medical ninjutsu that much here. We just use this instead.”

“Which is why you are dependent on us to get medicine”, Shikamaru said and Temari pressed a little bit harder against his raw wounds, earning a groan from him. He grimaced in pain and pressed his forehead hard against his knees. “Sorry.”

They remained silent for a long time, while Temari continued to care for his wounds.

“Temari…” he said. “Why do you do this?”

Temari’s hand lingered above one of the cuts.

“Do what?”

“Clean me”, Shikamaru said. “You didn’t help me before, why do you help me now?”

“Because Nanashi will have you dead if no one gets in the way”, Temari said.

“Like execution isn’t the punishment for murder attempt on Suna’s princess”, Shikamaru scoffed.

Temari moved her hand away from Shikamaru’s back, stuffing the bloody cotton back into the little plastic bag she had with her. The edges of his slash wounds on his back had dried and the blood had coagulated. The wounds were as good as they possible could be, cleaned and dry.

“You are correct”, she said and stepped out of the cell, moving her hand over the chakra sensitive handle to lock the door again. “The punishment is execution.”

Shikamaru glanced down at the metal cuffs around his wrists. The cuffs were made of more than iron, as lines of lithium were mixed inside the iron. Lithium had chakra blocking effects. As long as that lithium was wound around his wrists, he couldn’t mould any chakra in his hands.

His shadows were dead.

Temari walked away into the darkness of the dungeon he was being locked in and he made an effort to stand up and look at her becoming smaller and smaller the further away she got.

“Temari”, he called out and she stopped walking. She turned around to meet his gaze.

“Yes?”

He inhaled and dropped the bomb.

“I lied to you. I never loved you.”

She just looked at him. Then she offered the saddest of smiles he ever had seen and everything inside his stomach turned itself inside out and it _hurt_ in his heart. Why did he say that? Why did he lie to her? His own bitterness tried to hurt her, to poke a needle right where he knew it would sting the most. He was so angry and confused that he only spilled more anger around him.

“What a pity”, she said. “Because I think I love you.”

Her words came as the most horrifying surprise Shikamaru had ever heard and his heart sank in his chest.

“What did you say?” he breathed.

“You heard me”, Temari said. “Use your genius to figure that one out.”

She left.

Temari opened the door without knocking and Nanashi jerked up from the sofa she was taking a nap in. Just like Temari, Nanashi lived in one of the richer districts of Suna, in a big house with a nice balcony Temari had taken advantage of, as she had picked the lock to the door leading out to it.

“My lady”, Nanashi said. She didn’t seem all too surprised that the princess of Suna had barged into her apartment. Nanashi had spent her fair share in the Kazekage’s household when Rasa was still alive, and she had sometimes sparred with Temari when Temari was still a little angsty preteen in need of an ‘older female role model’. “What are you doing here?”

“I am the one in charge of handling Shikamaru from now on”, Temari said and Nanashi raised her eyebrows in confusion. Since Temari had grown up they hadn’t had that much contact other than strictly professional discussions during work.

“Shikamaru who?”

“Don’t act stupid with me”, Temari said. “The Konohan prisoner.”¨

“Well, this took an interesting turn of events”, Nanashi said. “You’ve never been interested in my work before.”

“That’s none of your business”, Temari said. “I noticed that you had already had a session with him. From now on, he is to be dealt with differently, and if you torture him again, I’ll let you know your position as Head of Torture is gone.”

Nanashi chuckled.

“You are really in love with him, aren’t you? Want some coffee?”

“I decide his fate from now on”, Temari said.

“Oh, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way”, Nanashi said. “You are in no position of removing me from my post. Nor take control over my work.”

“Then I’ll ask Gaara to do it for me”, Temari said, faking a smile.

“And he’ll have to organize a council meeting to discuss the issue and arrange a voting and, sweetheart, you know very well the council doesn’t really like your Konohan lover”, Nanashi said. “Even if Gaara wanted, they won’t give him approval to remove me. Shikamaru belongs to me.”

Temari smashed her hand down on the table between them so hard her fist ached.

“Don’t make me do something I will regret”, she hissed.

“You can’t save him from execution”, Nanashi said. “Because the order of execution belongs to me and Head of War and your lover or not, I will not kneel to Konoha by sparing his miserable life.”

Oh, how Temari wanted to slash a kunai through the air and into Nanashi’s throat, but she had enough senses to not. Nanashi came from a wealthy, powerful family, who’s funding had helped Suna through hardships in the past. Pakura, one of Suna’s most respected warriors had been Nanashi’s older sister, and while Nanashi herself wasn’t blessed with a kekken genkai, she was very skilled at using Fire Style.

Temari might be of Rasa’s blood, but Nanashi was of the Heat’s blood and in terms of social ranks, they were equals. Killing her would be a social suicide for Temari.

“Do not kill him”, Temari said and Nanashi laughed.

“All your visits in Konoha have made you weak”, she said. “Have you forgotten who you are, princess? You are Temari of the Sand, for fucks’ sake, and Temari of the Sand does not let a puny Konohan assassin boy steal her heart!”

“You were in the war, you remember him”, Temari said.

“Yes, I do remember him”, Nanashi said. “But those times are over. He is an enemy, and no enemy shall go unpunished on my watch. You better forget him, Temari. And if you sneak one more time into his cell without my knowledge, I’ll monitor the chakra sensor so you can’t get inside.”

“Us not killing him means nothing in the war”, Temari said.

“Us not killing him means everything in the war”, Nanashi said. “If we show a message to the rest of the nations that assassins on our royalties goes unpunished, or are sent back as a nice present, it’ll be over with us. Konoha will treat us as rags. Killing Shikamaru will make the message ring clear. We are not to be messed with.”

“Nanashi – “

“Or would you like me to tell rest of the council that you are biased by an enemy assassin because you are in love with him?” Nanashi spat. “That ought to make the elders furious at you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I have nothing to lose, princess”, Nanashi said. “But you have. What a scandal it would be when Suna learns that you are prepared to betray us for _him_. And what a pity if that information would leak to our bordering nation.”

“I’m allowed to like whoever I want without having you council members breathing down my neck”, Temari said.

“You’ve got a social status to uphold, Temari”, Nanashi said.

“Shut up”, Temari hissed. “I’m going to kill you.”

“Even worse scandal, tsk.” Nanashi smiled. She was pushing Temari into a corner she couldn’t get out of and Nanashi enjoyed it.

Temari stormed out of her house and Nanashi huffed a short breath.

_Stupid, naïve princess in love._

She retreated to the sofa and began looking through some of her paper works and soon enough she flipped through Shikamaru’s ID-papers she was going to make a copy of before destroying the original. A smile spread on her lips when looking at his dull face on the little photo. She was going to make that face twist in pain.

Shikamaru heard footsteps by the end of the corridor and something inside him wished and ached for it to be Temari. But he was wrong and the second he saw the red brown bun and the stretched ears belonging to Nanashi he pushed himself into the corner of the cell.

He had had trouble sleeping because of the pain last night, and he was used to sleep on his back. Sleeping on his stomach felt out of place, but he couldn’t endure lying on his whipped back. He was hungry and miserable. Today the ache was on the duller side and not as stinging as yesterday, which allowed him to lean against the wall, so he could take naps in sitting position when needed.

“Happy birthday”, Nanashi said as he approached him. “I read your ID. Looks like today is your day.”

Shikamaru didn’t answer her.

“Usually people thank when getting a well-wish”, Nanashi said.

“I don’t see a thank as fitting”, Shikamaru said. “You don’t wish me well.”

“Hm”, Nanashi said. “Interesting point of view. We shinobi signed the deal of being treated – and to treat others – as we are nothing but expendable. We’re soldiers.” She crouched down so they were on the same eyelevel. “But you seemed to have failed your job as shinobi. You didn’t kill Temari. Why?”

“Nothing of your concern.”

“Want me to drag the truth out of you by force, little shadow?” Nanashi asked and Shikamaru winced. She smiled at her prisoner. “Have you heard of behaviourism? You just winced when I hinted at bringing you pain. At some point my prisoners start to wince when they hear footsteps, because they fear me. Some of them even pee themselves when I’m just coming to retrieve some papers. Because they all learn that whenever I’m around, they get hurt. It’s the best part of my job, for sure.”

She opened the door and true to what she just said, after just one session of whipping Shikamaru already feared her in a way he couldn’t control by willpower.

Nanashi dragged him out of the cell, but instead of binding him to the pole used for whipping she pressed him down in a chair and strapped his arms to the armrests. Shikamaru could only imagine based on the way his arms were strapped down that this was a chair for ripping out fingernails. His whole body was shaking out of fear.

“I talked to Temari”, Nanashi said. “And if I predict the future right, she will do everything she can to hinder you from getting executed, that weak little lass. So I will probably have to host you for some time. Which means, I have to give you a reminder that you are no longer who you think you are.”

Shikamaru looked her up in her dark eyes.

“What?”

“You belong to Suna now”, Nanashi said. “The shinobi you once were is slowly going to die.” She took his hand, caressing it. Shikamaru tried to shake her cool hand off him, with no avail. Nanashi drew the lithium cuff a bit higher on his arm, exposing the skin on his wrist. She stared at his veins and tendons, visible under the skin, like a dog staring at a piece of meat. She smiled at him.

“My older sister, Pakura, was very known for her Scorch Style”, Nanashi said. “When I was a lass, I was frustrated at not being able to perform a kekken genkai. So I trained like a madman at my own Fire Style jutsus, and they come in very handy at moments like this.”

She showed Shikamaru her palm and soon flames, blue out of heat, erupted from her skin in a pattern. Three thick lines.

“How did Konoha know it was Lady Temari who stole the Beast from you?”

Shikamaru didn’t answer.

And so she pressed the branding iron of a palm against his naked wrist and Shikamaru threw his head back in pain when the blue fire burned through layers of skin. He growled like a beast when Nanashi lifted her hand and examined the burns in his skin in the pattern she had branded him with.

“How did Konoha know it was Lady Temari? Answer me”, Nanashi said.

“Because she was visiting me”, Shikamaru hissed. “It was a guess.”

Nanashi opened a little bag and sprinkled red powder on top of his burned skin. She spat into the powder and smeared it into a paste right into the wound. He whimpered.

“How many Tailed Beasts does Konoha have?” Nanashi asked.

“Six”, Shikamaru answered without hesitation.

“And where is the Nine Tails jinchuuriki?”

“I don’t know”, Shikamaru said. Nanashi smiled at him.

“Are you sure?”

“I swear, no one knows where he is! He is not in Konoha anymore”, Shikamaru said.

“Don’t move”, Nanashi said and pressed her palm, yet again flaming, against his skin again.

He screamed when the branding fire burned through the final layer of skin and burned off his nerves. Shikamaru bit his teeth tightly when the pain stopped and turned into another ache when all sensing nerves got damaged. Now, as Nanashi had tattooed the red powder, the ink, into his wound, the branding was red as blood.

“Doesn’t look too bad”, she said, sounding proud of her craft. “What you now see on your wrist is our mark for criminals. Three red lines horizontally on the wrist. But there’s one detail missing. Let me fix that for you.”

“Don’t touch me…” Shikamaru whispered and did a weak try to move his arm, still firmly attached to the armrest.

“Where is that Uzumaki boy?” Nanashi asked and the flames reappeared.

“I don’t _know_!” Shikamaru cried.

“Fine”, Nanashi said and Shikamaru shut his eyes for the following session. Tears found their way through his firmly shut eyelids when Nanashi smeared a new paste into the new brand, which she had layered on top of the three lines.

When he finally opened his eyes again, the three lines were all crossed by one vertical thick black line, a new burn.

Nanashi followed his gaze down to his wrist.

“Three red lines for criminals”, Nanashi said. “One black line for prisoners on death row. Consider this a birthday present from me. Happy eighteenth birthday.”

The following time he heard footsteps he drew back in the cell, frightened and pained. The skin around his arm was swollen and the whole limb was throbbing warm pain up to his shoulder. Moving his fingers hurt.

It wasn’t Nanashi approaching him.

It was Temari.

And in her hands, she had a dry sponge cake.

“I’m so sorry”, Temari said as she tried to open the door, but the chakra monitor was already coded to not accept her chakra. She sat herself down on the floor on the other side of the bars and pushed the cake in between the bars. She placed a spoon beside it. “It’s for you.”

Shikamaru looked up at her and had to close his eyes again because his waterline was already sore and tender from hosting so many tears earlier and he couldn’t stand crying in front of Temari again.

“Leave”, he said. “I don’t want to see you.”

“You don’t command me.”

He turned his back against her.

“Wake me up when my execution is”, he said and – _fuck_ – his voice shattered at the word ‘execution’. Temari didn’t say anything, and patiently waited for the few minutes Shikamaru sulked. Finally, he sighed and turned himself towards her again. “Why are you still here?”

“Because… I made a mistake”, Temari said.

Anger and hurtfulness grabbed Shikamaru and he leaned forward.

“If you truly loved me, you would’ve let me go”, he said, voice burning of spite. “You would’ve told me you knew I tried to assassinate you and sent me away and we would not have seen each other before you kill me on the battlefield when our nations fight over Tailed Beasts.” He drew a sharp breath. “Go away now.”

“I was angry and confused. You know I couldn’t just let you go”, Temari said. “Eat. You’re going to starve otherwise.”

“You know what?” Shikamaru said. “I lied in a letter to my Hokage. I told her you don’t have Shukaku here. I told her that you are innocent, that we were wrong.”

Temari drew back a fraction, blinking in confusion.

“I lied to my Hokage for you”, Shikamaru said. “I figured that when I fail to kill you, she’ll send someone else to do the job. I tried to save you. I committed treason for you.” He twisted his arm so Temari could get a good look at the brand on his wrist. The red and black lines screamed of pain on the sore skin and Temari put her hand between the iron bars to gently touch his. He didn’t move it away from her. “So much for helping you.”

Silence.

Temari sighed and rubbed her forehead.

“Oh, Shikamaru…” Temari said. “Why didn’t you run away when you had the chance? Why didn’t you just leave?”

Shikamaru remained silent for a while. His fingers found each other in his nervous tic, and he stared down at the sponge cake. A birthday cake, he figured.

He looked tentatively up into her eyes.

“Because I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a different birthday party!
> 
> This is about the darkest we will go. Hang in there, Shikamaru and Temari.
> 
> I hope you all are safe out there, dear readers!


	8. As my old life dies

Ino looked over the sea of shinobi and kunoichi gathered around the graveyard. On the other side of the audience a temporary stage had been built and everyone waited for Tsunade to walk up to the stage, grab the microphone and begin the ceremony.

One year had passed since the Fourth Shinobi War.

October the 10th was a day of mourning, of remembering all the 1877 shinobi Konoha had lost in the war.

Two of the dead soldiers had been Yamanaka Inoichi and Nara Shikaku and Ino felt a calm sorrow twist around in her stomach. She felt for Sai’s hand and found his fingers, entwining them together.

He looked at her in surprise but said nothing. If anything, he beamed of happiness through the smile on his lips. It wasn’t too long since their first date and Sai liked to take things slow, when it came to learn how to deal with new things.

Ino leaned into him and he drew an arm around her shoulders, keeping her close to him. Oh, how Ino loved physical affection, to be hugged and caressed and as soon as Sai learned that he embraced that often.

But there was one person Ino would love to hug on this day of mourning, this day of remembering their fathers’ deaths.

Shikamaru.

She hadn’t heard anything from him since he left for Suna. That was over a month ago. He should’ve been home by now. He should’ve been home by last week already. Even if Ino had hinted to her older colleagues with better ties to the Hokage that maybe, possibly, eventually someone of them could ask Tsunade if there had been word from Suna, she had gotten nothing. No one uttered a word of Shikamaru, like he didn’t exist.

Had it been a suicide mission after all?

The ceremony began and Ino dwelled in agony, not only due the fact her dad had been ash for a year but because she slowly felt worry surge in her stomach. Shikamaru should have been here with her and Choji here by now! Why wasn’t he home yet? What if Temari, that cunning kunoichi, had busted him?

Ino cried, and she couldn’t place her fingers on why. For her father, for her mother living as a widow, for herself for being fatherless and for Shikamaru for missing the ceremony. And no matter how hard Sai had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, nothing seemed to fill the hole in her chest because she wanted time to turn backwards and Shikamaru to be here.

After the ceremony she found Choji.

“You haven’t heard anything from him either?” Ino tried to ask casually and failed at that. She knew obviously what the answer was going to be. Choji shook his head. “That’s weird.” No, it wasn’t weird. “He should’ve been here already.”

“Maybe there was just a great sandstorm and he’s stuck somewhere on the way home”, Choji said.

“Well, then he’s probably dead already”, Sai said and Ino stomped on his foot.

“Sai!” she growled. “No, it means he might still be on his way home!”

“But sandstorms are deadly”, Sai said. He was right. Shikamaru wasn’t used to sandstorms and the risk of him getting caught in one and not make it out did exist. It was slim – sure he would notice the signs and be cautious, but the risk was still there.

“I know”, Ino said. “But Shikamaru isn’t stupid. He will make it.”

“What if… it was Temari”, Choji mumbled.

Ino didn’t answer him.

Yoshino knew the second the jonin approached her with a grim look of sorrow and pity on his face and told her that she was summoned to the Hokage’s office.

She knew.

Her son was dead.

The look on Tsunade’s face was equally sorrowful when Yoshino walked into her office.

“Don’t say it”, Yoshino said.

“It appears Suna got him”, Tsunade said. “I’m sorry, Yoshino.”

If there had been a chair by Yoshino’s side, she’d sit down. Sit down and let all air leave her lungs in a scream of sheer agony of having her child robbed from her, but there was no chair. Instead she remained standing.

The room around her began spinning and tiny stars covered her field of vision. Her heart ached and stomach went cold in an instant and she put her hand up in search of something that would give her support to remain on two legs.

Anything but breaking down in the Hokage’s office.

“How do you know?” Yoshino asked, after she found the wall to support her.

Tsunade showed a little parchment ripped in a hurry, the Sunese parchment that smelled of sand and felt harsh against the hand, and a message scribbled down in ink. The ink was dangerously similar to dried blood.

_You can’t kill me, Konoha._

“Temari got him”, Tsunade stated.

“How could she?” Yoshino got out. “She – she…”

“She’s an enemy, Yoshino, remember”, Tsunade said. “Whatever foolish love there was between her and Shikamaru, it didn’t matter to her.”

“He might still be alive”, Yoshino said.

“All my intel of Temari tell me that she is the last person to leave someone alive”, Tsunade said, tiredly. “Yoshino, you understand that we can’t send more shinobi to Suna for a while now. Our undercover is blown, and the Sand knows now we’re onto them. If we send more assassins to that faraway place, few or no one will return. I hope you understand why we can’t go in search to retrieve his body.”

“Yes”, Yoshino said without any volume in her voice.

“I’ll however send a notion to all jonin and chunin to kill Temari of the Sand on sight, if someone manages to spot her somewhere”, Tsunade said. 

Yoshino nodded and walked out of Tsunade’s office before she had time to respond.

Yoshino walked home, legs shaky and tears streaming down her face, like she hadn’t already cried that same day when she mourned her husband.

Her family, dead.

Her husband and soulmate, turned to ash in a flash.

Her son, ambushed and murdered by the one he was in love with.

When she reached her empty house, she immediately walked into the kitchen. With great care she slowly reached up to the top shelf and found the strawberry tea Temari had left at their house when she visited them in the spring.

Yoshino opened the paper bag, smelled the lovely tea. Strawberries. It had tasted so good. She walked into the bathroom with the bag of tea and opened the toilet lid and flipped the bag upside down.

She watched every grain of tea fall into the toilet and when the paper bag was empty, she flushed the toilet. Every scent of strawberry drowned in water and was brought into the sewers.

And when all of the tea was gone, Yoshino broke down on the floor.

Ino’s mother found her later, on the bathroom floor, pale in the face, eyes bloodshot and a throat hoarse of screaming.

By that time Ino and Choji had also gotten the message from Tsunade. Team 10 was now officially broken.

Shikamaru saw Nanashi less and less. If she came by it was most likely to clean knives or drink coffee in peace. She rarely talked to Shikamaru, only glared at him. Sometimes she smirked at him or looked fondly as if she was to cook him for dinner.

But his days were filled with silence, except for the hours Temari sat on the other side of the iron bars. She never talked about his future with him, or about politics or anything. She would talk about trivial matters, about which scorpions are tasty and that time the greatest rainfall fell over Suna two years ago and they managed to savour water for a whole year from just seven hours of rain.

And Shikamaru would answer her and tell her the names of all the deer living in the Nara forest and which candy Choji always used to share with him when they were kids.

One day Temari had brought with her a shogi board, that she had commissioned a carpenter to design. Shogi as a game didn’t exist in Suna, so Temari had gone to the library to find the description of how a board should look like and given the description to the carpenter. 81 squares. The King, rook, bishop, the generals and knights, the lances and pawns. The carpenter had carefully made the board and painted the kanjis on top of each piece.

The result was beautiful, and Shikamaru had almost cried when she came down to the dungeons with the board.

“See it as a late gift from me”, she said as she pushed the board between the iron bars. Shikamaru hadn’t enjoyed life that much since he became a prisoner.

“Let me teach you how to play”, he said, and since then Temari used to play with him between seven and eight every night, when Nanashi was out of office.

But Temari couldn’t always sit with him. She had her own missions to take on and duties to fulfil, a social status to uphold and a Wind Squad to teach.

Shikamaru was sitting alone in the darkness, slowly going mad by the lack of mental stimuli. He yearned for the time to go faster, so Temari could come down and play shogi with him. He loved, loved, loved that hour, when she would look concentrated as she evaluated her next move.

She was so sweet when concentrating.

How many days had he been imprisoned? It had to be weeks by this point, but he had been a fool when he first arrived in the prison, somehow not believing he would spend too much time there, that this was all a mistake and Temari would let him run away. Because of that stupid, naïve belief, he hadn’t counted the days in the beginning.

It had to be… closer to thirty days now. Thirty days of pain in his back, hunger in his stomach and a red and black brand on his wrist.

“Wake up, assassin.”

Shikamaru opened his eyes and jerked backwards, to be as far from the iron bars as possible when Nanashi towered outside them.

“I don’t know what bewitching magic you have used on Temari, but that fool won’t stop finding loopholes in our laws to get you off the death row”, Nanashi spat.

“It’s called love”, Shikamaru said without hesitation and Nanashi kicked the iron with a bang, making him shrink even more into the corner.

“You keep quiet”, she hissed. “Temari is sided against me, thanks to you. This means you have to stay here for even longer. Usually I execute my prisoners within a week.” She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “And now Lord Gaara will send me to revision our other death camp out in the desert. That means the boys are here to look after you instead.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Shikamaru asked.

“Because I want you to know that even if you have Temari around your little finger, you are alone. You are all alone here in our cruel world, and one day, Temari won’t be here to defend you”, Nanashi said. “This prison here is my domain and I rule here. And I’ll make sure you’ll hang one day.”

With those words, she left and Shikamaru leaned back against the cold wall.

He didn’t see Nanashi after that. He rarely saw Temari either, even if she every day peered down in the dungeons. But they couldn’t play shogi as often as he liked, but for his own mental health’s sake, Temari left the board and pieces in the cell with him so he could play himself.

“I will have to leave for a while”, Temari said. “I’ll travel to Kiri, to look over the trade routes. We have to be cautious, in case Konoha is serious with threatening our trade.” She brought her hand through the bars and caressed his hand. “And Shikamaru… when I come back… I will ask you something. I want you to think of your life, of what you are ready to sacrifice to survive.”

Shikamaru looked at her, mind racing and heart beating faster.

“What… what do you mean?” he asked.

“I made Gaara send Nanashi away, so she won’t do anything stupid to you while I’m away”, Temari said. “You don’t have to fear being abused for as long as I’m not here.”

“What will you ask of me?” Shikamaru asked. “To betray Konoha for you?”

“Maybe”, Temari said and moved closer to the space between the bars. Shikamaru leaned forward and kissed her soft lips. How he missed being able to hug her, to lay in bed with her, to sit on a rooftop eating ice cream. She took a deep breath, as if to say something of importance, but held her tongue and rose from her knees. “See you when I come back. Hang in there. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It wasn’t too many days after both Temari and Nanashi had left when the men Nanashi called “the boys” started hanging out in the dungeon. They were Nanashi’s apprentices, two boys around the same age as Shikamaru.

Shikamaru never heard their names, so he just named them Stupid and Stupider. Both apprentices seemed to use the prison dungeon as a hideout to drink liquor in peace and they blatantly ignored Shikamaru while sitting by a table in the open area outside his cell. They would talk about girls they tried to flirt with, which bars were the best ones, but also sometimes about which battalion they would belong to if war would break out.

“ _When_ war breaks out! It’s only a matter of time now”, Stupider said. “I heard the Raikage flipped his shit over some argument with the Hokage and Mizukage. And now that the Tsuchikage died Iwa will –“

This peaked Shikamaru’s interest.

“Is the Tsuchikage dead?” he asked and Stupid and Stupider turned around to look at him.

“Oh, you haven’t heard?” Stupid snickered.

“No one has really offered international news to me, so no”, Shikamaru said.

“Not even Lady Temari?” Stupider asked. Shikamaru raised his eyebrows, giving Stupider a look of ‘what do you think, idiot?’.

Stupid came closer to Shikamaru’s cell, crouching down as if he was talking to a toddler.

“Yes, scum”, he said. “The Tsuchikage is dead. Old age brought the man down to his doom. Came apparently as a surprise, his heart just stopped. Didn’t come as a surprise to anyone else, though, the man was old as dirt!”

“What will Iwa do now?”

“What makes you think we’ll tell _you_ the state of the world?” Stupider laughed. “You’ll die within a month anyway – if Temari doesn’t adopt you, that is.”

“Whatever”, Shikamaru said. “I just thought you were less stupid that you look.”

Stupid and Stupider stared at him.

“Hey!” Stupid said. “We do not look stupid. It is you who look stupid. You – with hands bound in lithium, powerless and branded.”

“And with that stupid hair”, Stupider said. “I was in the war too. I remember that there were people looking like you there, with black hair in a ponytail. Like your father.”

“But unlike you”, Stupid said. “Your father didn’t seem like an idiot.”

“Shut up”, Shikamaru hissed.

“You have no right to look like your father”, Stupid said. “He was probably an honourable man. You, on the other hand, are not. Coming to our village, abusing our welcome to threaten us and to murder our princess. And now you are a bootlicker, begging Lady Temari to spear your life. You are disgusting.”

Stupid opened the cell door and Shikamaru raised his hands to protect his face from the incoming kick. While still being curled into a ball Stupid grabbed his arm and an electrical spark flushed from his hand into Shikamaru’s arm. Lightning Style.

“Ouch!” Shikamaru hissed at the pain.

“Follow me”, Stupid said.

Shikamaru was dragged out of the cell under the threat of having more painful electricity raging into his arm and was bound to the chair by the table.

He tried his best to uphold a face of boredom but grew soon enough worried when Stupider flashed a kunai in his face. Gaara had sent Nanashi away, but who knew what orders she had given to her trainees – if they were free to harm him in any way they pleased or not?

“I hate your stupid hair”, Stupider said and moved behind him and yanked his hairband out of the hair. “Let’s do something about it, eh?”

Stupid grabbed a strand of hair from right behind Shikamaru’s ear and sliced his kunai through it. He grabbed another one and continued sawing the kunai through the chunks of hair.

The kunai came dangerously close to Shikamaru’s scalp, sliced up the skin and left a trail of blood running down the side of his neck.

“You don’t deserve to look like this”, Stupider continued as he grabbed another fistful of hair and cut it with the kunai.

Strands of dark hair fell over Shikamaru’s shoulders and on his thighs as his head was tilted forward. He didn’t move. He just let Stupid and Stupider thread the kunai between his hair and thin it out more and more.

The kunai moved over to his forehead, when Stupider grabbed his chin and forced him to arch his head back. Stupid held up a thick chunk of hair, all of Shikamaru’s fringe hair, and Stupider sawed through it.

It made a rusty sound. Like the hairs didn’t want to get cut but were still removed.

_Snap, snap, snap._

Snap when the hairs finally broke. Stupider threw the chunks by Shikamaru’s sides.

And soon enough, Stupider had cut off all his hair.

Uneven, choppy strands of hair stuck out wherever Stupider had been careless. The rest was almost bald, only a centimetre or two of hair length had been speared. Shikamaru’s scalp was cut on different places where Stupider had been extra cruel. Trails of blood had dried along his neck and forehead.

“That looks better”, Stupider said.

Shikamaru said nothing.

“Are you mute, huh?” Stupid asked.

Shikamaru said nothing.

Stupid gave him a slap on his right cheek. He still said nothing.

“Apparently I cut off your ability to talk along with the ugly hair of yours”, Stupider said. “Serves you right, Konohan scum.”

When he had been pushed into his cell again and Stupid and Stupider had left the dungeon, reeking of alcohol, in search for girls to hit on, Shikamaru lifted his hands for the first time since his hair was shaved off.

He felt his sore scalp and the wisps of dark hair left in an uneven pattern. There was barely any hair left.

Not that Shikamaru ever much cared about his hair. Ever since a little child he had, partly because his parents encouraged it and partly because he wanted to imitate his father, let it grow out to the desired length. Ever since he was two and a half years old he had had long hair in a ponytail, just like dad.

And yes, it was a drag to brush it, it was a drag to wash it and let it dry, but it was a good excuse to just stand in the shower, half dreaming. Having long hair all together could be considered a drag.

But it had been _him._ It had been the Nara style, what connected him to his heritage and to his dad, and his father before him. Now that dad was dead, he wanted to keep the tradition going, to make him proud.

Shikamaru looked as the pitiful looking strands of dark hair laying on the floor outside his cell. Looked at what represented his past life laying torn in shreds.

At some point he began crying.

When Temari came back – who knows how many days later because Shikamaru simply stopped counting days after the hair cutting incident – she stopped by the door opening and just stared at him.

“Shikamaru…?” she whispered.

She kneeled slowly by the bars

“What – what has happened to you?”

“I don’t know their names”, Shikamaru said. “Nanashi’s trainees. They happened.”

Temari swallowed.

“I’ll be right back”, she said, and jerked up.

Not even ten minutes later Shikamaru heard whining from the staircase somewhere further along the tunnel in the dungeon. His interest peaked when he heard Temari growl at whoever it was whining by her side.

“Shut up, you filthy rag”, she roared as she came into the dungeon dragging Stupider with her.

To Shikamaru’s surprise he smiled whole-heartedly and spitefully at Stupider when their eyes met.

Temari had Stupider’s hair twirled in her hand. She had apparently dragged him by his hair all the way down to the dungeon.

With a _bang_ she smashed Stupider’s forehead against the iron bars and his forehead broke out in a waterfall of blood.

“Why did you do this to Shikamaru?” Temari asked.

“I – I”, Stupider tried to say.

“Speak up!” Temari interrupted him. “Why did you cut his hair off?”

“I… _hate_ his stupid hair”, Stupider hissed. “Stupid Konohan shadow hair –“

His explanation was cut short when Temari grabbed his arm with both hands and bent it, breaking it with an audible snap. Stupider howled in pain.

“Do you want me to break your other arm, too?” Temari asked. Stupider shook his head violently while gritting his teeth. “No one but Nanashi and Gaara has a right to do anything to him. You were _not_ entitled to take him out of his cell or to cut his scalp. You broke the trust our village had in you. From now on, you have no rights to step into our prison ever again, and if I catch you here again, I will kill you.”

“You have no right!” Stupider said.

“My words are the Kazekage’s words”, Temari said and forced Stupider’s hand against the chakra sensing handle, opening Shikamaru’s cell door. When the door had successfully opened, she threw Stupider to the other side of the room. “Now get out before I change my mind and kill you on the spot!”

Stupider stumbled out of the room. When the dust had settled Shikamaru chuckled weakly.

“That’s my cruellest kunoichi”, he said.

Temari walked into the cell and hugged Shikamaru. She pressed herself against his thin body so hard he almost couldn’t breathe. Luckily the scars on his back had healed almost perfectly now, so it didn’t hurt when she caressed his back.

“Oh, Shikamaru”, she said.

“It’s okay”, Shikamaru whispered. “You came back.”

“I will always come back to you”, Temari said. “Always have, always will.”

She had always come back. Even in the times of need, when Shikamaru was losing against Tayuya, when Shikamaru began working for the chunin exams, when Konoha was in disrupt after Pain’s attack, when Shikamaru was sent out in war – hell, even in his Infinite Tsukyomi dream she had come to him.

After the war, she had come to him one final time and bid her farewell by offering the closest of closeness to him.

Then he had come for her. He didn’t kill her. He hadn’t managed to do it. He loved her so much it hurt him, and she loved him back.

“Temari…” he murmured against her hair. She smelled so good he wanted her smell to linger on him forever. “You wanted to ask me something. Do you remember?”

He felt her heartbeat pick up and her grip around his scarred back tightened.

She pulled slightly back to look him right in his eyes. Her hands found themselves cupping his jaw and her big, big eyes glistened.

“Shikamaru”, she began and swallowed. “You didn’t kill me because you love me, right? And I have realised I love you. A lot. Like really a lot. I can – I can imagine a future with you. I don’t want you to die. And if – if I can save your life… there is a way I can save you…”

In times of darkness, one grows desperate. In burning love, one grows bold. In the wake of death, one turns mad.

Shikamaru looked at her, opened his mouth only to leave it open when Temari continued.

“Shikamaru, will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! Did you guess _Temari _would be the one to propose to Shikamaru on death row? And will her plan to save him work?__
> 
> _  
> _Let me know what you thought :)__  
> 


	9. Dreams of freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Explicit sexual content

_Take me as I am. Take me and hold me in your arms forever. Save me from fear and pain. Save me._

At some point Temari had gone to Nanashi’s dungeon office on a scavenge hunt for pillows and came back with everything she was able to remove from the sofa. The cushions, the headrest pillows, a blanket and more pillows.

She threw them on the floor of Shikamaru’s cell, and they arranged the pillows and cushions quickly into a makeshift bed. Temari hauled herself out of her armoured dress and kicked off her underwear, standing naked in front of Shikamaru, who slid his pants down.

Their lips met in a hungry, wet kiss and Shikamaru bent Temari down in the bed and began kissing her neck, down to her breasts.

_Take me as I am._

_Scarred, shaved and branded._

_A pale shadow of who I used to be._

_But I chose you. I chose to be scarred, to be shaved, to be branded. All for you._

_I am branded by your love._

If the sex they had before Shikamaru tried to kill Temari the first time had been amazing, then it was nothing compared to this. The hunger they had for each other was completely out of control and Shikamaru’s fingers were wet the second he inserted two of them into Temari. He was hard in no time.

His thumb fingered her clitoris and seeing Temari arch her back and moan as he massaged the clitoris from both the outside and from inside of her body made his heart beam a warmth he hadn’t felt in… how many weeks he had been a prisoner.

And soon enough, she separated her legs widely and Shikamaru rocked softly into her, no protection, nothing between his cock and her vagina.

Her fingers followed the scars on his back in the same steady rhythm as he pumped himself deeper and deeper into her. God, how he had missed her. How he had missed touch. All those times he had sat by himself, alone in the darkness, imagining being with her, fantasizing about which positions he’d like to try if he ever got the chance, were being payed.

He rubbed her nipples as he continued his momentum inside her.

“Temari”, he panted. “Oh, Tema –”

“Shikamaru, get off her”, a calm voice called out and, startled almost to death, Shikamaru pushed himself off Temari so hard he hit his tailbone on the stone floor beside the cushions. Temari jerked up from the bedding.

Gaara was standing outside the cell, in the dim light.

“Gaara”, Temari said as she lifted the blanket to cover Shikamaru’s body. She figured that he’d feel more uncomfortable by being naked in front of Gaara than she, so after she had gently given the blanket to him, she turned around to face her brother.

“One of our prison guards came running in the greatest turmoil I’ve seen through our village screaming that you have betrayed Suna and will let Shikamaru go free”, Gaara said. “Though I guessed the circumstances were similar to what I walked into.”

“Look what they did to him”, Temari hissed and gestured towards Shikamaru’s bald head.

“You broke his arm, Temari”, Gaara said calmly.

“He is an ass”, Temari said.

“Get out of the cell”, Gaara said. “And get dressed.”

He didn’t sound accusing at all. He sounded more like a tired brother, who has had too much on his plate of late.

“What do I have to do?” Temari asked.

“Defend your honour”, Gaara said. “That was a serious accusation that guard yelled around him in our streets. The council is upset.” He wrinkled his forehead a fraction, still looking at Temari with a calculated gaze. “We have to come up with a definite solution now.” He looked down at Shikamaru, still sitting on the floor wrapped up in the blanket. “We have to decide it as soon as possible. The council is sending word to Nanashi as we speak. When she arrives tomorrow, we’ll decide Shikamaru’s fate.”

A cold shiver ran down Shikamaru’s back. This was it. Tomorrow he’ll get the date when his life will end, forever.

“Okay”, Temari said, with a voice hinting that nothing in this moment was okay. She fiddled with her dress in her hands before throwing it over her head, causing the final ponytail of her hair to fall out of its position.

She looked around the floor to look for her underpants and when her eyes met Shikamaru’s, she grabbed his hand.

“I’m sorry”, she said. “Keep the blankets and pillows. I’ll be back soon.”

She kissed him apologetically on his forehead like the Sunese princess she was hadn’t been busted by the Kazekage having intercourse in a prison cell with a prisoner on death row.

When Temari and Gaara’s footsteps had reduced to silence, Shikamaru bent forward and vomited.

Temari knew she shouldn’t have been so violent to Nanashi’s trainee, but in the heat of the moment she had been so angry at him that her body had reacted before her senses.

So far, the fact that she had a relationship with Shikamaru and sneaked down to him in the prison dungeon, even after his failed assassination attempt, had been kept hidden by the council and the Kazekage family. But now that was out in the open. The prison guard, Stupider, or Ojiri as his real name was, had right after she chased him out of the prison dungeon ran around the village, howling how Temari is a traitor to their village and planned to set the Konohan assassin free.

Close to two months after Shikamaru’s arrestation, every single Sunese citizen knew his name and face and what he had tried to do. He was despised and when the goat herders from the pastures in the north of Wind Country came home to visit family and sell goat milk the first thing they would ask at the market square was: Is he dead yet?

The accusation that the princess of Suna would let him go free, without the blessing of the council, was serious.

“This was a rather unnecessary incident”, Gaara said.

“I know”, Temari muttered.

“I will write a press release about this issue tomorrow to calm things down”, Gaara said. “But before that, we need to have our trial.”

“Will Shikamaru be able to defend himself?” Temari asked.

“His words won’t mean a thing”, Gaara said. “It will be a meeting like any other. He won’t be present.”

“Then it’s not a just trial if he can’t defend himself”, Temari said.

“We decided upon that our last meeting regarding him”, Gaara sighed. “It’s the wishes of our council.”

“He didn’t kill me”, Temari said, oddly defensively. She could almost feel her voice tremble, as a desperate plea showered through her. “We will be able to turn him – _I_ will be able to turn him. He can become one of us. He will become one of us, he agreed upon that already.”

Gaara wrinkled his forehead.

“Agreed… upon what?”

“If his life will be spared, he’ll dedicate himself to our country”, Temari said. “He’ll abandon Konoha. And… he’ll become my husband.”

Gaara stopped.

“What?”

“We will marry”, Temari said.

“That sounds…” Gaara fell silent, weighing his words. Temari was prepared for the worst. “… like a quite clever plan, in fact.”

Temari became so startled at his approval she opened her mouth.

“You think so?”

“He is valuable”, Gaara said. “Temari, you have to understand that I don’t want to execute him. I want to use him; I’ve wanted to use him ever since that faithful day. It is my council who’s been rooting for his death, not me.”

“I want _him”_ , Temari sighed. “I was so mad when I found out he tried to assassinate me, but hell, he didn’t! He loves me, Gaara, he truly does.”

“And do you love him back?” Gaara asked gently. Temari took a few breaths to sort out her thoughts.

“Yes”, she finally said.

“Hm”, Gaara said, thinking. “We’ll try to save his life, Temari. Together.”

The following day, when the council had already gathered in the meeting room, they heard angry footsteps coming closer. The door flung up and Nanashi stormed inside in a yelling, furious mess.

“So finally we’ll decide which day the execution is”, she roared in the council room. “I’m tired of having to care for that puppy like he’s made of glass – “

“You branded him”, Temari cut her off.

“You attacked my trainee!” Nanashi spat. “You have completely lost your damn mind, Temari, along with my respect for you.”

“Watch your tongue”, Temari said with a freezing voice and Nanashi drew back a fraction.

“Is everyone present?” Gaara asked, ignoring the daggers being glared between his sister and Nanashi, and looked over the table. All centre members were present, Head of War, Torture, Trade, Education, History, Order and Coin. Besides the members of the central council, the jonin commander and the village elders were present.

None of which were particularly fond of neither Konoha nor Shikamaru.

Temari sat stiffly down in her chair, prepared to engage in verbal arguing with every single present person in the room. Every now and then the other meeting members threw looks at her, some of them curious, some of them disgusted.

Temari held her head high. This was, exactly like every other problem she had overcome, not going to break her. The only thing she could imagine would make her falter in the near future would be Shikamaru’s death. But he wasn’t going to die. She wasn’t going to let him die, she had decided that already.

Oh, she was so in love, so, so in love.

“Welcome”, Gaara said. “I’d like to thank you all for coming to out meeting. Let’s begin by – “

“My Lord Kazekage, we’re one member short”, Head of Trade said. “Lord Kankuro is not here.”

“Lord Kankuro is as we speak on a mission”, Gaara explained.

“How can he be sent on a mission when this is clearly today’s most important issue”, Nanashi muttered.

“There will always be a need for shinobi”, Gaara said calmly. “And we are always in need for missions. Don’t question my decisions, Head of Torture.”

Nanashi leaned back in her chair, scoffed and settled to glare at Temari instead. This would be a verbal battle between two headstrong, cruel women to remember.

Kankuro walked down the stairs to the dungeon. He hadn’t had much business in the prison dungeons before, other than delivering prisoners his puppets had captured once in a while, but a lot of time had passed since he had had a mission that involved taking someone hostage here in his own village. It had to be before the war sometime, maybe that time he caught that rapist.

Nanashi had the following day written an execution order and Gaara had signed it. The rapist was hanged not even one hour after that.

The lighting was dim, but enough for Kankuro to without trouble walk through the corridors. They didn’t have too many prisoners at this moment, around ten, each sitting behind bars for different reasons.

Four of them thieves, who all belonged to the same league, finally caught after years of terrorizing the civil population in Suna. They will by the end of the month be sent to the prison camp to mine ores after having their wrists branded.

Three of them unjust murderers, one of which will be sent to the same prison camp and two of which will be executed.

Two of them rapists and both will receive twenty-five whiplashes along with getting their ears cut off.

And one foreign assassin, doomed to die, for trying to poison the princess of Suna.

Shikamaru had built a small bed out of the pillows, cushions and blankets. Nanashi hadn’t taken them from him when she first came back, and that almost surprised Kankuro. When he came around the corner, Shikamaru flinched as if he expected to be brought pain, and he didn’t relax when Kankuro came closer.

“What are you doing here?” Shikamaru asked and he sounded scared.

Kankuro almost pitied him.

“They are having the trial now”, Kankuro said. “Too bad you are not allowed to be present. They’ll decide your fate.”

Shikamaru sighed and tilted his head down, avoiding Kankuro’s gaze. He felt vulnerable. Naked.

“Why aren’t you there?” he mumbled.

“Because Nanashi is there, and can’t keep track on who is here”, Kankuro said. “I made a promise to Temari.” He crouched down, face concerned, as if he didn’t really know what to say or how to say it. “How long has it been since you had a bath?”

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“Weeks”, he answered.

“Temari asked me a favour”, Kankuro said. “While Nanashi is occupied, I will bring you to the bathroom, so you can get a bath. See it as a nice gesture.”

Shikamaru couldn’t believe his ears.

“What?” he asked.

Kankuro seemed to have become flustered by his words and he readjusted his hood to gain more time.

“I’ve always thought you were a good guy”, Kankuro said. “But I always knew there was something rotten in your arrival here. Don’t take it personal, I knew you had orders and you, being a good shinobi and all, would follow them.”

He drew a tired breath.

“That was maybe why I got so angry when Temari delivered your sealed scroll just after you had behaved so weirdly”, Kankuro continued,

“You were outside the room the entire time?” Shikamaru asked. Kankuro nodded.

“We already suspected you were supposed to kill her”, Kankuro confirmed. “You don’t know how our Seal Division worked hard to crack the code to your summoning scroll in the little time we had, and it didn’t take me more than a few minutes to detect each poison you had.” He cleared his throat. “I became so furious because I had encouraged Temari to stay close to you. If you really had stabbed her with that viper venom, I don’t think I could’ve saved her.”

A sting of guilt ran through Shikamaru.

“I’ve had nightmares of it”, Kankuro said and surprised himself with his words. He looked away and cleared his throat once more. Shikamaru grew more relaxed and shifted his position to be angled towards Kankuro, instead of away from him in a try of trying to protect himself. Kankuro noticed the gentle body language. “I see her die in my dreams sometimes. I’ve seen you feed her poison and I’ve seen her vomit blood because of it. I’ve seen her fight for her breath after her lungs stopped working. I’ve blamed myself for carelessly letting you close to us.”

“You couldn’t have stopped her”, Shikamaru said. “She would’ve spent time with me no matter what you would’ve said.”

“I know that”, Kankuro said. “You can never tell Temari anything, she’ll never listen.”

Shikamaru chuckled quietly for himself at thinking about her.

“I am glad you didn’t follow through your mission”, Kankuro admitted. “You let your honour to Temari lead your way instead of your loyalty.” He was silent for a while. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome”, Shikamaru sighed. “You know, I didn’t want this mission. It wasn’t like I volunteered, my Hokage didn’t allow me to refuse the mission. But every time I tried… I just couldn’t.” More silence. “Apparently I’m a sap.”

Kankuro laughed.

“Everyone from Konoha can be considered a sap”, he said. “Come on.” He pressed his hand around the chakra sensitive handle and opened the door. “I will still use this, though”, he added and showed a chain. “But I won’t strangle you.”

Shikamaru allowed Kankuro to bring the chain over his head and neck. Kankuro tried to not stare at his shaved head and shifted his gaze downwards. When he looked down, he saw one of the whiplashes reaching up to Shikamaru’s neck, above the collar of the t-shirt he was wearing. The backside of Shikamaru’s right arm had also suffered a lash and his left wrist bore the brand of criminals on death row.

“Come now”, Kankuro said. “I checked the boiler; the water should be warm and nice. Temari gave me also a soap for you to use. She says it ‘smells nice’, so I guess she plans to lay with you pretty soon.”

Shikamaru wanted to slap himself out of embarrassment, but the longing to a warm bath won over the embarrassment, and the chain around his neck was loose. He made sure to walk close to Kankuro, to not make any sudden movements, to behave like the beaten dog he was. The bathroom was up on the second floor in the prison, and to get there they had to walk past rows of cells. The stench of rotting human flesh and of infected tissue was unbearable.

The bathroom, however, was clean and smelled fresh.

Kankuro filled the bathtub during silence and when it was full of hot, clear water Shikamaru threw an anxious look at Kankuro.

“I have to guard you”, Kankuro said, as a matter of fact.

“I can’t literally do anything”, Shikamaru said and twisted his arms to give attention to the lithium cuffs around his arms.

“Shikamaru, do you realise I put honour on play for your sake?” Kankuro huffed. “Because Temari asked me I’m here giving you a goddamn _bath_! I don’t care about seeing you naked, get in there, quickly.”

Shikamaru lowered his gaze, turned his ruined and scarred back towards Kankuro as he undressed himself and slid down the smooth surface of the tub’s rim into the warm water. He shuddered by the pleasure of being surrounded by something that felt comfortable and almost moaned.

“How long can I sit here?” he asked, without looking at Kankuro. He wanted to sit there forever forgetting his pain and discomfort, in the warm hug of the water.

“Don’t fall asleep, okay”, Kankuro said. “You have to be back in your cell before Nanashi come back here.”

Shikamaru nodded and sank a little further down in the water. It felt no nice he didn’t know how to respond to the feeling.

“Hm”, Kankuro said. “Here’s the soap.” He handed the soap to Shikamaru, who wordlessly laid it by the side of the bathtub. “No sleeping.”

“Not asleep”, Shikamaru mumbled, eyes closed.

Kankuro didn’t press him further, only leaned back and continued polishing razor-sharp blades.

Shikamaru leaned his head back and began dreaming away.

He imagines his family sitting on the porch, surrounded by deer. The sunrays are coming through the leaves in the most ethereal rays, lighting up their faces. Someone is coming. Asuma, Kurenai and Mirai. They are happy, they are together, they are all _alive_. Shikamaru hugs Asuma and Mirai climbs up in his arms and she’s already talking and is calling him Nii-san as if she really was his sister. Shikamaru looks up and sees Temari approaching him.

He lets Mirai go and walks up to Temari to kiss her softly.

“ _Look what we made”,_ Temari says and gives a little bundle to Shikamaru. He looks down and investigates the baby´s face.

“ _He’s beautiful”,_ he says and cradles the little baby in his arm.

Behind him his father comes, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“ _A grandchild”,_ Shikaku says, with glee in his voice. “ _I’m so happy for you, my son.”_ Shikaku looks up at Temari, smiling broadly. “ _Thank you for choosing my son. And for letting him choose you.”_

 _“Always”,_ Temari answers and caresses Shikamaru’s cheek. Her touch feels like heaven.

Shikamaru woke up when the water reached his nose and he coughed violently when he inhaled the water.

His sudden movements and noises made Kankuro jerk up from his chair, with one of the blades ready to strike.

“Don’t scare me like that”, Kankuro snarled when he realised what was up. “And I told you to not fall asleep.”

“Sorry”, Shikamaru said, embarrassed. He began lathering his body with the soap, bringing his hands over the scarred skin, over his almost bald scalp, over his branded wrist.

When he was finished Kankuro handed him a towel and Shikamaru dried his body before getting clean prison clothes.

It felt amazing to wear something that hadn’t dried dirt and sweat in the fabric. When he was back in the cell and felt something that wasn’t discomfort Kankuro opened his mouth and ruined the small moment of bliss.

“Soon they’ll come down”, he said. “Good luck, Shikamaru.”

He gave him a military salute before leaving Shikamaru, feeling more anxious than ever, alone.

Fear churned in Shikamaru’s stomach when Gaara came down to his cell. Maybe he hadn’t been so afraid if he had been alone, but when the space outside his cell became filled with people he realised what was going on.

Except Gaara there were the whole council. Nanashi and Kosan. All the other Heads of the village, and more people, who probably were generals within the army. There were a few elder men and women. The village elders, Shikamaru figured. He couldn’t see Temari anywhere.

“We have now debated whether or not you should remain here as an asset to be used in the best interest for the village”, Gaara said, “or if you should die. The debate was heated, and we weighed the different options with great care. However, in such times as these, it would put the village and our reputation in jeopardy if the news that assassins go unpunished here would spread. You tried to kill one of our royalties and one of our greatest kunoichi in a blood feud. A murder of revenge for standing by what is right in the world. We are aware you gave up your mission, but Suna as one of the Great Elemental Villages of this continent cannot let biased feelings towards you lead us in the dark.”

Shikamaru let his gaze fall but he could still feel the close to fifteen persons’ gazes burn him as they looked at him.

Gaara drew a deep breath and settled to look Shikamaru straight in his eyes.

“Nara Shikamaru of Konohagakure, I, Gaara of the Sand, Lord Kazekage of Sunagakure, sentence you to die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm sorry for the cliffhanger, okay, don't come after me with pitchforks!
> 
> But do yell at me in the comments :D Why would I write angst if I didn't enjoy being yelled at, haha!
> 
> (luckily we're just at chapter 9/twenty-something)
> 
> (and I'll upload the next chapter this week, so the wait won't be too long!)
> 
> Btw, this work is, as you know, the prequel to my original story in this canon divergent universe - _Branded by Love_ \- and that story was a contest entry in a Shikatema writing contest ("Tell me a story", hosted by @Loknnica), and I am happy to tell you that _Branded by Love_ **won** the contest! It made me so happy and more motivated to keep writing this story :)


	10. Doomed to die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to remind you that there are no major character deaths.

It was a nice day. The sun was shining and below the window a group of children were playing tag ball in a little opening between the houses.

There were fewer houses in the outskirts of Suna and the roads were wider.

A couple of shinobi came into the clearing between the buildings, chasing the kids away. They were carrying a lot of lumber with them, planks and boards made of wood. They dumped the wooden boards down in the opening and began building.

Shikamaru looked down the window, at the shinobi’s important task to build the gallows. The process went slow. They measured, sawed and hammered the planks together, building the foundation of the gallows.

A larger, sturdier wooden pole was brought in by two other shinobi and they secured it with spikes and metal planks. Another, horizontal pole was attached to the first pole, creating the gallows.

And finally, they came into the opening with a rope and without any rush they made a noose out of the rope, linking it to the horizontal pole.

The gallows were finished.

Shikamaru wanted to throw up.

“Here”, Nanashi said and put a plate of food in front of him. “Eat.”

She had brought him up from the dungeon to the top floor in the prison building. Shikamaru had no idea it had so many floors. He sat by a table by the window with Nanashi sitting opposite to him.

She was probably happy that he _finally_ was going to die but did a good job of concealing her smirks. His incoming death wasn’t something she celebrated in his face, but he was pretty certain she had a bottle of sake waiting for her after he had died.

He looked down on the plate. Rice, chicken and peas. It seemed to have been cooked with care and he ate it slowly. He was so nervous he barely got anything down. His hands were chained by the table, but the chain was long enough for him to get his hands up to his face so he could eat.

His stomach churned and he barely had time to bring up a hand to cover his lips before he threw up inside his mouth.

Nanashi let her eyes rest on him, a small smile creeping up her lips.

“Want a napkin?” she asked. “Or can you swallow it down again?”

Shikamaru forced himself to swallow the food again. He felt sick.

“It’s not unusual for prisoners to react like this the same day”, Nanashi said. “Some cry the whole day. Others try to beg for mercy and _god_ I wish to cut their tongues when they whine like babies. Others throw up. Others are happy they will finally die. But you. You are just quiet. You are a boring prisoner on death row.”

She leaned back, chuckled for herself.

“I can’t believe Temari sneaked down to you only to have sex”, she said, and Shikamaru glared at her. “That has never happened on my watch. I’m glad you won’t be my problem anymore.”

They both looked down at the finished gallows. A couple of bystanders had already gathered a little bit away from the gallows, waiting for the show to being.

“Are public executions popular here?” Shikamaru asked. That was the first he had said all day.

“Not all prisoners get a public execution”, Nanashi said. “I’ve got gallows down in my dungeon too for most executions. But you are a quite spectacular example of when we have public executions. And you are a Konohan, a foreigner, an assassin. Of course everyone want to take part of this show.”

Within a few minutes more and more audience gathered around the gallows and Shikamaru got the urge to throw up again. His stomach rejected the food he had just eaten and he bent forward and threw up again. Nanashi cleaned up his chin without questioning after he had finished vomiting. What a spectacular way of celebrating one’s last meal.

“It is time”, Nanashi said after a while of looking at him, like she wanted to memorize everything about his appearance. The pale, brittle skin after weeks in darkness. The shape of his skull after his hair was removed. The deep circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. She rose from her chair and removed the chain from the table, holding it in her hands instead.

There was no hood.

Shikamaru’s face was going to be exposed the whole time.

She yanked, this time gently, at the chain and Shikamaru followed her. He had no other choices but to follow her down the stairs, to the ground level. He heard the humming sound of hundreds of villagers and when he got out of the building, he was surprised by the amount of people outside.

He looked frantically around himself, trying to find loopholes in this nightmare, anything. His eyes met the prison guards that had shaven his head and one of them laughed at him while pointing a finger and the other one – he with an arm in a cast – spat at Shikamaru’s feet.

_This is the final moment of feeling,_ Shikamaru thought to himself, desperately trying to savour the feeling of sunrays on his body and when he took a breath all he could smell was sand, dirt and sweat, instead of the freshness of grass or humus.

He would never feel the soft fur of one of his deer, he would never eat his favourite barbeque, he would never get to kiss Temari again –

He must’ve slowed down his pace, as Nanashi yanked the chains to make him take a bigger step forward.

“If you think about running away, think again”, she whispered to him. “Take one step in the wrong direction and you will wish hanging was your way to go.”

Shikamaru swallowed, panic slowly taking over his entire system as the realisation dawned upon him.

He won’t be able to escape.

The audience yelled and shouted, and shinobi guards had to push them backwards, sometimes with just a simple push and sometimes with less gentle methods, to allow free passage to Nanashi and Shikamaru.

They walked slowly through the passage of villagers. Shikamaru spotted the other council members and stared down on his feet as he passed them.

Gaara stood by the gallows with a solemn face, just like always. Shikamaru caught a glimpse of Kankuro, standing a little bit away from the gallows. Temari was nowhere to be seen.

His heart broke.

He should understand why she didn’t want to be there. Who would want to see their lover hang to death? But it was… Temari. And she could probably handle it.

He wanted to _see_ her one final time.

Nanashi led him up the short stairs to the gallows and turned him towards the audience. Gaara was standing beside him, not looking at him.

Shikamaru was sweating. His heart was pumping hard. His throat felt dry and his mouth still tasted of vomit.

He looked up at the noose and quickly calculated the length of the rope. He was supposed to stand on a barrel, which probably Nanashi would kick away from under his feet so he’d hang from the noose, but the rope was relatively short, meaning the drop wouldn’t be too long.

Hanging works two ways. Long drop, where you fall a metre or two and break your neck when the noose tightens, or short drop, where you suffocate to death.

This was a short drop, Shikamaru figured.

_It’ll just last twenty seconds before I pass out. And then I’ll die and feel nothing._

“Get up”, Nanashi hissed and helped Shikamaru up on the barrel. He held his breath when Nanashi threaded the noose over his head and secured it around his neck.

“Nara Shikamaru of Konoha is found guilty for attempting murder by poison on Lady Temari of the Sand”, Gaara said into a microphone. “Therefore, he is sentenced to hang by the neck until dead.”

Gaara turned the microphone off and looked at Shikamaru.

“If you have any last words, now is your turn”, he said quietly. Shikamaru licked his lips, trying to gather the courage to say anything.

“Tell Temari that… I don’t regret letting her live and that I am sorry”, Shikamaru whispered. Nanashi snorted behind him, but he chose to keep his eye contact with Gaara steady.

“I will tell her that”, Gaara said and nodded towards Nanashi.

_Dad. Asuma. I’m coming._

_Goodbye._

Shikamaru closed his eyes at the same time as Nanashi kicked the barrel from under his feet.

Temari took a step into thin air and _jumped._

The child of a hurricane, the force of wind, twirled down from the rooftop she had been standing on, right down towards the gallows.

The pain around Shikamaru’s neck and throat was excruciating when the noose tightened suddenly way too hard.

Temari had her kunai ready and sliced through the noose. Shikamaru fell down into her arms, unable to keep his balance while coughing and wheezing as his airways opened again.

“Temari!”

Nanashi was furious. No one steals a prisoner from her, and in that moment all she saw was red. In this moment it didn’t matter that she was about to punish the princess of Suna, it didn’t matter that she got such an aggression going through her that she was ready to kill them both on the spot.

She lashed forward, and Temari, with Shikamaru hanging by her arm, was immediately put in disadvantage. Her right arm held Shikamaru, preventing her from using full signs and she lifted her left hand and bit her finger. Blood trailed down her finger as she smeared it against Shikamaru’s back. He was still coughing and trying to hold his throat with his hands as he tried to loosen the noose around his neck.

Temari used full force in her voice when she _screamed_ :

“Summoning juts – “

Nanashi answered quick like the first-class shinobi she was.

“Fire Style! Fire Wall!”

Flames erupted from her bare hands, forming a hostile wall, threatening them with third degree burns.

“Enough!”

A wall of sand rose between them and the vicious wind of Temari’s beginning summoning jutsu got cut off simultaneously as Nanashi’s fire wall met its dead end by the sand.

A tail of sand pushed Temari and Shikamaru backwards as well as Nanashi on the other side of the sand bank, creating more space between them.

“No fighting”, Gaara said.

“Lord Gaara!” Nanashi yelled. “Your sister has gone insane!”

Now Kankuro had ran up to the gallows.

“Everybody calm down!” he snarled and forcefully grabbed Nanashi by her shoulder to prevent her from lashing out on Shikamaru again.

“I will kill the assassin”, Nanashi spat. “Let me go, she is insane – Temari has gone _mad,_ mad of love.”

“Shut your mouth”, Temari said. She was still holding Shikamaru hard, as if he couldn’t stand on his own. He had gotten the noose loose enough to allow him to breathe properly, but he was so terrified he didn’t dare to look at Nanashi, only hid his face in Temari’s hair. “No one is killing him. He is not going to be executed.”

“What are you talking about?” Nanashi snarled. “He is sentenced to die, and I will over my dead body let a prisoner on death row free!” She drew a sharp breath, apparently confused by the unenthusiastic reaction from Gaara and Kankuro.

“He isn’t on death row”, Temari said. “Not anymore.”

“You are a traitor to our village!” Nanashi said. “He has to die – he is an assassin!”

Kankuro snatched the microphone with a chakra string, whipping it through the air to Temari. She grabbed it and brought it up to her mouth.

“He is my husband!” she bellowed in the microphone, through all the speakers arranged around the gallows.

The audience, which up to this point had been pretty loud, gasping and yelling because of the fight and the sudden release of wind and fire, fell into total silence.

Even Shikamaru stiffened at the announcement.

_“Shikamaru, will you marry me?”_ _Temari asked and kissed him softly on his dry lips. His heart almost stopped beating, his stomach sent him distorted signals and he wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or love._

_“Why are you…?” he whispered._

_“Because I can save you”, Temari said. “And I love you Shikamaru. It has taken me two years to realise I love you, and I can’t let you die, I – I can’t let you die. The council will never let you go free, they are going to sentence you to death, no matter what I say, what Gaara says. They all hate you – they hate Konoha.”_

_Shikamaru intertwined their fingers. He wasn’t sure when his tears had begun falling – because he was flabbergasted that Temari even suggested, even wanted to marry him – because he was so scared and hurt and in pain and those words were like music in his ears – because he loved her._

_“I love you Shikamaru”, Temari said. “The time we had together here was short, but damn, I want to keep spending time with you, to feel you, everything!”_

_“Temari…” Shikamaru closed his eyes and leaned forward, touching her forehead with his own. They remained like that for many seconds before he opened his mouth again. “Ever since… ever since you saved me that time… I’ve always hoped, dreamed and planned for this. I used to plan how I would ask you to be my girlfriend, though I never got the courage to do it – “_

_“You what?” Temari smiled up at him._

_“It’s true”, he mumbled, a red colour spreading over his face. “I love you, too, Temari.”_

_“So what do you say?”_

_He let out a sharp breath, releasing the tension in his mind, as he spoke:_

_“I do.”_

“No one lay a finger on him!” Temari roared and threw the microphone away.

“Are you suggesting a trial by battle?” Nanashi asked. “If you want to be his representative, then so be it. Show me your weasel and I’ll burn through him.”

“Nanashi”, Gaara said. “There will be no trial by battle.”

“She cut down him from the noose!” Nanashi spat.

Someone walked up the stairs to the gallows and they turned their heads towards the new person. It was Head of Trade, the gentle-looking woman with a headscarf.

“No fighting in our village”, she said. “No fighting between our generals.” She looked fondly at Temari and Shikamaru, who dared peek out to get a look at Head of Trade. “Why did you save Shikamaru, Temari?”

“Because we are idiots if we kill him”, Temari said. “He is more valuable than anyone in this village. He has the best intel of Konoha anyone ever could give us. He knows what source they used to capture all the Tailed Beasts. He knows the secrets of that nation. If, and when Konoha attacks, he should be one of our highest ranked war lords.”

“That is assuming he’ll abandon Konoha and pledge his loyalty to us”, Head of Trade said. “How do we know he won't lie to us?”

“Because his loyalty to our nation comes through the love he feels for me”, Temari said. “He can and will be an asset for our village.”

“And will Shikamaru betray Konoha for love?” Head of Trade asked.

“I’ll pledge my loyalty to you…” Shikamaru mumbled, so only Head of Trade, Temari, Gaara and Nanashi could hear him.

Head of Trade raised her eyebrows.

“Interesting”, she said. “Very interesting.”

“Do you now realise I will do anything to save him?” Temari said, voice trembling. “Do you now realise what he means to me – to us as a nation? Do you now realise that he didn’t murder me? Here I am, alive and well, because he _loves me_!”

The final line was yelled so loudly everyone in the audience could hear her. It was dead silent.

“He has already lied to his Hokage in our benefit. He has told her in a letter that we do not have One Tail. And if this is not enough for you to understand that he won’t harm me or our village, that he has already betrayed Konoha for my sake, then you have to kill me too”, Temari continued. “Because I love him. I love Shikamaru. So, I want you all to shut up and let me bring him to my home.”

Shikamaru was now standing secured on both his legs and Temari turned to him. Slowly, and without interference from anyone, she brought the noose over his head and threw it aside.

“Let’s go home”, she whispered to him and kissed him on his mouth.

“Temari…” he murmured. “Thank you. Thank you.”

“Lord Kazekage!” Nanashi hissed. “You can’t let this foolery continue. Don’t you see what is happening? She will betray us for a Konohan dog!”

“Konohan dog or not, this execution has turned into a rather spectacle”, Gaara said. “Nara Shikamaru’s life is to be discussed once more and this time – “ He looked straight at Nanashi. “ – this time he’ll be present with us.”

Temari squeezed Shikamaru’s hand.

During the hellish debate her and Shikamaru’s relationship had been held against her like a knife to her throat, all the time. The members of the council had accused both Temari and Gaara for being too biased by their personal relationships to the village of Konoha, and no matter what they had tried to say, no matter how rational their arguments were, the voting still remained in Shikamaru’s disfavour. The council still wished him to die.

The shock effect was Temari’s last resort.

And it looked like it worked.

“Come with me”, Temari said. “Come with me and forget everything that has been done to you. Come with me and reclaim happiness.”

Shikamaru smiled at her. He didn’t know how to feel, his head was exploding of all emotions, that had gone from pure terror to confusion back to fear and now burning affection.

“Temari”, he said. “I’ll go home with you.”

And so they walked, hand in hand, down the stairs from the gallows. The audience backed off, still in utter confusion, since they hadn’t heard the conversation in full. Temari and Shikamaru could still hear Nanashi growl something that Gaara hushed down, but they didn’t care.

They walked through the maze and villagers gathered on top of the walls in the maze, exactly like they had gathered to see Shikamaru’s walk of shame. This time there was no shouting, no yelling nor dog whistling.

It was dead silent.

They just watched, observed a tortured prisoner holding hands with one of the most powerful kunoichi of their village as they walked away from his execution and death.

Temari had saved Shikamaru.

And Shikamaru took his final decision.

For Temari’s sake – for his own survival’s sake – for the sake of love, he decided in that naked, open moment to abandon Konoha, to never return and to live his life with Temari here instead.

Because sometimes love is greater than loyalty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand he betrayed Konoha! 
> 
> (Fun fact, I love for example Robin Hood and PotC because I find hanging execution scenes so cool, especially when the person being hanged is saved. Ah, of course I had to write a hanging scene myself one day!)
> 
> Now this stirs things up a bit. **What do you think will happen next?**


	11. End of one family and the beginning of a new one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little longer chapter for you all!

Showering felt amazing. Getting new clothes felt amazing. Sitting in a soft bed felt amazing. Being hugged felt amazing.

Drowning in emotional relief helped Shikamaru pushing away the guilt tugging at him whenever he began thinking of home. Of Konoha.

He accepted that he would most likely never return to Konoha. Bitterness for the village for sending him to Suna to kill Temari was one of his main drives to accept his decision. Why would the Will of Fire want him to murder for the sake of revenge and only drive more kids into a future war into death and suffering?

On the other hand, the burning love he felt for Temari was the other drive. For years he yearned for her – he went to hell and back for her, and now all of it would be payed off.

He wondered what his mum was thinking and whenever her face flashed on his cornea guilt stung through him. Yoshino must believe he is dead and so must Ino and Choji. His team. His family. He had let them down and it stung in his heart.

But sometimes sacrifices had to be made for the future.

“Are you ready?” Temari asked him and stroked a hand gently over the end of one of the scars from the whip, the long scar that run up along his neck. Unless he was wearing a turtleneck shirt, the scar was visible.

She was holding a razor blade in her hand and carefully brought it over the uneven strands of hair that the prison guards had left on Shikamaru’s head. He had requested Temari to shave his head again, making it even, because even he, with low standards when it came to appearance, thought the haircut he had gotten was awful. Better to just get all of it off, so he could start growing it again.

“I was just… caught in my own headspace”, Shikamaru said. He did not say he was thinking of his mother. “You know, after spending two months alone you kind of go crazy.”

“Hey”, Temari said, fingers trailing again the healed scar. She returned to shaving his head. “I tried to spend as much time as I possible could with you.”

“I know”, Shikamaru said. “But there was still like twenty hours of loneliness every day, even if you tried to sit with me.”

“And you were sleeping twelve of those hours each day?” Temari asked.

“Maybe”, Shikamaru answered and Temari snickered behind him. She placed a kiss of the crown of his head, letting her lips linger there for a little while before pulling back.

The razor blade cropped off what little hair he had left on his head, until it all was even. His hair was now completely cropped.

“And now begins the tedious process of you growing it out again”, Temari said. “Or do you want to keep it short?”

“Nah”, Shikamaru said. “I’ll never cut it again before it’s below my shoulders.”

“Never?” Temari echoed.

“I just like it the way it was before”, Shikamaru said and shrugged his shoulders. “Troublesome to have long hair without it being up in a ponytail and troublesome having short hair and cut it every second month – no, my old hair was just fine like it was.”

Temari brought a hand up to rub his scalp, checking that she got it all even, before grabbing his shoulders to turn him towards her.

His brown, searching eyes met hers and he offered a sheepish smile to the woman he loved.

It still didn’t feel real. Being out of prison didn’t feel real, being _alive_ didn’t feel real. And being able to bring his hands over her and feel her didn’t feel real either.

“I bought you these clothes, I think they fit”, Temari said and showed him black pants and a black long sleeve. The clothes looked almost identical to how his old clothes had looked like. After he had gotten the death sentence, Nanashi had destroyed all his old belongings – his clothes among them. The only thing Nanashi had kept as a trophy was his forehead protector. Temari had gotten out in town to buy him clothes, so he didn’t have to walk around in the prison clothes.

The execution felt so long ago, even though it was barely two days ago. Those two days Shikamaru had spent in a house arrest in Temari’s house, and the first day he spent walking around on needles. His arms were still bound in lithium cuffs and he was guarded by Temari and her siblings, but he was free in the house.

To his everlasting relief, both Kankuro and Gaara were nice to him. They didn’t yell or accuse him of anything. They let him wander around the house as if he was a guest, even if he was a prisoner. They would talk and even occasionally joke with him.

They had accepted that their sister was going to marry Shikamaru, and they accepted her love for him.

Shikamaru took the clothes Temari offered him. He let the soft fabric slide over his skin and the shirt and pants fit him perfectly. The long sleeve almost covered the branded mark on his wrist.

“It is time”, Temari said and put out her hand for him to grasp. “Come with me.”

“It is time”, Ino’s mum said and reached out her hand for Yoshino to grab. “Come with me.”

Yoshino looked up from the mirror she was looking in. She was dressed all in black, her mourning suit, long sleeves covering her arms and black pants. For once she wore shoes instead of sandals, covering her toes.

Ino’s mum offered a smile, an empathic smile to her old friend when Yoshino took her hand and Ino’s mum pulled her gently out of the bedroom.

Yesterday Shikamaru had been officially announced as dead. Today they would have a memorial service to finalize the death of her son and Yoshino didn’t know how she could even bare the service.

She still lived in denial. Her son was not dead, he was just stuck and couldn’t get home. Everyone told her that she was foolish for insisting on dreaming about his return, because this shinobi life was cruel, and death was a natural part of it. This time bad luck struck twice in the same household and it was _normal._ Not too seldom entire families were wiped out in battle. Few shinobi died of old age.

It just happened to happen to the Nara family.

Of course everyone mourned too, because a legendary family and trio had gone to the grave. But Yoshino hated all the pitiful gazes and random townsfolk mentioning how sad it was that the Ino-Shika-Cho-trio as everyone knew it had died.

It was like the people she thought were her friends regarded the loss of a battle formation more important than the loss of her child.

The memorial service was a small one of private nature. Because there was no official burial involved all cultural traditions were cut off and what remained was a little shrine Ino and Choji had built in one of the halls meant for hosting this kind of event.

Yoshino didn’t know if her lungs were even capable of breathing when they stepped inside the memorial hall and she saw the beautiful shrine, all the candles placed around a framed picture of him.

Who knew breathing was so hard?

Shikamaru and Temari walked inside the ceremonial hall in one of the higher floors of the Kazekage’s building. The whole council and Gaara was waiting at them. Nanashi kept herself in the background, and Shikamaru was happy for that, because his heartrate increased and his skin began sweating when he saw her.

Temari’s grip of his sweaty hand tensed and the way they proceeded up to the council was strikingly similar to walk down the aisle at a wedding, though it wasn’t a wedding.

This was Shikamaru’s only chance at survival.

This was Shikamaru’s turn to pledge loyalty to Suna.

When they reached up to Gaara, who was standing in front of his council, Temari left Shikamaru’s hand and walked up to the side of the council. The whole Kazekage family was up front, looking at him. Their gazes weren’t judging. Their faces smiled down at him, as if to welcome him home.

“Nara Shikamaru of Konohagakure, do you wish to defect to Sunagakure?”

Shikamaru drew a deep breath. He knew this moment was coming. He had planned for this. Not that he ever, ever _wanted_ to abandon Konoha for Suna, not in his wildest dreams, but life happens and life is strange at times.

Life is also cruel sometimes.

Without Temari, he wouldn’t even have been sent to Suna, but at the same time, without Temari, he would’ve been dead.

“Yes, I wish to defect to Suna”, Shikamaru said. “I will pledge my loyalty to Sunagakure and in times of war fight on your side. I will share all intel of Konoha you ask of me.”

“The council has agreed to let you stay in our village and let you become one of us on one condition”, Gaara said. “You are in debt to Suna. You tried to rob a life from us, and no matter what my sister feels for you and what you feel for her, you have to pay a price for keeping your life.” He took a deep breath. “The council has decided that you marry Temari of the Sand as part of the deal. And …”

Gaara was now avoiding Temari’s searching eyes.

“Your firstborn child will become our next jinchuuriki.”

Temari gasped slightly.

“What?”

“If you do not accept the deal, Shikamaru will face the gallows again”, Gaara finished. “The council has spoken, and this deal is final. Do you two accept the conditions upon which Shikamaru may survive to live another day?”

Shikamaru looked at Temari and in that second he saw all her past trauma from having to grow up with a demon in the household flash in her eyes. Even Kankuro seemed troubled by the news to have a jinchuuriki _again_ in the family.

“I will get the love of my life but lose my future child to a demon”, Temari said while staring at her brother. She looked up at the elder members, who she _knew_ were behind the idea. “How dare you? How dare you force us to go through the same pain again?”

“The child’s life will be payment for Shikamaru’s”, Kosan, Head of War, said. “A life for a life. The math is simple. And besides, Shukaku will soon be in need of a jinchuuriki, and your child would most likely be a perfect match.”

“I can’t make my future baby suffer!” Temari yelled.

“Temari, it doesn’t have to be that way”, Gaara said. “Being a jinchuuriki doesn’t have to mean suffering. Not if we help the child along the way, from the start.” He was now looking rather pleadingly at her, begging her to not make a scene out of the situation. It was very obvious that he didn’t wish for this to happen. “This is the only way we, as a council, agrees to let Shikamaru live. Do you agree upon the deal?”

Temari held Shikamaru’s hand hard in her own. They hadn’t known about the conditions, that they would have to dedicate their firstborn child to being a jinchuuriki – hell, they hadn’t even talked about children at all. They had talked about becoming married and sure they knew children usually began appearing at some point, but this came pretty fast.

“It is up to you”, Shikamaru said to Temari. “If – if you choose to not let your future family be defiled by a demon, I won’t judge you. And if you still want me…” His voiced faltered, but the grip around Temari’s hand strengthened. Fuck, why does this feel so hard?

“If you still want me even when you know it is not going to be easy – “ Shikamaru’s head was spinning when the thought entered him – he was expected to be a father, and to a jinchuuriki of all things. His survival depended on their answer. “ – then I will do everything in my power to make that life easier, for you.”

His life was from this point on not going to be easy. There were not going to be any lazy days of summer when he can just lie on his back watching the clouds, only to play shogi to kill some time later on.

He was going to face hardship and suspicion everywhere he went – going back to Konoha was no option anymore. Staying here and become a citizen of Suna was his future, his future with Temari.

And if that future required a child with special needs, then so be it. He had made his choice. He was ready to face the scary, unknown future together with Temari as husband and wife and as a parent, and now he waited for Temari to come with her answer.

“I won’t let you die”, Temari said. “We’ll make it. Whatever gets thrown at us – we’ll make it together. And whatever baby we get, someday in the future – we’ll overcome all hardships.”

She drew a deep breath.

“I agree upon the deal.”

Shikamaru kneeled in front of Gaara, making himself as vulnerable as possible. He looked up at the Kazekage.

“I agree upon the deal”, Shikamaru repeated after her. “I pledge my loyalty to the Kazekage and Suna, and if Suna’s wish is me to father a jinchuuriki, then I will do it.”

_Funny how you couldn’t follow the order of Konoha, and now you pledge loyalty to Suna with an equally heavy emotional mission._

_You are such a hypocrite. A hypocrite and a traitor._

“I am glad to hear that”, Gaara said.

Shikamaru knew him pledging loyalty to Suna would involve some kind of ritual, so he wasn’t surprised when the kunai was handed to him. What would another scar on his body matter anyway?

He sliced up the side of his hand and tightened his hand into a fist, making blood drip in a fast pace out of the wound. A mortar, containing a brown sticky paste was placed under his hand and collected the blood. When enough drops had fallen into the mortar, Gaara brought it up to himself and mixed the bloop together with the brown paste.

Wordlessly Gaara dipped his finger in the mix of blood and whatever that brown stuff was made off. He explained how the brown paste was made from roots of the only species of trees growing in Wind Country, a small species of trees growing by the mountain sides around the village, and how those trees represent the Sunese, their people.

Weathered by harsh wind, holding on to nothing but scarce rock and dry soil, the trees still fight to see another day. The small trees were said to live hundreds of years but remained tiny because of the few raindrops they received. That was why cutting the small trees was punished by whiplashes.

And yet, they had cut down a twig from one of the trees to make the paste for Shikamaru.

Gaara moved his finger closer to Shikamaru’s forehead and drew a symbol.

The symbol of Suna, their crest.

The paste dried fast on Shikamaru’s forehead and Gaara took a few steps back.

“Nara Shikamaru has died”, he declared. “Rise now as Shikamaru of the Sand.”

There was a single candle unlit on the shrine as Yoshino walked up to it. She heard the awful cries of Choji as his mother buried him in a warm hug, as well as Ino’s less audible cry. It was the kind of silent, angry tears staining the cheeks.

“Rest well, my boy”, Yoshino whispered as she lit the final candle. “I hope they have buried you. Or burned you to ash. I hope they treated your body with respect, that you aren’t… rotting out there somewhere…”

Yoshino began hiccupping. Ino’s mother held an arm around her shoulder.

“Why did this happen to him?” she whispered.

“I don’t know”, Ino’s mum said. “Sometimes bad things happen to good people.”

“I just – I just”, Yoshino whispered. “Why him? Why Shikamaru?”

No one had an answer.

“Why did Shikamaru have to die?”

Shikamaru rose from his kneeling position, taller than Gaara at this point. Gaara gestured him to bring up his arms, and Shikamaru obeyed.

Gaara placed a hand over one of the lithium cuffs and the small chakra monitor on them recognised the correct chakra and opened. Having chakra forced out of the hand was painful enough and Shikamaru didn’t really believe it would also ache when chakra returned to the hand.

Like bending a sore and unused joint his hand ached when chakra flowed through it again and shortly after his other hand was released from the lithium.

“This incoming year will be a year of trial for you”, Gaara said. “You may keep your powers and jutsus and walk as a free man in our village. You may apply for work here and live your life just like any of our people would. But to keep you from betraying our fragile trust in you, there are certain rules.

You are not allowed to go out during the nights, you have a curfew to follow. No exceptions. You are not allowed to send any letters of any kind to Konoha, or to have any kind of contact with them. You are not allowed to walk freely outside our village without Temari, or someone else watching over you.”

Shikamaru nodded. He knew these restrictions were coming, and to be honest, if he was a Kage of a village, he would do the same.

“It is now up upmost importance that your whereabouts remain hidden and secret”, Gaara said. “We cannot let Konoha know we have the certain intel you can provide us. You being a secret will be a great advantage in the future.”

Shikamaru nodded.

“We have sent a message to Konoha, telling them you are dead”, Gaara continued. “In Konoha’s eyes, you are dead.”

_Oh god, how will mum manage?_ Shikamaru felt Temari run a finger along his back, as if to comfort him.

“Is your decision final?” Gaara asked. “I will ask you again, one final time, Shikamaru, will you dedicate your loyalty to us?”

“Yes”, Shikamaru said.

“Then there’s one last thing to do.”

With Gaara leading the way, Shikamaru and Temari made their way after him. The rest of the council followed like ghouls watching their every step, and the only one talking was Kankuro, trying to lighten the mood a bit. They walked down from the highest floor in the Kazekage’s building to the lower floors, where there were workshops.

In the other end of this particular workshop, a furnace was lit, fire burning and crackling. A blacksmith was standing next to it.

“Welcome”, the smith said.

“Hi”, Shikamaru said, though he guessed the welcome was pointed at the Kazekage and not at him.

“The final step before your defection is complete”, Gaara said and in his hands, he had Shikamaru’s forehead protector. The smooth metal with the Leaf symbol carved into it was shining. “You know what to do.”

The smith handed a sharpened kunai to Shikamaru and the whole council, Temari and her brothers, everyone looked at him with anticipation in their eyes. Shikamaru struggled with getting a good grip around the kunai while he held his forehead protector in his other hand. He looked at the Konoha symbol as guilt stung through his body and he remembered looking at Akatsukis and other missing-nins with slashes over their home village’s symbols on their forehead protectors with disgust.

He had once despised ninjas abandoning their villages. He had believed in the Will of Fire so hard, wanting to protect the following generation with all his might, but what did it matter when the Will of Fire wanted him to throw the first stone in an incoming war, where more children and teenagers will die?

Shikamaru chuckled, a desperate, pathetic chuckle because of the absurdity of the situation.

Then he pressed the kunai against the metal and ran a deep cut along the Leaf, slicing it in half.

His hands began shaking when he looked at the tangible proof of what he had done. He had cut the metal right through the Leaf symbol.

The smith took the ruined forehead protector from him and removed the fabric from the metal. He put the metal plate into the burning hot furnace, where blue flames had warmed up the cast in which the metal plate was put in.

It did not take long before the forehead protector turned into an orange colour as the metal melted and within fifteen minutes the Leaf symbol has disintegrated into liquid.

The smith turned the cast and poured the liquid metal into another cast, shaped as a forehead protector plate, where the metal cooled quickly.

The rest of the council walked out of the workshop, having seen enough of the show, because they had gotten what they wanted. They had agreed to let Shikamaru live and stay, and they had gotten the promise that the firstborn child of Temari and him was going to turn into the vessel of the demon tanuki.

Shikamaru stayed. For the whole process it took for the liquid metal of his old forehead protector to cool and for the smith to work with the new metal plate, slowly forming into a completely new forehead protector, only that when the plate was smooth and shiny, he carved a new symbol into the metal.

The Suna crest.

The smith punched metal spikes through black fabric and secured the metal plate to the headband. Shikamaru’s new forehead protector was finished.

“There you go”, the smith said and handed him the forehead protector.

“Put it on”, Temari said, smiling. Shikamaru lifted the headband up to his forehead and tied it in the back. He never wore his forehead protector around his head, but for this moment he could do it.

Temari giggled a bit at the sight. She rose on her toes and kissed Shikamaru.

“It suits you, Shikamaru of the Sand.”

Yoshino finally rose from her knees. She had been sitting by the shrine, slowly watching the candles burning down and die out.

Her son was dead. So they all said. “The grandchild you wished and dreamed for will never be born”, they’d say and send her looks of pity.

The main family of the Nara clan had gone into the grave.

But somewhere deep inside her, she wished, wanted – knew – that Shikamaru's story was not over yet.

Integrating into Suna’s society was not an easy process. Shikamaru had new ID-documents, a new forehead protector, even a new name, but the fellow citizens saw nothing but a traitor in him. Nothing but an assassin dog, who should’ve faced his death back in November.

Shikamaru was happy for Temari’s family, who did the emotional and personal process easier. They made some rearrangements in the house the siblings lived in after Shikamaru moved in. Kankuro, who had lived on the same floor as Temari, moved one floor down, to the ground level instead. The house had four floors, this was a house for the rich after all, so there was more than enough space for all of them.

“Shikamaru and I get the middle floor with the biggest kitchen”, Temari demanded. “And you move down. Your bedroom is bigger, so we get yours.”

“Hey!” Kankuro said. “I have lived in that bedroom my entire life!”

“But you are now an adult, so get your ass in there and pack up your stuff”, Temari said. “Plus, you have now a shorter walk to the workshop from the lower floor. Besides, the council expects us to have a family someday so we can at least live in an apartment that looks child friendly.”

“You are hopeless”, Kankuro said. “What if Shikamaru wants to live on the ground level? Shouldn’t you ask him?”

Shikamaru winced at the metaphorical ball being thrown at him. He scratched his head, smiling sheepishly to the three siblings looking at him.

“Well, uh, I mean…” he began. He knew Temari was on his side, so whatever he said, Temari would force her brothers to agree on. “I like the middle apartment.”

Temari grinned to Kankuro, who forced his hands down his pockets.

“Fine, fine!” he muttered. “You can get my room, whatever.”

“Can I still have my old bedroom?” Gaara asked. He lived in the top floor, and had his own kitchen and bathroom, the apartment that used to be Yashamaru’s when he still lived with the family all those years ago.

Temari began laughing at the innocence in his voice. Some time before this he had been announcing death sentences and heavy solutions to a difficult problem, accepting a deal where he one day would have a jinchuuriki as niece or nephew, but he was still Temari’s little brother.

“You can keep your room”, she said and pulled Gaara into a hug. He tensed at the surprising closeness but eased into the embrace and returned it. “Thank you, Gaara. Thank you for taking my part in the fight. Thank you for letting Shikamaru live.”

“Hey, I did my part too”, Kankuro complained loudly.

“You handed me to Nanashi”, Shikamaru complained back.

“I gave you a bath”, Kankuro replied quickly. “It was my job. But, hey, a lot of stuff has changed since then, firstly, you are not dead, secondly you are now one of us and thirdly, my sister likes you quite much.”

“Quite much?” Temari echoed. “Tsk. Kankuro, move downstairs now.”

Kankuro did not move out of his old room without loudly complaining, and a week later Temari and Shikamaru had furnished what had been Kankuro’s old bedroom into their new bedroom. They even bought a new wider bed, which Shikamaru enjoyed. It was so soft he fell asleep the second he laid down on it.

Temari’s old room became more of a storage, remaining empty for most of the parts. Temari used to sometimes go into it, just looking at the space filled with boxes that Kankuro had brought up from the lower floor. Like that one day one month into Shikamaru’s new life.

She felt two hands surrounding her waist and Shikamaru leaned against her, lips finding their way between her pigtails.

“Are you okay?” he murmured gently into her neck before placing a kiss on her cheek.

“I was just thinking about the future”, Temari said and Shikamaru’s gentle hug tensed slightly. “Spies from north has heard whispers that I’m targeted as kill on sight in Konoha. I expected it, but Gaara has decided to cut off all missions off me that would drive me north-east.”

“I heard so, too”, Shikamaru said. “Gaara told me a few days ago. At work.”

Shikamaru’s new job in Suna was documenting all information he had on Konoha and their shinobi, completing Suna’s bingo book on interesting individuals and shinobi from Konoha and other regions Shikamaru was more familiar with. He had his own desk and everything at Suna’s Intel Department. Funny how his wish to get an office came true, but not in the way he had ever expected.

“The baby”, Temari suddenly blurted out. “When should we plan for one?”

“The council didn’t give us a deadline”, Shikamaru said. “We shouldn’t rush it. I mean, we’re just getting married this weekend. And when it feels right, for both us, then we can try for one. When we are ready to bear the responsibility.”

It wasn’t too much to plan, to be honest. He didn’t have two friends and their families to time the baby’s arrival with anymore, now that he had deserted Konoha. Ino-Shika-Cho had gone to the grave, and Shikamaru tried his best to not think of Ino and Choji.

He also didn’t say that he was scared of the idea of caring for a baby – his own child. He was scared at the thought of having to live through whatever rampage Shukaku could cause inside that child, yet somewhere deep inside him he felt the surge for a family.

Shikamaru was a family orientated man. He had grown up in the normal nuclear family and had always the expectation to get a child himself one day – the next generation of Ino-Shika-Cho.

He _wanted_ a child someday.

“I won’t let them make the baby a jinchuuriki while inside me”, Temari said, looking over the empty room. Both of them knew this would be the child’s room one day. “I want the child to know what it means to live without having a demon inside. I will push the sealing so far I possible can get it.”

“Sounds good”, Shikamaru said. “But we can always think of the bright side, we’ve got an expert in the family. I’m sure Gaara will be of huge help one day, when we have a jinchuuriki child.”

The wedding had, all in all, five guests. The marriage officiant, Gaara, Kankuro and two family friends. But somehow, it didn’t really matter. It didn’t matter that this wasn’t the party of a lifetime. It was small. Serene.

Just the two of them and a younger brother who smudged out his face paint when he tried to hide that he cried, and another younger brother who smiled shyly and the two family friends who gave Shikamaru a supportive clap on the back.

And maybe – just maybe – in that moment when he held Temari’s hand and got to kiss her lips and call himself officially a husband and get to have the same last name (which he got before the marriage was legalised, but he chose to ignore that part), everything was going to be okay.

Ino and Choji will be able to survive without him, they had each other. He chose to not think about his mum. He chose to redirect his mind and think of the future instead. Because he had to, there was no other option.

“You are mine and I am yours”, Temari vowed to him in front of the marriage officiant.

“I am yours and you are mine”, Shikamaru replied.

“May your marriage be Strong as a Storm”, the officiant said and somewhere in the small audience, Kankuro snivelled loudly out of joy.

Temari woke up one night in the middle of February and couldn’t get back to sleep. Shikamaru was fast asleep and had one arm draped over her chest and it ached of tenderness. She pushed his arm away from her breasts and lightly felt them. It hurt when gently squeezing them.

Annoyed she fought to find a comfortable position, but the breasts hurt in almost every position.

“I couldn’t sleep”, Temari muttered to Shikamaru when he woke up and sought her out in the living room. She was sitting in the sofa, reading a magazine. “My breasts hurt. Must be because my period is coming soon.”

“Don’t you just have cramps before your period?” Shikamaru was a quick learner when it came to Temari's mood swings.

“Sometimes the breasts can hurt too”, Temari said. “It’s normal.”

Shikamaru shrugged, not wanting to contradict her woman-stuff, since he didn’t know those kinds of stuff better.

“Do you want coffee?”

“Of course”, Temari snapped, tired and pissed off at her aching breasts.

Shikamaru prepared the coffee and, because he was a gentleman and a cute sap, offered her the cup. The second the cup came close to her and the _smell_ of the coffee reached her nose she got the urge to throw up.

“Oh god, get it away!” she snarled and Shikamaru drew his hand back, almost spilling the coffee. “That smell!”

“What?” Shikamaru was now very confused.

“The coffee has to be old”, Temari said. “It smells so strong, oh, I’m getting nauseous.”

Shikamaru brought the cup up to his nose and sniffed.

“It smells normal to me”, he said.

Temari tried to fight the urge to throw up while taking a few sips, but in the end she had to run to the bathroom and vomit in the toilet. Shikamaru patted her back and helped her clean up after.

“Are you getting sick?” he asked.

“Must be”, Temari said, but deep inside she knew.

_Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. It’s too early, I am not ready yet!_

She fought the aching breasts and the morning sickness for a few more days in denial. Luckily, she didn’t vomit too much, but to her sorrow that was only because she cut off coffee from her diet completely. Like someone pressed a button every time she even smelled coffee, she got sick. All coffee beans were moved to the kitchen in Gaara’s floor instead, because just looking at the coffee beans made Temari nauseous.

Her stomach began aching and a little light of hope shone through. Her period was arriving! Then the aching in her breasts would cease and this weird nausea would maybe disappear too.

Her period never came.

_Not yet, I am not ready yet._

“Temari”, Shikamaru said one morning when Temari was still laying in bed, feeling ill and having pain in her abdomen, because of reasons she didn’t dare to say out loud. She almost never laid in bed just for the sake of it, always rising the second she opens her eyes, and that was enough to raise suspicion. “Temari, sweetheart. How are you?”

“Shit”, Temari muttered.

He was quiet for a little while, stroking her hair.

“Temari”, he said again. “Are you pregnant?”

To Temari’s utter surprise she burst out in tears and clutched the bedcovers to hide her face.

“Yes”, she cried.

Shikamaru held her tight.

“Why are you crying?” he asked after a long silence.

“Because it’s too early!” she sobbed. “I don’t want this child yet!”

He remained quiet until Temari’s cries ceased and she was just hiccupping slightly against him.

“Everything will be alright”, he said. “We’ll make things fine, trust me.”

“How can you be so sure?” Temari asked. “It’s not you having a human growing inside you.”

Shikamaru held her even tighter.

“I won’t let anything harm you”, he said. “You are the love of my life, Temari, and you carry our baby, and I won’t let anything harm you. Aren't you happy?”

She let out a huff of amusement through her nose at his securing words and remained nestled next to him.

"Yes", she said after a while. "I am happy. Just overwhelmed. And I miss coffee."

Shikamaru laughed.

"Of course you do", he said and gently poked her nose, earning a laughter from the one he loves the most.

Shikamaru seemed calm on the outside, but on the inside a thousand thoughts were running inside his head.

He was going to be a father.

He and Temari expected a _child,_ a baby _._

The next jinchuuriki of Suna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it ~~jinchuuriki~~ Shikadai incoming? *rub hands together*  
> The next chapters will be more fluffy, Shikamaru and Temari need some fluff now!
> 
> But I can tell you... It will take years before Yoshino, Ino and Choji find out Shikamaru is alive. Imagine the emotional shock.
> 
> I figured I'd write a short timeline here, in case anyone is confused:
> 
> Beginning of September: Shikamaru arrives in Suna  
> 21st of September: Shikamaru gets caught.  
> 10th of October Konoha gets to know Shikamaru failed his mission.  
> By the end of November Shikamaru's execution takes place, as well as he is officially declared dead in Konoha.  
> Sometimes in December Shikamaru and Temari get married.  
> In February they know they are expecting a baby.


	12. Shikadai

“You – you are what?” Kankuro yelled through the living room when Temari had calmly told him the news, that he was going to be an uncle. Gaara lit up at the news but remained tranquil in the sofa. His older brother did not remain calm. “Already?”

“It wasn’t planned to happen this fast”, Temari said and her hands rubbed unconsciously her belly. “I don’t know if I regret not doing too much to hinder this to happen…” She looked up at Shikamaru, and he smiled back to her. That smile made herself feel more secure. “But it is our baby and whatever happens, we will still love whatever little fellow it will be.”

“When will it come?” Gaara asked, gaze steady at Temari’s belly, even though there was barely anything out of the ordinary to be seen.

“We figured it will be late September”, Shikamaru said.

The coincidence was eerie. Pretty much one year after Shikamaru became a prisoner with death sentence his child was expected to be born.

Temari had been right. It happened really fast, sooner than any of them had expected. They had been somewhat careful with the timing when they had had sex, but a baby was still conceived.

But no matter what, this was good news, happy news.

They were going to have a baby!

“What a coincidence”, Gaara said. “The timing, I mean.”

“Well, I’ve got work to do”, Kankuro said and slapped his hands against his knees in an attempt to raise from the sofa. “The kid’s favourite uncle is going to renovate the room for them.”

“You do not touch my old bedroom”, Temari said. “I will redo the room myself.”

“But sooner or later your back and hip are going to hurt and Shikamaru will have to take care of – “

“I dare you to finish that sentence”, Temari said and Kankuro brought up his hands in a gesture of forfeit.

“But, seriously, I’m really happy for you two”, he said, and his cheeks turned into a light shade of pink. “I’m becoming an uncle.”

Shikamaru couldn’t but laugh a bit at Kankuro’s flustered face. Sure he had himself, with a blush on his cheeks and shock in his mind, thought the somewhat similar _I’m becoming a father_ inside his head.

“Have you told the council yet?” Gaara asked. “You know they want to seal Shukaku while the baby is still inside you – “

“No way in hell am I allowing them to seal Shukaku inside me”, Temari said. “This baby is going to live a few years as a normal, healthy child.”

“You want to postpone the sealing”, Gaara said, nodding thoughtfully.

“For as long as possible”, Temari said. “I want to learn the baby love first. That they can trust us, their parents and family. That we won’t disappear, that we won’t bring them harm, that we won’t betray them by… shoving a demon into them.” She clicked her tongue in a very arrogant way. “I won’t tell the council anything before the belly begins showing. They can guess all they want, but I won’t say a word before it becomes too difficult to hide.”

“They might want to punish you for that”, Gaara said carefully. “Or Shikamaru.”

Temari rose up from the sofa.

“If anyone lays a hand on me, or on my unborn child, or on Shikamaru, I will cut the hands off that person”, she growled. “I’ve got enough of having to kneel before that council, I have kneeled in front of them my whole life – hell, I’ve promised to _curse_ my baby for this nation, for them, and now that I am expecting we’ll do it _my_ way. No sealing inside me and no sealing before the baby is walking, talking, playing and laughing!”

She pressed her hands gently against her lower stomach.

“And don’t you dare tell the council”, she finished in an angry hiss.

“Of course not”, Gaara said.

An awkward silence befell the company.

“Damn, this party is boring without coffee”, Kankuro said to lighten the mood, but one does not simply agitate your already pissed off pregnant sister by mentioning a drink she used to be addicted to, but nowadays got gagging reflexes out of.

“I want to kill you all”, Temari muttered. “Not you, though”, she added to Shikamaru in a flirtish wink.

Living in this family was still weird. Shikamaru missed the silence and peace that came with living in his old home, with his mum. He could go barefoot out, down the porch and onto the grass. He could feel the gentle wind in his hair and hear the low rustle of leaves in the wind from the forest just outside their yard. He could pat one of the more domestic deer and feed them right from his hand.

It had been such a peaceful upbringing.

Temari’s family had always been chaotic. Always loud, arguing, threatening to kill each other, but also very affectionate. There was a lot of hugging, but also a lot of throwing things at each other.

Most of the times Shikamaru would just retreat to the bedroom, not wanting to interfere in the weird power battle the siblings had over who was in charge of buying more flour and rice, and whose time it was to do the dishes. Sometimes he was dragged into the arguments, but he knew by now when to run and when to stand his ground.

He smiled when he thought of his new family. How understanding Kankuro and Gaara in the end had been. How they knew that the situation they were in was difficult, but they still fought for it to be easier for them all.

Maybe life was going to turn out okay, after all.

The days went by. Days of laying with his ear against Temari’s stomach, trying to sense the baby. Days of everyday betray Konoha a little more, days of trying to forget his old life. But most of all, days of feeling excited.

They were becoming parents!

“Shikamaru”, Temari said one evening. “I can feel the baby moving! It’s moving!”

Shikamaru immediately dropped whatever he was doing to rush over to Temari, who was laying in bed. She had dragged up her shirt to expose her stomach, which by now was of a size that screamed _pregnant._

He laid a hand on top of her belly, hungering to feel a kick from the little one. Temari took his hand and guided it towards a specific place where he finally felt a little pressure from her inside. His eyes gleamed when he felt the touch.

“Wow”, he whispered in absolute awe as he caressed Temari’s skin. _Don’t cry, don’t cry._

“I think it’s a girl”, Temari said. “You know, in our family the girls are almost always the firstborns. My mother was the firstborn, and my father had an older sister too. And their parents before them had older sisters. I just have this feeling that it is a baby girl.”

Shikamaru smiled at the thought. He always had wanted to have a firstborn girl, it was part of the naïve dream of family and future he had nurtured since childhood. A firstborn girl and a boy after that.

Shikamaru remained silent for a little while.

“Is it okay if the baby’s name begins with Shika?” he asked. “Even if this isn’t Konoha – even if the next Ino-Shika-Cho will never be formed, even if I’m not even a Nara anymore. It would feel wrong to not have a child with that prefix.”

Temari looked up in the ceiling, smiling for herself.

“Yeah”, she said. “Something Shika sounds okay.” She grabbed his hand. “You’ve made enough sacrifices already. This baby’s name is your treat.”

Shikamaru had already a suggestion for the name.

“If it is a girl, could we name her Shikamai?” he asked.

“Mai”, Temari repeated. “Like a dance?”

“No, Mai as in a combination of the words genuine and love”, Shikamaru said. “Shikamai.”

“Shikamai”, Temari said. “I like it. And if it’s a boy?”

Shikamaru fell silent.

“I don’t know”, he said. “We’ll see.”

The name Shikamai stuck. They began calling the baby for Shikamai and called it a her. Even Gaara and Kankuro called the unborn baby their niece.

Temari’s belly grew in size, until it was impossible to hide from the world. At some point the whispers began and soon enough everyone in Suna knew that Temari was pregnant by the Konohan spy.

It began from Temari’s Wind Squad. The girls in the squad had already for a longer while known something was up – they noticed Temari quit drinking coffee, they noticed she was maybe a little more fatigued than usually, and then the stomach. Of course the stomach gave it away.

The pregnancy became evident when Temari didn’t have the energy to fight like she used to during the spars in her Wind Squad. The baby was always taking a little bit of her chakra, which led, evidently, her attacks to be weaker when she couldn’t use all her potential power.

Tired, and a little bit pissed at her fatigue Temari slumped down by the side of the training ground, looking over the following mission her girls would perform. The girls came closer to her after a minute of whispering.

“Lady Temari?” one of them one said. “Who is going to be our teacher?”

Temari looked up from the map she was examining.

“Huh?”

“When the baby comes, who will be our teacher?”

Temari blinked a few times, before shuffling away the map with a grunt. The girl took a few steps back, flustered, probably wishing she never opened her mouth in the first place. But to all of Temari’s students surprise, she just sighed and leaned back in the chair.

“I don’t know”, she said. “It will most likely be Yaya.” She made a mental note to ask the Wind User in question to uphold training and sparring with the Wind Squad while she was on baby leave.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” the girl asked, now relaxed when Temari didn’t seem to be angry at them.

“We think it’s a girl”, Temari answered.

The girls giggled to her, probably imagining dressing up a baby girl in pink dresses and other garments they knew Temari would not let close to her child. Temari sighed again. Any day now the council is going to be right behind her, breathing down her neck and asking for the baby’s body. They did not see a little human in her child, they saw a vessel, and the very thought of that made her _sick._

Her second trimester was almost over and the summer in the desert was ongoing. She was happy for Shikamaru, who seemed to have found a few friends from work and for herself, who was carrying a child.

But the very second the thought of the child becoming a jinchuuriki and bring hell and pain back into her own home all her happiness perished. She had bought Shikamaru’s life with the life of the unborn baby and probably with her own sanity in the future.

Why hadn’t they been more careful during sex and just avoided this whole pregnancy, damn it?

She didn’t even know if she would be a good mother. The thought was terrifying. What if she failed?

And the day when the council summoned her and Shikamaru came by the end of the summer. By now, Temari’s belly was so big that it did not go unnoticed by the council members.

“Have a seat”, Head of Order said and Shikamaru and Temari sat down.

Shikamaru couldn’t help but notice that Nanashi was placed to sit as far away from him as possible by the table. Usually the council members had designated places by the table, and now Nanashi had moved.

He still tensed up when Nanashi let her eyes rest on him and he avoided her gaze. She had what appeared to be dirt under her fingernails, but Shikamaru was sure it was dried blood.

“You came with the announcement rather late”, Head of Order continued.

“I am seven months in. My mother was seven months pregnant when she gave a premature birth to Gaara and died”, Temari said. “I want to avoid the same mistake. I don’t fancy dying in childbed. And let me be clear, there will be no sealing inside me.”

“That much we figured out already”, one of the elders said. “And we figured that… discussing the issue with your will only lead to dead ends, considering your headstrongness and ability to create trouble wherever you go – “

“What are you saying about me?”

“My best lady, it cannot come as a surprise to you that you are a difficult woman”, the same elder member said. “First you do not want to become Kazekage, then you let your feelings get ahead of your better judgement and you save a prisoner. So, we knew your child was going to be an issue we’d have to fight over.”

Temari leaned back in her chair, making herself appear bigger, more threatening and more nonchalant.

“I am the mother of the child”, she said. “My will is final.”

“Gaara already said you did not want an unborn sealing”, the elder member said. “We discussed it with our greatest Sealers and came to a solution.”

Both Temari and Shikamaru listened eagerly.

“We have decided to perform a Blood Sealing on the child when it turns one year old”, the elder member said.

“Too early”, Temari said. “Five years old.”

“Two.”

“Five.”

“Four. Final offer.”

“Fine”, Temari said. “When the child is four years old, a Blood Sealing.”

Shikamaru looked at her. He had never heard of a Blood Sealing before, the only Beast Sealing technique he knew of was the Grim Reaper Seal, which demanded a human sacrifice. What did a Blood Sealing demand?

“A Blood Sealing”, the elder member said and looked at Shikamaru as if she guessed what he was thinking. “It demands a living sacrifice. It doesn’t have to be human. The seal will be drawn in blood of the sacrifice on the vessel and small holes will be poked in the skin in a few places. Then the demon will be let loose, and it will draw to the blood, and be sucked through the holes in the skin into the vessel’s body.”

Shikamaru’s first reaction was to wrinkle his nose.

“Sounds troublesome”, he said.

“Troublesome?” the elder member echoed. “Would you rather bring us a human sacrifice for the Grim Reaper Seal? Or do you possess another sealing technique you wish to perform?”

“No”, Shikamaru said. “I just don’t like the idea of you poking holes into my child.”

“That will be the least of your concern”, the elder member said. “Let’s write a contract regarding this issue. Remember, if you somehow cheat and the child does not become our jinchuuriki…” The elder member pointed at Shikamaru. “… he dies.”

“Point taken”, Shikamaru said. “We have decided to let Gaara be the teacher of our child. He has already agreed upon the idea.”

The council members nodded in agreement. The meeting was overall a success, with no yelling or storming out, or slamming doors shut.

They had four years of happiness with the child. Four years of teaching love to them, before love will be their greatest weapon against the demon.

“My final guess, Shikamai will be born on the 26th of September”, Kankuro said.

“October the first”, Gaara said.

“September 29th”, Shikamaru said.

“September 28th”, Temari said.

They were already in the beginning of September. Shikamaru and Temari had a solemn little anniversary of the day Shikamaru arrived in Suna exactly one year ago earlier that week, but other than that, they didn’t speak much of his time before and during imprisonment. That was behind them now, and just like true shinobis, the past didn’t matter too much. What mattered was the future, the following generation, the King.

The baby was moving heftily around in Temari’s stomach, and Shikamaru loved feeling the little one’s feet pointing towards him. They talked to the baby every evening, singing song to her, dreaming about the future with Shikamai of the Sand.

During Shikamaru’s nineteenth birthday, the twenty-second of September, Temari got the first contractions, while they were sitting in the living room. By now they had redone Temari’s old bedroom into a nursery. They had a crib, blankets, clothes for the baby and a changing table. Most of the clothes were Gaara’s old baby clothes, that had never been thrown away, but Temari had also commissioned a seamstress to make them more clothes. The same seamstress had custom made maternity clothes for Temari during her pregnancy, as well as a special mattress for her so she could lie comfortably in bed, even with the big bulge of a stomach.

Everything was prepared for the little one. Except the parents, possibly, because no matter how excited they were – the equally scared they were.

“It’s probably nothing”, she said as she continued eating the sponge cake, ignoring the pain in her womb. “It’s normal – it is just practise for the real thing.” She grunted slightly and shifted position in the sofa, placing one hand on her big belly. “She’s not due yet.”

They continued eating cake and chatted, but all three men in the room noticed how silent Temari became.

“Sweetheart”, Shikamaru said. “You don’t seem well.”

“It just hurts”, Temari said. “The stomach is so big and my hips hurt and now the damn uterus is cramping!”

“Should we call the midwife?” Gaara asked.

“No, she is not coming yet”, Temari said and changed position, grimacing at her pain. “Damn it!”

“Babies can come early too”, Gaara said, and he meant it in the best way possible, but what he said stabbed a knife into Temari’s hollow sorrow after her dead mother, who died in childbed after delivering a baby too early.

“This baby stays inside until the due date!” she roared, hurt and angry. She raised up from the sofa, grimacing, and waddled the best she could to her bedroom. It was very obvious that she was in pain, her steps were short and clumsy, and he had to put a hand on her aching hip to offer support.

“You clean up here and call the midwife”, Shikamaru said. “I’ll comfort her.”

He followed her into their bedroom.

“Temari…” he said. “This isn’t the time to act tough. I see that you are hurting.”

“Stupid baby”, she muttered. “Stupid, stupid baby. Why can’t she just lie in there and have it nice and warm for a little while longer? Why would she want to be born into his world? She doesn’t know what destiny is designated for her! She doesn’t know the cruelty of this world.”

“It is true this world is cruel but – “ Shikamaru said and Temari snapped.

“Look at you! You’ve got scars running up your back and a brand on your wrist”, she snarled. “You were given the mission to kill your girlfriend for the sake of Beasts! We are shinobi, we are not supposed to feel happiness – argh, it hurts!”

Shikamaru hugged her from behind, but she did nothing to acknowledge his touch. She was tense and angled away from him, shifting weight from one foot to the other.

“Everything will be fine”, he tried and Temari growled again.

“Stupid baby!”

Within an hour the midwife arrived. Childbirths in Suna were almost without exceptions done in the homes of the mothers. The hospital didn’t have enough room to care for both wounded soldiers and women giving birth, and the tradition of delivering the baby in the bedroom had lived for a very long time.

The mortality rate in childbed was higher here than in Konoha.

Temari laid on the bed and the midwife separated her legs, getting a good look at her opening.

“You are opening up by a few centimetre”, the midwife told them. “You are in labour right now, but I don’t see the baby coming just yet.”

“How slow is it going to be?” Temari asked. “It hurts really bad already.”

“Keep yourself standing”, the midwife encouraged. “Let gravity help you. The baby is not yet ready.”

They spend the entire night awake. Temari waddled around in circles in their bedroom, growling and groaning at the pain. The water had not yet broke.

“I want this over with”, Temari muttered after zero minutes of sleep. Shikamaru was also almost delirious. He had never in his whole life spent the entire night awake before. Even during missions he managed to get short naps and even when living in imprisonment he had founds way of resting.

He remained awake as a solidarity gesture to his love, but he felt lightheaded and off. Hearing Temari whimper in pain did not help either.

The contractions came more often, and with more pain. The water broke and Shikamaru had never in his life imagined there to be so much of it. He cleaned up as much as he could with towels, even if he wanted to be with Temari, to hold her hand and whisper to her that she is doing so good.

“Get it out of me!” Temari snarled to the midwife, who had also been awake the whole night with her. “I don’t want this to hurt anymore – it’s too much!”

The midwife examined Temari once again.

“The baby is coming”, she said. “Remain standing. Shikamaru, let her lean against you.”

Shikamaru wrapped his arms around Temari and let her lean her head against his chest. She was slightly crouching, letting gravity help the baby coming out, while the midwife remained beside her, feeling with her hand between Temari’s legs to ensure the baby’s arrival.

“I feel the head”, the midwife announced. “Push, Temari, push.”

Temari pushed and screamed right into Shikamaru’s chest. The midwife encouraged her further, told her to push, push, push and Temari began sobbing.

“I can’t do it!” she cried. “It hurts too much.”

“You’re doing so good, soon you’ll have your baby”, the midwife said.

“Temari, look at me”, Shikamaru prompted and Temari shifted her sweaty, red face up towards him. He, who had gone through so much pain for her. It was time she went through that pain, too. “I love you. You are amazing. I am so proud of you.”

She sobbed incoherently.

“Push!”

Temari screamed.

“It’s killing me!”

“You’re not dying, I need you to push one more time – “

“I can’t, it’s too much!”

Shikamaru gripped her harder, mumbling _I love you I love you I love you_ repeatedly into her hair as Temari crouched even more, digging her fingernails into Shikamaru’s back. Her whole body tensed.

In one final, desperate push the baby slipped out of Temari and the midwife grabbed the child.

“She’s here!” the midwife announced as she wrapped a towel around the baby.

The baby was crying loudly and the sound of it was like music to Temari’s ears. She sobbed dry into Shikamaru’s chest out of every emotion there was inside her – mostly utter relief and happiness.

“My baby”, she sobbed, and the midwife showed them their new-born. There was a little surprise.

“It’s a boy”, the midwife told the new parents. “Born 07:13, September 23rd.”

“A boy”, Shikamaru echoed, looking at the slimy baby. The midwife was right, he didn’t get the daughter he believed, he had gotten a son. “A son.”

Shikamaru had his hands full with Temari, who was so weak after the delivery. The midwife cut the cord and began cleaning the baby boy while Shikamaru let Temari lie down on the bed.

“Did you hear her?” Shikamaru asked. “It’s a boy.”

“Where is he?” Temari panted. “I want to hold my baby.”

“I love you so much, Temari, did I ever tell you that?”

“Where is my baby boy?”

The midwife handed, with the greatest smile on her face, the little infant over. Temari laid the whining baby against her breast, just feeling the sensation of skin against skin.

“Shikamaru, look”, she murmured. “It’s our child.”

The baby’s scalp was covered in dark, fluffy hair. A Nara hair.

A powerful feeling surged in Shikamaru’s chest.

“Yes, it is our son.”

Later that evening they settled upon the new name. Shikamai didn’t fit anymore for the little boy.

“Shikadai”, Shikamaru suggested. “What about that?”

“Sounds almost exactly like Shikamai”, Temari mused.

“Precisely.”

“Shikadai sounds good”, Temari said. “I like the sound of it.”

Shikadai was asleep against her naked chest. The midwife had gone home after Temari had pushed out the placenta, after assuring Temari’s breasts had produced milk and the breastfeeding worked somewhat (it was way more painful that Temari imagined to breastfeed) and after cleaning up all the blood, water and slime from the bedroom floor. Gaara and Kankuro, who had eavesdropped and listened to Temari’s wails through the closed bedroom door, had seen and welcomed their little nephew to the world.

“Shikadai”, Temari murmured against the new-born’s scalp. “I love you, little guy.”

The little family knew what was incoming.

It was them against the world, now.

Temari was summoned to the council a few days after Shikadai’s birth. She was uncharacteristically nervous when she walked inside the meeting room, with her baby draped in shawls against her chest. Shikadai was asleep, luckily. It still hurt to walk, and Temari felt everything but representative when she walked up the stairs, slightly in pain and with loose, greasy hair.

“What is it?” she asked the second she walked into the room. “If you’ve summoned me simply to ask if we can curse my baby now, I will – “

“Calm, princess”, Head of Trade said. “We just wanted to give you our congratulations. What is his name?”

“Shikadai”, Temari answered and the council members stiffened visibly.

“Why that name?” Head of War asked.

“Because we want to honour Shikamaru’s heritage –“

“All ties to Konoha should be severed!” Head of War snarled.

“I am the mother and I decide which name my baby gets”, Temari said. “This baby’s name is Shikadai of the Sand.” She drew a sharp breath, unconsciously getting a better grip of her baby, fast asleep in her arms. “And Shikadai of the Sand is the future jinchuuriki of our village. He will be cursed for the sake of his heritage.” She raised her voice further. “This is my baby. I grew the greatest weapon our nation will ever get in my stomach and I brought him to this world.”

She turned around and walked out of the meeting room but stopped midway to throw one last gaze at the council.

“And from now on you don’t address me as your princess anymore”, Temari said. “From now on, I am your queen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got baby-Shikadai! I've missed writing him pretty badly, but we still have to wait a few chapters before he is older. What do you think will happen next? Who will join the game next time?
> 
> As you see, I have now added Boruto as fandom, and Shikadai as a character. You might also have noticed that I raised the rating to M. Not because it will get any darker than it already is/have been, but because the tale is sad (with a happy ending, don't forget!!) and there will be scenes that can be triggering in future chapters.
> 
> On another sidenote, now that Shikadai has joined the game, it feels like a good time to carefully announce that my next long-fic project after this one is finished will be a sequel to my Shikadai-centric fic To go down with the Sun, that I wrote autumn -19, in case any of you did read that story, or are interested in reading more from me :)


	13. The future of Suna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some cute fluff in between all the darkness for you!

Caring for a new-born was troublesome and draining, more so than Shikamaru had ever imagined, but his heart had grown trifold. He didn’t even know such love existed.

Little did he know his past best friends also had their hands full with small ones, Choji and Karui became rather unexpectedly pregnant after having a distance relationship for less than six months and gave birth in August to a little girl. Wanting to fulfil the two thirds of the Ino-Shika-Cho-trio and keep the legacy ongoing as an Ino-Cho-duo, Ino and Sai gave birth to a little boy in December.

Their lives were filled with happiness and joy and changing nappies and clothes with all kinds of different stains a baby produced, but also with the dull, aching sorrow that their kids won’t have a Shika in their team.

Likewise, Shikamaru was struck by the same aching guilt, because he knew he had robbed the Shadow binding out of the legendary formation. He did not, however, have time to wallow in guilt and anger and sorrow, he had a little baby boy to take care of. And nappies to wash and change, of course. And a tired wife whose breast were tender and lower region _still_ sometimes hurt from the birth.

“His eyes are so beautiful”, Temari said, as she laid in the sofa with Shikadai resting on her chest. She had just finished breastfeeding and Shikadai fought against falling asleep, secured against his mother’s warmth. Shikamaru crouched by Temari’s side, stroking a finger on Shikadai’s cheek. His big eyes blinked at his parents, as he tried to make sense of the world.

“They are just like yours”, Shikamaru said, voice filled with love and affection.

Temari loved those eyes. She loved seeing herself in them and she loved seeing Shikamaru in him. Shikadai’s fluffy hair was slowly growing and when Shikamaru believed Temari didn’t see, she saw how he played with Shikadai’s hair, trying to form it into a ponytail. Shikamaru’s own hair was right below his jaw now, after a year of growing it out from the shaved condition he began from. He had begun wearing it in a low little bun in his neck and would call Temari troublesome if she pointed out all his crazy baby hairs not long enough to get into the bun.

“You and Shikadai can grow out your hair together”, she mused. “I guess you want him to be your little shadow.”

Shikamaru felt over Shikadai’s hair.

“Yeah”, he said and smiled. “That would be great.”

Temari was careful to bond with the baby properly. She was not going to give Shikadai any sense of uncertainty or any feeling of abandonment and she was sure as hell not going to repeat her own childhood with Shikadai. When she grew up her days had been filled with fear of abandonment from her father after the trauma of losing her mother. Shikadai will not, cannot go through the same.

She needed – had to – give him the best possible groundwork for a stable mind. Having a stable mind will be his only saviour and his greatest strength when Shukaku attacks him from within. Gaara didn’t have that, he grew up in uncertainty and grew up unloved, with disastrous results.

Shikadai must and will grow up as a beloved child.

The child of a traitor assassin and a royalty.

A jinchuuriki child.

But the most loved child there ever is and was.

Life as parents to a little child, the days rush by. Temari went back to working after six months of baby leave, while Shikamaru remained at home with Shikadai a longer while. She had a prestigious working position, a chair by the council table, a Wind Squad to lead and guide on missions and two or three trading deals to take care of.

In the beginning she took Shikadai with her to the trainings with her Wind Squad, with varying results.

“Look at your target, not at the baby!” Temari yelled as one of her girls messed up an attack, just because Shikadai had made baby babble noises, while waving around with a toy in his little fist. “Concentration, ever heard of it?”

The girl stared down at her feet.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”, she said, flustered. Temari sighed and relaxed more in her posture.

“You can snuggle with him if you want on our break”, she said, and the girl lit up. “But I require you to concentrate in your next blow. You’re going to get yourself killed otherwise.”

“Yes, thank you so much”, the girl said, and that coffee break dragged out and out because Shikadai for once was awake and the girls loved snuggling with him.

Shikamaru on the other hand sat by a desk and wrote down knowledge, stored them in binders and scrolls and when he had given away all intelligence he had of Konoha, he got moved into another department of the Intel Division, to work as an assistant for one of the cryptanalysts of Suna.

Work was alright, he thought. His colleagues were for the most part nice to him and helped him learn the culture of his new village. They weren’t exactly hiding the fact that they didn’t fully trust him, as he was always going to be seen as a prisoner who escaped death. Maybe that was why they secretly guarded him – they didn’t think he would notice how someone always was watching him, always checking and calculating the shadows’ movements when they walked out in the sunshine for lunch.

But to be fair, he was content with his situation. Yes, he had to sever his bond to Konoha, he had to betray his village, but he was alive and he had a wife and a son. He was a man who adapted himself to knew situations easily. Or, at least tried to.

If Shikamaru had never left his old life, he would probably have missed a lot of Shikadai’s upbringing. He would probably follow in his father’s footsteps and his son would follow his – to forever watch his father’s back and grow up watching father leave early and come home late in the evenings. To forever wonder what it would feel like to spend quality time with dad.

It was still troublesome and a pain in the ass to care for a baby, but at the same time, it was calm. Shikamaru fell asleep with Shikadai on his chest every noon during Shikadai’s naps and he could easily change his sleeping cycle to match Shikadai’s, to let Temari have a more stable sleeping schedule.

Shikadai learned to walk quite early and began talking after he had turned one.

His favourite word after “mommy” and “daddy” was “no”.

“Shikadai, get into your onesie.”

“No.”

“Shikadai, give me your arm now. Stop fighting me”, Temari continued tiredly.

“No, no, no!”

“I can get him dressed”, Shikamaru cut in. “You go to eat breakfast. Come here, little one, give me your arm.”

Shikadai smiled at his father, slowly bringing his arm behind his back. The terrible twos were indeed terrible, and Shikadai seemed to enjoy realising that he could control his environment and parents by being troublesome to them. Shikadai giggled and said:

“No.”

And when he finally ceased to use the cursed “no”, he got a new favourite sentence as he got a little bit older and began talking even more.

“Wanna do it myself!”

“We don’t have time now”, Shikamaru said. “We are going down to uncle Kankuro’s workshop, you’re going to spend time with him, and you don’t want to go there without shoes. Give me your foot now.”

“Wanna put on shoes myself”, Shikadai said, pouting with his lips.

_Troublesome child._

“Okay, then, here’s the shoe”, Shikamaru sighed. “Put it on this foot – no, not that one, this foot.”

“I do it myself”, Shikadai said, fighting with his motor skills to slide the shoe onto his foot. Shikamaru sighed, thinking _troublesome_ five times in his head while his eager child tried to put on his shoes by himself.

But for the most times, raising Shikadai was easy. Overall, he was a happy child. He was _happy_ and that was what made Shikamaru and Temari’s hearts warm. He hadn’t been exposed to cruelty or harm; he trusted his family with his life. He would follow his parents into flames if they asked him.

He loved being carried and caressed, and when the language came easier to him, he talked. A lot.

“You know what, mommy, I saw a bird today”, a three-year old Shikadai babbled, resting against Temari’s hip as she carried him, when she had fetched him from the private day-care he spent his afternoons in. “It carried a letter. Who do you think the letter is for, mommy?”

“I don’t know”, Temari said. _Probably an urgent letter to Kiri. The trading route is in danger. Konoha put up tolls on the main roads._ She fell immediately in a bad mood when thinking about Konoha’s latest move, which, in lack for better terminology, could be called for bitchy. The trading route from Kiri to Suna went through Fire Country and now Konoha had as a passive aggressive move put up tolls to slow the process of the trading.

Temari didn’t doubt that Konoha slowly were preparing themselves for a siege. To starve Suna. She refocused on Shikadai and smiled to him.

“Who do you think the letter is for?”

“I don’t know”, Shikadai mused. “Maybe a warrior.”

“You think a warrior got a letter?” Temari asked. “Who is this warrior?”

“His name is Dai”, Shikadai said.

“A warrior named Dai?” Temari continued. “He sounds like a mighty fighter, don’t you think?”

“Yes!” Shikadai said, giggling for himself, feeling clever as if Temari didn’t understand he referred to himself.

“Tell me more about Dai”, Temari prompted him, as she pulled the door open to their home.

“He strangles people!” Shikadai squealed.

“Strangle people?”

“With his shadow!” Shikadai concluded.

_Ah. Shikamaru had a shadow show for Shikadai the other week. He is probably still thinking about it._

“Would you like to be able to use your shadow? Like daddy does?” Temari asked as they walked up the steep stairs to the second floor, where they lived. She was still carrying Shikadai – the stairs were still too difficult for him to walk by himself.

“Yeah”, Shikadai said. “Daddy says I can use shadows too. Soon.”

“Yes, soon”, Temari said as she walked into their apartment. “You have to learn to use chakra first – do you remember what chakra is, sweetie?”

Shikadai nodded eagerly, as his gaze fixated on something and he stiffened up. Temari looked up from the child resting on her hip and straight at Gaara who sat by their table in the kitchen.

Kankuro and Gaara barging into their apartment was everyday activities for the family. They loved coming over from their respective floors to play with Shikadai, or just to open the fridge to look at the food inside and close the fridge again and then make some coffee. It would be nothing out of the ordinary for Gaara to sit by the kitchen table.

Except he had a little child sitting on one of the chairs. A small boy with dark brown hair and a worried expression stuck on his face.

“Hello?” Temari said. “Gaara. Who is that?”

Gaara pinched his lips to a thin line, never letting his gaze lift from the boy.

“It’s my son”, he finally said.

Temari stared at her youngest brother.

“Your _what?”_ She slowly let Shikadai down on the floor, and he made no move towards the other child. There had never been another child in this household and he was used to being the only baby. If anything, he remained shy and tense, hiding behind Temari’s legs. “What do you mean by your son?”

Gaara cleared his throat.

“It’s my bastard son”, he admitted and Temari let out a huff of surprise. “He turns four in June. His name is Shinki.”

“Is this true?” Temari asked. “You’ve – you’ve known you had a child for _four years_ and you haven’t told us?”

“I didn’t know before last year”, Gaara said quietly.

The boy in the chair still said nothing, and his eyes were stubbornly focused on his own hands.

“And who is the mother?” Temari asked. “Where is she?”

“Dead”, Gaara said. “She was a kitchen woman in another town. I met her by accident – “

“Excuse me, you were on a visit in another town and met a woman ‘by accident’ and made her pregnant years ago?” Temari said as she counted months inside her head. This incident had to be during the same time Shikamaru was in prison.

“Careful what you say, we got children here”, Gaara said.

“You fucked a kitchen wench and never took responsibility for the child?” Temari spluttered out.

“Temari!”

“Who is the woman? You’ve got to tell me everything”, Temari said, glancing quickly down at Shikadai, who peered from behind her legs. She quickly changed the tone in her voice. “Shikadai, this is Shinki. He is a little scared, don’t you think? You should befriend him. He would like to have you as a friend.” She crouched down to Shikadai and patted him on his back. “He is your cousin. Say hi to him.”

Shikadai waved to Shinki and Shinki waved back. Temari relaxed a fraction.

“See, he is friendly”, she said. “Why don’t you show him your room? Go and show him your toys.”

Shikadai looked up at her, still a little at unease. But then he waved at Shinki again.

“I have a stuffed teddy”, Shikadai told Shinki. “Wanna see him?”

Shinki looked up at his father.

“It’s okay”, Gaara said. “You can go with him. We’ll be here in the kitchen if you need us.”

Wordlessly, Shinki slid down from the chair and waddled towards Shikadai. Shikadai showed him the way to his room and the second the two boys disappeared behind the doorframe Temari nailed down Gaara with her gaze.

“Never had a girlfriend. Never showed any romantic interest in any way towards anyone. Never come to me or Kankuro for ‘the talk’ or anything”, Temari began. “And now you mean you’ve had sex with a stranger and knocked her up?”

“Sea Town in Tea Country”, Gaara said. “It was during our trip to Kiri to discuss the trading deal the first time. We slept over by that inn by the port.”

“Sea Town”, Temari repeated. “When I was worried to death about Nanashi killing Shikamaru. When we were worried about Konoha trying start a war. And you fuck a kitchen wench?”

“Stop saying it like that”, Gaara said. “It wasn’t bad.”

“Did she know you were the Kazekage?” Temari asked.

“No”, he said. “She was poor and illiterate. I thought it meant nothing, it was just… something sweet and short. Like an experiment for us both.”

“When did you have time to mess around?” Temari asked, trying to remember the evening and morning they had spent in Sea Town before heading to the ship taking them to Water Country.

“When you got drunk”, Gaara said. “You fell asleep.” Temari huffed at the memory of her taking maybe one too many shots to fill the empty feeling she had in her chest, to do anything to wipe Shikamaru off her thoughts. She had been thinking about him nonstop during that mission and it had bothered her that she couldn’t focus on anything else.

“I’ve been sending her money ever since I found out we had a son”, Gaara continued in a sad voice.

“When did she die?” Temari asked. “How did it happen?”

“A month ago. Suicide”, Gaara replied. “Her family contacted me and asked me if I wanted the boy. I said yes.”

“And Shinki has never seen you before this?” Temari asked. Gaara shook his head.

“I am so ashamed”, he whispered. “I should have done something as soon as I learned. But I… I’ve never seen myself as a father. I was just eighteen – and I know Shikamaru was nineteen when Shikadai was born, but you had each other. I barely knew the name of the girl in Sea Town. She is a civilian and maybe her family would have wanted to care for Shinki, as he has lived with them his whole life, instead of sending him to us…”

Temari blinked.

“Why did they send him here then? Is there a reason?”

“He has Magnet Release”, Gaara said. “He can already use chakra but can’t control himself. His family is afraid of him.”

Some children learn to use chakra by that early age of four, even if most of them begin moulding chakra by the age of six.

“Magnet Release?” Temari echoed. “Like the Third?”

The Third Kazekage, Rasa’s maternal uncle, known for his Magnet Release, had met an early fate, and every now and then the elders would sigh and woe over how the _magnificent_ Magnet Release was wiped out.

Turns out the release jumps over generations, after all. Jumped over Rasa’s generation, even if he was blessed with Gold Release, jumped over Gaara’s generation, and now, three generations later, there was a little boy with the famous Magnet Release.

“I will raise him as the son of mine he is”, Gaara said and looked longingly over to the doorframe. There had been no sound from the cousins inside, no laughter or audible playing. But no crying either, so they seemed to be somewhat fine. “I will try to make up everything for him. Living in Sea Town was no happy life, I heard. He is… he is like I once was, I think. He is so silent. Sad.”

Temari waited for him to continue. The silence inside Shikadai’s room continued.

“His mother fell ill early on in his life”, Gaara said. “She couldn’t take care of him properly. He was often neglected.” He was now red in the face of shame. “My son faced the same horror I did, and I did nothing to prevent it. I could’ve asked her to move here when I heard of his existence, but no. I just sent them money. Like money could bring love into his life.”

“Gaara…”

“I will do everything to make up for the damage Shinki already has endured”, Gaara said, sounding secure of his words. “This means I will share the Kazekage’s burden with you and Kankuro, so I have more time to be at home with him. I’ll summon you to my office tomorrow so we can split it up. Shikamaru can take care of Shikadai if needed. You’ll get extra money from this too.”

Gaara stood up, hard, green eyes facing his sister.

“He is my son”, he said. “And he is my heir. The future position as a Kazekage will most likely be his.” He pointed at the doorframe. “The future of Suna is currently in that room. Shinki as the future Kazekage, and Shikadai as his advisor and as Suna’s protector and jinchuuriki.”

Kankuro threw a fit when he learned he now had two nephews, but in front of the kids, who now sat side by side at the dinner table to eat their night snack consisting of goat cheese and carrots, he smiled.

“Hi, little guy”, he said to Shinki, who stared at him with big eyes. Maybe it was the purple makeup that frightened him. “My name is Kankuro, and I’m your father’s big bro.”

Shinki waved shyly to him. Kankuro waved back.

“Doesn’t he talk?” Kankuro whispered to Gaara.

“Not much”, Gaara said. “I don’t know why, probably because he is shy.”

Kankuro turned to Shikadai, who’s small hand fought to get a grip around the fork. Of course he didn’t want anyone to help him. Shikadai can do everything himself at the ripe age of three! At least, he himself believed he could do everything.

“What did you two play today?”

Shikadai began rambling about his stuffed toys and puzzles, while Shinki looked at him, clearly anticipating Shikadai to tell everything so he didn’t have to do the talking, and Shikadai didn’t mind being the one nattering on.

Temari, Shikamaru and Kankuro helped Gaara arrange one of the spare rooms in the highest floor; his apartment, into a children’s room, and Shikadai’s biggest t-shirts were given to him. Shinki had arrived in nothing but a dirty shirt and pants, wearing shoes with holes in them.

A few of Shikadai’s toys were donated quickly to Shinki, who petted them in awe, like he never had had toys of his own before.

“Your pet bear will have it much better up in Shinki’s room”, Temari explained to Shikadai, when he asked why the pet bear moved up from his room to Shinki’s. “You see, Shinki has been very alone, and your bear will be perfect company for him.”

Shikadai mulled over that statement for a while, before nodding.

“Okay”, he said.

“Did… Shinki talk to you when you were playing?” Temari asked.

“A little”, Shikadai said.

That was interesting, because Shinki hadn’t said a word to the adults.

“Like what?”

“I’m tired, mommy”, Shikadai said.

Temari pinched her lips together, dissatisfied at Shikadai avoiding answering her.

“What did Shinki say?”

“He likes red”, Shikadai said. “And green.”

_Ah, what useful information. Kids._

“That’s nice, sweetie”, Temari said. “Shall you go to bed then?”

Shikadai nestled deeper under his blanket and nodded.

“Goodnight, Shikadai. I love you”, she said and kissed his forehead.

“’Night, mommy”, Shikadai answered. He fell asleep almost immediately.

Temari smiled at the sight of her child at rest, before going into her own bedroom. Shikamaru laid already in bed, ready to fall asleep.

“Another kid in the house, huh?” Temari said softly to him.

“Quite surprisingly, too”, Shikamaru said. “One day only one kid, the second day two.”

Temari smiled at him.

“Well, I guess I can just tell you now, can I?” she said and grabbed his hand. Shikamaru straightened up, a little bit concerned. “My breasts began aching again and I decided to take a test this morning.”

“And?” He swallowed.

“Shikadai is becoming a big brother”, Temari said.

Shikamaru stared at her.

“What?”

“I’m expecting a child again”, she repeated as a wide smile spread across her lips. Shikamaru returned her smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shinki joined the game! Sand Siblings 2.0!
> 
> And yes, Shinki is Gaara's biological son here, because nah screw canon.
> 
> But... a second child....? How will this evolve?


	14. My brave little son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very nervous about this chapter, because this deals with some controversy.
> 
> TW: **Miscarriage**. I'm sorry, Temari and Shikamaru.
> 
> If you don't want to read the scene, skip the second scene in this chapter (visible with scene change cuts).

Temari fought breast ache and this time around a way lighter nausea once more, this time with a three-year old son who loved attention and a nephew who winced at loud sounds and kept his mouth firmly shut whenever the adults tried to engage him in conversation.

Shikadai was the only one getting Shinki to talk. They could hear Shinki murmur softly while the boys were playing – and while they didn’t realise they weren’t being listened to. It helped Gaara keep up the good mood, as he knew his son knew how to talk, but was maybe not too used to do it.

Shinki’s grandparents refused to tell what Shinki had been through.

“Shikadai will help him”, Temari assured when they were watching the boys playing in the garden.

“I just wish to hear him laugh”, Gaara said. “That is all I need. His laugh.”

Temari pinched her lips together.

“You will hear him laugh”, she said. “One day. Give him time.”

It turned out that Shikadai truly did help Shinki come out of his shell. He was slowly doing more attempts at communicating a few weeks into his new life, but as every success, it came with backfires too.

Sometimes he would fling iron around without moving while he was crying, but luckily, they found out that a hug usually helped him calm down.

Other than Shinki’s occasional tantrums and Shikadai being a cheeky little child, more than just personal family life backfired.

All of a sudden Kiri announced, with in a rather apologetic letter, that Konoha has added a huge tax for their goods to pass through Fire Country by the trading routes they had used for years. Suna would have to pay a higher price for their goods if the trade was to be kept as it had been all these years.

They tried to negotiate another route in the South East, but the ships would take a much longer time to arrive as they had to curve around the peninsula of Tea Country. The fruits and fresh goods would turn bad during the travel time and the price would still increase. A trading route by sea-land-sea via Tea Country was discussed, but the mountain range proved to be too dangerous to make that route happen.

The three siblings, along with Suna’s council cursed over this change. The village didn’t have the money to pay taxes for securing the trading routes. There was simply no money. And they knew Konoha did this as a move for a war. To slowly starve Suna, make the inhabitants bitter and angry at their leader, polarise them.

“Konoha wants war”, Gaara concluded. “They have chosen to jeopardize the welfare of our nation.”

“That has been clear for a long time already, ever since Shikamaru came to us”, Kosan, Head of War, said. He leaned back in his chair. “Let me handle this, Lord Kazekage. I can distribute squads north by the main road. We can answer Konoha’s deal like they want us to – by bloodshed. Let me take control over the situation. We can kill all the Konohan shinobi guarding the trading road.”

“We shouldn’t respond aggressively immediately”, Gaara said.

“My lord”, Kosan said. “This is not trying to overthrow the village. This is just showing them that we will not dance to their tunes. Too long have we been treated as Konoha’s little sibling, too long have we been relying on them. They once tried to assassinate Lady Temari. They want to bring us harm.”

“And Shikadai should become a jinchuuriki as soon as possible”, Head of Order added. “It is ridiculous that we simply wait for him to grow older, when he should be used to his incoming power.”

“He turns four in less than seven months”, Gaara said. “Besides, no matter what happens, he can’t and won’t be used as a weapon before he is old enough. He must learn how to use chakra first, he must learn shinobi code first. He is simply too young.”

This did not please the council.

“He is more than a vessel”, Gaara said, more harshly.

“You’ve already got an heir now that your bastard child has joined the family”, Head of Order continued. “Shikadai doesn’t have to become a Kazekage, which means he is free to be used.”

“He is my nephew and he won’t be destroyed”, Gaara said.

“Our country’s welfare might rely on him and his powers”, Head of War said. “The Nine Tails’ jinchuuriki has disappeared, which means that any other jinchuuriki will be one of the most powerful assets in a war situation. As long as Eight Tails’ jinchuuriki doesn’t all of a sudden come out from his hiding in Kumo, we will be the most powerful nation _with_ a functioning jinchuuriki. You cannot deny this, Lord Gaara.”

And no, Gaara could not deny it.

Temari finally had a day off, and almost delirious of fatigue from the pregnancy, from having to keep her wild toddler in check and from the work burden she now had, she laid down on the sofa. Luckily her nausea had been easier the past week and her breast ached less. Good little baby. The only thing that was different from when she was pregnant with Shikadai was that the uterus cramped more often.

She lifted her tired feet on the armrest, nestled into a comfortable position and began dozing off, while once in a while opening her eyes to check Shikadai. He sat on the living room floor, mesmerized by a new puzzle he had gotten the other day. Shikadai loved puzzles more than anything.

Silence filled the room, while Shikadai wordlessly tried to fit the puzzle pieces together. He seemed so content with the mental stimuli, Temari thought as she smiled for herself and closed her eyes…

…until a sharp pain struck her in her stomach.

She snapped her eyes open and clutched her belly. Shikadai didn’t notice her stiff posture and continued completing his puzzle.

Temari sat up in the sofa as another wave of what felt like extreme period pain came through her. Then she felt a warm, unwelcome wetness between her legs.

“Oh no”, she whispered and when she rose up, she felt a stream of blood making its way down the inside of her leg. “No, no, no.”

She stumbled over Shikadai’s puzzles on her way to the bathroom, painfully aware that she was leaving a trail of blood after her on the floor.

It hurt really bad now and as soon as Temari reached the bathroom she opened up her dress and pulled down her bloody underpants, and the second the sat herself down on the toilet the blood began gushing.

_Why is this happening?_

She bent down over her legs in a desperate try to ease the knife turning inside her womb as she heard blood drip down in the toilet.

_My baby! Not my... baby!_

Temari didn’t know why she began sobbing, was it because of the cramps or because she was losing her baby? She pressed her hands against her stomach to give it other sensory signals than the pain, while grinding her teeth together.

She was going through a miscarriage. And miscarriages happen for unknown and unfair reasons.

“Mommy?”

Temari shot up her head as she heard Shikadai stand on the other side of the door.

“Mommy, are you hurt?” He must’ve seen the trail of blood on the floor.

_Keep yourself together for his sake._

“Shikadai, sweetie, my baby”, she said, her voice wet and shivering. “I need you to go down to Kankuro’s workshop. He is working down there, you know where to find him. I need you to find him and tell him mommy has hurt her tummy and he needs to bring daddy here.”

Shikadai knocked gently on the door.

“I can blow on your tummy if you want”, he said.

The times Shikadai had gotten hurt – when he strained his ankle that one time, or when he tripped over and ripped up a wound on his knee – Shikamaru or Temari would kneel down and gently blow on the wound. It was a silly cure for sad children, a way to get them to forget about being hurt for a moment. A gentle blow of breath on the pained area and a promise that everything will be fine.

Shikadai knew that when one gets hurt, one also blows on the hurting area.

“Oh, Shikadai, thank you”, Temari said through the closed door. “But mommy need you to tell Kankuro to get daddy here.”

She did not want Shikadai to come inside and see all the blood. It was everywhere, on the floor, on the outside of the toilet, on her legs, on her feet…

The knife in her stomach twisted again and Temari bent over.

“Please, Shikadai, you have to help mommy!”

She heard his small feet shuffle across the floor and she sighed out of relief. A new wave of agony rushed inside the place that should be the safest out of all for a baby and she moved herself from the toilet to the shower, crouching down to let the blood gushing out of her fall straight into the drain.

It looked like a murder scene.

Then she felt something bigger fall out of her. Instinctively she put her hand between her legs and her fingers gripped around something warm and slimy –

Temari almost screamed when she realised what is was.

“Mommy?”

“What is it, Shikadai? Please, go to Kankuro now!”

“The stairs”, Shikadai said. “Cannot go down the stairs without mommy or daddy.”

_Oh, my sweet little boy._

Shikadai was not allowed to go down the stairs by himself, as they were steep and for his size and motor skills too dangerous. He knew he was not allowed until he was a ‘big boy’.

“Come and help me down”, Shikadai said. “Are you still hurt?”

“Shikadai, you will have to go down the stairs all by yourself”, Temari said, still holding the foetus in her hand. She quickly ripped a towel down from a cabinet and carefully folded the foetus into it. “Go down on your knees and slide down. Butt first. Don’t look down. Can you do that for me, darling?”

_Fucking fuck, why is this happening to me?_

“I’ll just go down butt first”, Shikadai said, sounding proud. “I bring help to mommy. Don’t worry, daddy come and make your tummy good again.”

She listened to Shikadai sliding down the stairs through the door and when she didn’t hear him anymore she slid down against the bathroom wall onto sitting position. She was still in shock as she held the towel. There was blood everywhere.

Within a few minutes, she heard bigger footsteps and a gentle knock on the door.

“Temari?” It was Kankuro. “Can – can I come in?”

“No”, Temari said. “It looks horrible. Do you have Shikadai there?”

“Yes, he is here”, Kankuro said, voice low and sad. “What is going on? Shikadai said you hurt your stomach – is this blood yours?“

“Mommy hurt her tummy”, Shikadai parroted. “We must blow on her belly.”

“Temari, I’m coming inside.”

“NO!” Temari roared and leaned against the door. “I had a miscarriage! It’s in a fucking towel, Kankuro, in a towel and not where it’s supposed to be. It’s blood everywhere and my uterus is trying to kill me. Get Shikamaru here!”

There was a deafening silence on the other side of the door.

“You what…?” Kankuro let out slowly. “Have you been pregnant?”

“Yes”, Temari snapped. “We didn’t want to tell you yet because Gaara has his hands full with Shinki. But now it doesn’t matter, it is dead.”

She heard Kankuro prompting Shikadai into looking at his puzzles and when she imagined Shikadai had waddled a bit away from the bathroom door Kankuro opened slowly. His face grew pale when he saw the blood and the towel in Temari’s hands.

“Is that… is that the…” he just whispered.

“Get Shikamaru, you dimwit”, Temari hissed.

Kankuro didn’t question Temari further, fetched Shikadai and moved quickly down the stairs out of the house.

Temari waited out the blood and when it finally began ceasing, meaning it didn’t pour out like from an open stab wound, she stepped into the shower and began cleaning herself. She put the water to the hottest degree possible, purposely letting her skin burn under the hot beam of water.

After a while a soft knock could he heard on the door.

“Temari…?” It was Shikamaru.

Temari closed the shower and the second he opened the door she lost it. She threw herself at him and hugged him. She didn’t care she stained him with water and possible more blood when she sobbed into his chest.

“Our baby died”, she cried. “I couldn’t stop it, it just bled out of me.” She bit down on her lip and pointed at the towel. “It’s there.”

Shikamaru moved closer to the towel and made an effort to lift the flap that covered the foetus. He lifted the flap slowly, but the final second before he would get a look at it, he refrained and dropped the flap.

“I’m sorry”, he said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here with you.”

He kept hugging her. His touch made the cramps feel less overwhelming.

“I killed our baby”, Temari murmured into his neck. “I killed it.”

“No, Temari, no”, Shikamaru said back. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise, it wasn’t your fault.”

Miscarriages happen for unknown and unfair reasons. And this time, it happened Temari.

Later that evening Gaara volunteered to have Shikadai eating dinner up in his apartment together with Shinki, so Temari and Shikamaru could have a moment for themselves.

Temari laid in the sofa with a warmwater bottle on her lower stomach, trying to ease the remaining pain. She laid on a thick towel and a plastic cover to keep the sofa from getting stained with blood. The worst waterfall was over, and only a little heavier period flow remained.

Her head rested in Shikamaru’s lap, and he massaged her scalp, trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible.

Both of their waterlines were sore from crying over their lost child.

“I killed our baby”, Temari said again after a long silence.

“There was nothing you could do”, Shikamaru answered. “There was something wrong with the child, and that is why is didn’t survive. It wasn’t your fault. You are a great mum to Shikadai, you are amazing, and I love you.”

Temari sighed and fell back into silence.

“You know what…” Shikamaru said after an eternity of well-needed silence. “The baby would’ve been born in October after Shikadai turns four and gets Shukaku sealed inside him. We don’t know how he will react to the sealing or to Shukaku… I mean, it can end up a disaster and he might need a lot of special needs arrangements, and we don’t know. Maybe this was universe’s way to tell us that we must give our all attention to him, to the child we already have…”

He paused, trying to arrange the following sentence inside his head.

“We could impossibly give Shikadai all the attention he might need if we had a new-born”, Shikamaru continued. “And he will need us more than ever.”

“You’re right”, Temari said, hiding her emotions. “Maybe we weren’t meant to have another baby.”

“We can still try after a year or so when we know how Shikadai is feeling”, Shikamaru said and Temari shrugged her shoulders.

“I don’t know”, she sighed. “I miss Shikadai.”

“He is literally upstairs”, Shikamaru said.

“I want to hold my baby”, Temari said.

“I can fetch him”, Shikamaru said. “You okay here?”

“Just bring Shikadai down here.”

Temari don’t think she had ever appreciated Shikadai more than she did that evening, when both she and Shikamaru kissed him goodnight and wished him sweet dreams.

“Mommy”, Shikadai said. “Is your tummy okay now?”

Temari smiled at him. She had still minor cramps, but they were easily ignored.

“Yes, my tummy is okay now”, she said. “Thank you for getting Kankuro, sweetheart. I love you.”

She truly, absolutely loved him. Her brave little son.

The spring and summer rushed by with an empty feeling of losing an unborn child. Temari began listing reasons why it was good they didn’t get a baby. Number one was Shikadai’s incoming sealing. But they couldn’t still shake the feeling of having a second child, a little daughter or son.

Temari and Shikamaru were happy for Shikadai, who kept them busy and who was adorable at his best and a tantrum-throwing mess at worst. But they cherished every moment, every tantrum. Because he was alive and present and _there._

All of a sudden September loomed over them again. Every September was covered in a bittersweet feeling, since it always marked the anniversary of Shikamaru coming to Suna. But it also meant the birth of Shikadai, meaning they celebrated and joyed every September, while thinking back at a time when pain and worry was every day.

This September was different. It marked the fifth anniversary of Shikamaru coming to Suna and Shikadai’s fourth birthday. But now it was more than just a birthday.

It was time for him to get Shukaku sealed inside his body.

He was still blissfully unaware of what would be forced into him. He enjoyed his toddler-life in the desert with Shinki by his side. The two cousins grew during the summer quite inseparable and Shinki, one day, began talking with more than three words at a time. As he learned that he wouldn’t be abandoned by his father he relaxed more and began behaving like a four-year-old should.

But someone should tell Shikadai what was about to happen, so he wouldn’t feel betrayed. How do you explain to a four-year-old that holes will be poked in his body and a demon will be sucked in through the holes because said demon is so attracted to the blood?

Shikamaru sat with Shikadai in Shikadai’s bed, with the small child’s head nuzzled against his side. Shikadai liked to play with Shikamaru’s hair, and it was now the desired length for a high ponytail. Shikamaru let his hair lose for Shikadai to touch and feel at, before Shikadai moved over to the second most favourite place to run his fingers over.

The branded mark on Shikamaru’s wrist.

Shikadai had asked why Shikamaru had that mark many times, while feeling the difference in the skin. Going from beige smooth skin to red and rough scarred skin to the black line and back to smooth skin. Shikamaru usually said it was a tattoo, and Shikadai continued feeling the funny rough skin.

“Daddy”, Shikadai said that evening. “Tell me a bedtime story.”

“A bedtime story?” Shikamaru said. “Why don’t we read one from one of your books?”

“No”, Shikadai said. “I want you to tell me.”

“A story I made up?”

“Yes.” Shikadai smiled broadly at him. “Please?”

Shikamaru made himself more comfortable in the small bed.

“Okay, little one”, he said. “Once upon a time there was a big forest, north from here. There was no desert close to this forest, but there was grass and lakes and even more forests. And in one of the forests, there lived a stag. Do you remember what a stag is?”

“A deer”, Shikadai answered. “With horns.”

“Good”, Shikamaru said. “And the stag had two friends, who also lived in the forest. One of them was a boar and she was a fiery friend, who always got the stag into troublesome situations.” Shikadai giggled to the story and Shikamaru’s heart got warm. “And the stag’s other friend was a butterfly. Now, everyone believed the butterfly was weak because of what the butterfly looked like. He did maybe not fit in with the rest of the animals in the forest and because the butterfly was so friendly with everyone, the rest imagined they could take advantage of him.”

“What did the butterfly do?” Shikadai asked.

“The butterfly is mightier than most animals think”, Shikamaru said. “The butterfly loved his friends so much that he would do anything to protect them. He saved the stag and he also saved the boar.”

“How can a butterfly save a stag?” Shikadai mused.

“Some things are hard to explain”, Shikamaru said. “But the stag, boar and butterfly were best friends.”

“Daddy”, Shikadai said. “If you were an animal, what animal would you be?”

“Me?” Shikamaru smiled. “I would be a stag.”

“Like in the story?”

“Just like in the story.”

“What animal is mommy? Is she also a stag?”

“Only boys can be stags”, Shikamaru told Shikadai. “If your mommy was a deer, she would be a doe. But I don’t think she would be a doe. She is a weasel, I think.”

Shikadai laughed.

“A weasel”, he repeated. “Like the ones eating bird babies?”

Shikamaru quirked his eyebrows up at Shikadai’s words.

“I guess they eat bird babies”, he said slowly. “But weasels can be nice too.”

 _Can weasels be nice?_ He had no idea.

“Daddy, daddy!” Shikadai said. “What animal is I? A stag or weasel?”

“You, little one…” Shikamaru considered carefully what he was about to say next. “You would be a tanuki.”

“A tanuki?” Shikadai parroted. “They are cute.”

Shikadai had only seen a tanuki on pictures in his great animal book in the bookshelf. There lived no wild tanukis in Wind Country, though they littered the forests of Grass Country, Fire Country and River Country. Shikadai hadn’t been particularly interested in the tanuki of the animal book and was infinitely more interested about learning about snakes and scorpions instead.

Maybe it was because he saw snakes and scorpions a lot more here.

“Shikadai.” Shikamaru swallowed. “Do you remember how many years you are turning next?”

Shikadai held proudly up four fingers.

“Four!”

“Good boy”, Shikamaru said. “And your birthday is just in a week. Do you remember what date your birthday is?”

Shikadai mulled for a while before shyly shaking his head.

“It’s the 23rd”, Shikamaru said. “And now, when you turn four, you are becoming a big boy. You will get a new friend.”

Shikadai looked up at his dad.

“A friend?”

“You will get a friend who only you can talk to”, Shikamaru said. “His name is Shukaku and he is a tanuki. And he has been so, so lonely for a long while now. He hasn’t had any other friends for a long time, and you will be his new friend.”

“Oh”, Shikadai said.

“And because he has been very lonely for a long time, he has forgotten how to be friendly”, Shikamaru continued. “He can be mean sometimes. It is important that you become his friend and teach him how to be nice, okay? And more important that you tell mommy or me, or Gaara, if he is being mean to you.”

Shikadai looked thoughtful as he sank deeper down in the bed.

“Okay”, he said. “I’m tired now.”

“Remember how Shinki was quiet when he first came to us”, Shikamaru tried again. “Shukaku might be the same.”

 _I’m scaring him_ , Shikamaru realised.

“Good night, Shikadai”, he said and leaned down to kiss him. “I love you.”

“Nighty”, Shikadai said.

Anxiety surged in Shikamaru’s stomach when leaving Shikadai’s room. He had a horrible feeling that the sealing won’t be a nice experience for Shikadai at all.

They will, for the first time in Shikadai’s short life, betray his trust in them.

They will press him him down on a table.

Keep him down with force if needed to.

Let the Sealer draw seals in blood on his stomach and poke holes in his body.

And let Shukaku enter him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My condoleances to anyone who has been through a miscarriage.


	15. The Blood Sealing and birth of a jinchuuriki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of this chapter is heavy, but I poured in some fluff after that! Bear with me.

_Shikamaru felt a noose thread over his head, felt how it tightened slightly. He had trouble breathing. He felt the barrel he was standing on sway a bit, and he was scared to death of loosing his balance. If he fell, he would hang. He heard someone snicker and he knew it was Nanashi, but he didn’t dare to look._

_The barrel got kicked from under him._

_He’s hanging again, he cannot breathe, he is dying –_

Shikamaru held his hands around his neck like his life depended on it. Temari sat in front of him, caressing his shoulders as she looked into his eyes and breathed with him.

“It’s okay”, she said. “Just breathe… just breathe with me.”

Shikamaru took deep breaths in and out. He hadn’t had those episodes in a while. Not the kind which involved flashbacks and the overwhelming feeling of being strangled and the agony of dying.

“You are not dying”, Temari said. “You can breathe, you are here with me, look at me, Shikamaru, you are not dying.”

He trusted in her and his shaky, hyperventilating breath stabilised as he followed the calming pattern of breathing Temari did in front of him.

“You are okay”, Temari said and carefully brought down his hands from his neck. “I am here. Just breathe with me.”

“I’m sorry”, Shikamaru sighed when he had calmed down enough. “Ugh, it’s such a drag when this happens.”

“Don’t be sorry”, Temari said. “I understand. Almost dying is a legitimate reason for those.”

“But they are annoying”, Shikamaru said, and now that whiny voice that genin-he used all the time was present again. He hadn’t whined in a long time. Not since Shikadai looked up to his parents and imitated them.

He was mostly frustrated, because he didn’t know this time why he got it. They had had a good breakfast together and Kankuro had come up from his flat to theirs and all of a sudden the panic had hit Shikamaru. Kankuro had quickly distracted Shikadai while Temari had dragged him to the bedroom to calm him down, so Shikadai wouldn’t have to see it.

It felt like a failure for Shikamaru. To have to hide from his son in this fragile state. But he wanted it himself. He didn’t want Shikadai to see him sweat and hyperventilate while gripping around his throat.

“Are you feeling better?” Temari asked gently as they heard Shikadai giggle loudly from the living room. Kankuro was probably tickling him.

“Yeah”, Shikamaru shrugged. “Let’s bake the cake for Shikadai now.”

They spent the afternoon celebrating Shikadai’s fourth birthday with cake and lemonade. Shikadai got presents and he and Shinki played with the puzzles he had.

The grownups sat by the coffee table, trying to not think of the evening.

Shikadai seemed so, so happy while he and Shinki looked at the colouring book Shikadai had gotten as a birthday gift. He did not know he had lost a younger sibling. He just knew he had a cousin to play with. He did not know he would go through trauma to get a demon sealed inside him. He just knew he was going to get a new friend but didn’t know when or how.

While the boys were occupied with colouring pages from the book, Gaara looked at Temari.

“I’m sorry”, he said. “I’m sorry for not being able to hinder this.”

“It’s not your fault”, Temari said quickly, while looking at her son sitting on the floor.

_It’s my own for stealing Shukaku in the first place. I just did what was right. How did it end up like this? This was not how life was supposed to go…_

Time was up.

“Come on, darling”, Temari said as she held Shikadai’s hand when they walked down the maze of Suna to the sacred temple by the mountain wall. “You are going to get your friend now.”

“Remember to tell us is he is being mean to you”, Shikamaru said. “He just wants a friend very badly.”

“Why is no one his friend?” Shikadai asked. He didn’t sound too happy about his new friend.

“You see”, Shikamaru said. “He was once very mean, and everyone was afraid of him. He doesn’t know how to be friendly.”

“Can’t Shinki be his friend too?” Shikadai asked. “We can share, and both be friends.”

_Sweet innocence of a child._

“Shinki can be his friend, too”, Temari said. “But you are going to meet him first.”

“Okay”, he responded and followed his parents into the temple. He looked at the statues along the walls with interest. The Sealer greeted them and by the table was a little baby goat. The living sacrifice.

Shikadai cuddled a little bit with the goat before Temari lifted him up on the table. He was pretty unsuspecting until he realised he wasn’t allowed to leave the table he was placed on. When the Sealer removed his shirt, he began squirming.

“Mommy, I want to leave”, he said and Temari wished for nothing more than for him to be unconscious during the procedure. But that is not how sealing works.

“It’s going to be okay, it’s only going to take a little moment”, she said as she looked into Shikadai’s eyes. “Trust mommy, okay?”

Kankuro arrived shortly after them. Gaara was not going to be present and Temari understood he hated this more than the rest.

“Are you ready?” the Sealer asked and they nodded. Kankuro held Shikadai by his shoulders down on the table, and he began whining.

“I wanna go away”, Shikadai whined lowly.

Shikamaru covered his eyes while Temari covered his ears as the Sealer slaughtered the baby goat right beside the table. He let the blood pour into a basket and when the basket was filled, he dipped his fingers and began drawing the seal in blood on Shikadai’s stomach.

“Go away, go away!” Shikadai began wailing.

“It’s okay, Shikadai, just lay down, it’s going to hurt less if you don’t move”, Shikamaru tried to say.

How do you explain to an innocent child why he had to go through this procedure? It wasn’t even for his own good. They couldn’t just say that _you’ll understand when you get older_. They couldn’t say that _daddy will die or go into exile and eventually get killed by Konoha if you don’t do this_. And they could absolutely not say _your life is the currency for your dad’s life._

His little body was shaking when the Sealer had finished painting. Then he lifted up the teakettle, in which Shukaku had been sealed for the last five years by Shikadai’s side.

“No…” Shikadai whined and made weak tries to move, but he was already exhausted from trying to flail around from before. “I don’t wanna!”

Shikamaru covered Shikadai’s eyes again when the Sealer exposed the needle used for poking holes in a pattern where he already had drawn the seals.

Shikadai cried when the procedure begun. Heart-breaking wails of fright and pain and confusion _why mum and dad had brought him to this place and why does he get needles poked into him and he doesn’t want this he wants to go home –_

“Do it quickly”, Temari hissed through the high-pitched wails. Anything to shorten this fright for her baby.

The Sealers pressed the needles with great care with into Shikadai’s stomach, only deep enough for them to puncture muscles and veins, before moving over to the teakettle.

This was it.

Shikadai’s final seconds as a normal child.

The seals on the teakettle were disintegrated by the fuuinjutsu of the Sealer and they all smelled the tanuki from inside the kettle. A nasty giggle rang through the temple, Shukaku’s chuckle.

**_I smell blood,_** his voice purred. **_Blooooooood!_**

Weak for the seals on Shikadai’s stomach and weak for the smell of blood, Shukaku’s spirit leaned in closer to Shikadai’s body and –

_Suction._

Shukaku let out a little yelp as he was drawn into Shikadai’s body and as soon as everything of his essence had entered the child the Sealer finalized the seal, and what had up until now just been blood drawn on skin turned into a blood red tattoo, fretted into the skin.

The Grim Reaper Seal was black as ink.

A Blood Seal was – as the name suggests – red as blood.

The Sealer cleaned the holes in his skin with a cotton pad; the holes were luckily so small and shallow that they’d heal in no time.

“It is done”, the Sealer said. “This boy is now a jinchuuriki.”

Shikadai cried untiredly as Kankuro let go of the harsh grip of his shoulders and he threw himself into Temari’s arms.

Confused over the whole situation Shikadai just clutched himself tightly to the one person who he at least up until now, trusted the most in the whole world.

“Good boy”, Temari said as she hugged him tight, and pressed kisses on his head. “I love you, Shikadai, you were so brave, so brave, my boy, I love you.”

He clung even harder against her body, shaking and snivelling into her neck.

“Mommy, it hurts”, he cried.

“You were so brave”, Temari repeated. “Come, let’s go home.”

She carried him the whole road home. He was already pretty heavy, but Temari was strong and used to carrying weights. Shikadai’s cries settled into dry hiccupping and then total silence. He didn’t say a word for a long time, a silence that increasingly worried his parents. Shikadai liked talking, and this behaviour was foreign.

“How are you feeling, honey?” Temari asked when they arrived at their home. Shikadai pinched his lips together, as if he didn’t want to talk. “Does your belly hurt?”

Shikadai shook his head.

They made dinner in silence. Shikadai didn’t want to eat, and even if he knew how to use cultery by now, he poked in the food and ate a few carrots with his fingers. Shikamaru and Temari allowed him to do it. They couldn’t afford being bad parents any more today.

“Do you hear any voices, Shikadai?” Shikamaru asked before bedtime. Shikadai shook his head.

“My belly hurts”, he said.

“Do you want me to blow on it?” Shikamaru asked.

“You should blow”, Shikadai said. “Daddy has to protect me.”

Shikamaru kneeled and gently lifted Shikadai’s shirt. The blood-red seal greeted him and his throat tightened. He blew a soft, warm breath on Shikadai’s stomach and lightly patted the seal.

“Does it feel better?” he asked.

Shikadai shrugged.

“Shikadai, I am really sorry for today”, Shikamaru said. “I’m sorry for holding you down, it was very bad of dad and mum to do so.”

Shikadai looked down at the seal on his stomach, tracing its edges with his finger.

“Does everyone get friends on the birthday?” Shikadai asked.

Shikamaru blinked.

“What do you mean?”

“I turned four and got a friend”, Shikadai elaborated. “Will everyone get a friend when they turn four?”

Shikamaru bit the inside of his cheek, wondering how he would dodge this wrecking ball.

“No”, he finally said. “You are a special boy, Shikadai. Only you have a friend inside you. Remember to tell me or mum if he is talking to you.”

“He isn’t talking”, Shikadai huffed. Shikamaru swallowed.

“That’s wonderful to hear”, he said. “Come on, little boy. Let’s brush your teeth.”

The incoming night frightened Temari and Shikamaru to death. They would now see whether Shukaku begins plaguing Shikadai immediately during the nights, or if he lays low for some time.

Shikadai went to sleep like normally and after listening to his secure breaths for over an hour Temari and Shikamaru went to bed themselves.

“Daddy?”

Shikamaru woke up by a small voice by his ear.

“Hi, Shikadai”, he said, suddenly bright awake. “Are you alright? Is the tanuki talking to you?”

“Can I sleep with you?” Shikadai asked. “I’m scared.”

Shikamaru turned around and grabbed Shikadai under his armpits, hailing the child up in the bed. Shikadai climbed down between them, feeling secured between his parents.

Temari rose from the bed to bring Shikadai’s pillow and blanket to their bed.

“Good night, my baby”, she said when Shikadai had made himself comfortable between them. “Wake us up if you need us.”

They did not sleep well that night. Shikadai had nightmares and cried in his sleep. He would whine _no, no, no, I don’t wanna take me away mommy daddy take me away I don’t wanna_ while squirming around and clutching his blanket. Temari gritted her teeth at his low, scared voice.

“We made a mistake”, she whispered. “Fuck this, fuck everything. Now there’s no turning back, if we remove Shukaku, he’ll die. He’ll _die_.”

Shikamaru didn’t say anything through the crushing guilt he felt as he held Shikadai’s small hand. Of course he felt guilty, because if he hadn’t done what he had done, Shikadai wouldn’t have been cursed in the first place.

In the morning, Shikadai looked at Temari with big, green eyes, when he woke up. He sat up in the bed.

“Yesterday was crazy”, he said with a serious voice. “They poked me, and it hurt.” He lifted his pyjamas to look at his seal. “And now I have a painting on my tummy.”

“Do you feel better now, sweetie?” Temari asked. Shikadai mulled over her question before nodding enthusiastically.

“Yes!”

“No voices?”

“No voices”, he said.

“You know what, little guy”, Temari said as Shikadai climbed in her lap. She ran her hands through his hair, quickly tying it up in a bun. “Dad is making pancakes for you. With jam and cream.”

“Really?” Shikadai’s eyes beamed and he jumped off Temari’s lap. He ran around the corner and squealed in the kitchen at the sight of pancakes. Temari smiled for herself.

Her son may have become the vessel of a demon, but as was proven in the war, it is possible to maintain a healthy life with your own demon. Eight Tail’s jinchuuriki had proved that a demon doesn’t have to be evil and a jinchuuriki doesn’t have to spiral out of control.

She will make sure Shikadai will feel safe, for as long as she lives.

“Shinki”, Temari begun at the dinner table. They had invited Gaara and Shinki to come down for pancakes, and Kankuro to come up to grab a few for himself. “Shikadai turned four yesterday. That means he is a big boy now.”

Shinki nodded and continued to pour jam on his pancake.

“And he has become a special boy”, Temari continued. “I am sure your father has told you about jinchuurikis, right?”

Shinki looked up at his aunt, face dead serious.

“When you seal a demon inside a baby”, he said. “That is when you become a jinchuuriki.”

Shikadai looked up from his own pancakes.

“A demon”, he echoed. His little brain clicked the two pieces together. “I have a demon friend!”

The adults around the table tensed up, waiting for what Shikadai would say next.

“Look!” Shikadai said and exposed his stomach to Shinki. “I got this on my tummy. This is because I am a big boy now.”

“You have a demon inside you?” Shinki asked.

“Yes!” Shikadai said. “His name is Shukaku and he is a tanuki.”

Children are amazing. When they are so small, they don’t have preconceptions about anything, especially not the things adults fear and hate. Shikadai and Shinki discussed demon tanukis for a good while at the table while eating pancakes. They talked as if they were discussing a toy or a game.

“It is now very important that you are a good friend to Shikadai”, Gaara said. “Never leave him alone. If he’s sad, comfort him. If he’s angry, help him calm down. I trust you, Shinki, that you never let Shikadai down.”

Shinki nodded. He would do anything for Gaara. He was so hungry for validation and affection – the poor boy – that he always obeyed Gaara. Temari wondered what he had been through as a little child, before he moved in.

Shinki took his job as Shikadai’s friend as an utmost importance. Every afternoon, when Shikadai came home from day-care he would climb down the stairs and the boys would play together.

It seemed to _work._ Even if Shikadai didn’t want to sleep in his own bed anymore, and slept in between his parents, he seemed to be a happy child.

The nurse at day-care said he had presented his seal to the other children, and most of the kids didn’t care their friend was a “special kid”. Kids at that age aren’t judgemental. They saw Shikadai as the same friend as he was before he turned four.

“We would have managed with a baby”, Temari mumbled one day. “We could have managed another baby.”

Shikamaru kissed her neck.

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault”, he said. “It wasn’t just meant to be.”

“I wonder if it would have been a girl”, Temari mumbled.

“I wonder so too. Especially now, I keep wondering what kind of person the baby would be”, Shikamaru sighed. “But, Temari. We have Shikadai. And he is all I need.”

Temari smiled a sorrowful smile back. They had agreed to not try for another baby. The political situation was too instable, and they still didn’t know how Shikadai would feel in the future.

“And you are also all I need”, he said and kissed her.

For a whole year Shikadai slept in bed with Temari and Shikamaru. They did weak tries to get him to sleep by himself again, but pretty fast gave up. They decided to let him sleep with them for as long as he fears sleeping by himself. Anything to try to patch the treachery they had done to him.

He would fall asleep in his own bed, but would climb up an hour later in Shikamaru and Temari’s bed.

Maybe he was going to sleep in his own bed once again one day.

Maybe he was going down a spiral of insomnia and horror one day.

There was no telling in how he will react to Shukaku once Shukaku begins the power battle over his body.

“Take this”, Aisuru, Shikadai's Wind Style teacher, said and let Shikadai hold the wooden fan. “How is the weight?”

Shikadai waved around the fan. He wasn’t strong enough to hold it upright, and the tip of the fan brushed the sand.

“Heavy”, he said. “Can’t really hold it up.” A few strands of his hair had loosened from his ponytail and he blew them away from his face in an annoyed huff.

“When you begin school, you can get a fan made of iron if you continue practising”, Aisuru said. Shikadai waved around with the fan a little bit more, before sticking it into the sand. He leaned against it with his arm.

“Why isn’t mum my teacher?” Shikadai asked, like he was challenging Aisuru.

“Because Lady Temari has to work so much with administration nowadays”, Aisuru said. “I’m sure you know we have to find other trades to get food.”

Shikadai fell silent. He was only five years old and was held in the dark when it came to the incoming war. But he was good at eavesdropping and picked up the worried tones in his parents’ voices. He had learned how to read and sometimes read the headlines of the newspapers.

_Kumogakure invades Iwagakure!_

_Will war break out?_

_Konohagakure mobilising_

_Kirigakure breaks trade with Sunagakure?_

_Should the Tailed Beasts be released?_

_Where is war hero Uzumaki Naruto?_

_All living jinchuuriki is to be brought to justice_

_Should jinchuurikis be captured or killed on sight?_

“I can trap you in my shadow”, Shikadai said instead and grinned at Aisuru.

“Oh, are you sure?” Aisuru laughed. “Show me, little guy.”

Shikadai had learned to mould chakra during the past months, and Shikamaru had learned him the basic Shadow Binding as soon as Shikadai managed to hold chakra in both his hands and feet at the same time.

“Ninja Art! Shadow Possession jutsu!” Shikadai yelled at the same time his small hands formed the Rat sign.

Aisuru let herself be swallowed by the shadow. The hold was weak, and she pretended to be trapped and unable to move, even if the shadow only managed to paralyse her legs.

“Oh, no!” she yelled dramatically. “My student paralysed me! What am I going to do?”

Shikadai burst out in laughter and his hold broke when he stopped concentrating.

“Dad showed me how to do it”, he said proudly. “And dad is really, really strong.”

Aisuru looked fondly at Shikadai. When she herself had been Temari’s student she had begged to snuggle with Shikadai every break they had had when Shikadai was still a baby, and Shikadai would often fall asleep in her arms. Her friends had joked that she could as well be the mother of him and Temari had only rolled her eyes at her.

She had become delighted when Temari had asked her to teach Shikadai the basic Wind techniques.

“You are going to be a great shinobi one day”, she said. “When your shadows become strong, and when you learn Wind Style properly.”

“And when Shukaku helps me”, Shikadai said and Aisuru shut her mouth with an audible click.

“What?”

“Shukaku says he can help me be strong, but he sleeps all the time”, Shikadai complained. “He is so boring. He says he doesn’t have a strong grip of my soul yet and that is why he naps. Sleep is better than humans, he says.”

Aisuru swallowed.

“Anyways, let’s practise the basic hold of the fan”, she said and Shikadai lifted the fan off the ground, like nothing had happened.

The first day of school, when Shikadai was six years old, arrived. Temari had to be away on a mission, to help the squads fighting the guerrilla war, to save whatever could be saved. Shikamaru was worried about her mission; as she had gone up north to help the squads Head of War had sent to slaughter the Konohan shinobi standing guards by the tax control station they had put up, and her life was in constant danger.

Temari was, according to their intel, Kill on Sight and Shikamaru didn’t know what he would do if she died. Continue living in her house with her brothers? Would he be kicked out and forced to find an apartment of his own and live as a single father in a country that wasn’t even his birth nation – hated by both this village and his past one?

“Little guy, sit still”, he said to Shikadai wriggling in front of him. “You can’t go to school with your hair all in tangles.”

He continued brushing Shikadai’s hair, while Shikadai wriggled in his lap.

“Are you nervous?” he asked through a fond smile.

“No”, Shikadai said. “Or a little. But Shinki is there so it’s okay.”

“Remember, that if someone is mean to you, you just tell the teacher”, Shikamaru said. “And ignore anyone telling you something bad.”

“Shinki said he’ll stop any kids from being bad”, Shikadai said. “Ow, dad, you’re pulling so hard.”

Shikamaru had just threaded Shikadai’s black, thick hair through the hair tie.

“Sorry”, he said. “Now you’re finished. Remember your backpack?”

“I wonder why I have to go to school”, Shikadai said. “I can read and write already. And I can count up to a hundred!”

“That’s a very good start”, Shikamaru said. “But in school you’ll learn to be a shinobi. You will be a ninja like mum and dad.”

“Shinki says I’ll also be a jinchuuriki”, Shikadai said. Shikamaru hesitated.

“You are already a jinchuuriki, remember”, he said. “But we love you no matter what. So much.” He glanced at the clock. “We will have to leave now, before we arrive too late.”

Shikamaru briefly visited the memory of his own first day at school. He would’ve arrived late if Yoshino hadn’t yelled at him to get up and get away. He had been tired and annoyed at Naruto and Kiba having a show of their own somewhere in the front of the classroom and he had been unable to sleep because of all the noise.

He walked hand in hand with his son down the maze to Suna’s Academy. Apparently the school had been opened the year after Suna’s attempt at the Konoha Crush all those years ago, when they noticed what success it was to have school classes instead of separating children into squads the minute they turned six and assign different teachers to them, with no communication whatsoever the teachers in between. The difference in skills between ninjas from the same age class had been huge, depending on their teacher.

The Academy had been a success regarding the social justice for the children. Now everyone was an equal.

Everyone who wasn’t a jinchuuriki and the son of a traitor assassin was an equal.

Shikamaru saw the other parents of the children that would attend the same class as Shikadai waiting outside the school building with their children. He saw in their eyes the disgust they felt for him, and to be honest, he was prepared for those looks.

But it had been years since he was a prisoner. It had been seven years since his arrival in Suna and he had successfully accumulated into their society, had a job and worked for the village since years back. He had together with Temari created the weapon the village so badly wanted.

He had payed his debt to this nation.

At some point they should be able to forgive him, right?

He wondered if some of them were there during his failed execution. Wondered if someone of these parents had seen him as the eighteen-year-old abused prisoner with a noose around his neck, seconds before Temari saved him.

Gaara was also there together with Shinki. They had come from the other direction, as they had been via his office in the morning before arriving to school.

“Welcome”, the teacher said to the heap of people outside the building. He looked proudly at his future students.

All parents and their nervous, bubbly six-year-olds turned their attention to him. Shikamaru and Shikadai did the same and that was when the teacher looked straight at them, and the repulsion in his eyes shone through. He looked at them like one looked at cockroaches.

Was it Shikadai’s appearance that repelled him so much? Just because Shikadai looks so… so _Konohan_ with his hair and hairstyle?

Shikamaru’s hair has been up in a ponytail for years since it grew out again. Shikadai had gladly accepted when Shikamaru asked if he also wanted to grow out his hair and sometimes said “dad and me-hair”, when referring to the thick, black Nara hair.

Because this was the first day the parents also came into the classroom as a support for their nervous children and they stood by the children’s school desks, as the teacher presented himself and briefly the programme of their first school year. Learning to control chakra, learning basic shinobi techniques, finding out their chakra natures, performing Maze Trails and learning survival skills in the desert.

After that, it was time for the children to present themselves.

One after one the children began presenting themselves. Shikamaru knew one or two of the parents from work and familiar last names were heard as the kids told about themselves. And then it was Shikadai’s turn.

“Hi!” he said. “My name is Shikadai of the Sand and I am a jinchuuriki!”

_Silence._

Shikamaru wanted to sink through the floor, facepalming in his mind. He had for some reason believed Shikadai understood that he was not supposed to flag his identity to unknown people.

He heard how one girl turned to her father, whispering:

“Dad, what is a jinchuuriki?”

The father looked straight at Shikadai.

“A monster”, he answered.

“Thank you, Shikadai”, the teacher said, voice cold as steel. “I look forward to get to know you.”

It sounded like sarcasm, something Shikadai wasn’t able to detect yet.

Next up was Shinki.

“Hi”, he mumbled, looking down at his desk. “My name is Shinki of the Sand – “

Gaara crouched slightly.

“Remember your new name”, Gaara said. Shinki cleared his throat, red in the face and embarrassed by the slip-up.

“My name is Sinki of the Iron Sand”, he mumbled. “I can use Magnet Release.” He looked up, all of a sudden with a new fighting spirit. “I am Lord Gaara’s son and I will become Kazekage one day.” He looked over at Shikadai. “And Shikadai is my cousin and I promised to look after him, because he has a demon inside him. And if any of you mess with him, I will kill you.”

Now Shikamaru facepalmed for real. This introduction went so not like he had wished. He could’ve told Shikadai to keep a low profile, to not make any noise and to keep his identity a secret and he could’ve asked of Shinki to not raise any suspicion. The teacher and headmaster obviously knew Shikadai was a jinchuuriki, but the classmates didn’t have to know. Yet.

“Thank you, Shinki”, the teacher said.

_School is not going to be too easy for these two, huh?_

After the presentation, the parents were ushered out of the classroom, when all the rules been cleared. The teacher turned towards Shikadai.

“As you all heard, Shikadai here is a jinchuuriki”, the teacher said. “A jinchuuriki is a person with a demon sealed inside their body. He bears a monster inside him. And I want you all to be careful around him. Keep an eye on him, watch him. If he shows signs of aggression or does anything to you, tell me immediately.”

Shikadai creased his forehead in confusion. He wasn’t cruel, why would they assume he’s aggressive?

“I would not…” he began but couldn’t bring himself to end that sentence.

“I want you to know, traitor child, that you have only one chance”, the teacher said. “One mistake, one misstep, one little show of your monster powers, and you will know how cruel this world can be to demons like you.”

“But I’m not…” Shikadai said.

“I’m sure you’re ‘not’”, the teacher said. “Be a good student now, Shikadai. Be a good shinobi.”

Shikadai looked down.

“Yes”, he mumbled, feeling alienated and embarrassed.

Deep inside him, a demon tanuki snickered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so Shikadai's journey as a jinchuuriki begins.


	16. A battle of two mothers

“Here”, Temari said and handed a cone of goat milk ice cream to Shikamaru. They sat on the rooftop, watching the sunset. The times they had savoured for themselves, for just the two of them, were few, so they worshipped nights like these when Shikadai was out with Shinki and they had a moment alone.

Temari had been during the last few years incredibly busy. Once a month she went up to the trading route to hunt down Konohan shinobi, to secure the wagons of the trading parties. The guerrilla war had been going on for months – no, years by now.

“Thanks”, Shikamaru said and offered a smile. Temari sat down beside him, leaning against him.

“My feet are tired”, she said as she began eating her ice cream.

“Of course they are tired, you just walked 200 kilometres home”, Shikamaru said.

“When I say my feet are tired, it means you should be offering a massage”, Temari said and poked Shikamaru in his side.

He laughed at her.

“You are troublesome”, he said with a voice filled of warmth and love. “I can give you a massage later.”

“You’ll fall asleep later”, Temari noted.

“Do you have to wake up 6:30 every morning for work, now, do you?” Shikamaru teased. “You’ve got two weeks off now.”

Temari smiled against his shoulder.

“And for good reason”, she said. “Because I’ve slept around five hours every night for two weeks.” She peered down to the ground below them, at Shikadai and Shinki sitting in the backyard of their house. Shikadai was laying on his stomach and Shinki was sitting in front of him. They seemed to have something of interest to talk about.

Shikadai was now nine years old.

He had been handling Shukaku pretty well during his five years as a jinchuuriki. Shukaku occasionally talked to him, usually complaining about how his soul was slippery because of that icky-sticky love he possessed, but he was a good Beast and lent chakra when Shikadai demanded it of him.

The seal on Shikadai’s stomach remained strong, making it harder for Shukaku have any impact on Shikadai’s psyche.

School was another story. Shikadai had good grades, but he didn’t like going to school. He didn’t like the feeling of being singled out as different, he didn’t like when his classmates shied away from him and he didn’t like when his opponents in the training battles almost always gave up before he had time to do anything. The lack of encouragement made him whiny and snappy.

Temari had discussed with the headmaster about the alienation Shikadai’s faced, and it was decided that anytime the class engaged in training battles, he would spar with Shinki instead, to avoid conflicts with the classmates.

“You have to remember that his condition will be held against him at all times”, the headmaster had sighed after one of their meetings. “If he would hurt someone, even if it was by his own powers and not the demon’s, his… jinchuuriki-nism, if we can call it that, will be blamed. Keeping him away from the other children is for his benefit.”

“I can’t force the other kids to be his friends, but I can demand your teachers to at least smile to him”, Temari had said. “If he keeps saying he doesn’t want to go to school because his teacher looks at him like he is trash, your employee might soon not have eyes anymore.”

“Of course, my Queen”, the headmaster had said. His head sank in a pitiful bow. “I beg your forgiveness for my teachers’ behaviour.”

Temari had just snorted at the headmaster.

“You’ve got one week to make my child feel better”, she had said. “If not, I’ll take actions into my own hands.”

It did work. Shikadai found a will to go to school and he began smiling and humming for himself while eating afternoon snack again when he came home from school.

Everything would be okay, if not for the pressing situation at the border.

“I have to go back next month”, Temari said as she finished her ice cream. “The next trading party is estimated to travel by the tax tolls around the sixteenth. I have to go there to ensure its safe passage.”

“I still don’t like that you have missions again in those parts”, Shikamaru sighed. “Because if Konoha gets you, they’ll kill you.”

Temari looked down at her hands.

“I carry cyanide pills on me”, she whispered. “If they would capture me…” She looked up. “I’d rather die by my own hand than let them execute me.”

_I’d rather die by poison._

Some facts are hard to accept. This was one of them.

Such is the life of shinobi. To kill or be killed.

“Please”, Shikamaru said. He had forgotten to eat of his ice cream while thinking about troubling matters and it had melted over his hand. “You scare me.”

Temari smiled at him.

“It won’t happen”, she said. “They won’t capture me. Trust me.”

Shikamaru was about to say something when he was interrupted by a little squeal from the ground level.

“Daa-ad! Muu-um!” Shikadai yelled from the yard below them. He had noticed they were sitting on the edge of the rooftop, with their feet dangling off the edge. “Are you eating ice cream without me? Unfair! I want ice cream too!”

“I do also want ice cream”, Shinki yelled quickly after Shikadai.

Temari laughed at the big, begging eyes and the pout of her son. She shot a smile at Shikamaru.

“Come on”, she said. “Let’s feed our little vultures.”

_This can’t be true,_ were the first words Ino could think of when she read the report her spies had given her.

Ino had been the past months assigned as a squad leader to one of the squads protecting the trade routes in the south. The guerrilla war had been going on for almost three years already in southern Fire Country, where Suna had dragged Kawa, River Country, into the conflict over the trading road. The size of the conflict was still on the smaller side, as no bigger army had been sent. But shinobi died so easily there. The Sunese squads were too deadly.

Every Konohan shinobi feared being sent to that trading route. They feared the brutal Suna shinobi hiding everywhere, ready to slaughter Konoha shinobi, if they happened to spot them. Tsunade had sent Ino there with a group of spies in hopes to find more intel of the Sunese shinobi, and to hopefully find a hostage to interrogate.

Ino had been anxious at the thought of leaving Inojin at home while she left for the border to River Country.

Inojin was about to turn nine now and managed fine at home, since he had her mother to make sure he got food and got in and out of bed, in the case of Sai being summoned to the Hokage’s office and being sent to who knows where, since he was on active duty.

“How long will you be away?” Inojin had asked.

_Sweet innocent little boy._

He was still attending the Academy, and struggled with using his chakra. At the moment Inojin was only able to create Ink Beasts, but he had still asked if he could join Ino on her quest to the trading route. Ino’s heart had swelled and ached at the same time.

“A month, or possibly a little longer”, Ino had said. “We’re just going to figure out why Suna is so mad at us.”

Inojin huffed and blew his wild fringe out of his eyes.

“I hate Suna”, he had said. “Why can’t they just be friends with us? They always have to do bad stuff all the time.”

Ino swallowed.

“I hate Suna, too”, she had said. _I hate Suna because they killed my best friend._ “That is why I have to go, to see if there can be any solution to the problems.”

“Can’t Suna just leave us alone?” Inojin had muttered.

“I wish they would”, Ino had answered. “Trust me Inojin, when you are older, there won’t be war. We will bring peace to the world.”

Oh, how she wished Konoha would be able to bring peace. This situation was the total opposite of what she wanted and dreamt of. She had for a split second sometimes after the Fourth Shinobi War believed that maybe, just _maybe_ peace could have been a solution.

In her heart Ino knew that active war was going to break out. These guerrilla fights in southern Fire Country was just the beginning of something big, something that will cover the maps of the continents. She tried to not think about how Kumo basically invaded Iwa after the Tsuchikage died years ago. She tried to not think about how Iwa had managed to steal another of the Tailed Beasts, Five Tails, and that was the sole reason Kumo began breaking in on their territory. She tried to not think about the horrors Inojin will suffer through as a child in a world on the brink of war.

She tried to not think of the possibility of Inojin becoming an orphan.

That was a few weeks ago, when she had been still at home and had not been living in a tent with her squad.

Her spies had brought her information. A brief report from a civilian town in Wind Country, where the spies have gone to look for information said something Ino did not want to hear.

_The civilians tell Suna has a jinchuuriki. All they know is it’s a boy. Probably not yet genin._

Suna has a jinchuuriki.

Ino must know more about this and made the decision to find a shinobi from Suna, someone who’s preferably in the higher ranks, a jonin, someone who knows who this jinchuuriki is, and if the jinchuuriki knows how to use Shukaku.

She remembered her chunin exams, the scene where Gaara almost destroyed Lee. She knew how dangerous a jinchuuriki without control could be. She had feared Gaara and his powers.

“Yamanaka.” One of her subordinates walked into her tent. “Your orders?”

“The Sand have made a jinchuuriki”, Ino said. “They have a jinchuuriki! Find someone from a Sunese squad and bring that person to me. You, Kakei and Hawara. I need all intel, now!”

Her subordinate bowed slightly and exited the tent.

Ino closed her fist, thinking back to when she had gotten the news that Temari had killed Shikamaru. Looking back to when she got to know Temari had stolen One Tail, the demon which now had a jinchuuriki.

Right before nightfall her spies came back with a hostage. It was a young man, with black hair in a short braid by his neck.

Ino had already prepared for doing the worst tricks possible to drag the truth out of the man, but to her surprise, he was quite willing to share secrets.

“What is your name?” Ino asked when the man was bound between two poles, in a position reminding of a crucifixion. They had torn his shirt off and his blue eyes flickered fearfully around the clearing.

“Ojiri”, he answered. “What do you want from me?”

“I heard you’ve got a jinchuuriki nowadays”, Ino said, sounding nonchalant. “What a coincidence, right? You know, once upon a time Konoha got news that your thief princess didn’t steal Shukaku, but oh, I guess that was a lie too.”

Ojiri just stared at Ino.

“Tell me about your jinchuuriki”, Ino said. “His name, his age, his powers, his appearance.”

Ojiri swallowed and sighed deeply.

“It’s Queen Temari’s son”, he said and Ino drew back.

_Queen Temari?_

“Why do you call her Queen?” Ino asked.

“She demanded that herself”, Ojiri muttered. “Because she gave birth to the jinchuuriki.”

“Interesting that she gave birth to a jinchuuriki”, Ino said. “I would imagine she wouldn’t want one in her family again. But then again… you Sunese are a cruel people. And Temari is the cruellest of them all.”

Ojiri snorted and Ino couldn’t figure out why.

“What?”

“Temari has gone soft”, Ojiri said. “She broke my arm once because I gave the Konohan prisoner what he deserved.”

Ino stared at him. The second after she realised who Ojiri was talking about she lunged forward and gripped his throat with one hand, nails poking into the sides of his Adam’s apple.

“What did you say?” he hissed. “Which prisoner? When? Speak!”

“A long time ago”, Ojiri said with a hoarse voice as Ino pressed on his throat. “Stop, I can’t breathe.”

“What was this prisoner’s name?” Ino asked as she brought down her hand. Ojiri looked at her and smiled cruelly.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, huh?” he said. “He was one of the shadow people.”

Ino bit down on her lower lip to hinder it from quivering.

“What. Was. His. Name?” she hissed through her teeth. “Speak, or you’ll wish you’d be dead.”

“Shikamaru”, Ojiri said.

“So he was a prisoner?” Ino asked. This was the first piece of knowledge of Shikamaru’s death Konoha had gotten. “For how long? What happened next?”

“He was hanged”, Ojiri said. Lied.

“So it wasn’t Temari who killed him?”

Ojiri shook his head. Ino drew a sharp breath through her nose before returning her hand to his throat.

“And what did you do to him to make Temari angry at you?” she asked.

“Cut off his hair”, Ojiri snorted. “Temari wanted to treat him like glass. She sneaked down in the dungeons to have _sex_ with him.”

“What…?” Ino whispered. This didn’t make sense. “So… Temari didn’t want to kill him?”

Ojiri didn’t answer after that and Ino resorted to her jutsu. She placed a hand on Ojiri’s forehead, and by now his body was too tired from the exhausting position he was forced to stand in. His feet reached barely the ground, he had to stand on his tiptoes and Ino knew his joints in his arms were hurting really bad by now. The young man didn’t stop her from invading his mind.

And in there… she saw Temari cut Shikamaru down from the gallows.

Ino became so startled she jumped out of Ojiri’s mind.

“He isn’t dead”, she gasped. “Oh my god. Shikamaru isn’t dead.”

_If the jinchuuriki is Temari’s son… then the father is…_

“Is Shikamaru the father of the jinchuuriki?”

Ojiri smiled to her.

“Yes, he is”, Ojiri said. “And he has wholeheartedly betrayed your filthy nation.”

Ino couldn’t believe it. Shikamaru was alive! And he had a son. She didn’t have time to feel happy for this announcement, as anger bubbled up in her body.

Shikamaru had _betrayed_ them. Put them through the agony and sorrow of loosing him. Did he know how his mother is withering away day by day, did he know how Choji didn’t eat barbeque for months and months because it reminded him too much of the friend he lost, did he know how Ino had _cried_ until she almost wanted to go mad?

Ojiri was still a prisoner inside one of the tents and Ino couldn’t sleep. She weighed different opinions, reaching with the Mind Body technique into the southern regions, trying to reach Suna. Suna was still too far away from her reach and something in her heart ached to reach Shikamaru.

She needed to report to Tsunade about the news – Shikamaru had betrayed their village, the jinchuuriki is his and Temari’s son – but something inside her made her hesitate.

She knew what the following orders would be.

_Find the child. Bring the jinchuuriki child to Konoha._

Instead of writing the report she decided to try to find Temari instead. Shikamaru was probably in Suna, too far away from the border to River Country, but Temari could be somewhere else.

As a Yamanaka, Ino had been used to storing the sensation of other people’s chakra. During her chunin exam she had memorized and stored the sensation of every participant’s chakra, if she ever needed to fight them.

The Sand Siblings had been no exception, even if she had gotten shivers from memorizing Gaara’s Beast chakra. Temari’s chakra was stored inside her memory too, so she just had to focus on that ounce of chakra from the chunin exams and –

She found Temari.

Temari was barely fifty kilometres south from here.

Ino stormed out of the tent.

“Are you leaving, Yamanaka?” one of her colleagues asked as he ate his night snack.

“I’ve got to find someone”, Ino said as she dressed her armour on.

“Have - have you been assigned a new mission?” the colleague asked.

“I am the squad leader and I assigned this mission myself”, Ino snarled.

“Do you need backup?” the colleague asked. “I don’t know what you are up to, but I strongly advise from rushing into unknown waters alone.”

“Thank you for your concerns”, Ino said.

“Where are you going?” the colleague. Ino sighed.

“Fifty kilometres south-west from here, a river”, Ino said. “Look for me there if I’m not back by sunrise.”

“What are you up to?”

“And if you can’t find me anywhere – send word to Suna that you’d like me back”, Ino continued. “I’m not afraid, I know how to handle torture.”

“But who are you looking for?” the colleague asked.

“A queen”, Ino said and left.

The signal became clearer and stronger the closer Ino got to the river where she had gotten the first hit on Temari.

Her kunai were ready in her pouch. For a split second Ino rushed forward with revenge in her mind, wanting to kill Temari for robbing Shikamaru away from them – but then she reminded herself that if the Sunese prisoner’s memories were correct, Temari had saved Shikamaru.

Hell, they had _gotten a child_ if her intel was correct.

_I need to find out if that jinchuuriki is their child for real,_ Ino thought for herself.

Yes, it was Ino’s job to find intel. She had worked at the Intel Division for a handful of years already and if she was honest, she was pretty good at finding information. But Ino also loved gossip and she loved knowing about her friends’ lives.

This wasn’t just about knowledge important to Konoha.

This was knowledge important to herself. She _wanted_ to know if Shikamaru was alive and if he was a father for real.

Ino sneaked carefully towards the camp and when she spotted two pigtails of wild, hey coloured hair her heart almost stopped.

_Think about Inojin. Don’t make him motherless._

She crouched down in the high grass, preparing her hands in the correct hand signs, but hesitated. Temari was all alone in the clearing. Flashbacks from Temari almost breaking Tenten’s back flared in front of Ino’s eyes. The cruellest kunoichi.

_Think about Inojin! Don’t make him motherless!_

Ino rose up from her hiding place, hands in position, and managed to just in time jump to the side to avoid the kunai coming rushing at her.

“Ninja Art! Sickle Weasel Jutsu!” Temari roared across the savannah and Ino threw herself down in a somersault to perform the substitution jutsu. The fake Ino clone the hurricane brutally attacked burst into the boulder she had switched bodies with.

Ino heard Temari run towards her and she quickly readied a kunai. When she sensed Temari coming close enough she jumped up from the high grass and propelled the kunai through the air, right at Temari’s face.

Temari brought up her fan and blocked the kunai, only to smash the fan backwards when Ino shunshinned to right behind her.

The end of the fan hammered right into Ino’s chest and she gasped out of pain and managed just in time block the incoming kick from Temari.

Temari moved her fan again and this time the side of the metal handle hit Ino straight in the side of her chest.

Ino fell hard on her back in the high grass and Temari came rushing through the air with the fan raised like a butcher uses an axe with the intention of killing Ino and –

Ino looked Temari straight in the eyes as she said the words:

“Ninja Art! Mind Transfer!”

Temari dropped down on her knees as Ino charged through her mind. Her hands let go of the fan, which fell to Ino’s side.

_I fucking hate your jutsu!_ Temari screamed inside her head.

_Calm down, Temari. I’m going to look through your head._

_Get! Out!_

Temari’s mind was wild as a wind and Ino had a hard time finding the relevant info. Temari began on purpose imagining ridiculous things just to throw Ino off and it annoyed her.

_Shut up, woman, and let me do my job._

_Force me. I dare you._

_Temari, did you save Shikamaru from the gallows?_

Her question got the reaction she wanted. Now Temari did, unwillingly and unknowingly, think of the memory from when she cut Shikamaru loose. Ino wanted to squeal of all kinds of different emotions when she witnessed Shikamaru’s dead weight against Temari’s arms as she felt what Temari had felt.

_Out of my head!_

Ino saw how Temari caressed Shikamaru for days, she saw how Shikamaru slashed through the metal of his forehead protector and for good severed the bond to Konoha.

_And the child?_

She heard the cries of a baby with dark hair and teal-coloured eyes and she saw the boy take his first steps and giggle as his father tickled him and she heard how Shikamaru held the boy close to his chest and whispered with the gentlest of voices: “ _I love you, Shikadai”._

Ino wanted to cry. Out of happiness that Shikamaru was alive and seemed to have a life he enjoyed and out of sorrow that Shikamaru had decided to have this life without her and Choji.

Then she felt a child bleed out of Temari, and she heard Shikadai wanting to help his mother from the other side of the bathroom door while Temari cried in the shower and she felt Shikamaru’s strong hugs as he comforted Temari.

_Yamanaka fucking Ino… get out…!_

Temari was beginning to tire out now.

_Is your child a jinchuuriki?_

Ino saw Temari and Shikamaru press down Shikadai on a table and she heard the wails of the little child as Shukaku was drawn inside his body and Ino’s heart cried for this boy because all she could think of was what if she would have to press Inojin down on a table to get a demon inside him.

She saw Shikadai grow up, she saw him learn to use the simplest version of shadow jutsus and she heard him ask “ _When can I get a weasel? Muuum, I want one too!”_ and she saw Temari smiling at her child, saying: “ _You have to get a little older for a weasel”._

_Ino… last chance… get out._

_He loves you, doesn’t he?_

_What?_

_Shikamaru… he chose you over Konoha, right?_

_Your filthy Hokage sent him on a suicide mission. I think anyone would reconsider where their loyalty truly belongs in that situation._

_Shut up! You put us all in war, for fucks’ sake, this is all your fault, Temari! If you haven’t stolen the Tailed Beast none of this would’ve happened, you wouldn’t have to put your own child through pain and suffering –_

_Get out!_

Temari broke finally free and as she leaned over to grab her fan Ino rolled over and for a split second got the chance to stab Temari in the side of her neck, but instead she stabbed Temari in the arm with the final kunai she had in her pouch. Temari roared and just as she got a good grip of her fan to attack Ino again Ino’s squad came into sight. So, she had been followed after all.

Temari knew her right place was to retrieve now. She was too valuable to be killed or taken hostage. The thought of Shikamaru being alone with Shikadai ate her insides. The cyanide pills were burning her through her pouch.

_Think about Shikadai. Don’t make him motherless._

A lightning jutsu struck right by her head, forcing her to crouch down.

_Think about Shikadai! Don’t make him motherless!_

Temari threw one final dirty look at Ino.

“Next time I see you I’ll kill you”, she hissed and shunshinned away.

Temari opened slowly Gaara’s door to his office when she came back to her home village. She was dirty and tired and the bandage around her arm where Ino had stabbed her was red of blood. Gaara stood up when she came inside.

“Temari…” he began. “What has happened?”

“Konoha knows”, Temari said and bit down on her lower lip to avoid showing that it was shaking. “Konoha knows about Shikadai.”

“Konoha knows about Shikadai”, Gaara repeated. “How?”

“Yamanaka found me”, Temari said. “That… _fucking_ mind reading – “

“She read your mind?” Gaara asked. “So, she knows about Shikamaru, too?”

“She knows everything”, Temari snarled. “And… one of our soldiers have gone missing and it’s suspected Konoha has taken him as hostage. Ojiri.”

“You think he would spill the secrets of our village?” Gaara asked.

“I don’t know”, Temari muttered. “That Yamanaka is a mind torturer, of course she can get any information she wants if he finds a mind to get on hold of! Do you think I willingly told her about my baby, huh? Of course not!”

“I never said you did”, Gaara said. “This is… of grave seriousness.”

Temari curled fists up in her hair, tightening her grip of the hair, wanting to bring herself harm because of how careless she had been.

“It’s my fault”, Temari whispered.

“Temari, you didn’t know she would be there”, Gaara said and his sister hit a closed fist in the wall beside her. Blood made its way down the wall from when the skin on her knuckles broke.

“They know about Shikadai”, she repeated, not moving her fist from the stone wall. Finally the pain began stinging with greater strength and she grimaced as she let her arm fall by her side. “They… _know!_ And it’s my fault.”

“Konoha knows about our jinchuuriki”, Kosan, Head of War muttered inside his office one floor below Gaara’s office. “Our queen was apparently too careless.”

Nanashi, Head of Torture, scoffed by her own desk. Head of War and Torture shared office, with two desks on either side of the room.

“Yamanaka Ino, huh?” Nanashi said. ”I remember her father from the Fourth War.”

“Did you work in the Intel Division?” Kosan asked. “How did you survive the Ten Tail attack?”

“I was there first during the preparations”, Nanashi said. “But they later sent me out to the front when the attacks began.”

“You worked with Shikamaru’s father?” Kosan asked and Nanashi hesitated before nodding.

“It’s a long time ago”, she finally said. “We’ve got more important matters to think about, like Konoha, who will most likely attack us when they learn we put Shukaku to use.” She mulled over what she was about to say next. “It’s time to begin training the jinchuuriki.”

Kosan looked at her.

“If what Gaara has told us is true, Shikadai can’t use Shukaku yet”, Kosan said. “Shukaku is still asleep inside his body.”

“He needs to be triggered”, Nanashi said.

“But to trigger a jinchuuriki is dangerous”, Kosan said. “I remember when Lord Gaara was young, I remember the rampages and the bloodshed. Our village is vulnerable as it is, we cannot risk Shukaku and Shikadai killing its inhabitants in a triggered rampage.”

“Rasa was an idiot”, Nanashi said. “He did everything wrong with Gaara. Maybe the rampages wouldn’t have been of such degree if Gaara didn’t have to be ostracised prior to the triggering. Shikadai has been treated like a little prince.”

“He is a prince”, Kosan said and Nanashi snorted loudly.

“A prince”, she mimicked, changing her voice into a childish, sarcastic tone. “He is a jinchuuriki and should be used as such. Gaara already has his heir, Shikadai won’t be needed as a Kazekage.”

“And are you planning to trigger him into releasing Shukaku for the first time?”

“It is in our nations greatest interest”, Nanashi said.

“Lord Gaara won’t give us permission”, Kosan said.

“Then we go behind Lord Gaara’s back”, Nanashi concluded.

Kosan hesitated, leaning back as he brought up the coffee cup he had had by his papers. The coffee was almost cold.

“Going behind Lord Gaara’s back would be counted as treason, if Shikadai kills anyone or wounds himself”, he said slowly.

“I only act in the best interest of our nation”, Nanashi said. “Konoha will attack us – do you remember that weapon Shikamaru proposed oh so long ago. The grenade launcher. I do have to admit that if – _if_ – such a weapon was used by the enemy side… You see where I am going here, don’t you?”

Kosan sighed and finished his coffee.

“Tailed Beast bombs are the greatest weapon we have”, Nanashi continued. “If Shikadai learns to use Shukaku, Konoha won’t win.”

Kosan sighed again out of renounce.

“I only act in our nation’s best interest”, Nanashi repeated once again and rose from her chair. “Have a good day, Kosan.”

Kosan did not hinder her from leaving the room.

Shikadai was in full motion of concluding a physics assignment they were supposed to solve in pairs. Shikadai was paired with Shinki, like always. He had done so ever since he began school three years ago and, to be honest, didn’t know the feeling of working together with someone who wasn’t his cousin from upstairs in their home.

He was content with the situation. No one wanted to hang out with him and he wasn’t invited to play with the other kids, but no one harassed or bothered him. Shinki, who by now had begun wearing an iron cloak since he learned to use chakra properly, scared everyone away and Shikadai was happy that his cousin cared so much.

They were the Kazekage family’s children after all and had all the future power by their feet.

“So”, Shikadai said and pointed at the paper with an illustration of the problem they were solving. “Look, Shinki. If we throw a kunai at ten kilometres per hour at this angle and our target run at fifteen kilometres per hour from point A to point B, we’re not going to hit them.”

Shinki took the paper and stared at the numbers Shikadai had written down.

“How do you know?”

“Because…” Shikadai muttered and continued to write down numbers. “Our kunai is slower. We must throw with more velocity – but we’re going to learn about that next year. But if we use the formula the teacher gave, we’re going to hit the target if our speed is…”

He fell silent as he began counting in his head.

“Shikadai?”

He was interrupted by the teacher towering behind them.

“Yeah?” Shikadai asked, looking up at his teacher with big eyes. “I’ve soon solved the problem.”

“Good job”, the teacher. “You have been summoned by the council. Follow me.”

Confused, Shikadai rose from his cross-legged position and after giving the paper and pen to Shinki followed the teacher out to the corridor outside their classroom.

Nanashi was standing in the hallways, smiling at him.

“Hello, Shikadai”, she said. “The council is summoning you.”

“Me?” Shikadai asked.

“This is a meeting of the upmost importance for you”, Nanashi said. “You are our jinchuuriki. This meeting concerns you.”

Shikadai threw an anxious look at his teacher.

“Go now”, the teacher said. “Don’t disobey our Head of Torture, please.”

“Is mum and dad going to be there?” Shikadai asked.

“Yes, they will be”, Nanashi lied. “Come now. Don’t make me wait.”

“I left my fan in the classroom – “

“Oh, the fan won’t be necessary”, Nanashi said. “I’m sure your teacher can keep it safe until you return, right?”

Shikadai fought down his suspicion and followed Nanashi. The council’s job was to protect him, right?

He did not know of the emotional torture his uncle had endured as a child.

He did not know that his teacher, after the rest of the pupils had gone home, pushed his desk away, thinking that Shikadai won’t return to school anymore after Nanashi was done with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh. Shit. 
> 
> Nanashi got Shikadai.
> 
> You thought you had seen the last of her? Unfortunately, not.


	17. The Head of Torture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, how do I even describe this chapter?
> 
> I think this chapter is even more intense than the execution scene.
> 
> This is a graphic chapter, in every aspect.
> 
> **Remember that even if this chapter is dark, the ultimate ending will be happy**

Shikadai had spent his fair share in the Kazekage’s building, running up and down the hallways with Shinki. Sometimes it had been just to barge into Gaara’s office, asking if they _pleeeaase could go to the bath house tonight?_ or to just ask something else of trivial nature. Sometimes it was to run into the Cryptic Divisions hallway to find Shikamaru and to ask him to help in a homework. Sometimes it was to find Temari, who jumped around from office to office, doing work here she had it, because they had gone into an argument and someone had to settle it for them.

Otherwise it was just to play around and to purposely annoy the shinobi working in the administrative business. They were children after all.

Shikadai knew where the council room was. But instead of leading Shikadai into the council room, which was up on the fourth floor, Nanashi walked down the stairs into the basement.

“Why are we having a meeting down there?” Shikadai asked.

“You’ll see”, Nanashi said and Shikadai, being a well-raised and most of the times a polite boy, followed her. He was taught to follow his superiors. And Nanashi worked for the village – worked to protect it from criminals. So, Shikadai believed in her and let her close the door with a soft _click_ of it locking behind him.

He looked around in the completely empty hall.

“This makes no sense”, Shikadai said when the darkness of the corners looked back at him. “There are no people here. There’s no meeting if the council isn’t here.”

Shikadai looked around in the hall, which was the same hall his parents had gotten married in.

“Where is mum and dad?” he asked. “You said they were going to be here. Where are they?”

Nanashi smiled at him, an unsettling smile that made Shikadai crossi his arms over his chest.

“You have failed as a jinchuuriki”, Nanashi plainly said. “You haven’t been able to unlock his powers.”

“Mum and dad say it doesn’t matter that I can’t use Shukaku“, Shikadai said.

“Has your dad told you that he isn’t from Suna?” Nanashi asked and Shikadai stopped whatever he was about to say.

“Uh, he is from here”, Shikadai said. “What do you mean isn’t?”

“Ah”, Nanashi said and she _enjoyed_ this. “So they haven’t told you, huh? This is going to be fun.”

“Told me what”, Shikadai asked.

“Shikamaru did once have another name. He was born as Nara Shikamaru.”

“What…?” Shikadai said, looking around in the stone hall. Looking for something comforting, anything.

On the other side of the room the great wall was covered in statues and mosaic artwork and Shikadai could see the first Kagekage fight Shukaku. His friend. His friend who was asleep in his body, only sometimes woke up and was cranky, saying he wanted some blood. Shikadai never gave him blood and Shukaku usually complained and fell back asleep.

The picture on the mosaic descripted the first Kazekage stabbing Shukaku with an iron spear, penetrating the tanuki’s ribcage right where the heart is. Shikadai felt unease spread in his stomach.

“Do you know why Shikamaru has a brand on his wrist?” Nanashi asked. “Sure you have noticed he is branded, right?”

“Yes”, Shikadai said. “It’s a tattoo.”

Nanashi couldn’t hold a chuckle inside.

“Oh, sweet little child”, she said. “Your father is from Konoha, born and bred there.”

Shikadai furrowed his brows. Konoha? As in, ‘we hate that village’-Konoha? Konoha, as in they-want-to-starve-us-and-fight-with-us?

Shikadai had been taught to dislike Konoha. Hate even. The teacher, when explaining geography, hadn’t spared his own vicious thoughts of each nation on the map. How Kumors are greedy, how Kirians are dishonest, how Iwanias are full of themselves – and how every Konohan is pure evil.

But his father isn’t evil.

“That is not true”, Shikadai said.

“Why did Shikamaru come here, you might ask”, Nanashi continued. “He came here to murder your mum. He tried to assassinate her multiple times – “

“That is not true!” Shikadai yelled. “Shut up! I want to go home now. This is the worst meeting ever.”

“There won’t be a home to return to”, Nanashi answered.

“Let me go now”, Shikadai said.

“It was I who branded your father”, Nanashi said and Shikadai stared at her with increasing fear in his eyes. “Because he was sentenced to death for trying to kill you mother. I burned him, I flogged him, I starved him, because your father is an evil, disgusting dog who deserved to _die!”_

Shikadai ran up to the door, trying to open it. It remained firmly closed, no matter how hard his fingers gripped the door handle.

“Let me out”, he whined to Nanashi. “Please…”

“But your mother had a weak heart and saved him from me”, Nanashi said, smiling at Shikadai. “She saved him and that, my jinchuuriki, resulted in you. And do you know why you became cursed in the first place? Because your life was nothing but payment for your father’s.”

Shikadai turned his back towards Nanashi, pressing his forehead against the iron door he was unable to open, as if hiding his face would help from the verbal attacks.

“No, no, no!” Shikadai let out when the words fully penetrated him. He lifted his hands and covered his ears.

_Your life was nothing but payment for your father’s._

“It’s not true”, he continued whining lowly, inside his own muffled bubble. “It’s… not… true…”

“They made you to serve our nation”, Nanashi said. “They never genuinely loved you. Do you remember the sealing? Do you remember how they held you down – “

_Your life was nothing but payment for your father’s._

Shikadai was scared. He was alone and no one protected him. He was only nine years old and had never seen nor felt horror since his sealing. And somewhere, deep inside him, something woke up.

**_You… mean nothing to them…_ **

“Suna will never accept you as one of us”, Nanashi said and Shikadai turned around and, hands in the Rat sign, commanded his shadow to stretch up to her and paralyse her. “You have never been one of us.”

“Keep your mouth shut!” Shikadai yelled. “You are lying to me, lying, lying, lying!”

“Yelling doesn’t help”, Nanashi said, not bothered at all by being caught in his shadow. She was, if anything, enjoying toying with her prey. “You are a half-blood, half of a Konohan trash, don’t you see that on your hair already? You look so damn Konohan I want cut it all off.”

Shikadai said nothing, because his focus turned inwards towards the deepest cracks in his conscious where a demon tanuki laughed at him.

**_They will never love you as you are…_ **

_My… my dad… my mum… no… no! They – they love me._

**_They cursed you! They made you bear me, ME! This woman here tortured your father, she almost killed him._ **

“What are you trying to say?” Shikadai asked and his voice was damn close to tear apart into desperate sobs. He was alone in the stone hall with this – this terrible woman and couldn’t leave, as he wasn’t strong enough to break through the door. And his fan had been left in the classroom. “Let me go, please, what have I done?”

“You have been born”, Nanashi said. “You have no place where you belong. Suna will never accept you as one of our own, you traitor child, and if you would go to Konoha – well, they’d kill you for who you are. Jinchuurikis are hunted down for sports, they want to tear you apart and Suna is the only place you are safe in.”

“I want to go home…” Shikadai whined.

_But where is home? Suna hates me… my home village hates me…!_

“I want mum and dad here!” Shikadai whined louder.

“Your parents asked me to tell you this”, Nanashi lied. “They wanted me to tell you that you were nothing but a currency. They don’t love you.”

 ** _You are hated, Shikadai,_** Shukaku told him inside his conscious. **_No one loves you for the one you are. You have only me._**

_No…_

**_Use your hate. Why should you show any love towards anyone when you know you’re nothing more than a payment?_ **

“You are about to be used as a weapon”, Nanashi said. “You are not a child. You are a monster and a weapon and if I would have decided you would’ve been raised chained inside my dungeon.”

_Snap._

That was it.

Shikadai felt something inside him snap as he allowed the demon tanuki to take control over him. Up until this point Shukaku hadn’t had the power to take over Shikadai, as he, precisely as Temari and Shikamaru had raised him, had a stable mind and was overall a happy child.

But no matter how happy and loved you are or have felt, this shock will shake your mind.

Shikadai had been triggered to release Shukaku.

And so he did.

He screamed, partly because he was so scared, as Shukaku had never taken control over him before and partly because it hurt his back and skin. A tail broke free from his back and when you have all nine years of your life had four limbs, the sudden growth of a fifth one freaks you out.

_A monster._

The shadow around Nanashi’s feet faded into nothing and she took a few steps back to avoid getting hit by the tail as Shikadai spun around to get a look at the new limb.

Shikadai couldn’t see this himself, but his eyes changed slowly eye colour to match that of Shukaku, black and gold. Nanashi smiled.

 ** _They hate you. They hate you. They hate you. You have no worth as a human. You are barely a human, you are a jinchuuriki. Were you ever human in the first place? You are cursed. Cuuuuuursed,_** Shukaku kept chanting inside Shikadai’s head. He enjoyed this. He enjoyed triggering Shikadai. Provoking was his favourite business.

To lose oneself inside triggered hate and being overtaken by a foreign chakra system from the inside of your body is painful, both physically and mentally.

Fur grew all over Shikadai’s body and one of his arms turned into Shukaku’s arm, with claws growing out of his hand.

“What is going on?” Shikadai yelped and, in total panic, did whatever a frightened child would do when fur begins growing in their face. It itched horribly. He turned his clawed paw upwards and ran the sharp edges of it along his cheeks, scratching up bleeding wounds.

Shikadai lost the battle against Shukaku. He was too scared, too hurt and too overwhelmed as he fell on his knees. Nanashi walked up to him, looking at his exposed neck like she once had looked at Shikamaru’s naked wrist. His neck was still not covered in fur and his light, smooth and unscarred skin was too much of a temptation for Nanashi.

Small blue flames in her palm, in a pattern like the kanji **鬼** ,meaning demon, erupted. She raised her hand above Shikadai’s neck, ready to brand him.

Shikamaru had expected Shikadai to be home when he came back from work, like usual. Their apartment was silent. Shikamaru peered into Shikadai’s room, but all he saw was darkness and a messy bed. He opened the fridge and saw that Shikadai hadn’t eaten the egg halves, his after-school snack, they had in the fridge for him. That was when he realised that Shikadai hadn’t come home at all after school.

He walked up a flight of stairs up to Gaara’s flat and knocked on the door before stepping inside. Shinki sat in the sofa reading a comic series he liked, with all his iron was collected in a pile beside the sofa. The boy seemed pretty content with laying nestled in the sofa after a day of school.

“Hi, Shinki”, Shikamaru greeted. “Did you walk home with Shikadai after school?”

Shinki looked at Shikamaru with confusion in his face.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the council meeting?” Shinki asked.

“What council meeting?”

“The one Shikadai was summoned to”, Shinki said.

“The council summoned him?” Shikamaru echoed. “What – who said so?”

“Head of Torture”, Shinki said.

“What?” Shikamaru breathed and a sea of past trauma and fear shuddered through him. “Na-Nanashi fetched Shikadai?”

The stuttering was embarrassing.

“Yes, he followed her”, Shinki said and didn’t get to add anything more as Shikamaru spun his heel and ran down the stairs.

_No, no, no! Not Nanashi!_

He knew what Nanashi probably wanted to get on hold of Shikadai’s sleeping powers and he _knew_ in his heart that she was in the process of triggering Shikadai to releasing them. To break down in heartache.

Shikamaru ran through the maze to the outskirts of Suna, right towards the prison building and the torture chambers. During all the ten years he had lived in Suna, he had not once been close to the prison. Not once had he stepped his foot into the market square below right by the prison where his failed execution once took place.

He was running hard now, making it easier to ignore the increasing heartbeat in his chest and the hyperventilating breath.

_Not Shikadai – if you touch him, I will kill you… I will kill you if you harm my son._

The market square opened up around him and Shikamaru maybe thought he could handle it. It had been ten years, after all.

But when he saw the building he had stared at when the noose was brought over his head, when he saw that said building had the same graffiti he had stared at ten years ago scribbled over the outer wall of the building, he lost control over his own body.

It felt so real. The feeling of being strangled felt too real.

_I am dying – I can’t breathe, I am dying._

His knees stopped supporting him and he crashed down in the warm sand. His whole body was shaking and he couldn’t move.

_I can’t, I can’t breathe –_

He began clutching his neck, trying to get the imaginary noose away from him. It felt like the ground was moving, like he could lose his balance and die.

_I must get to Shikadai. Move! Get up, get up, he needs you, you can’t be here…_

Shikamaru cursed himself for this great weakness. He couldn’t still get up on his feet, completely consumed by terror.

“Shikamaru?” Someone touched his tense shoulders and pushed him upwards, so he sat on his own calves, instead of leaning on all fours. It was Kankuro.

“Hey, hey, what is going on?” Kankuro asked while holding Shikamaru’s shoulders. “Shikamaru?”

He tried to talk, but his rapid breath made it impossible to form sounds, to get them out. His jaw was so tense he couldn’t move it by willpower.

“Okay, okay, I got this”, Kankuro muttered under his breath. “How do Temari do this?” He looked at Shikamaru, still hands on his shoulders. “I’m going to hug you. Do you think it’ll help?”

Shikamaru let himself fall into Kankuro’s arms and Kankuro squeezed his brother-in-law tightly.

“It’s okay, you are not dying”, Kankuro said. He just repeated what he through closed doors had heard Temari tell Shikamaru the times he got these episodes. “You are not dying.”

“Shi-Shikadai”, Shikamaru finally got out. “Nanashi has him.”

Kankuro stiffened.

“Nanashi has Shikadai?” he asked.

“She’ll… trigger him”, Shikamaru said, voice shaking.

“Fuck”, Kankuro said and, by taking Shikamaru’s hands, got him up standing. “This is bad. Come!”

With the help of Kankuro Shikamaru managed to get past the market square, where he once should have died.

They ran straight to the office floors of the prison building. Nanashi’s new apprentice, luckily not the ones who had guarded Shikamaru all those years ago, peeked out from behind a corner.

“Osoki! Where the fuck is Nanashi?” Kankuro bellowed and the trainee jumped back.

“My Lady is not here”, the trainee said. “Should I leave a message?”

“Have you seen Shikadai?” Shikamaru asked, panic slowly overtaking his voice.

“The jinchuuriki? No, he’s not here”, the trainee said.

“Damn it”, Shikamaru cursed and spun around to head to another part of Suna. He and Kankuro ran as fast as they could towards the Kazekage’s building.

_Please, let us not be too late._

They ran back through the whole town into the Kazekage’s building, but instead of taking the floor down to the basement where Shikadai was, they ran up the floor to Nanashi’s office.

The office was empty.

When they moved up to the following floor they found Temari. She was lazily flipping through mission records in an attempt of organizing her Wind Squads missions into the binders.

“Temari!” Shikamaru yelled to gain her attention. Before Temari had time to ask what was wrong, he blurted out what he knew. “Nanashi has taken Shikadai – she’s going to trigger him, we need to find him!”

Temari immediately dropped the papers, sending them twirling down to the floor around her feet. She brought up a hand to her mouth.

“Oh no.”

That same second Gaara opened the door from his office and looked frantically around him. His eyes found them and the shock in his eyes was more than enough for them to realise they were indeed too late.

“Where is Shikadai?” Gaara asked. “Shukaku… he has released Shukaku, I feel his presence.”

“I will kill that woman!” Temari spat out and drew her fan. “Where is he? Gaara, where _is my son?”_

Gaara felt for his former Tailed Beast’s presence and looked up at his sister.

“There are under us”, he said. “In the basement. Come!”

What if Shikamaru and Kankuro had taken the stairs down to the basement instead of the stairs up to the offices? Then they might have not been too late.

They stormed down the stairs and Temari caught a glimpse of whatever was flashing inside Gaara’s eyes and she understood it was serious. Shikadai had already broken down – _fuck –_ her baby has broken down and let hate and fright take over him.

The big metal door towered before them. Temari slammed her hand against the handle, and when she felt it being locked, she raised her fan and the strong wind broke the metal door. Inside they found their little boy in the greatest disruption.

The tail.

The fur covering almost his entire body.

His gold-black eyes.

And his _screams_.

“Shikadai!” Temari let out and, without thinking, without fearing that Shikadai could possibly hurt her, she ran up to him and grabbed his arm to redirect the claws.

“Don’t touch me!” Shikadai yelled back and, with the strength of his Tailed Beast, pushed Temari away from him with force. She hit her back hard in the stone wall with a gasp of pain.

“Shukaku”, Gaara commanded. “Let Shikadai go. Now.”

 ** _This boy is mine… I was put inside him, he is MINE!_** Shukaku’s voice echoed in both Gaara’s and Shikadai’s heads. **_He is not a person, he is an asset, an object!_**

“Shukaku, stop it at once!”

Now Shikadai had staggered back into a corner as he fought to gain control over the situation, and in the lack of places to run to, he turned to clawing himself out of panic.

“Temari, are you alright?” Shikamaru asked Temari when she got up from the ground. His voice was distressed, and he didn’t even look at Temari; he looked at his son, mind working hard to find a solution to the problem.

“I’m fine”, Temari muttered, eyeing her baby hurting himself. Her back ached but her heart ached more.

She looked over at Nanashi, who was hiding behind a pillar in the other end of the hall. She held her arm, apparently broken, against her body. Temari realised Shikadai must’ve broken her arm in self-defence.

“Nanashi! You… you hurt my son!”

Temari ignored the pain in her back – she couldn’t almost move her left arm due to one of the uneven stones in the wall being punched into her shoulder blade – as she walked towards Nanashi.

“Shikamaru, calm him down”, she said. “Help Gaara take control over Shikadai. I take care of Nanashi.”

“I come with you”, Kankuro said and removed one of his scrolls from his back, walking side by side with his sister towards their Head of Torture. “I’ve got business with her.”

Shikamaru turned his attention to Shikadai and formed his hands into the Rat sign. His shadow manifested and made its way towards Shikadai, and he did not like having to use his weapon against his own son, but in this situation, he had to.

The shadow connected to Shikadai and he became paralysed.

“Daa-aad”, Shikadai whined. “It hurts… it hurts in my heart!”

“I know”, Shikamaru said. He didn’t know what exact things Nanashi had told Shikadai, but he could imagine. How she’d told him he has no support anywhere in the world, that his worth as a human being is lesser than anyone else’s. “I am sorry.”

“Don’t come closer!” Shikadai whimpered. “I don’t know what is going on, it hurts everywhere.”

Shikamaru let his hands fall from the sign, but his shadow remained around Shikadai’s legs. He walked closer to Shikadai, knowing the shadow might snap, depending on how much chakra Shikadai will use. Of course the shadow will break if Shikadai uses Shukaku’s chakra on it, but he seemed too scared to be able to manually control it.

Now that Gaara was in the full motion of talking to Shukaku via the mind connection that still remained between the two of them, Shukaku didn’t seem to be too aware of Shikamaru closing in to Shikadai.

Shikadai used Shukaku’s chakra, probably knowingly, to restrain the shadow’s hold and raise his arms in defence.

“Let me”, Shikamaru said gently, but Shikadai raised his arms even higher, claws sharp and pointed towards Shikamaru.

“Shadow Stitching Jutsu”, Shikamaru said with barely any volume and his shadow divided itself into multiple whips, snatching Shikadai’s arms to bring them down. Shikadai’s sobbing increased. When the shadows had brought Shikadai’s arms down, Shikamaru took one step closer.

He lifted his own arms and hugged his son.

“I love you, Shikadai”, Shikamaru said.

The strongest weapon against the hate of a Tailed Beast is love. And nothing is stronger than a parent’s love.

Shikamaru felt Shikadai’s furry tanuki ear stroke by his cheek. He hugged Shikadai so hard and the boy was sobbing and sobbing and sobbing into his neck.

“I am so sorry for what she has told you. I love you so, so much.”

“I am a weapon”, Shikadai cried. “You don’t love me – I am not even human.”

“You are human”, Shikamaru said. “You are our boy. Ever since before you were born, I’ve loved you. Your mum loves you so much.”

Shikadai fell silent, his sobbing reducing into hiccupping and at some point Shikamaru trusted him enough to let the shadow stitching release his arms.

Shikadai hugged him back – with human arms this time. The fur against Shikamaru’s cheek smoothed out to soft skin and rough Nara hair and a human ear.

“It hurts in my heart, dad”, Shikadai sobbed.

“Let me fix the cracks”, Shikamaru replied, as he pressed his cheek against Shikadai’s head, looking at the tail slowly making its way into his back again.

Neither Temari nor Kankuro saw the progress Shikadai made. They did not see the hug Shikamaru gave him, or the scolding Gaara gave Shukaku.

They saw Nanashi through fire and flames, hate and revenge.

“You hurt my boy”, Temari repeated as she held the fan up to protect herself against the flames Nanashi directed towards her. The skin on her fingers suffered burns as she closed in on Nanashi, the flames licking her fingers she held around the fan’s metal handle. “Kankuro, Karasu!”

“You have coddled your jinchuuriki boy long enough”, Nanashi sneered behind the wall of fire. “It was up to me to make a difference for this damn nation. This is all your fault, Temari, _you_ became a target for the Konohan mind ninja, it is your fault! If he was still a secret, then none of this would’ve happened.”

“Shut up”, Temari said. “You… hurt Shikadai!”

“And rightfully so”, Nanashi said. “He broke my arm!”

“And what did you try to do to him, then!” Temari asked. The smile on Nanashi’s smile was thoroughly evil.

“I tried to brand him.”

That was it. That was the final straw for Temari.

Despite the flames, despite the heat, Temari flipped her fan closed and smashed the iron fan right into Nanashi’s skull. The bone cracked audibly.

She grabbed Nanashi before she had time to collapse and pressed her up against the wall, as blood flowed from the wound in her skull. Nanashi was still alive but her eyes grew distant by the second.

“I fucking hate you”, Temari hissed through closed teeth and cocked her body a little bit to the side, giving enough space for the puppet blade Kankuro sent flying to dig itself right into Nanashi’s throat. Nanashi let out a surprised gasp before collapsing down on the floor, with the blood puddle from her head growing as she died.

Temari did not spare another look at the body and turned around to run up to her baby and hug him. Shukaku had retrieved deep down inside Shikadai’s body again and a scarred and scared boy was all that remained of the ordeal.

“Shikadai”, she murmured in his hair. “My baby… I am so sorry.”

He pressed his face against her collarbone, cheeks wet and warm of blood and tears.

“Why did you do this to me?” Shikadai asked.

“I’m so sorry”, Temari repeated, not knowing what to say. “Whatever she said to you – don’t believe her, she’s a liar.”

Shikadai looked up at Temari, eyes bloodshot and cheeks stained with tears and blood from the claw marks. His eyes told Temari that he didn’t really trust what she said.

“I swear, Shikadai, she lied to you”, Temari said. “You are my baby, my only little boy. No matter who you are, I will always love you.”

She brought up a little cloth she had in her ninja pouch and pressed it gently against Shikadai’s wounded cheek.

“I feel bad”, Shikadai said. “I feel… bad. My head hurts. My chest hurts.”

Gaara shared a meaningful gaze with Temari and she knew he knew what Shikadai felt.

“I know. Come home”, she said as she stroked a few stay hairs that had stuck to Shikadai’s sweaty forehead. “Let’s go home and eat ice cream. Uncle Gaara will talk to you later and teach you all he know about controlling Shukaku. And remember, always talk to us if he torments you. Promise me you’ll tell us.”

Shikadai snivelled and dried snot against his sleeve. It turned red of blood.

“Yes”, he mumbled.

“Everything will be fine again”, Shikamaru said, though the words felt like lies. “Trust us.”

Shikadai only nodded, gaze fixed on the ground. Then he looked up straight at Nanashi’s body and Kankuro crouching beside her.

“She’s dead”, Shikadai said.

“She won’t bother you anymore”, Kankuro said as he ripped his blade from her body.

“Yes”, Temari said. “Someone else can clean up here, you don’t have to see her anymore.”

She redirected Shikadai’s gaze away from Nanashi’s body, and they walked up from the basement.

“I’ll come with you soon”, Shikamaru said over his shoulder. He walked slowly towards Nanashi, breath increasing. His tongue felt like it had been locked against the roof of his mouth when he stared down at the person who one almost killed him.

“We need to find a new Head of Torture now”, Kankuro said.

“Are you sad?”

Kankuro looked up at Shikamaru.

“Huh?”

“Are you sad she’s dead? She was a family friend to you before.”

Kankuro shrugged.

“Dad was friends with her dad”, he said. “But we never hung out, she was so much older than us. And no. I’m not sad. She deserved it.”

Shikamaru let out a long breath. In that moment, he felt like almost becoming free of the past ghosts from his torture.

Tsunade swallowed down the red wine in greedy gulps before wiping her lips and looking at her council members.

“Listen now closely”, she said to Homura and Koharu, the two elder members of their council. “Yamanaka Ino came back from her mission with news.” She looked over at Ino, sitting by the council table, with a rather stiff and nervous posture. “Please, Yamanaka. Enlighten us.”

“Nara Shikamaru is alive”, Ino said. “He was never killed by Temari of the Sand ten years ago. He chose to betray our village and is currently living in Suna.”

“Nara Shikaku’s son _betrayed_ the Leaf?” Homura gasped. “Is this true?”

“I’m afraid it’s true”, Ino said. “And there’s something more to it. Our intel told us the Sand has their jinchuuriki and I found out the jinchuuriki is Shikamaru and Temari’s son.”

The elder members stared at her, clearly surprised and shocked at the news.

“Both Asuma and Shikaku are rolling in their graves”, Koharu said. “Oh my… I had never imagined this is what lies ahead of us. Well, Lady Hokage, this is of grave nature, and it is in our village’s interest to interfere with the situation.”

Tsunade pinched her lips together, already regretting drinking all her wine at once and not spreading it out over the time of the meeting.

“Ino”, she said. “Shikamaru worked for the Allied Forces for a while. He must have known the contract all Kage’s and all villages agreed upon.”

“I guess he knew of the contract, yes”, Ino said.

Tsunade let an open scroll slide across the table.

“This is the contract we all signed”, she said. “Eleven years ago, after the Fourth Shinobi War. All nations made a promise to never use jinchuurikis again. We all signed this very contract, swearing on our honours that we won’t use the Tailed Beasts ever again as weapons. This was the reasoning behind our collection of peace, why we collected the Beasts in the first place. To ensure the peace, to ensure that no Kage was lying.”

She leaned back while Ino read the contract. It was true. Shikamaru and Temari had broken this contract of peace by letting Shikadai become a jinchuuriki.

“And then, one day, the Sand betrayed our trust and broke the deal of peace we had”, Tsunade continued. “And now they have, with the help of one of _our_ old shinobi, made a jinchuuriki.”

“Suna should be punished for this”, Homura immediately said. “We can’t let them get away with breaking the peace and mudding the trust we had in them. My Lady Hokage, our honour as a village lies at stake.”

“I am aware of that”, Tsunade sighed. “But to attack head on would be unwise.”

Koharu snorted. She and Tsunade had had many debates regarding the incoming war in the south before.

“They have committed a crime against humanity and peace”, she said slowly, as if Tsunade didn’t understand the common language. She turned to Ino. “How do you get hold of this information?”

Ino squirmed in her seat.

“I read Temari’s mind”, she admitted.

“You read the thief princess’ mind and did not kill her?” Homura asked. “How come you came home empty handed? Why didn’t you bring her here? She is to be killed on sight!”

“I didn’t manage”, Ino said. What she actually meant was: _I didn’t manage to make a boy motherless._ She remembered having the chance to strike Temari’s neck. She hadn’t taken it. “She escaped.”

“What is the boy called?” Tsunade asked.

“Shikadai”, Ino said and Tsunade snorted. The corners of her mouth did, however, point upwards.

“Shikadai”, she repeated, tasting his name in her mouth. “So, Shikamaru wanted the naming tradition to continue after all. Interesting choice for a traitor.”

“My Lady”, Homura said. “I hope you realise we have to do something. Suna has committed a crime against peace.”

Tsunade sighed deeply.

“When the time is right…” she mumbled for herself. “When the time is right, we’ll capture the jinchuuriki boy. We’ll capture him, and if Suna doesn’t follow our conditions, then…” She groaned in annoyance. “If Suna doesn’t play nicely after that, we’ll rip Shukaku out of him.”

“And Shikamaru?” Ino asked.

“I'd like to get him back here for interrogation”, Tsunade said.

Ino felt remorse grow in her body. She wanted to keep Shikamaru’s whereabouts as her own little secret, her own and hers alone. But she couldn’t lie. Her spies knew. Her squad knew. She just couldn’t just lie to her Hokage.

The meeting was concluded after a few hours of planning and discussion, and deciding that both Shikamaru and Shikadai was going to be kept as a secret from the common population of Konoha. Letting the news spread that Shikamaru had betrayed the Leaf Village would hurt their reputation.

This was all a secret. A secret scheme to capture the jinchuuriki boy - the traitor child - and his traitor father. Temari was still to be killed.

“And Yamanaka”, Tsunade said when Ino raised from her chair to exit herself from the meeting. “Thank you for this information. You deserve a promotion.”

Ino blinked in surprise.

“A promotion?”

“From now on you are no longer just an employee in the Intel Division”, Tsunade said. “From now on, you are the new Head of Torture of Konohagakure.”

“Is Morino Ibiki getting retired?” Ino asked.

“Yes”, Tsunade said. “And I think you would fit perfectly in that role.”

“Thank you, Lady Hokage”, Ino said and bowed deeply.

An employee of the Intel Division had entered the meeting. A Head of Torture had exited it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nanashi is dead! You guessed it, of course Temari kills anyone hurting Shikadai! I had a few ways of killing her in mind (smashing the skull/ strangling her to death), but essentially settled for both smashing the skull and slicing her throat.
> 
> But, oh. We got another Head of Torture to worry about. Ino.
> 
> And .... soon Konoha will come for them... 
> 
> (Deep breaths and think of the happy ending. The reader with keen eyes may see that I have added ch26 to the listing. I'm currently writing chapter 25, and yes. It will be happy).


	18. When the heart hurts

“I have now calculated our resources”, Head of Trade said as she began the council meeting. “We have enough food for everyone for a year. If the situation does not change for the better by then, we well have to begin rationing food.”

Gaara sighed. This was what he feared. He remembered the times when he was young and the situation was similar to today’s political climate. He remembered how the citizens of Suna spoke ill of Rasa’s rule, when the state had to jump in and control the food distribution. Every family had gotten a weekly food card – a list of groceries for the week. They had not been allowed to buy food not present on the list, or more than the list stated. Every time a family member went to the shop to buy food, they had to show their food card to prove they still were allowed to get one more kilo of cabbage. If they couldn’t prove they still had rations unbought for the week – no food.

Head of Trade had brought one of the old food cards with her to the council meeting.

“If we can’t change the situation, me and my team will begin to look over the food cards and make possible changes, before getting them out to print”, she said. “In a year, we will have to use them. From my calculations, it looks like we must switch away rice, it is too expensive compared to potatoes from Grass Country. If we decide to take that route, I already have a draft for a contract with their Feudal Lords. All fruit must be cut off from our trades, they are too expensive. We can count to have goat cheese and milk for everyone, as well as chicken, eggs and carrots. But that is about it.”

“Let’s look over our possible solutions to this matter”, Gaara said.

The meeting felt like endless. And in the end, after a heated debate, they came to a solution.

“This is all Konoha’s fault”, Head of War finally snarled. “If they hadn’t put up the tax tolls along the trading route, if they wouldn’t scheme against _our_ welfare, this problem would not exist! It’s time to make them pay.”

“It is true that Konoha put us in this situation”, Gaara admitted.

“The southern Fire Country has good soil for crops, my Lord”, Head of War said. “We need it. We _need_ more piece of land.”

“You want us to invade Fire Country”, Gaara said.

“Yes”, Head of War said. “I want us to declare war on Konoha.”

“To declare war right now is too early”, Head of Order cut in. “We need to build up our army. To gather chunin and prepare them. To select special squads and teams.”

“I have a short-term solution”, Head of History said. “Tea Country’s army is weak, and the country is poor. Their economy is dependent on their tea farms, however, that very soil they are farming their tea on could be used for crops too. I suggest we invade Tea Country first, to feed our people and army, and then, when the time is right, we attack Fire Country. We take back all the food they have stolen from us by taking their land. It is what is right.”

When the meeting had ended, two declarations of war were written.

One for Tea Country.

And one for Fire Country and Konoha.

“Shinki”, Shikadai said as he had stomped inside Shinki’s room without knocking. Shikadai and Shinki didn’t almost ever knock when coming up and down the stairs to each other’s flats, even if the parents tried to teach them that it’s polite to knock. “Let’s run away from home.”

Shinki blinked at his cousin.

“What?”

“I will run away”, Shikadai said.

“That would make you stupid”, Shinki said, narrowing his eyes.

“Give me one good reason to stay”, Shikadai said. Shinki smashed down the comic book he was reading.

“Your family”, Shinki said. Shikadai rolled his eyes.

“Family”, he mimicked. “A family lying to me. Ever since Shukaku took over me they have tried to explain that they only wanted to protect me, protect me from what? It’s not really a secret everyone hates me already.”

“Drop it, Shikadai, you are being silly now”, Shinki said.

“Oh yeah, how old were you when you got to know your father had lied to you about your mum?”

Shinki bit his teeth together, stiffening up like he always did when someone mentioned his mother. His mother, who had abandoned him.

“My father loves me”, he said in defence.

“Your mum neglected you”, Shikadai said, poking a needle exactly where it hurt the most for Shinki. “And your dad took you in only when your other family sent you away.”

“You are stupid!” Shinki growled. “People only dislike you because you have a demon inside you. You don’t have to take that out on me.”

“And my demon has never been a problem before for you, now, hasn’t it?” Shikadai snarled. “So don’t use Shukaku against me. Come on, let’s make sandwiches. We need something to snack on while we are on the run.”

He marched into Gaara’s kitchen, and as if it was his own, opened the fridge and took out sliced chicken.

“I don’t want to run away from home”, Shinki admitted. “And we have homework for tomorrow. I don’t want to fail.”

Shikadai muttered for himself.

“I already did the homework”, he said. “It was easy.”

“Easy for you”, Shinki said, pouting with his lips. “Besides, why did you do the homework if you want to run away?”

Shikadai opened his mouth to come with a comeback, but found himself at loss of an explanation. Instead he grunted.

“What a draaaag”, he said. “I’m just angry at mum and dad. Because they made me a jinchuuriki. I don’t want to be one anymore. But Gaara said I will die if they remove Shukaku, so I am stuck like this.”

“But you know, if you learn to control his powers, it’s not going to be a problem”, Shinki said. “Didn’t you already have a few training sessions?”

“I knoooow, ugh”, Shikadai said. “But it is so hard and he’s so strong. Where do you think we should head?”

Shinki thought for a moment, while helping Shikadai assemble food into sandwiches.

“If we run away from home, we should find somewhere to stay”, Shinki said. Shikadai put the food they had just prepared inside a bag he put on his back. “Shikadai… why do you want to run away?”

“Because I want to show mum and dad what I think about their selfishness”, Shikadai said.

“You can’t blame them for being selfish”, Shinki said. “It wasn’t like they wanted you to be cursed.”

“What do you know?” Shikadai said. “You are blessed with Magnet Release, of course everyone salute you as the next Kazekage. I am just… I am just their weapon.”

**_Yes, you are just a weapon, hehehehe,_** Shukaku snickered inside Shikadai.

_Shh, keep your snout shut,_ Shikadai hushed Shukaku back.

“You are more than that and you know it”, Shinki said. “You will become my advisor one day, just like Uncle Kankuro is father’s advisor and like your mum is father’s warrior.”

“You can’t stop me”, Shikadai said. “I have made my decision. If mum and dad want me home again, they can be prepared to beg for it.”

“Then I’m coming with you”, Shinki said. “I made father a promise; to protect you – “

“I don’t need protection!” Shikadai snarled, surprisingly aggressively. “I can kill if I want, if I just tell Shukaku to do it, he’ll do it for me.” 

“You are being irrational”, Shinki said. “Calm down.”

“Okay then. Stay here and do your homework”, Shikadai said. “When mum and dad come home, or when your father comes, tell them I’ve run away and don’t plan on coming back.”

“If Konoha gets you they will kill you”, Shinki said. “Is that what you want? You can’t run too far away from the village – besides, where will you stay? Shikadai, this is stupid. You are stupid for wanting to run away.”

Shikadai walked out of the kitchen and towards the stairs again. Now he was beginning to be pissed off for real.

“I have never been free”, he said. “There’s always someone watching me. Watching the me because I am a jinchuuriki or watching dad because he will forever be some traitor for Suna. And now I’m tired of it. I’m going my own way from now on.”

He marched out in the sun, feeling brave and absolute with his decision. It had been a few days since his triggering, days filled with all kinds of emotions he had trouble place. The nights were scary, the days were frustrating, and right now, he was so consumed by anger undoubtedly fuelled by Shukaku’s constant chanting at the back of his head, that he felt indifferent to the idea of getting captured and killed.

He didn’t get a chance to walk too far from the house before Shinki was at his heels.

“What is it?” Shikadai asked.

“I can’t let you go alone”, Shinki said. “I’ll come with you. I brought a blanket with me, too. And some toffee candy.”

“You can be a drag sometimes”, Shikadai said. “Come. We go northeast, towards Grass Country.”

The two boys passed the mountains surrounding their village and walked towards their destination. Just like Shikadai knew, he was being watched, and one of the secret spies looked over the mountain range as the future Kazekage and the jinchuuriki ran over the hills as fast as they could.

Luckily, this spy had better senses than beginning chasing them. He realised what was going on, as he had followed them ever since they left the house. Instead of hunting them with a squad, he sought out Temari.

“He is running away from home”, the spy told her. “I figured you could try to get him back, before we send out a squad to take him home by force.”

“You do not use force on him”, Temari commanded. “You said Shinki was with him?”

“If I heard them right, Shinki is only following him because he is worried”, the spy said. “Shikadai is the one causing all this trouble.”

_Rebellious child, damn it!_

“I’ll get Shikamaru”, Temari sighed. “You stay here. We can fix this ourselves.”

“But – “

“He is our son, we can handle it ourselves”, Temari cut him off.

“But –

“Don’t you dare stick your noses into Shikadai’s business”, Temari said warningly. “You may spy on him from the distance, but the second you come in closer, the second you trigger him, the very damn second you speak to him – I will kill you, just like I killed Nanashi. His life is between us and Lord Gaara and you better keep your distance, Ishiga. Now stay away as I bring home my child.”

A foul mood was brooding inside Temari when she found Shikamaru, casually snoozing sitting by his desk. Temari pecked a finger at Shikamaru’s cheek, waking him up. She was greeted with a look of worry.

“Temari? Is something going on?”

“He has run away from home”, Temari said. “Come. We need to get him back.” Shikamaru jerked up from his chair.

“Do the spies know where he is?” Shikamaru asked.

“Yes, they’ve got his location down”, Temari said. “But I forbade them from interfering. It would probably only anger Shikadai more.”

“You think he did it out of spite?” Shikamaru asked.

“Of course”, Temari said. “It’s powerplay. Didn’t you threaten with running away from home when you were a kid?”

Shikamaru snorted as a laugh.

“Of course not, it was too troublesome”, he said.

“Of course it was too troublesome”, Temari said. “But our kid seems to think it’s worth risking his own life just for the sake of it.”

“He is obviously upset”, Shikamaru said. “And to be honest, I understand him.”

“We can’t let them run aimlessly around in the desert”, Temari snapped. “Running away doesn’t solve this issue whatsoever, and he has to learn it. He probably thinks he can shake off the spies.”

Shikamaru followed Temari out and they began the chase for their child. Neither Shikadai nor Shinki knew yet how to cover their chakra, and they hadn’t thought about covering their footprints either. It was a windless day, so it was clear where their path took them.

“Did you ever run away when you were younger?” Shikamaru asked as they followed the footprints in the sand.

Temari snorted.

“Once”, she said. “After one of Gaara’s rampages. A girl I knew died and I was so mad and pissed off and I tried to leave. One of our spies found me and threatened to tell father about it. I became so guilt-ridden by the things he said to me I decided to stay and survive at home. It worked out in the end.”

“Please don’t guilt Shikadai into coming home”, Shikamaru said.

“Of course I won’t, you idiot”, Temari snarled. “I am worried for him! I’m worried he will get the same anger issues as Gaara once had, I’m worried he’ll begin to lose control. Shikadai running away from home because he is mad at us is wrong! He should come to us and _talk_ if something bothered him and not run away. Damn it!”

She wasn’t cursing at Shikadai and his poor emotional problem-solving skills. There was something else she was mad at.

Her lower lip began shaking as she continued staring in front of herself.

“Why are you so mad?” Shikamaru asked.

“Because – “ Temari began. “Because Shikadai has parents who love him. I didn’t. I never had a chance to talk to a parent about things that bothered me, I could only bottle it up until there suddenly weren’t any parents to talk to at all. And I’m frustrated that Shikadai doesn’t seem to realise how _lucky_ he is to have parents who love him even for what he is and say good night and good morning every day and help him with homework and comfort him when he is sad and – ”

She stopped, a hard hand furiously rubbing his face.

“I’m just worried sick”, she muttered. “I just want him to be happy…”

Shikamaru came up to her, giving her a quick hug.

“I’m worried too, believe me”, he said. “But we will find him and bring him home. And Shinki too.”

Temari smiled back to him.

“Let’s get moving”, she said. “The temperatures will drop when the sun goes down, and who knows if they’re equipped to handle the night in a desert… hell, do they even have enough water?”

“Let’s go”, Shikamaru said and they continued to follow the footprints.

This part of the desert wasn’t luckily an endless sea of sand, this part had tiny oases and rocks scattered all around, and by nightfall, when the temperature was only a few plus degrees and the sun had been replaces by a sky filled with stars, they found a little campfire in the distance by a bigger rock.

Thank heavens surviving in the wild was taught to children since the ripe age of six. Shikadai and Shinki knew how to make a fire.

By this time, Shikadai and Shinki had been on the run for multiple hours already.

“There they are”, Temari said, and as she took a step forward, Shikamaru put a hand on her shoulder.

“Let’s wait a little bit”, he said. “Let’s listen to what they are talking about before we interfere.”

Temari looked pleading at him.

“They have been on the run for quite some time already”, she said. “Shouldn’t we just get head on and ask him to come home with us?”

“It could make him defensive”, Shikamaru said. “Let’s be calm about it. Let’s eavesdrop, just for a little while.”

“Okay”, Temari finally sighed.

They shunshinned to the other side of the rock Shikadai and Shinki had decided to camp by, to eavesdrop at the boys at first. Shikadai and Shinki were still too young to be able to detect a shunshin, so they continued sitting in peace by the fire.

The temperature was still dropping. It was now zero degrees.

“I want to go home”, Shinki said while rubbing his legs. “Father will be so mad at me for running away.”

“At least your father loves you”, Shikadai said and a knife turned in Shikamaru’s stomach. How can his son think that about him?

“Your parents do love you”, Shinki said. “You know now why they made you a jinchuuriki, come one, Shikadai, don’t be like that.”

Shikadai grunted.

“I know, I know”, he said and bent over, leaning his forehead against his knees. “I’m hungry.”

“We already ate the chicken”, Shinki said. “This is your fault. If you hadn’t been so mad in the first place, we wouldn’t be here. It’s Shukaku doing this to you, isn’t it? If you would just stop listening to him, you wouldn’t have wanted to run away.”

Shikadai didn’t answer with words, but with a low whine from his throat. Shinki groaned and kicked some sand with his feet.

“I want to go home”, Shinki said.

Temari did an effort to walk up to them, but Shikamaru held her arm. His pleading gaze asked her to wait a little bit longer.

Then they heard a recognisable weak whine.

“I want to go home too…” Shikadai finally admitted. He remained stubbornly silent before they heard snivelling. “I want to go home too… but it’s going to be so embarrassing…”

“You just apologize”, Shinki said. “It’s simple.”

“I know…” Shikadai mumbled. “I miss my bed.” That was a fancy way of saying ‘I miss mum’. Shikamaru and Temari heard him whimper a little bit before they heard silent sobbing. “I miss mum and dad. They are probably so… so mad at me!”

“It’s going to be okay”, Shinki said. “You just apologize and they’ll forget everything.”

“Forget that I am a monster who just run away”, Shikadai mumbled through sobs. “Mum is never going to trust me again. She won’t ever forgive me. I was so stupid…”

Temari frowned at his words, swallowing.

“How am I going to go home again? Maybe it would just be better if I would just disappear”, Shikadai continued and that was enough for his parents to give in and expose themselves from the hiding place behind the big rock.

“Shikadai”, Temari said and walked up to him. “Shikadai, sweetie…”

Shikadai regained his posture fast.

“Don’t come close to me”, he snarled, like the agony he just had experienced didn’t matter. “I’m _not_ coming home!”

“Why?” Temari asked.

“Because… because…” Shikadai fought to find a reason. “I hate you! You made me like this!”

Temari and Shikamaru remained where they stood, not invading Shikadai, or coming closer.

“Running away from home won’t solve anything”, Shikamaru said softly. “You are who you are and you just have to live with it.”

“Beg”, Shikadai demanded. “I don’t want to come home and live with Konohan traitors!”

Shikamaru sighed deeply.

“Then I’ll wait here with you”, Shikamaru said. “I’ll wait until you want to come home.”

“Shikamaru, don’t indulge him”, Temari snapped. “Shikadai, come home with – “

“It’s okay, Temari”, Shikamaru said. ”You go home with Shinki. I’ll stay here with Shikadai until he’s ready to come home.”

Temari bit her teeth together, tensing her jaw. She looked at Shikadai, who had crossed his arms across his chest in a defensive manner, half turning his body away from them.

“Shikadai…”, she said. “When you come home… Then I will become so happy to have my boy home again. I love you.”

She turned around, hiding the increasing wetness in her eyes.

“Come, Shinki”, she commanded and Shinki rose up.

He seemed rather happy to get to return home. He followed Temari without questioning as they made their way back to Suna. When they couldn’t be seen behind the sand dunes Shikamaru turned to Shikadai, who eyed him with caution.

“Did you really try to kill mum?” Shikadai asked. “Back when you came to Suna?”

Shikamaru sighed.

“Let me tell you all about it”, he said. “But before I can talk about what happened between me and your mum, I have to tell you about the Tailed Beasts. You see, Shikadai, Shukaku is not the only Tailed Beast out there. He is one of nine.”

Shikadai’s eyes widened.

“There are nine?”

“Yes”, Shikamaru said. “And once, there were nine jinchuurikis too.”

“What happened to them?” Shikadai asked.

“They got captured and died”, Shikamaru told him. There was no point in trying to smother the truth with fancy epithets. “And since then most of the Tailed Beasts have been stored in Konoha. You know uncle Gaara was once a jinchuuriki too, and he was one of the few surviving. He had Shukaku, just like you, but you know that already. That is why we knows exactly what you are going through.”

He let the words sink into Shikadai a little bit.

“It is true I was sent to Suna to assassinate your mum”, Shikamaru continued. “She had stolen Shukaku from the storage in Konoha, and Konoha was and is still very mad at it. I was supposed to punish Suna for that crime.”

Shikadai blinked at him.

“You didn’t want to kill mum”, he resonated. “Hm. Makes sense.”

“So I stayed here”, Shikamaru said. “And the reason you are a jinchuuriki is my fault. Because I was left alive, our council wanted a payment for my life and that payment was you. But just because you became a jinchuuriki doesn’t mean we don’t love you. You are so much more than a vessel. You are a person, a human, a son and cousin and friend and student – so much more than a jinchuuriki.”

Shikadai was silent.

“I am so sorry for being the reason you became cursed”, Shikamaru said. “Come home, please. Running away from home is not the right answer, and never will be. Because if you run away, you never solve the problem.”

“Gaara said I’ll die if Shukaku is removed”, Shikadai said.

“I know”, Shikamaru said. “But removing Shukaku isn’t the answer either. The answer is how you respond to him. How you work around the hate he tells you. How you learn to befriend him.” He was silent for a little while. “I once had a friend who was a jinchuuriki. He befriended his demon, the Nine Tails and they managed to work together. Make that your goal. Befriend Shukaku.”

Shikadai smiled shyly.

“Okay”, he mumbled and Shikamaru saw in his eyes that he was thinking hard, mulling over the problem. That was his thinking face.

“Think it as playing shogi, or completing your puzzles”, Shikamaru said. “You must find a way to crack the code, to see patterns, and it’s all done by trial and error. See it as a trial you have to overcome.”

Shikadai looked at his father blankly.

“I feel like all of this is a trial”, he said. “Always must try, always prove. I would like to give up sometimes. Like this trial is too much for me.”

“No, please, don’t give up”, Shikamaru said. “Life is a trial for all of us and will always be. But it doesn’t mean you have to give up. Shikadai, you are so precious to me. Please, come home with me. Mum is so worried about you.”

“Mum is mad at me”, Shikadai muttered.

“She only appears mad because she is worried”, Shikamaru said. “And I worry too.”

Shikadai shuffled a little further away from his dad, staring intensely at his feet.

“Please”, Shikamaru said.

Shikadai let out a long sigh, which turned into a dry sob.

“I want to go home”, he managed to say between the sobs. “I am cold and hungry.”

Shikamaru held out his arms.

“Hug?” he asked.

Shikadai walked up to his dad and buried his face against Shikamaru’s chest.

In that moment, it felt for Shikamaru like Shikadai was only four years old and had just gotten a demon sealed inside him. He remembered how Shikadai had cried and clutched himself to Temari in a fruitless try to get comfort.

Now he was nine years old and clutched himself to Shikamaru for comfort. Shikadai will learn the hard way that living the life as a jinchuuriki is a great trial. And Shikamaru wanted to protect him for as long as he could.

“Let’s go home, shall we?” Shikamaru asked gently.

Shikadai nodded against his chest.

Shikadai returned to school the following week after being away on “sick leave” for a few days, and Temari walked with him to school.

“Is it because you think I will run away from home again?” Shikadai asked as he walked nonchalantly with his arms folded behind his head. “Trust me, okay?”

“I trust that you have learned from what you and dad talked about”, Temari said. “I’m proud of you for apologizing and for accepting our apology. I just want to check something.”

“Okay”, Shikadai said as Temari pushed open the door to the classroom and Shikadai walked inside.

It was dead silent in the classroom when he showed himself. His classmates stared at him like they stared at a ghost, but Shinki lit up at the sight of his cousin.

“Hi”, he greeted Shikadai, who stopped midstep when he realised something was out of place.

“Where is my desk?” he asked and gestured towards the empty space where his desk usually was.

“In the corner”, Shinki said and pointed to his desk, which was pushed away in the corner, and had already been used as a storage. Carton boxes and papers had been placed on it.

“Why is my desk there?” Shikadai asked.

“Yes, why did you remove Shikadai’s desk?” Temari asked, now looking straight at the teacher, who stood stiffly by his own desk, face rather pale.

“I firmly believed he would not be fit to finish his education, considering his condition”, the teacher said.

“Please, elaborate to my son why you didn’t think he’d be fit to finish his education?” Temari said and the teacher cleared his throat. Shikadai looked at the teacher, distrust and disappointment shining in his eyes. Another person who just let him down.

“I figured he’d be too damaged after the triggering”, the teacher said. “And enough talked about this. Shikadai is very welcomed back to our class. Thank you for bringing him here, Queen Temari.”

“If I hear a word about you segregating Shikadai one more time, I will have you fired”, Temari said, nodded shortly to the teacher and turned to her son. “Have a nice day, sweetie. See you when I come home from work.”

When she had left and the teacher as well as the other student breathed out after the chilling dust had settled, one of Shikadai’s classmates sighed out of relief and turned to Shikadai.

“Oh, so the monster came back”, he said.

Shikadai opened his mouth to snarl something back, but before he had time, Shinki had already risen from his desk and thrown an iron spear at the boy. The boy managed to duck under the spear and the teacher yelled a low: “Hey”, sounding more like a roar.

“If you talk bad about my cousin, prepare to die”, Shinki said with a voice cold as his iron itself.

“Shinki of the Iron Sand, no fighting inside my classroom”, the teacher snarled. “I will write a note to you father immediately about this.”

Shinki may sound and be threatening to his pears when they talked bad about Shikadai, but as soon as the threat to tell about his eventual mischiefs to Gaara was proposed, he shrunk into a little boy so horribly scared of abandonment. He would rather die than having his father know he crossed some line, because he feared having Gaara being disappointed in him.

It all began from his early childhood and from the abandonment from his mother and first family. That was why Shinki always wanted to follow rules.

“But Gohiro called Shikadai a monster”, Shinki tried.

“Gohiro only spoke his opinion”, the teacher said and turned to Shikadai. “And you better watch your mouth closely, Shikadai. I don’t want to hear you whine or complain at all this semester. I don’t want to see a single trace of Shukaku inside you and god forbid if you do something out of the ordinary.”

Shikadai stared at him.

“I have not once done anything out of the ordinary”, he said. “And I am no monster.”

“I remember when Lord Gaara was young and he terrorized his own village”, the teacher said. “It is my responsibility to make sure the village is safe. And if it is done by restricting you, I will do it.”

Shikadai, who never had got to sit down as there was no desk for him, walked up to the teacher and the teacher drew back, apparently scared. If Shikadai would release Shukaku, the teacher might not live to tell the tale.

“This is all Konoha’s fault”, Shikadai said. “Everything here is Konoha’s fault, the lack of food, the lack of medicine – everything, even _I_ am their fault. I was made a jinchuuriki to serve as a weapon in a future war, because of what Konoha did to us.” He looked now straight at Gohiro, the stupid boy who insulted him. “And one day, when I’ve learned to fully control Shukaku’s powers, I will go to Konoha and end their stupidity.”

He walked over to his desk, pushed in the corner, and swiped off all the boxes laid on it with a bang, sending them flying around his feet. Demonstratively he pushed it back to its normal place by Shinki’s desk.

“And then I will send a Tailed Beast bomb flying and kill everyone in Konoha”, Shikadai continued nonchalantly. “Because that is what jinchuurikis do. They kill people, right?”

**_Yes, they kill people,_** Shukaku whispered inside his head. **_And one day, when you are big and strong, we’ll make Konoha pay._**

Shikadai was acting, of course. He was, truthfully, unsure what to do. His nation wanted him as a weapon, his parents wanted him as a loving son and Shukaku just wanted blood. He was bound between three possible fates, unable to escape.

His big trial had already begun.

And in that moment, he felt a sharp pain going down the skin on his calf. He drew up his pants and saw how a claw mark appeared along his calf.

It was Shukaku clawing him from the inside.

Shukaku, who up until the triggering had for most of the time slept inside his body, had awoken, and was hurting him.

Gaara suffered once from insomnia. Shikadai was about to suffer in a different way.

“It’s black tea”, Yoshino said to Ino as she served her a cup. “I don’t really like green tea anymore. I don’t know why. I just begin to feel bad drinking green tea, especially strawberry tea. I can’t get it down, you see. So I only drink black tea nowadays.”

“You don’t have to explain, black tea is just fine”, Ino said and offered a gentle smile.

“During these past years I have become rather interested in different teas”, Yoshino said. “It’s so lonely here, so I make my own tea mixes to pass the time. What you got there is passion fruit, orange and tea leaves.”

Even if it still was a little bit too hot, Ino took a small gulp.

“It tastes wonderfully”, she said, even if the tea was so hot she didn’t even get the taste of it. They small talked for a minute or two and Yoshino told Ino more about her tea collection. Finally, Ino couldn’t pretend that everything was alright.

“Yoshino”, she said. “I met Temari on my mission in the south.”

Yoshino stopped her hands mid-air, leaving the cup a few centimetres from her face.

“Did she seem well?” she asked with a hollow voice.

“Yoshino, she never killed Shikamaru”, Ino said. “He is alive. He lives in Suna with her.”

Yoshino dropped the cup, hot tea splattering all over the table, and brought her hands up to her face.

“He’s alive?” she asked through her hands. “Oh, dear god, is he alive?”

“Yes”, Ino said and moved over to the same side as Yoshino, rubbing her shoulder. She wanted to say so much more, tell her about her jinchuuriki grandson, but she couldn’t say more than this. “I think he is happy.”

“Ino”, Yoshino said and took Ino’s hands in her own. “Tell me everything, please.”

Ino lowered her gaze.

“I can’t”, she whispered. “But I swear, he is happy.”

“Is he a traitor?” Yoshino asked.

“Yes”, Ino said.

“I… I see”, Yoshino said.

Ino didn’t tell her about Shikadai. She didn’t tell about the plots to capture Shikadai when the time was right. She didn’t tell that Temari was going to be sought out to be executed as a war criminal.

And she didn’t tell that Shikamaru also had a bounty on his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens! 
> 
> There will be a war....
> 
> (Currently writing chapter 26, the final one! When the next chapter is uploaded, I will have the complete story done! Woopwoop!)


	19. The final solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long author's note! **Please read this before you proceed!**
> 
> This is a really long chapter. Like, almost 7k word long. I apologize for the monstrosity of it.
> 
> This is also the chapter where we reach the events of Branded by Love, which was the first piece I wrote about jinchuuriki!Shikadai. What a fool I was to plan it to be in the middle of the events of Trial of the Heart, hehe. You might notice that the chapter count has raised to 28 chapters, and that is because I decided to incorporate Branded by Love into this story completely.
> 
> If you haven't read Branded by Love: Don't worry! Just sit back and read, you are not missing anything! This is the better and newer version of it.
> 
> If you have read Branded by Love: Don't worry either! I have edited and rewritten all the BbL chapters, which means this is a brand new version of the old one. 
> 
> **TL;DR** Just read and enjoy! You don't have to look for the other story, as it is in here for all of you to enjoy.
> 
> Also **TW: unsettling discussion about suicide**
> 
> pls don't hate me the ending is happy

War is a nasty industry.

War over Tailed Beasts seemed like a laughable thing twenty-five years ago.

Too bad that much had changed in those twenty-five years.

First jinchuurikis were hunted down and had their Beasts ripped out of them, causing them to die. Then the Tailed Beasts were used to create the freak Ten Tails and after that they were released into nature, after the Ten Tails was defeated.

One could have believed that would be the end of it. But no.

The Beasts were unreliable. They caused too much damage out in the wild. Beast after Beast they were once again captured with the help of Wood Style and Adamantine Sealing Chains, and were sealed inside different vessels, all of them inside kettles, except for Seven Tails who refused to stay in a kettle and was sealed in a hollow statue instead.

The reason Konoha did it was to keep the peace. To at least make the sacrifices of the past jinchuurikis worth it, to avoid letting the Tailed Beasts be exploited again as weapons, once their destructive forces were displayed. It had been a plan of peace.

Until Temari of the Sand stole One Tail as a protest against the monopoly Konoha had on the Beasts.

And the peace shattered.

Kumo closed their borders fast. Eight Tails jinchuuriki remained in hiding. Naruto, the Nine Tails jinchuuriki disappeared almost immediately after that, and it was speculated he either had followed Sasuke to the end of the world, or that he was with Killer Bee in Kumo. Other rumours said he had died by Sasuke’s side. No one knew where he was and Kumo certainly didn’t want to share whatever secrecy was going on inside their temples and mountains.

Maybe the shallow and cold relationship between Konoha and Suna would’ve remained somewhat stable for many years if Suna hadn’t done the mistake of creating a jinchuuriki. Maybe the cold relationship would’ve remained somewhat stable is the said jinchuuriki wasn’t of Konohan heritage – wasn’t Shikamaru’s son.

Maybe everything would’ve been somewhat easy to solve if Shikadai wasn’t a jinchuuriki.

But one can’t turn the clock backwards and one can’t go back in time to change all the dirty mistakes two nations had made for over a decade.

First came the tax tolls on the trading route Kiri used to bring over goods to Suna. Then came the prohibition to use those roads. Kiri began sending their food by sea, but most of the food had rotten before making it in time. Grass Country and River Country did their best to send food and medicine, but those countries were small and also poor.

Suna starved. Slowly, very slowly their food reserves became scarcer and scarcer. And they invaded Tea Country.

The invasion went perfectly. Within seven days all of Tea Country had been forced into submission, their tea farms destroyed to give place to crops to feed Wind Country.

Temari and Shikamaru did their best to turn their backs towards the crimes against humanity that were going on in Tea Country. Shinki, who’s mother was from there, acted indifferent to the violence going on in his old home country, and both of the boys, being children to the royal family, felt pride for their country. They didn’t grasp the cruelty going on.

Kankuro led some of the raids and he had never washed his hands so often. Temari worked with securing the new routes from Tea Country to Wind Country and her fan turned dull from all the attacks she had to perform. But it was all for the greater good. It was the greater evil against the citizens of Tea Country, but the ultimate good for the citizens of Suna.

And it _worked._ There was food once again!

But invading Tea Country was a short time solution. Kiri, who had been an ally with Tea Country became furious at Suna’s cruel invasion of that poor country and cut off all fraternity with Suna. All food coming from Water Country fell out of the calculations.

It was now more important that ever to attack Fire Country and Konoha. They needed more piece of land, but more importantly, Suna needed revenge.

War is, and always will be, a nasty industry.

And soon, even the citizens of Suna turned sour.

“Why can’t we just use our damn jinchuuriki to end this damn conflict”, the whispers in the streets said. “This is just like under Rasa’s rule. This same damn vicious cycle and no peace with Konoha or with anyone for that matter.”

“But at least the jinchuuriki isn’t insane like Gaara used to be”, the whispers answered.

“That is because Shikadai is a coddled little boy”, the whispers continued. “Didn’t you hear our queen killed Head of Torture when she managed to wake Shukaku? She smashed Nanashi’s head for Shikadai’s sake.”

“But when is he going to be used?”

“Who knows”, the whispers said. “But it better be soon. The jinchuuriki has to be used.”

Has to be used

Used

Used

Used.

Shikadai was now twelve years old. He graduated the Academy a few days before it shut down, locked the doors, because there was now a war to focus on and pre-genins were not high in the hierarchy of need. Besides, the teachers had been assigned other tasks.

“Now I can finally wear my forehead protector”, Shikadai said proudly as he mirrored himself in the smooth metal. In his mirror image he also saw the newest claw mark Shukaku had given him that night, two scratches running down his forehead and over his eyes. Honestly, it looked badass, but Shikadai knew it would heal within a day or two. His wounds always healed fast, and that was thanks to Shukaku.

How strange it is to be harmed and healed by the same demon, over and over again.

He let his fingers run over the Suna crest carved in the middle of the plate, smiling at it.

“How are you going to wear it?” Shikamaru asked. “Around your head?”

“I don’t know”, Shikadai said. “What about around the arm?” He pressed the forehead protector against his bicep, maybe a tad to hard as the claw marks there stung when getting pressure applied to it. Shukaku had been terribly angry at him the past week, because Shikadai had purposely ignored him, and it showed on his skin.

“Just like I have”, Shikamaru said and touched his own Suna forehead protector around his arm. “It would look good on you, too. Want to sew it to your jacket?”

“Hm, yes”, Shikadai said. “It could look good.”

He felt the scratches in his face.

“Because school got cancelled, they didn’t assign me a team”, Shikadai muttered. “The teacher only said I can cooperate with Shinki. And if we got a team, he would put either Araya or Yodo in our team. But Yodo is so annoying I don’t think I want her with us. But my teacher hates me anyways so I will probably get Yodo on my team.”

Shikamaru smiled to himself as he fetched thread and a needle.

“Why is Yodo annoying?” he asked, thinking of what he thought of Ino back in the days. He had also thought she was so annoying, and yet, they had grown so close. The ache of guilt had lessened during the years of living in Suna and now Ino and Choji remained as ghost of his past he stored in a little box of memories, and only once in a while took out to look at.

“Because she talks so much”, Shikadai muttered. “She babbles and babbles all the time. She wants me to use face paint too.”

“So you could all use the same war paint? Is it about team bonding?” Shikamaru asked.

“I wish I could use war paint, but it stings so much when Shukaku scratches my face it’s not worth the bother”, Shikadai said. “I’ve tried a few times to paint my face, but then he clawed right in my pattern and it stung really bad. Troublesome.”

_Oh. That was unfortunate._

“I’m sorry”, was the only thing Shikamaru could say to his son. He felt so bad for him it sometimes ached.

“Nah”, Shikadai said. “It’s okay. I mean, I can sleep at least. Being scratched is a small price for this curse.”

During the three years that had passed since his first triggering Shukaku had broken free a couple of times, but Shikadai had trained intensely with keeping him on track. That didn’t however mean it was easy. It was far from easy.

One day Shikadai went up the mountains again, alone. He didn’t really call it ‘running away’ per se, because he had all the intentions of coming home again, but the older he got and the more he realised what outcast he had become in his own society, the more he had to think. To just reflect over his situation.

 ** _Why are you sulking again, boy?_** Shukaku asked. **_Let’s do something fun._**

 _We don’t share the same definition of fun,_ Shikadai answered. _I’m just thinking._

 ** _You are so boring,_** Shukaku said and another claw mark along Shikadai’s neck appeared. **_We could rule this world, you and me. If you would just for one second learn to just let go and let me take control for once –_**

 _Shut up,_ Shikadai said, as he took out a kunai out of his pouch, strapped to his leg. He weighted it in his hand.

 ** _Why are you taking a kunai? If you’re thinking about hurting yourself, I can do it for you, little boy,_** Shukaku said.

 _I’m not going to cut myself, idiot,_ Shikadai snarled. _I’m thinking about cutting my hair._

**_Because of your father?_ **

_Maybe people would like me better if I didn’t look like him,_ Shikadai said. _They just see a Konohan dog in me too and I hate it. I don’t have anything to do with Konoha._

**_Except half of you is from there._ **

_If you would just stop scratching me in the face so I could wear face paint, that would be a wonderful start,_ Shikadai muttered, playing around with the kunai in his hand. _Then I could at least look like my own people._

**_Cut your hair, coward._ **

Shikadai let his hair loose from the hair tie, let his hand run through the dark strands and he gripped the kunai harder.

_Snap._

Well, that was one strand of hair down. Shikadai took the piece of black hair and stared at it, stared at the heritage he hated so much. Or no. He didn’t actually hate his hair. Only what it represented. It represented Nara, the noble clan of Konoha.

_Dirty half-breed._

That was what a random lady had called him in the streets one day when he had been casually walking downtown in Suna.

Shikadai sighed and threw away the strand of hair but did no further effort in cutting the rest of his hair. He laid down on his back, staring straight at the sun until it began hurting in his eyes.

_Wherever I go, people hate me for who I am. People hate me for being a jinchuuriki, people hate me for being half Konohan, Konoha hate me for existing and want to hunt me down…_

Shikadai stabbed down the kunai in the sand beside him and a few stray tears found their way out of the corners of his eyes. He blamed it on the stinging sun.

That little moment of self-pity and sadness was everything Shukaku needed. He launched himself at the cracks in Shikadai’s mind and Shikadai gasped and rolled over to his side as the tail tore out of him.

“You are not getting me!” Shikadai yelled into the sand as he fought over control.

 ** _You are hated, HAAATEEEED!_** Shukaku chanted. **_Let me dance, I want to dance!_**

Before Shikadai had time to collect himself his hands turned into paws with claws.

“Damn you”, he hissed. “Damn… you.”

The thought “I hate you” chanted through him simultaneously as the thought “I hate myself” entered him.

It was not easy being a preteen and having puberty looming right around the corner. It was not easy having no friend other than his cousin, it was not easy knowing that you are being watched because your nation doesn’t trust you one single bit, it was not easy when –

Pain shuddered through as he demanded Shukaku to _let him go please it hurts so much stop doing it!_ and Shukaku clawed him more aggressively.

“I. Am. Not. Going. To. Let. You. Win!” Shikadai panted as the ears made their way out of his head. “I’m not – I won’t – I am not a monster!”

**_Yes, you are!_ **

“Shikadai!” A familiar voice penetrated his mind and Shikadai forced himself to look up, even though he hated, _hated_ , when someone saw him in transformation. He deemed this as a mistake, as a failure from his part, to look half-human and half-demon and all he felt was shame for looking like a monstrosity.

Temari kneeled before him and hugged him tightly.

His parents felt no fear for him. No matter how deep into a panic driven attack he was, they always, without fail, hugged him. No matter how scared or how tense his nerves were, Temari and Shikamaru never shied from him.

“Shikadai, look at me”, Temari said as she cupped his cheeks.

It didn’t matter that his eyes were black and gold, she stared into them with a defiance everyone outside his family lacked.

“Look at me, sweetheart, everything is going to be okay”, she assured.

“Muu-um”, Shikadai sobbed. “I can’t _hold_ him.”

“Yes, you can, Shikadai, you can do it”, Temari said, now clutching his paw with force, digging her fingernails into the fur. “Listen to me, you can do it, look at me, everything’s going to be okay. I love you, so, so much.”

Shikadai lowered his head, letting his forehead press against the hot sand as he finally managed to calm down enough to regain his strength.

Without mum or dad dropping everything to help him every time this happened, he wouldn’t probably ever win over Shukaku. He would break every time and release Shukaku, lose himself inside the demon and letting him take over completely.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, take your time”, Temari said as she stroked her hand over Shikadai’s back. “I’ll be here the whole time.”

Shikadai growled as Shukaku was forced back into the deepest corners of his body and the ears drew back, the tail disappeared, and the fur smoothed out to skin.

“I’m sorry”, he cried, still looking down in the sand. “It is just too hard…”

“Don’t be sorry, honey”, Temari said, while still stroking his back. “I know, take your time.”

When the transformation was undone, and not a single trace of the demon could be seen on the outside of Shikadai’s body, he sat up. His eyes were sore, and he had a headache, like always after Shukaku broke free inside him.

“Come home”, Temari said and helped Shikadai up. She noticed the kunai and the strand of dark hair laying on the ground. “Were you cutting your hair?”

Shikadai grunted back.

“I thought people would maybe hate me less if I didn’t look like dad”, he mumbled.

“Oh sweetie”, Temari said. “Do you really think so? You know how dad like you having the same hairstyle.”

“I know he cares”, Shikadai said. “Sorry. I was just a little frustrated.”

Temari fell silent as she watched Shikadai pick up his kunai. Without a word he began walking home, under the troubled gaze of his mother, whose heart broke time and time again when she knew what suffering her son went through.

Gaara was waiting in their kitchen when they came home. The look on his face told them that he was carrying bad news.

“What is it?” Temari asked.

“We have now planned out attack on Fire Country. In less than a month, we will attack”, Gaara said, voice for once not silky smooth, carrying a hoarseness from night without sleep, from working so hard to find a solution to this conflict that began so many years ago. “I’m sorry I couldn’t prevent this from happening. I’ve tried and tried – “

“Gaara”, Temari said. “It is not your fault.”

“It’s not that”, Gaara said. “It’s just that…”

Temari wrinkled her forehead.

“Yes…?”

“Kosan has assigned you and Shikadai to the front”, Gaara blurted out. “Shikadai is assigned to be used as a weapon. His committee had written a document on it and signed it. I was not aware of this.”

In the situation of war, Head of War has veto right in matters concerning the army, including the greatest weapon of their nation. And the Kazekage can’t use personal feelings to stop his Head of War.

Shikadai swallowed, panic slowly filling his chest. _No, no, no, I don’t want to be used, I can’t, I can’t –_

“No!” Temari snarled. “That can’t be true! He can’t be used at the front – he can’t use Shukaku’s final form, he can’t use Tailed Beast bombs.”

Use Tail Beast bombs. Be used as a weapon, as an object, as a pawn in this war. The realisation hit Shikadai hard, all blood disappearing from his head and face.

_Be used._

**_See, you are nothing but an object,_** Shukaku snickered.

That was a little too much to handle.

“I’m passing out”, Shikadai said, as his vision blurred into dancing stars before his eyes turned themselves inwards and his brain turned itself to unconscious mode as all blood had drained from his head.

Temari managed to grab him before he hit his head in the stone floor.

“Oh god, Shikadai, wake up”, she whispered as he laid, pale as a ghost in her arms. “Gaara! Get water to him, quickly.”

Shikadai woke up a few seconds later, his eyes staring at his mother as they filled with water.

“I can’t do it…” he whispered, as a single tear fell down his cheek. “I can’t…”

Temari wanted to cradle him, to shield him from all the dangers of this world, to save him from the pain and suffering that came with being a jinchuuriki.

“I won’t let them use you”, she said as she stroked his hair. Shikadai sat up and accepted the glass of water Gaara offered him. He drank in big gulps. “Shikadai, I won’t let them use you.” She looked up at her brother. “Let’s talk. Come.”

She left Shikadai in the living room and dragged Gaara with her into her and Shikamaru’s bedroom.

“No”, she said again. “I refuse to let Kosan use Shikadai as a weapon, don’t you see that he is close to breaking down permanently. We can shut the fires when Shukaku gets released but one time it will be too much for him and he will fall sick. I can’t afford to put my child through that pain.”

“Run away”, Gaara said.

Temari blinked.

“What?”

“One way, or another, Kosan will get his will through”, Gaara said. “The council is against Shikadai. He will be used as a weapon, and they don’t care he will be damaged after that.” He sighed deeply and took Temari’s hands. “Look. I love you, Temari, and I am so happy for everything you have done for me and Kankuro. I know you love Shikadai so much and I know the village we love will want to exploit him.”

“I’m so torn in two…” Temari admitted. “I hate our council. I wish we could rewrite our laws.”

“It is too late to save Shikadai now”, Gaara said. “And the only right thing for me to do is to let you go.”

“What do you mean?” Temari asked.

“Run away”, Gaara said. “Flee. Take Shikadai with you and return when the war is over.”

“I do not run away from a fight”, Temari said, voice shaking. “We so many times brought Shikadai home after he walks out in the desert to – I don’t know – grieve the life he never got to have and now I can’t just contradict that by saying that we will flee our home.”

“This isn’t about you and your parenting”, Gaara said. “This is about your son. I can’t protect him anymore from the council. For three years, ever since his triggering, I have fought and fought for his rights to be as innocent as possible, to give him the most normal childhood I could, and now I can’t anymore. I have failed. The armies have gathered in River Country already. Konoha’s armies stand on their side of the border. We will attack them soon and the will respon, Temari! We will be at open war, and Shikadai will suffer.”

Temari ripped her hands through her hair, thinking, dreaming, wishing for all of this to be over so she finally could relax. To not live on her toes, to not having to always be ready to be by Shikadai’s side when he needed it.

She has failed. Failed as a mother, failed as a wife, failed as a queen.

“Temari, this is the final solution”, Gaara said.

“I must speak to Shikamaru”, was all she said.

The following day Temari and Shikamaru took their decision. Temari and Shikadai would escape and Shikamaru would later join them. Shikamaru had never really left Suna, never ventured too far towards the country’s borders, and the whole family leaving at once would make the secret spies too suspicious. They had to strategize.

Temari and Shikadai would try to reach Kumo, that had since long claimed to be a place where Tailed Beasts could go unharmed, as a part of the Raikage’s propaganda against Konoha. They would head north, and remain in an imaginary safe heaven for as long as needed.

Shikamaru and Temari sat up for almost the entire night while Shikadai slept.

They hugged.

They cried.

And they spoke of all the secrets they hadn’t dared to utter before. Temari, who always held her cards close to her chest, put them down and bared herself, the one she truly was, to her husband. They even made silent love together and it was bittersweet. To feel pleasure and bliss before hell would break loose around them.

And then right before crack of dawn, Temari turned to Shikamaru.

“Shikamaru…” she whispered. “I have been thinking.”

“About what?” Shikamaru asked, but deep inside, he knew.

“We have to walk through Fire Country”, Temari said. “We can’t take the route to the east, Iwa hates us and the borders are closed. We can’t by sea, because Shukaku will torture Shikadai if we move over open water.”

Shikamaru held her hand tight.

“We can’t risk Shikadai falling into Konoha’s claws”, Temari said. “I refuse to let Shikadai fall into their scheme and their wicked plans. If they managed to capture him… I – I figured…”

She took a deep shuddering breath. This situation had made her desperate. Really, truly desperate.

“I still have one cyanide pill left.”

Shikamaru stared at her.

“It’s a fast death”, Temari continued. “I would just give Shikadai it and – and he’ll never know suffering anymore.”

“Temari, you – you dare suggest you’d feed him suicide poison – “ Shikamaru breathed.

“Only if we would lose. Shikamaru, you must understand that I wish _nothing_ but happiness for him and he is not happy!” Temari cried out. “And I blame myself every day for it! I don’t want my baby to die. But I don’t want him to suffer either. And if Konoha gets him, it is over. Over.”

She didn’t have to look at Shikamaru to know he was crying.

“There has to be another way”, he said. “Temari, please…suicide is not the way.”

“It – it would only be if Konoha takes us” Temari said, without masking the desperation in her voice. “If we lose against them. It is the final solution. Just a quick swallow and then no more – “

Shikamaru hugged her.

“Stop talking”, he said in a strained voice. “Stop it, stop it, stop! I forbid you from using cyanide on him. You do not kill our son, do you hear me. This can’t be the final solution, it can’t be.”

She returned the hug.

“I love him so much”, Shikamaru whispered into her hair. “And I love you. What do I have to do to ensure you’ll both be happy?”

“Follow us”, Temari said. “Shikadai and I leave tomorrow, and you come and find us later when you get the chance. And then maybe, there is a happy life after this was is over.”

Shikamaru had never hugged Shikadai with such intensity as when he bid his farewell to his only child. The fright and the worry was eating him alive, but he masked his emotions in front of Shikadai.

“I have faith in you, little guy”, Shikamaru said and smiled to him. “Be strong. Trust your mum that she will do choices only for your sake. I will come after you when I’m finished here.”

“Dad…” Shikadai’s eyes shone of wetness. “Will I ever get to come back home? How long are we going to be away?”

Shikamaru wetted his lips, weighing his answers.

“We hope it’s only for the summer. Until the war is over”, he said. “And then we all can come home again. Trust us.”

_Trust us. Trust us when Nanashi took you and hurt you. Trust us, please, Shikadai, you have to understand we only want the best for you._

_We love you so much._

To remain in Suna after Temari and Shikadai had left was true suffering for Shikamaru. He evaluated the time for his escape carefully, while working. Now he wasn’t under the wing of the cryptanalysts of Suna, now he was working in the war department under Head of War. Head of War, who wanted to exploit Shikadai.

There was yet another sheet of paper to look over and form an opinion on, either accepting or refusing the offer. Which battalion of shinobi should they send to which part of the border, ready to attack when the war breaks out? Who should they send out to die against Konoha’s skilled shinobi? Who would be ready when Kiri comes from the east, trying to take back Tea Countries independence?

Shikamaru yawned, looking out of the window over the dark shadows cast by the mountain. He wasn’t alone in the office. His colleague’s daughter kept nattering on in the chair by the desk beside him.

He grunted slightly, wishing his colleague’s daughter would shut her mouth. His nerves were tense and his stomach anxious. The daughters babbling did not help him, because she reminded him of Shikadai during his good days, when he was filled with life and nattered on about his days.

He missed Shikadai terribly.

Because Suna’s Academy was closed as the teachers were practising the art of war right now, the colleague had taken with him his daughter to work, in hopes of getting her interested in Suna’s War Programme. He wanted to nurture her into the war business, to make her a future team member of the War committee. It was the only topic on everyone’s lips, after all.

Oh, how Shikamaru wished he could have Shikadai there with him, too.

The daughter kept nattering on and asked a million questions and wanted to draw stars in the corner of the map of Wind Country and Shikamaru couldn’t believe she was twelve when she behaved like a six-year-old. Shikadai would at least have pretended to be interested.

“I’ll check the mail”, his colleague said to his daughter. He threw a dark look at Shikamaru, who was brooding by his own desk. The only thing he could think about was _Shikadai, Shikadai, Shikadai._ “Don’t disturb Shikamaru, darling. Look over the battalion routes for me, until I come back.”

As soon as the man left the room, the girl turned to Shikamaru.

“Hi”, she said and spun the chair around.

“Hi”, Shikamaru replied, seeing this as an opportunity to not work. To think of something else than his starving son somewhere out in the wilderness. “How do you like your father’s work?”

“Hm, it’s boring”, the girl said. “Do you like it here?”

“I liked working with cracking code better”, Shikamaru admitted. “But I got transferred here when the war against Tea Country began. You do what you have to do even if it’s a drag.” He looked out the window once more. “I’d rather watch clouds all day, if I got it my way.”

“Clouds?” the girl said. “Where do you watch clouds?”

_Well, not here. No clouds in Suna._

“I was kidding”, Shikamaru said.

The girl looked at Shikamaru for a long time.

“You’re Shikadai’s dad, aren’t you?” she then asked and Shikamaru nodded.

“You’re in Shikadai’s class?”

“Yeah!” the girl said. “I think he’s cool. And cute. You know, he does these shadow tricks all the time and he’s really good at math. He corrects the teacher sometimes. Our teacher doesn’t like when Shikadai corrects him.” Shikamaru could almost discern a blush on her cheeks. Did this girl have a crush on his son? “But I never really talked with him. Shinki is so overprotective of him.”

“Shinki would probably let you talk to Shikadai if you let him know you were nice”, Shikamaru said.

“My mum says it’s ‘cause he’s the only one who can help Shikadai if he goes berserk”, the girl continued. “And she doesn’t think I should play with Shikadai, because he is the jinchuuriki. But I don’t care what mum say.”

As the girl nattered on, Shikamaru’s throat became tighter.

“You know what?” the girl said. “I think mum says a lot of stupid things. She also thinks dad should switch colleague because you’re a Konohan dog and a criminal, she says. But I think you’re cool. You seem chill. My dad is so strict.”

Shikamaru stared at her, and subconsciously drew his sleeve over his hand, completely covering the branded mark for criminals he had worn on his wrist for thirteen years.

“Dad says you payed your debt”, the girl continued.

“Uh”, Shikamaru said. “I think I’ve got to grab a coffee.”

Shikamaru closed the door and walked over to the kitchenette, placing his hands on the table. He remained like that for a while, just wishing that troublesome girl would get the hell out of his office and stop reminding him of all his sins. The brand for criminals, three thick, horizontal red lines and one vertical black crossing them all, on his left wrist did the job perfectly fine. He had lived in Suna for thirteen years now. He was one of them. Why did people still insist on calling him a Konohan dog?

“Shikamaru.”

His colleague came into the kitchenette. Shikamaru slammed his hands down on the table before looking up at his co-worker.

“Talking ill about one’s colleagues behind their back is not a nice behaviour”, he said with a heavy voice.

“Please, don’t start a fight now”, the colleague said. “We just got a weird message from Temari, written in code. I think it’s personal for you.”

Finally! The man held out a paper and Shikamaru snatched it from his hands.

“Oh”, Shikamaru said when he saw the message. It was Temari telling him they were ready and waited for him. He folded it carefully and put it in his pocket. “Well, it wasn’t anything important.”

He made himself ready to leave.

“Tell me what is going on”, the colleague said.

“This?“ Shikamaru flipped the paper. “It’s just a game Temari and I have. What? Can’t a man go to the bathroom without having his colleague breathe down his neck?”

“You’re lying”, the colleague said, more firmly. “Lady Temari doesn’t have time to send games to you right now. It’s about him, right? I know the Kazekage made a decision to use him as a weapon in River Country – “

It was true. To the public Gaara had told that Shikadai was going to be exploited at the front line. The family knew however that Shikadai was only there to prepare himself for the escape.

“I know”, Shikamaru said.

“You are obligated to tell us matters concerning our jinchuuriki”, his colleague said. “I don’t care he’s your son, his life was the payment for yours, Shikamaru. You made a choice. Lady Temari made a choice. Now accept it.”

“I.… know!”

“You may have Temari on your side, but you’re very ignorant if you don’t know what the rest of Suna thinks of you”, his colleague said. “Just because you fucked the Kazekage’s sister doesn’t mean the village likes you. I would have never let you live if I was the Kazekage.”

“You have made it perfectly clear that Suna doesn’t really like me, but I have paid my debt”, Shikamaru said. “So shut the fuck up. Have a good day.”

Shikamaru left the man, slouching down the maze to his home. He could not get any rest whatsoever. He was going to escape with his family now.

In the dark of the shadows Shikamaru left the house he, Temari and Shikadai lived in. He knew the secret spy guarding their house was always more prone to checking his right than his left, so the shadow crept up along the spy’s left side and around his neck, strangling the man until he passed out.

Shikamaru had done all the preparations, emptied the fridge, stored away all their belongings, you name it. The only thing he took with him, except for summoning scrolls containing clothes, blankets and more food for all three, was one shogi piece he had carried with him ever since Temari had commissioned the shogi board for him in prison.

The King.

One of the only ties he hadn’t cut from Konoha.

He had to act carefully. Anything to avoid the other spies of Suna to catch him run away. There were trenches everywhere as soon as the desert reached its end after one day’s worth of journey, where the endless pastures and the savannah began in River Country, before the long rivers took over the landscape and slowly changed the nature to the vast forests of Fire Country.

This was the closest he had been Konoha in over a decade. There was no reason to go home after pledging loyalty to Suna.

And now Temari and Shikadai waited for him.

He had studied the maps until they were burned into his memory, he remembered each tent, each trench, each route the battalions were taking.

The attacks on Konoha would start in the morning. He was almost too late.

Shikamaru found their camp early in the morning, before sunrise. Temari sat by the fire, gaze distant with deep dark circles under her eyes, but her smile was genuine, and it made Shikamaru’s heart warm.

“Hey, troublesome”, he greeted her. “You’ve survived out here?”

Temari rose up and threw her arms around him, almost crushing him. He gripped her around her waist and pulled her so close he possibly could get her. The three weeks they had spent apart felt so long and he drew a deep breath to sense her smell.

She smelled of dirt, sun and salty tears and when Shikamaru opened his eyes again, he was crying.

“Oh god, I missed you so much”, he said almost without volume.

“Hi, crybaby”, Temari said back to him, smiling a tired smile. “We’re okay. Shikadai is sleeping right now.”

Shikamaru looked over at the sleeping boy under layers of blankets. He moved slowly closer to his son and lifted the blankets just enough so he could look at the enormous claw marks and bruises on his body. Scratches by Shukaku, raw and sore on his arms and torso and bruises along the neck as if someone had strangled him.

_Damn that demon!_

Shikadai opened his eyes and focused on his father.

“Dad”, he said, and lifted his head. He smiled. “You came.”

“Yes”, Shikamaru said and now his nose started running, to accompany his tears. “Hi, Shikadai. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“It’s okay”, Shikadai said.

“Are you in pain?” Shikamaru asked. “I brought some painkillers with me.”

“I’m just tired”, Shikadai said and let his head heavily fall on the pillow. “Wanna sleep.” He closed his eyes.

“It’s okay.” Shikamaru reached down and placed a kiss on Shikadai’s temple and lifted the blankets to cover him again. “I love you.”

Temari grabbed his hand, embracing firmly her hold of him.

“So, tell me”, Temari said. “Did the spies see you?”

“I don’t think so”, Shikamaru said as they sat down by the fire. “No one was following me.”

They spend a minute or two in silence.

“Kankuro is devastated”, Shikamaru finally said. “He doesn’t show it – but I see it in his eyes and the way he avoided me. After I asked him… that thing.”

“But he understands”, Temari said, not looking at her husband. “It’s not his nor Gaara’s fault the village is run by the shadow council. He understands we needed to do this. But understanding didn’t make the goodbye any easier…”

Shikamaru pulled her close. She had lost weight during these three weeks; her hipbones didn’t usually stick out like that. And her jawline wasn’t as sharp like that. And her ribs didn’t usually poke out.

“Oh Temari…” Shikamaru said.

“He gave you more cyanide, didn’t he?” Temari asked. “You’ve got it?”

“For you and me”, Shikamaru said into her hair. “But let’s not talk about it.” He didn’t want to think of _the final solution._ The final damn solution.

His voice was shaking. “I’m so sorry.”

Shikamaru pressed himself against her, snivelling into her neck because he was so close to break down in tears.

“When I was a kid, I used to dream about having a simple life”, Shikamaru said, stabilising his voice. “I wanted two children, a boy and a girl, and I wanted to just breeze through life, play shogi and watch my children grow up while I grow old with my wife… with you. But life is unfair. Our other baby… and Shikadai… “ He had to take a deep breath.

“Shikamaru, please, calm down”, Temari said. “We won’t need to use the poison unless something bad happens. And it won’t. We will make it, please, believe in us. I’m tired, Shikamaru. So tired.”

Shikamaru snapped out of his worrying.

“Sorry”, he said. “I’m here. Now I won’t ever leave your side again, Temari.”

“You are mine and I am yours”, Temari said and placed a kiss on his lips.

“I am yours and you are mine”, Shikamaru replied. Their wedding vows.

“’Til death do us part”, Temari finished.

They hugged for a long time.

“Let’s rest”, Shikamaru said, bringing his hand through Temari’s tangled hair. “Or do you want something to eat? I’ve got cheese and vegetables with me.”

“I want to sleep”, Temari said, looking over at Shikadai. “He has missed you.”

“And I missed him”, Shikamaru said. “And you. Go to sleep, my troublesome. I’ll take the watch.”

“Are you sure?”, Temari said. “You look like you could use some sleep yourself –“

“Temari”, Shikamaru said, kissing the tip of her nose. “Go to sleep. I’ll protect you.”

“Hah”, Temari said. “I don’t need protection.” She kissed him.

After she had fallen asleep, Shikamaru let his hand run across her ribs. How little food had they had the past three weeks?

They can’t keep going on like this.

Shikamaru woke up by the sound of an explosion. He jerked out of the sleeping bag, but he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Shikadai and Temari woke up when the following explosion rang through the surroundings.

“Is Konoha coming for me?” Shikadai asked as he sat up, unable to hide the fear in his eyes. Ever since he learned that jinchuurikis, who had gotten captured in the past, had died, he feared captivity. He feared Konoha.

“We won’t let them take you”, Temari said.

“Let’s move”, Shikamaru said. “The war has begun.”

Ino snapped her eyes open and brought slowly down her hands from the Ram sign.

“I found them”, she said and walked out of the tent. Her tracking squad was there. The most competent tracking squad of all of Konoha. “25 kilometres east from here.”

Inuzuka Hana, with a nose as good as a wolf’s, rose from the ground. Her three wolves got closer to her.

“Let’s bring our traitor home”, she said.

Hyuuga Hanabi, with the eye prowess byakugan, walked out of her tent.

“Let’s bring the war criminal to her execution”, she said.

And finally, Uzumaki Karin, equipped with chakra chains powerful enough to bring down a Tailed Beast, joined them.

“And let's capture that jinchuuriki.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now, begins the most nerv-wrecking arc of the whole story! This is the final battle of Shikamaru, Temari and Shikadai's lives and happiness.
> 
> Also, because I have now written this whole story in its entirety, I will speed up my uploading schedule. I will now post every second to every third day! :)


	20. How to kill a Queen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so exited for the rest of this story I can't barely keep myself from binge uploading everything at once!
> 
> This chapter took four (yes, four) hours to edit, hopefully you enjoy it!

They quickly made their way north from their camp. They did not run, as the road was long and they needed their energy for many hundreds of kilometres to come. Shikadai was cranky and tired, and insisted on keeping kicking rocks with him, and the sound of it made Temari almost go mad of stress.

“Let him be”, Shikamaru hissed under his breath when he saw Temari’s mouth twitch to yell at Shikadai to _stop kicking those rocks, the sound is so annoying!_

“Yeah, yeah”, Temari muttered and settled to glare at her son, who slammed the side of his foot against one of the bigger rocks and sent it flying a good ten metres in front of them.

He was upset, they could see it at the way he was silent and tense.

Once they are in safety, or at least in Hot Spring Country, Shikamaru will give him the present he had stored in one of the sealing scrolls. A video game console, a game and batteries for at least hundreds of hours game time. Shikadai had wanted that game for a long time, talking about how some boys in his class had it, but they didn’t let him look at it. Shikamaru and Temari had planned to save the game console for his birthday in three months, but when they realised that Shikadai might… not maybe get to turn thirteen at all, they decided to buy it immediately for him.

Soon he’ll get his gift.

“Do you think they’ve got a sensor squad here?” Temari asked, looking around herself.

“I don’t know, we’re so far east from the epicentre of the battle”, Shikamaru said. “I don’t think they’d send resources here.”

“I was thinking about Yamanaka”, Temari said. “She has my chakra stored. And yours too probably. What is her range?”

Shikamaru fell silent.

“It used to be sixty kilometres, but I’m sure she has surpassed that”, he said quietly.

The first forest towered in front of them. Soon they’ll be in the coverage of trees and brushwood and they can rest a little bit more. Shikadai can drink and maybe get a short nap, and Temari could not wait to get to rest, even for ten minutes.

But just before the first trees greeted them Shikadai stopped and put his hands over his ears.

“That sound”, Shikadai said, voice strained. “It hurts my ears.”

“What sound?” Shikamaru asked, immediately by Shikadai’s side.

“That… whistle”, Shikadai said. “Shukaku doesn’t like it. He hates it. I hate that whistle. Make it stop, it hurts!”

“What whistle are you talking about, honey?” Temari asked, barely keeping her voice from yelling.

“Oh no”, Shikamaru whispered. “They know we are here. Shit! It’s a whistle we can’t hear, but he can! Shukaku can hear the whistle and so can Shikadai. They’re trying to agitate him, to – “

Shikamaru couldn’t let Shikadai break down and release Shukaku, not when they knew their son’s walls were wearing so thin. And Shukaku was right at the frontline right now, as a big claw mark slowly appeared over the back of Shikadai’s hand.

“Shikadai”, Shikamaru said, trying to get contact to his son, who indeed was close to the breaking point. “Look at me!”

Now when Shikamaru was so close to Shikadai he heard the whistle, a high-pitched piercing sound. It was aimed straight at Shikadai.

“Fuck. Protect Shikadai!” Temari shouted and opened her fan. “I’ll kill whoever it is causing that sound.”

She ran out in the clearing, fan ready and with bloodthirst clouding her stressed mind.

“GO!”

Temari spun around at the sound of a stranger and three giant wolves made their way of the forest. Temari shifted her fan, and made a tornado whirl around them, but the wolves were skilled and one of the three managed to avoid the deadly wind. The other two got thrown against tree trunks.

A woman with red inverted triangles tattooed on her cheeks, Inuzuka Hana, exposed herself, throwing a smoke bomb into the clearing.

“She underestimates me, that bitch”, Temari sneered and blew the smoke away with a strong wind. “Shikamaru! Get Shikadai to safety.”

Shikamaru pushed Shikadai in front of him into the shadows of the trees and Shikadai just wouldn’t put down his hands from his head.

“Shikadai, you are strong, you will make it”, Shikamaru murmured under his breath, the mantra he so often had repeated for Shikadai during the past year.

How on earth are the wolves functioning when this sound is crippling Shikadai, but not them?

Then Shikamaru got it. The soundwaves were probably so concentrated and focused on Shikadai that the wolves heard the whistle, but not nearly as piercing as Shikadai did. What jutsu is this, that allowed soundwaves to follow their target and attack them? Shikamaru heard Temari growl like a wolf in the fight against the three ninkens and that was before another Konoha shinobi attacked. Shikamaru’s throat tightened as he recognised the movement of the other kunoichi. A Hyuuga.

Hyuuga Hanabi.

Fucking hell, this is bad! Without thinking, Shikamaru placed a hand over the pocket where the tiny glass bottle containing cyanide was. This was not supposed to happen.

“Dad… it hurts.”

Shikamaru whipped around and looked with horror at his son. Shikadai lowered his hands and blood dripped out of his ears. The inner parts of his ears had taken damage. _Fuck, no!_ Shikamaru had time to give the risk that Shikadai had gone deaf a single though before he grabbed Shikadai’s shoulders and shook him slightly.

“Shikadai, I’ve got to find –“ Shikamaru tried to say at the same time as Shikadai began screaming, an agonizing scream as the blood from his ears poured down his neck. When he opened his eyes again, they were not his normal teal-coloured eyes, they were sand-yellow and black.

_Oh no. Oh no!_

Getting Shikadai to calm down after releasing Shukaku was a project taking time. It would take hugs and patient waiting and soft talking to him.

But there was no time now.

Shikamaru heard Temari growl as she fought against both Hanabi and Hana at the same time, keeping them as bay. But it was hard. They were melee fighters, and she was a mid-range. There were three wolves attacking her simultaneously as two kunoichi with different styles.

“Shikadai, I have to help your mum”, Shikamaru said and after a final glance at Shikadai, sitting on his knees and clutching around his own body, he turned around and ran up to Temari. Shikadai let out one final heart-breaking howl before the tanuki tail tore out of his back.

 _Shukaku will protect Shikadai, at least physically_.

Temari turned her fan and managed to hit one of the wolves in the head, smashing his head open like a watermelon. Hana Inuzuka cursed and yelled like a feral beast at Temari but had no time to prepare a proper attack before Shikadai stumbled out of the forest.

He was almost unrecognisable. The child he was could no longer been seen under fur and crazy eyes, with the tail whipping around behind him.

“There’s the jinchuuriki!” Hanabi yelled. “Let’s capture him.”

If Temari wasn’t filled with adrenaline, all blood would have drained from her face.

“NO!” she roared and prepared herself to attack Hanabi – to rip the woman apart with her bare hands, anything, because her son was _not going to_ be captured by Konoha.

She’d rather wish he’d die.

Temari turned around to run up towards Shikamaru, to gain some distance from the melee fighting wolves and kuniochi so she could attack and at least try to protect Shikadai, to stop him from hurting himself, to do something.

Something that didn’t involve forcing a suicide pill down his throat.

Tamari lifted her fan, swished it behind her back to gain more force and yelled:

“Wind Style! Wind Dragon!”

Then something happened.

Hana crouched down and yelled an earth style jutsu, and the jutsu activated fast, faster than Temari’s Wind jutsu and –

A pillar of stone breached the ground at an angle straight at Temari’s shin.

 _Crack_.

The sensation and sound of Temari’s shinbone breaking when the stone pillar hit her there with full force rang in Temari’s head.

She fell on her back and was not prepared for the sight when looking down at her leg. The raw, white bone stuck out of the skin, at an angle it certainly was not supposed to be at, and blood had splattered all over her knee and the welt of her dress.

That was when she felt the pain. It was so intense she blacked out for a few seconds after letting out a sigh.

She was not the kunoichi to give up. Not when the life of her son and husband was on the line. But god. The pain from the bone in splinters, the muscles torn to the sides and tendons ripped out of their normal positions was too much.

Her leg was destroyed.

_Shikamaru… Shikadai… This is it._

“Temari!” Shikamaru shouted.

He had caught the two remaining wolves and Hana in his shadows and was currently in the process of strangling them to unconsciousness, but he had to let go the grip of their throats when Hanabi walked up to Temari.

Shikadai was a bit away from them, still fighting his internal war and seemed to not be paying attention to anything but fighting with Shukaku over the control of his body. And that was when Uzumaki Karin shunshinned up to him.

_We lost._

Temari stared from where she was laying at Shikadai in transformation, stared at when a chain whipped around his pawed arm and snatched him down to his knees. The arm turned into a human arm.

_I must give him the cyanide!_

Another chain appeared out of Karin’s back, and it got twisted around Shikadai’s upper body. All of his transformation broke.

“Look at me”, Hanabi said and Temari had to tear her gaze from Shikadai to look up into the byakugan.

“Fuck you”, she said.

Hanabi raised her palm to hit Temari with a Gentle Fist in the chest and kill her –

A shadow reached Hanabi and locked her in place. Hanabi didn’t have to turn her head to look at Shikamaru, thanks to her visual prowess.

“Ah. The traitor.”

By focusing on paralysing Hanabi, Shikamaru left his back open. He had just enough time to twist his head at the sound of someone approaching and Hana’s closed fist hit him right in his face. His nose burst out in a cascade of blood.

Temporarily shocked by the punch in his face he stumbled, and gasped out of pain when Hana stabbed him in the chest with a kunai. The shadow snapped around Hanabi, who hit him in the chest with her palm. The single painful motion from the Gentle Fist attack threw him like a ragdoll by Temari’s side.

“A traitor and his queen in our territory”, Hanabi said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. She looked over her shoulder, to the blonde kunoichi walking up to them. “Did Karin get the jinchuuriki?”

“Yes”, Ino replied. “He is now in his human form. Chained.” She looked down at Shikamaru and bit down on her lower lip. “Go and help them. I’ll stay here guarding these two.” Hanabi opened her mouth but before she had time to interject Ino spat: “Go, then!”

Both Hanabi and Hana, and the two remaining wolves walked away. Ino remained towering beside Temari and Shikamaru.

“Ino – “Shikamaru tried. “Please…”

“Shikamaru, this isn’t you place to speak”, Ino said, voice totally emotionless. She looked over at Temari. “I’ll let you have a moment.”

Shikamaru turned his head over to look at Temari.

_This was not how life was supposed to go._

“Tem?”

“Shikamaru… They’ve got Shikadai”, Temari whispered.

“I know”, Shikamaru said. He tried to reach out to her but the pain in his chest was so great that moving his arm was impossible. He was lucky that only the lung seemed to have been punctured, the heart was fine. He coughed up blood. “Give me your hand.”

“The poison”, Temari said. “Shikadai needs it… We must… give it to him.”

Shikamaru tried to haul out the glass bottle from his pocket, but Ino walked up to him and snatched the bottle from his hand. He tried to resist her but when he put pressure on his muscles in the arm his chest spasmed in pain.

“Ino…” Shikamaru whispered.

“Give that back!” Temari snarled and made an effort to sit up, only to let her upper body fall down back again.

Ino twisted the bottle in her hand to look at the small capsules inside it.

“Cyanide”, she said. “Death within minutes after one capsule of these, huh?” She looked over at Shikadai in chakra chains. “You – you were prepared to kill him?”

They didn’t answer.

Ino put the bottle in her own pocket.

“Ino, I will kill you”, Temari hissed.

“No, you won’t”, Ino said. “Your reign is over, Thief Queen Temari of the Sand.”

Temari wanted to spit and curse at Ino and she hated how vulnerable they were, she with her leg absolutely destroyed and Shikamaru with stab wound in his lung, but if she moved, she’d probably blackout again and she didn’t want that.

Not when this might be the final time she is looking Shikamaru in the eyes.

Tears found their way over her nose and down the side of her face against her own will.

“I’m so sorry”, she got out.

Sorry for putting Shikamaru in this situation? Sorry for putting Shikadai in this situation? Sorry for not being able to parry the Earth Style Jutsu and getting her leg wrecked?

Sorry for everything. For failing to make their lives work when their entire society hated their marriage and their child. For failing being the best mother and wife out there. For all the mistakes and misjudges she had ever done.

_I’m so sorry._

Shikamaru ignored Ino’s pitiful gaze. For some reason, he was happy Ino had the heart to let them have their moment. They were going to die after all. There was a growing black patch in his vision, and he felt dizzy.

“You are… such a crybaby”, Shikamaru said to Temari and nothing said I love you more than that, in that moment. He forced a smile. Temari laughed at him, her final laugh, with a face wrinkled in pain, as tears continued to slide down her face.

She moved her hand forward, centimetre by centimetre over the grass, until her index finger touched Shikamaru’s thumb. She linked their fingers together.

_I am yours and you are mine. ‘Til death do us part._

_Let's die together._

Ino bent over and pressed a cloth drenched in chloroform against Shikamaru’s mouth and nose. He slowly fell unconscious.

“No…” Temari whispered and with her very final effort, tried to hit Ino when she bent over her.

“Don’t make this worse”, Ino said as she closed her hand around Temari’s wrist. “It’s over.”

The last thing Temari heard before Ino pressed the chloroform cloth against her mouth, making her fall unconscious, was Shikadai screaming after his parents.

Waking up again was not something Shikamaru expected to do. It took him a while to understand that he had woken up, because he couldn’t see a thing. The stab in his chest was healed, though still raw.

He sat up with a grunt and still blind felt the cuffs around his wrist and ankles. Cuffs with lines of lithium worked into the iron. Chakra cuffs. Again.

He felt in his forehead, tracing the edges of the seal someone had performed there. So, it was the seal making him blind. What a double caution, to remove both his ninjutsu and his sight. He sat in an eternity still, trying to remember what had happened. He had probably been unconscious for a long time.

“You kept to the tradition”, Ino said and Shikamaru jolted up. “With Shikadai’s name, I mean.”

So, she had been sitting outside the cell the entire time.

“How long have you been there?” Shikamaru asked. “Where’s Shikadai? Where’s Temari?”

“Shikadai is okay”, Ino said. She waited in silence before continuing. “Now when I’ve handled him, I keep thinking about what the Ino-Shika-Cho would’ve been with him in it. He’s born the same year as my son.”

Shikamaru sighed deeply before continuing.

“You’ve got a son?” Shikamaru asked.

“Inojin”, Ino said.

“When you said you ‘handled’ Shikadai, what do you mean by that?”

Ino waited before answering.

“We’ve crippled his powers.”

“You’ve – you’ve mutilated his fingers?” Shikamaru asked with a shaking voice.

“No”, Ino said. “Nothing that bad. Wood Style, however. Keeps the Beats in check.”

She made herself ready to leave when Shikamaru walked to the door. The chains strained around his wrists as they were attached to the wall behind him.

“Ino, wait!”

“Shikamaru, stop, I should not even be talking to you.”

“Is Temari okay?” Shikamaru asked.

“Alive”, Ino said. “Temporarily.”

“What?” Shikamaru swallowed. “You can’t – oh no, you can’t execute her.”

Ino said nothing, but her breathing became heavier. Even if Shikamaru couldn’t see, he could feel how close Ino was to him on the other side of the iron bars. He grabbed the bars separating them and leaned against the cold iron.

“Ino… please.”

“I cried for you, you know”, Ino said. “We thought you were dead. We grieved you, we mourned you. We performed a burial ceremony for you. Betraying Konoha is one thing, but you betrayed us. Choji and me. He was really messed up for a long time, you know. A letter could at least have been nice.”

“Ino, I’m so sorry for everything, I really am”, Shikamaru said.

“Do you have any idea how heart-breaking this is for me, seeing you here in our prison?” Ino spat out. “You were one of my best friends, Shikamaru.”

“Take me to Tsunade”, Shikamaru said. “Please.”

“Your bridges are burned”, Ino said and ran her fingers over the burned criminal mark on Shikamaru’s wrist. “Seems like Suna didn’t like you either.”

Then she left Shikamaru alone.

Seven days. Seven days of isolation, of living in constant darkness, of never-ending worry over Shikadai and Temari. Ino rarely stayed to talk, and Shikamaru spent his time over-analysing his life. Where had it all gone wrong? What if they could’ve hindered Nanashi from triggering Shikadai three years ago? What if their second baby had got to be born? What if Temari had killed Ino?

And finally, he couldn’t stand it. He banged on the iron bars with the cuffs around his hands, causing noise and distraction. Because Ino was Head of Torture, she spent a lot of time in the prison building.

Just like today.

“Stop making noise”, she said. “You’re giving me a headache.”

“It’s been seven days, hasn’t it? What are you doing to Shikadai?” Shikamaru asked. “Please, Ino, don’t give me the cold shoulder again. Don’t hurt him… I can tell you everything, just don’t – don’t hurt him or Temari.”

Ino sighed and slowly moved two fingers to Shikamaru’s forehead. The seal making him blind cracked. For the first time in seven days Shikamaru could see something and it took him some time to focus his gaze before the blur turned into a functioning eyesight.

Ino and Shikamaru looked at each other, looking into the eyes of the other person, who used to be one of their best friends.

It felt like eternity.

“Tell me a story”, Ino finally said. “The story of how you fell in love with her and betrayed Konoha. Everything.”

And Shikamaru told her.

Temari was tired. She didn’t know if she ever had been this tired, not even during the first months of having a baby. Days of interrogation, of not getting her leg treated correctly, of hazy, feverish sleep and silent tears staining her cheeks were taking their toll on her.

And in the darkest of her moments, she dreamt of dying. Because anything else would feel better than this. Better than this stinging, twisting pain in her chest. The guilt. The guilt of being the reason for Shikadai’s capture. If she had managed to parry that earth style jutsu, this wouldn’t have happened.

And slowly, the warrior in her was breaking down and she wanted to sleep, all day and night.

So, when the shinobi in Konohan armour came in and said that her debt was going to be paid she felt a slight relief.

The guiltiest relief in her life.

How cowardly of her to see death as the way out of this suffering when she had a child who _needed_ her to function through the attacks of his demon, and a husband who literally had abandoned everything to be with her.

But Suna shinobi don’t fear death. And neither did she. And if this was the way she was going to go, to be executed in Konoha, then so be it.

“Took you long enough”, Temari sneered when she sat up. The bone in her leg was patched up, but not properly, probably to keep her tame. She could barely walk. “How?”

“Beheading”, the shinobi said as he bound her hands behind her back. She didn’t protest. All her willpower went to remain standing through the agony of having her bone still broken inside her leg.

“You’ve got a good sword?” Temari asked. The other shinobi didn’t answer.

They walked in Temari’s slow pace into the execution room.

Tsunade was waiting for her there, behind a wooden table. The table had cuts from swords smashing into it before.

Senju Tsunade had reigned as Hokage for the last two decades, and word said she hated it and was bitter and tired of war. But there she was with all the power in the whole village, and yet she did nothing to stop the violence and war.

“Slug princess”, Temari greeted her.

“Weasel queen”, Tsunade acknowledged back. The shinobi pressed Temari down on her knees and it was so painful in her leg she couldn’t hinder a little whimper. Tsunade observed her for a second of two. “How’s your leg?”

“How glorious of you to mock your prisoner”, Temari said. “Shikamaru told me once your ninja way is healing everyone, even your enemies. What has the world done to you to make yourself turn against your words?” She clicked her tongue. “Tsk. Tell me, slug, what are you going to do with Shikadai?”

Tsunade just looked at Temari. And finally, Temari’s patience reached its limits.

“What are you going to do to my son?” Temari growled.

“You stole the Beast from us”, Tsunade said. “We had a plan for all the Beasts. A plan for creating world peace. And what ungrateful nations we have in this continent. Stealing the Beasts from us. I didn’t imagine your little brother missed One Tail that badly.”

“World domination by having monopole on the Tailed Beasts isn’t world peace!” Temari snarled. She challenged Tsunade with her gaze. “Fuck you and your peace.”

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, staying perfectly still. Trepidation grew in Temari’s stomach as she leaned back, suddenly fearing for what Konoha might plan.

“You’re… you’re not going to remove Shukaku from him, right?”

Tsunade said nothing.

“No… No, please, no”, Temari whispered. “Shikadai is just a child. He… he is a good boy.” Her heart was throbbing hard in her chest. _Why can’t I protect my child?_ “Don’t punish him for my sins.”

“For your and Shikamaru’s sins”, Tsunade said, tasting her power over Temari. “We won’t rip the Beast out of him, don’t worry. He is here for safekeeping. Can’t promise he’ll see much sunlight, though.”

Temari’s gaze fell on the table, imagining Shikadai being starved and kept in darkness. She squeezed her eyes shut.

“No…”, she whispered, before finding her courage to look up. “Please let Shikamaru live. I beg you. Don’t let Shikadai go through this alone.”

Tsunade shifted in her chair, letting a finger trail the edges of her lips.

“I am fascinated by your attempt to escape war” Tsunade said. “To run away from the very conflict you started.”

Temari lifted her head, now looking Tsunade straight in her eyes. Part of her wanted to spit in Tsunade’s face, but she didn’t, in case it would put Shikadai in unnecessary danger.

“The second word reaches Suna that you’ve murdered me and taken Shikadai hostage hell will be unleashed”, Temari said.

“I’m prepared”, Tsunade said and lifted the sword by her side and pointed it towards Temari. It almost touched her nose. “You have everything to lose, queen. Talk.”

And Temari spoke.

She told them the story of their child, the jinchuuriki of the Sand, Shikadai, whose last name could have been Nara, but it wasn’t.

And when she was finished, Tsunade rose up.

“Temari of the Sand, Queen of Sunagakure, I, Senju Tsunade, Hokage of Konohagakure, sentence you to die for crimes again humanity.”

Temari felt how her throat turned dry as sand as the shinobi behind her – the butcher – put a hand at the back of her head and pushed her slowly down against the table. Without rush, he collected her dirty, loose hair and tied it up in a bun high up on her head, to expose her neck.

Her heart was beating fast, and she did an effort to move slightly and the butcher pressed his hand against her head, causing her nose to hit the wooden table. It hurt. Temari tried to calculate everything, but ultimate knew, that with her bone still being broken she couldn’t run. Her hands were still bound in chakra cuffs, crippling her ninjutsu. She knew she was not going to survive.

The butcher took the sword in his hands.

“Any final words?” Tsunade asked.

“Don’t hurt my child”, Temari said.

“Noted”, Tsunade said. Then Temari twitched her head slightly, looking up at Tsunade.

“And burn in hell.”

There are happy stories, there are tragic stories, there are bittersweet stories, which leave the taste of dirt on the teller’s tongue and what all these stories have in common is the fact that they all end at some point.

And like all stories, even this one came to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why not have one execution scene when you could have two? 
> 
> Look at me using the exact same cliffhanger as in Branded by Love haha! Next chapter won't however be from BbL, it will be new for Trial of the Heart instead :D
> 
> And you thought Suna's council was rotten? Sadly, even Konoha has become corrupted with hate.


	21. Ino's desicion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter happens simultaniously as the later half of the last chapter!

Ino was shaking. She thought she had been prepared to see Shikamaru and Temari, for all that it meant, but she had still not been prepared for the overwhelming feelings. The shock of her looking down into Shikamaru’s eyes as he laid bleeding on the ground – wounds inflicted by Ino’s team – had turned her into cold as steel.

She had looked at Temari fighting to keep her consciousness and had felt repulsion. This woman who once could have been called her friend was the cause of all of this. She was the reason Ino had gone through the pain of losing her best friend.

And then there had been a child. A frightened, angry child who had been chained into submission after he had let his Beast go wild.

When they had brought the prisoners to Konoha Ino was still in such shock she didn’t know how to act. She had a mask of professionalism smacked on her face, when everything underneath it was breaking.

Shikamaru was here. He was here, alive.

He had come _home_.

He was unconscious at the moment, brought to anaesthetised sleep as they had transferred them to Konoha from eastern Fire Country. Both Shikamaru and Temari had been anaesthetised, because they were wounded and Ino wanted to heal their major injuries without having to talk to them, or even look them in the eyes. Besides, they were going to be brought to justice, so no one was allowed to kill them.

Shikadai, on the other hand, was not unconscious. Uzumaki Karin had chained him with her Uzumaki-powers, ultimately breaking Shukaku down inside Shikadai’s body.

He had walked the entire way to Konoha with Karin’s chains around his arms. Right after he was captured, a simple blinding seal had been performed on his forehead, making him blind to give him every disadvantage.

He had already a really low defence. His eardrums had ruptured from the attack one of their sensory ninjas had subjected him to, and he had almost completely lost his hearing. Ino tried to not listen to the low whines of him when they walked.

The road was 70 kilometres. Shikadai walked blind and deaf 70 kilometres behind Karin, who made sure he kept up the pace.

He had been led into one of the prison dungeons, but before they secured him to the cell assigned to him, Ino took him into one of the examination rooms of her prison.

 _Her_ prison.

Ino had been Head of Torture of Konoha for three years now.

“Hi”, she said gently to Shikadai after she had secured his to the table they sat by. He did not turn his face towards her. No matter how angry and hurt Ino was at Shikamaru and Temari, she could not bring herself to be mad at this boy. He was a victim in this war. “Let me clean you.”

Shikadai still didn’t look at her and Ino realised it was because he couldn’t hear her. Her heart broke a bit at the realisation, at which fright this boy was going through. She couldn’t imagine having Inojin in this situation, having his senses robbed of him, chained and taken as a spoil of war.

She gently touched Shikadai’s shoulder and he flinched.

“What are you doing?” he asked in a panicky voice.

“Calm down”, Ino said and pressed her hand against Shikadai’s ear. He tried to shake her hand off him, but Ino didn’t let her hand leave his ear. Healing chakra made its way into his ear canal and to the destroyed inner part. She felt bad, no, more than bad. She felt horrible. She worked for a few minutes on his ear, making up for all the damage that had been inflicted on him. “Can you hear me?”

Shikadai nodded. Ino sighed out of relief and moved over to his other ear. She stared down on his arms and shoulders, littered in claw marks and bruises.

“Who is causing these?” she asked. Shikadai grunted.

“Nothing of your concern”, he bit at her.

“What is your name?” Ino asked, even if she knew the answer already.

“… Shikadai”, he answered.

_Of course it’s Shikadai. You are the missing piece from our Ino-Shika-Cho! How I wished and dreamed for this to come true, for the next generation to be complete. Oh, Shikadai, I wish things were different._

“What are you going to do with me? Are you going to kill me? Do it then, get it over with”, Shikadai continued. He didn’t sound cocky at all. He sounded fragile and terrified. “Do it! Just be quick.”

Ino wondered if he had been taught to choose death over submission. Her heart broke.

“No one is going to kill you”, Ino said. “Do you have a last name?”

“Shikadai of the Sand”, Shikadai said.

Ino knew she should ask him other questions, but she couldn’t hinder herself from asking the following question.

“Do you know what your dad’s name used to be?” she asked and something inside her is breaking. _Shikamaru betrayed us. Me. Ino-Shika-Cho broke because of Temari – because of Shikamaru himself._ Shikadai lowered his head and Ino saw as a claw mark above his collarbone appear, slowly, red and bloody. She stared at the mark.

“Nara”, Shikadai answered.

Ino licked her lips.

“Shikadai…” she said. “I know you probably won’t believe me but… I don’t want to hurt you. None of us here in Konoha want to hurt you. We just want to… keep you from hurting.”

“Lies”, Shikadai said, spiteful and hurt. “You are lying.”

“I’m not lying”, Ino said.

Shikadai lowered his head even more. If his hands weren’t chained, he would probably lift them up to his face to rub his eyes, considering he was currently blind and considering the fact he had begun to cry.

“You killed my parents”, he whispered. Ino drew back a fraction, feeling a coldness cover her.

Shikadai believed his parents are dead. He believed he has witnessed his parents’ murder.

“No, no, they’re not dead”, Ino said and now she had a really hard time to keep herself professional. She was supposed to talk to an enemy, a potentially dangerous jinchuuriki, yet she found herself talking to the godson she never had. Talking to the boy who could have been Inojin’s best friend and teammate. “They are alive.”

_Well, for a little while longer. Temari will be executed soon. You will spend time here, motherless, because you are now property of Konoha._

A low whine sounded from the boy.

“How old are you?” Ino asked.

“Twelve”, Shikadai said. “I turn thirteen on September 23rd.”

Ino stiffened. _But that is my birthday,_ she thought, followed by _but Inojin turns thirteen this year._

_He really is the missing piece to the Ino-Shika-Cho._

Ino knew Temari still laid anaesthetised inside the cell that had been designated for her, on a whole other floor in the prison. Temari and Shikamaru were in the common area. Shikadai was in the hidden area.

The hidden area, deep below the ground, in a cell with wooden pillars empowered with chakra supressing a Tailed Beast.

This would be his home for a while.

A boy, a child, that could have the brightest of futures was now bound to spend time in darkness beneath Konohan soil.

“I have some food for you”, Ino said and offered Shikadai a piece of bread. Blindly he fumbled to find the piece and Ino loosened the chain around his hand to allow him to eat with ease.

She watched him press the piece of bread inside his mouth. He was probably starving. And when she saw this pained child all she could think of was what if it was Inojin in his place. What if it was her own boy in chains and with open, raw scratches all over his body, taken away from his parents by force to live in prison.

Just because of who his parents are and for who he is.

After she had brought Shikadai to his Tailed Beast-secured cell, Ino wanted to scream when she pressed him down on the floor. The rattle of chains made Shikadai flinch and he made a surprised noise when Ino locked the metal collar around his neck.

There were two reasons for having a jinchuuriki chain by his neck.

One. If the chakra of the supressing Wooden Pillars around in him in the cell would fail, and he managed to transform, the metal collar would strangle him and hopefully break the transformation.

Two. The psychological effect. To be chained like a dog around the neck was a method in breaking down the prisoner. To make him feel like a lesser human.

Ino felt in her heart that Shikadai didn’t need much to be broken down. Her jaw began shaking.

“Don’t worry”, Ino said soothingly. “You feel the chain connected to this collar? It is a ball and chain. You can move freely around with it – not that your cell is too big anyways. This was the better choice, the other would be you chained to the wall.”

Shikadai felt the collar around his neck and his hands followed the chain to the iron ball by his feet. He tried moving it to get a sense of its weight.

“It’s heavy”, he said.

“Shikadai, I’m sorry”, Ino said. “I’m just following order.”

Even if Shikadai was blind, he looked straight at her.

“If my dad followed orders, I wouldn’t have been born.”

Ino cried when she left him for the night.

_Good soldiers follow orders._

Ino looked at Inojin eating breakfast the following morning, cooked cabbage and mushrooms, food made with care by his mum. Inojin had slept in a soft bed after a good day and the way he tapped his foot against the floor told Ino he was in a good mood this morning. Inojin was overall a happy preteen.

She thought of the other boy, who probably also had eaten breakfast by now. Dry bread and water. Shikadai had slept on a cold floor on a thin mattress with a single blanket. While Inojin happily leafed through the notebook with his collection of cards, to inspect what he owned, Shikadai remained in darkness with a collar and chain around his neck, like he was an animal.

A lesser human.

Ino wanted to see an enemy in the boy she had helped captured, but she couldn’t. All she saw was a frightened child who had done nothing wrong, except having been born into the wrong family, wrong conditions.

“Inojin”, Ino said. “Honey, there is something that I want to talk to you about.”

Inojin looked up from his card collection and cocked his head to the side.

“Yes?”

“I captured a boy yesterday”, Ino said. “He is your age.”

“A criminal?” Inojin asked.

Ino was not allowed to tell him that the boy was a jinchuuriki. She sat by Inojin’s side.

“I think he’d like some visitors”, she said. “Would you like to visit him sometimes tonight? When it is my guard duty?”

Inojin looked at her with a puzzled face. He let his card collection fall onto the table.

“Huh?”

“His name is Shikadai”, Ino said. “He is very sad at the moment, and I feel bad for having him in prison. Can you please talk to him and make him feel a little better?”

“I guess I can”, Inojin said. “If you tell me what crime he did?”

Ino sighed.

“No”, she said. “But he will probably tell you himself. Can you bring him some candy too?”

“Okay”, Inojin said. “Fine.”

He did feel cocky until it was time to walk down the dark passages to the hidden area of the prison. It smelled of iron and dirt and something else that Inojin knew was of human origin. His stomach turned and he felt a little bit afraid. Was there seriously a boy his age chained down here in this dungeon?

They heard silent whining when they approached. Ino realised Shikadai was crying. Shikadai’s hearing was probably not yet restored to the degree where he heard their soft footsteps, because he didn’t acknowledge them.

“Go to him”, Ino whispered. “Remember, he can’t see you, he is currently blind. Talk with a clear voice so he can hear you. We hurt his ears when we brought him here.”

Inojin nodded and Ino retreated to the shadows, carefully watching her son. He had a chocolate bar with him. Inojin walked slowly up to the cell and sat down on the other side of the iron bars. He observed the bars and the wooden pillars around Shikadai.

Shikadai sat with his forehead against his knees, mumbling softly to himself while slightly rocking from side to side. It was the position of someone in pure despair.

“Hi”, Inojin said, loud and clear and Shikadai jerked up, throwing himself backwards. The chain around his neck straightened and he gasped when the collar restrained him from moving. “Don’t be afraid. I’m your friend.”

“Who – who are you?” Shikadai asked, still showing no signs of relaxing.

“My name is Inojin”, Inojin said. “I came to make you feel better.”

Shikadai stared at a point beside Inojin’s shoulder and sat slowly down by the other side of the cell.

“My name is Shikadai”, he said.

“Why are you here?” Inojin asked. “What have you done?”

Shikadai slapped his hands against his own face and growled out of frustration. Inojin leaned back a fraction at Shikadai’s aggressive response to his question.

“I’ve done nothing! We were escaping”, Shikadai said. “Konoha took me because I’m a jinchuuriki. I can be used as a weapon. I – I… do you think they’ll kill me?”

Inojin turned around to look quizzingly at Ino. He mouthed: _Will you?_ and Ino shook her head.

“No”, Inojin answered. “They won’t kill you.” He fell silent and fiddled around with the chocolate bar. “Do you like chocolate? I brought you some.”

Shikadai moved immediately closer to him. The chain rattled as Shikadai kneeled before the bars.

“Chocolate?” he echoed. “For me?”

Inojin smiled to him.

“For you”, he said and put his hand through the bars. Shikadai felt for his hand and grabbed the bar, ripping open the plastic wrapping around it. He sniffed the chocolate before stuffing it in his mouth.

Inojin waited for him to finish munching on the chocolate.

“You were hungry, right?” he asked and Shikadai nodded. “So, Shikadai. I don’t think you’ve got anything better to do than to talk with me. What do you like to do for fun?”

“You – you don’t hate me?” Shikadai asked. “You want to talk to me, even if I’m a monster?”

“You seem pretty human to me”, Inojin said. “I don’t hate you. Anyways, I like to draw. And to go fishing. We got many lakes around here.”

After a while their conversation flowed on without awkward silence, and when the first shy laugh could be heard from Shikadai Ino relaxed a fraction.

 _That’s good, honey,_ Ino sent into Inojin’s head through her Mind Body Connection. _I’ll go and do other duties. Feel free to sit here as long as you want. You know where to find me if you need me. Make him a little bit happier._

Inojin showed his thumb up to his mother and Ino walked up the stairs to the other levels in the prison facility. She went by the kitchen and gathered bread, an apple and a can of water and continued. She took a left turn into one of the corridors and stopped in front of one of the cells. A dirty figure with blonde loose hair leaned against the wall, staring up at the ceiling in the imprisonment.

Temari looked at Ino without moving her head.

“Fuck off”, she muttered.

“You are probably hungry”, Ino said.

Temari stared in front of her. Ino’s gaze fell down on Temari’s bruised and scarred leg. She could still hear the whimper of Temari from after the stone pillar had ruined the leg. Since arriving in prison, Ino had healed the muscles, veins and tendons, everything except the bone inside. That way Temari couldn’t walk and remained in pain. It was a way of keeping her tame. Slow torture.

“I said fuck off”, Temari snarled.

Ino dropped the apple by her feet and kicked it into the cell. The apple reached Temari’s foot and exactly like Ino guessed, she snatched it and bit into it like a beast.

“Enjoy while it lasts”, Ino said. She didn’t mention how she coddled with Shikadai when no one saw. She wasn’t allowed to tell Temari anything about Shikadai’s whereabouts or how he was.

“You’re going to execute me”, Temari said, nonchalantly, as if that fact wasn’t the least of her concern. “Only thirteen years later than you originally wanted to. Hah.”

“Don’t act tough”, Ino snorted.

“I only care about what you do to Shikadai”, Temari said, still not looking at Ino. She looked down at the food on the tray Ino had put inside the cell. “I hate your disgusting bread.”

“Would you truly have used the cyanide on Shikadai?” Ino asked and now Temari looked at her, an angry glare, but Ino could recognise the broken mother beneath the hostile shell. “Would you have been ready to kill your own child?”

Guilt tore through Temari and she bit down on her lower lip.

“Yes”, she said.

“You are a horrible person”, Ino said and Temari smashed her fist against the iron bars with such a force that the sound of it made Ino flinch and stagger back.

“You don’t know _anything”_ , Temari hissed. “You don’t know what it takes for a _mother_ to be prepared to kill her _own baby!_ Don’t even pretend to know.”

Her voice began to shiver threateningly, and no matter how hard Temari tried to upkeep her stoic façade, thinking about Shikadai broke her. Tears formed in Temari’s eyes and she squeezed them shut to avoid letting Ino see that she cried.

“I tried so hard… to protect him”, Temari said. “To the point where I was ready to end his life to protect him. And I failed.” She looked at Ino. “I failed to keep my baby safe. Now fuck off.”

After Ino had left Temari she felt worser than ever.

The week was pure agony and for once Ino couldn’t stand Sai’s touch. Sai cuddled her just like they always did, placing himself as the perfect bigger spoon behind her in bed as his arm was wrapped around her chest and hand placed on one of her breasts.

They always snuggled like this before falling asleep. It was part of their routine and part of the wordless means they had to tell each other _I love you._

But this time around, Ino couldn’t bear having Sai’s comforting arm around her, couldn’t stand the underlying sexual connection to him touching her breast, couldn’t stand feeling his nose buried into the nape of her neck when she was thinking of her childhood friend, who very soon will lose his wife, when thinking of the boy who’s could’ve been Inojin’s best friend, who very soon will lose his mother.

Temari’s execution order was already written and signed. Tomorrow was the day.

Tomorrow the butcher will strike through her neck and finally do the awful thing Shikamaru was unable to do all those years ago.

Finally kill the Thief Queen of the Sand, kill Temari of the Sand.

She pushed Sai’s arm away from her. Sai lifted his head quizzingly at this weird behaviour of her.

“Just a bad, bad day at work”, Ino sighed.

“How is that boy Inojin is meeting?” Sai asked. He guessed what she was thinking about.

The news that it was Shikamaru, Temari and their son in prison was high qualified secrecy. Not even Yoshino knew her son and grandson were in Konoha. Sai only knew Ino wanted Inojin to meet a boy. Inojin knew Shikadai was a jinchuuriki, but Sai didn’t and Inojin was good at keeping secrets.

“I think he is happy Inojin is talking to him”, Ino mumbled softly, thinking about how she could hear Shikadai talk to himself in a positive tone, when she lurked outside his cell.

“Will he remain in prison for long?” Sai asked. Ino sighed. _Yes, he will._

“I think I will try to arrange a trial for him”, Ino mumbled. “He doesn’t deserve to be there for too long.”

Oh god, what is Konoha doing? Is there truly something as pure good and pure evil? Killing Temari will be good in Konoha’s and probably in every other nation’s eyes, as she was the catalyst to this war. This all was her fault. But killing Temari will be pure evil in Suna’s eyes. And in Shikamaru’s. And in Shikadai’s.

Ino can’t sense where good blurred into evil anymore.

Good soldiers follow orders.

Ino had signed Temari’s execution order.

Ino had bought a whole stash of candy and snacks for Inojin to give to Shikadai when he every evening got let inside the dungeon. Ino knew that Shikadai enjoyed having Inojin sitting with him, talking with him, even if he was unable to see, even if he was chained like a lesser human.

Shikamaru was the only prisoner Ino didn’t spend as much time with. Because seeing him ignited fury, it ignited pain and sorrow.

Thirteen years. Thirteen years of heartbreak, thirteen anniversaries of agony.

How Ino wanted to punish him for all that heartbreak. But in the end, she figured, that punishing Shikamaru with heartbreak just because of her own, was the wrong way to go. She kept pushing an evil spiral of hate around and when she finally realised it, she made her decision.

It was the same day as Temari’s execution

Ino had spent time with Shikadai, healing the new wounds on his body Shukaku caused, and continuing working on his inner ears, to give back more of his hearing. She had talked gently to him, as if he was her own child.

_We can’t do this._

Then she had walked up to Shikamaru’s cell.

“Tell me a story”, Ino had demanded from Shikamaru as he, for the first time in the seven days since Ino had captured him, looked at her.

His eyes filled with water.

“The story of how you fell in love with her and betrayed Konoha. Everything.” Ino didn’t mean to sound so cold, but she couldn’t stop herself.

Shikamaru drew a deep breath.

“Ino, I was in love with her even before I got that mission”, he said. “You know it.”

Ino swallowed.

“Love is greater than loyalty”, Shikamaru said. “For me at least. She saved me from execution, she mudded her honour for me, she let Shikadai become a jinchuuriki for me. Abandoning Konoha is nothing compared to what she was ready to do for me.”

“She was ready to kill your boy”, Ino said, voice straining. Shikamaru let out a shaky sigh.

“I know”, Shikamaru said. “I – I can tell you everything from the beginning.” His gaze fell down to her hand. “Is that chocolate?”

Ino looked at the chocolate bar she had in her hand. Embarrassed she gave it to Shikamaru, and he accepted it.

She listened to his story as tears fell from both of their eyes. Shikamaru cried while telling about how Shikadai has struggled during his upbringing as a jinchuuriki, and Ino cried when thinking about the suffering Konoha had put Suna through. It had begun so innocently with tax tolls, then the guerrilla war, which wasn’t too bad since it affected only chosen shinobi and not entire legions, and now the open war in River Country.

It was Shikamaru’s story that made her change her mind for good.

And an hour or two before Temari’s execution was taking place she took Inojin to the side, looking him deep into his eyes.

“Honey”, she said. “I will need your help tonight.”

“What is it?” Inojin asked.

“Shinobi who defy orders are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum”, Ino said.

“What are you talking about?” Inojin asked.

“I want you to set Shikadai free”, Ino said as she took a deep breath. “Show him the way out of Konoha, and make sure he runs fast.”

_Tonight, you and I, Inojin, commit treason._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One after one they betray Konoha for Temari's sake, it seems.
> 
> Woo, go Ino! Was it obvious from the start she would become a traitor too or did I at least manage to scare you a tiny bit?


	22. What it means to love someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehum. You remember Shikamaru's execution scene and Shikadai's triggering scene?  
> We are at _that_ intensity again.

Ino knew better than most what it means to love someone. She may have worked as a Head of Torture for years and had done despicable things in the past, but she had sworn to herself to never, ever, forget what it means to love someone.

It meant that one could betray one’s home country for love.

And she accepted it.

Shikamaru never wanted to become a shinobi in the first place when he was a child. He did it out of tradition. He had wanted an ordinary life, to live a simple life with the one he loved. And when the one he loved was supposed to die by his hand, he chose to betray shinobi code instead.

Finally, Ino understood Shikamaru.

“Inojin is setting Shikadai free”, Ino said as she unchained Shikamaru. “I will give the coordinates for the rendezvous to him after I’ve gotten green light that he got Shikadai out. We will save Temari instead.”

She put her hands against the lithium cuffs, and they fell off Shikamaru. He could now use chakra again.

“Thank you”, Shikamaru said. “I just – thank you.”

“Thank me when you are in safety”, Ino cut him off. “My plan is to convince Tsunade to arrange a trial for you instead of executing you. I will send off Shikadai to somewhere safe during that time.”

“He needs us”, Shikamaru said as he followed Ino through the corridor. They were almost running. “If Shukaku takes control – he doesn’t manage alone. Let us all escape, please.”

“There is only so much I can do”, Ino said. “But Shikadai will be safe, and that is the most important thing right now. Tsunade won’t execute you, I’m sure of it, let’s just hope we get there in time for Temari to survive.”

Shikamaru bit himself in his lower lip, brain trying to work over the enormous stress for Temari.

“I’ll let you know a little secret”, Ino said. “I rooted for you two back when we were younger. I wanted you and Temari to get together. Funny how you became a couple for hell of a high price.”

“There shouldn’t ever have been such a high price”, Shikamaru muttered.

“I wish things were different, I truly do”, Ino said. “Maybe you and Temari could’ve lived here? Shikadai would’ve been part of the Ino-Shika-Cho-trio together with Inojin and Chocho and everyone would be _happy_.”

“This world is not made for happiness”, Shikamaru said. “Not for us shinobi.”

Ino didn’t get to answer before stopping in front of a door.

“This is it”, she said and opened the door and –

Temari was leaning over a table of wood, hands bound behind her back and neck exposed to make the chop as clean as possible for the butcher and his sword swung through the air to separate Temari’s head from her shoulders.

_NO!_

Shikamaru reached out a hand and the shadow stormed along the floor.

He was too far away from them and it was too late.

 _No!_ The word didn’t even manage past his lips and all warmth disappeared in a microsecond of a flash from his body.

_No, Temari, no, please, DON’T DIE –_

The shadow reached.

It seemed to have gone against the law of physics, the way the shadow in the final second grabbed the headsman’s foot. Shikamaru threw himself a step to the side, dragging the butcher with him in the shadow’s grasp. The sword smashed against the table.

Temari’s head shot up.

“Shikamaru!” she yelled.

“For fucks’ sake”, Tsunade growled and came up to him. She landed a punch in his chest and Shikamaru was thrown into the wall behind him.

“Lady Tsunade, let me explain – “ Ino tried, voice high-pitched and stressed.

“If I was as sentimental of you, I would have seen my own demise a long time ago”, Tsunade snarled to Ino. “This shinobi life is not for love, it’s not for personal goals. This life consists of following order and if you’re not ready to bear that responsibility, then run away. Run away like Shikamaru once did. We are at war, behave like it.”

Shikamaru rose up from his knees.

“Fuck your war”, he said and spat blood from his mouth. His hands were still in the Rat sign to prevent the butcher from finishing his job. “The preparations for this war sent me to Suna in the first place.”

Tsunade turned to Shikamaru, her golden eyes burning at him.

“And you didn’t follow the order.”

“Just listen to me! You asked me to murder the one person I was in love with”, Shikamaru said. “I tried, Tsunade. I tried five times. And – “

“You failed”, Tsunade finished for him.

Shikamaru walked across the floor, daring Tsunade with his gaze.

“Yes, Lady Hokage. I became one of them. And yes, it hurt me deeply to betray Konoha. But I didn’t do it out of spite.”

He walked over to Temari and laid a hand on her shoulder

“I did it for her. And you have to go through me before you kill her.”

“Shikamaru…” Temari whispered. “Shikadai needs you – “

Shikamaru tensed his grip around her shoulder.

“Troublesome, let me protect you for once.”

_Let me protect you like you’ve saved me so many times already. Please, let me save you._

“I did not expect a Nara to be so prone to sappy emotions”, Tsunade snorted. “Clearly I was expecting too much of you.” She nodded towards the butcher, who had gotten out of the shadow possession. He still held his sword tightly. “Kill them both.”

“No”, Ino said. “My Hokage, we can’t risk having the jinchuuriki going berserk. They’re his parents. Let’s end this in something that isn’t bloodshed. Please!”

“Do you think I want to send out shinobi after shinobi to die in vain?” Tsunade asked. “Temari has slaughtered so many of our soldiers already and I’m so damn tired of this shitshow. Keeping a jinchuuriki away from being used as a weapon by their side does not require his parents coddling him. He is – what – twelve years old already. And children that age can take care of themselves.”

Ino took a bold step in front of Shikamaru and Temari.

“Yamanaka, last chance or you’re committing treason”, Tsunade said and looked over at the headsman again. “Kill them.”

Shikadai put the piece of fruit in his mouth and chewed. It felt funny in his mouth.

“Okay…” he said. “Hm. What colour is it?”

Inojin giggled before answering.

“Yellow”, Inojin answered. “Do you like it?”

“It’s sweet”, Shikadai said, feeling the fruit in his mouth. “And very squishy. Yellow, you said? Wait – is this a peach?”

Inojin burst out in laughter.

“No”, he laughed. “It’s not a peach, have you never had a peach before?”

“Heck, I don’t know the names of all your weird fruits”, Shikadai snorted. “Okay, not a peach. Persimmon?”

“What is a persimmon?”

“Well, you tell me, you are the person who has grown up with fruits”, Shikadai said. “I give up. What is this?”

“It’s a banana.”

“Oh, this is a banana? I imagined it totally differently”, Shikadai said.

“Did you seriously never eat fruits?” Inojin asked.

“I ate a lot of carrots”, Shikadai said.

“Carrots are no fruit”, Inojin said. “Carrots are vegetables.”

“Long story short, Konoha shut off all export to us years ago”, Shikadai said. “So… no bananas. I’ve had apples and plums from Grass Country, but those are the only fruits I’ve ever had that I remember. Maybe we had bananas when I was small, but I don’t remember.”

Inojin looked down, suddenly feeling ashamed of Konoha’s actions.

Shikadai finished the banana and sat up. The heavy ball and chain that was connected to his neck weighted down and he felt for the pillars of wood, the pillars for suppressing the powers of a Tailed Beast. His ruptured eardrums had almost been completely healed, giving him back most of his hearing. When he first arrived, he had been both blind and almost deaf, and that had been terrifying. Having Inojin sitting for sometimes hours by his side had been the saviour he needed.

“Are you still there, Inojin?” he asked.

“Shikadai”, Inojin said. “I’ve got to do something. You just have to trust me, okay.”

“Like what?” Shikadai leaned against the iron bars. He held out his hand and Inojin took it, like they sometimes did, because the feeling of a warm human hand made Shikadai feel less alone and vulnerable.

“It’s funny, how we're supposed to be enemies”, Inojin began. “Your dad was my mum's friend a long time ago.”

“What is going on?” Shikadai asked.

“Okay, don’t freak out, but…” Inojin fumbled for words. “Your mum is going to be killed very soon.”

“What?” Just that simple word seemed to be impossible to get out.

Life as a jinchuuriki meant loneliness for most parts. He had his parents, uncles and Shinki as support, but the list pretty much ended there.

Shikadai couldn’t imagine a life without his parents, without mum, not now, not when he’s just twelve and still unable to fully control Shukaku, not when he is captured by the enemy, not ever –

“Why?”

_Why did this happen to me? Why me, why mum, why dad? Why was dad an assassin dog and mum a princess? Why did my life have to be a pawn in a lifetime of war?_

_Why, why, WHY?_

**_She’ll die, you say,_** Shukaku purred inside him. **_You want to stop this, Shikadai. Let’s go up there and make some noooise! Let me go free! Let’s kill them upstairs._**

“Don’t freak out”, Inojin said quickly. “There’s still some time. Wait here. I’ll help you.”

Shikadai heard Inojin leaving.

“No, don’t go…” he whispered. Being left alone with this burden felt overwhelming.

He smashed his forehead against the iron bars.

“Inojin! What do I need to do?” Shikadai yelled but received no answer. “Please… come back.”

Angry, scared, imprisoned and stripped of dignity Shikadai sank down on his knees.

**_Come on, boy! This is just what you need. Hate and desperation, that’s good, my boy. Let’s rip out these wooden pillars and dance all night long with their heads._ **

_What am I going to do…!_

He was just about to cry when someone came in and opened the door to the cell. Shikadai hoped for it to be Inojin, but the voice was new.

“Shikadai! Run!” a man’s voice called out. “Follow the corridor and take left as soon as you feel it turns. My body is there, but you must hurry. I can’t hold him any longer!”

Shikadai stumbled out of the cell, the ball and chain around his neck strangling him and he had to let Shukaku lend him power. Because he was now outside the pillars, he could finally use the Beast chakra. He broke the metal collar he had worn like an animal around his neck with his bare hands.

He shouldn’t have done that, but he didn’t know yet what consequences that seemingly helpful action would give him. He should’ve kept the collar around his neck. But he didn’t know that.

Still blind he ran inside the corridor and he felt Inojin grab his arm.

“If we run, we might make it”, Inojin said while he pulled Shikadai with him.

“Why are you helping me?” Shikadai asked. “We’re enemies – “

“Stop going on about that we are enemies when we aren’t”, Inojin said. “Let me try to remove the seal. Mum told me the signs for it. Hopefully my chakra is strong enough.”

Inojin touched Shikadai’s forehead with two fingers and Shikadai felt an ice-cold sensation as the seal on his forehead, the seal keeping him blind, was removed. Shikadai blinked and stared at his saver. A blond boy with blue eyes. He had imagined Inojin to look differently.

“Who was that man?” Shikadai asked. “You possessed him, didn’t you? Your jutsu is possessing people.”

“Yes, it is”, Inojin said and pressed his hand harder around Shikadai’s wrist. “We’ll go down the sewers. You can get out that way and I’ll show you the way out of Konoha and – “

Shikadai stopped abruptly.

“We have to save my mum!” he said.

“No, I promised to let you out of the village”, Inojin said.

“No, please, take me to my mum”, Shikadai said.”

“But _she_ is there!” Inojin said. “If you go there, she’ll get you. Our Hokage. I’m helping you escape.”

“Inojin, please, where is my mum?” Shikadai begged. “It’s my fault we got caught in the first place, I must save her!”

Inojin hesitated.

“I want to save you”, he repeated but his voice broke. “Damn it, come on then!”

Inojin grabbed Shikadai’s hand again and yanked him with him. They went up some stairs and went through another corridor.

“Shikadai, I’m sorry, but you have to deal with this on your own now”, Inojin said. “Just know… just know that if you ever need help in Konoha… I’ll help you if I can. Trust me, I’m your friend, not your enemy.”

“I trust you”, Shikadai said.

“Good luck”, Inojin just said.

“Thank you so much”, Shikadai said and Inojin ran away down the corridor, leaving him there.

Shikadai barged through the door just in time to see Shikamaru hovering over Temari, as if to protect her from their doom. Ino had taken a step back and the butcher had the sword in position. A single clean cut will do the job.

“Don’t hurt them!” Shikadai shouted.

 ** _Come on boy, let me free!_** Shukaku twisted and turned inside his body.

“Shikadai!” Shikamaru yelled in unison with Temari.

“Who let the jinchuuriki free?” Tsunade growled.

**_It’s you and me, Shikadai. Let’s slaughter them!_ **

When you are a jinchuuriki, created to serve the very nation who cursed you, the few supporters mean the world to you.

When your parents are one of the few treating you with respect and love, you will want to save them from the enemy.

When the whole world is against your family you will want to protect them from harm.

Even if it means killing.

_Yes, Shukaku. Let’s save them._

Shikadai’s eyes turned once again – this time by his own will – black and gold and the tail broke out of his back.

“I said, don’t _hurt_ **_them_**!”

Once upon a time Temari saved Shikamaru from the noose in Suna.

Then Shikamaru saved Temari from the blade in Konoha.

And finally, Shikadai used his curse to save both his parents.

Shikadai threw himself forward at the butcher and his big claws gripped around the butcher’s body. His claws impaled the butcher and his actions were not the ones of a twelve year old boy, there were actions of hurt and desperation cheered on by a demon inside him.

“You… do not kill my mum”, he hissed but the butcher had already died in his grip.

Shikamaru hailed Temari up from under her armpits.

“Come, we have to run!” he yelled to her and she screamed as she put pressure on her leg.

“I can’t”, she hissed.

“Shikadai, you have to run!” Shikamaru yelled.

That was when Yamato, who was the man Inojin had possessed down in the dungeon, and the man with Wood Style, barged into the execution room.

“Wood Release! Great Forest Technique!” he yelled and pillars of wood extracted from his arm, pinning Temari to one side of the wall and Shikamaru to the other.

“Damn you!” Temari screamed as the pillar pressed her against the wall. “Run, Shikadai, _RUN!”_

Shikadai turned around and tried to charge for the door when Yamato’s strong, wooden pillars enclosed around his body. They pressed hard down against his skin.

One of the pillars bent around his neck. Shukaku’s powers suffocated under the wood.

 ** _Sorry… Shikadai…_** he whispered before falling asleep against their will. The tail disappeared as well as the claws.

_I can’t breathe!_

What does it mean to love someone? It means you are ready to abandon your country for the one you love. But it can also mean you are ready to sacrifice yourself for them.

_Mum, dad, I can’t… I can’t breathe!_

Shikadai tried to wriggle out of the empowered hold the pillars had around him, but he couldn’t and the pressure was so hard.

His vision grew black.

“Shikadai, no!” someone yelled but Shikadai couldn’t tell who it was. His ears started ringing and he couldn’t see.

Then something that could have been prevented if Shikadai still had worn the metal collar, happened. It all happened so fast. Too fast for anyone to realise that this was dangerous.

"Yamato, no!" Ino called out, but she was too late.

With the last strength Shikadai still had in his body he launched forwards, precisely at the same time as Yamato made a mistake and pressed the pillar around Shikadai’s neck backwards.

The pressure ended up being too big on Shikadai’s throat.

Temari and Shikamaru didn’t know that this injury was what was needed for Tsunade to change her mind. They still didn’t know that _this moment_ was the turning point in the war, which eventually, months from now on, would lead to peace. They didn’t know yet that Shikadai was going to survive this traumatic injury. They didn't know that years from now on, there was a life in which they could smile and hug and rest easy.

But the damage was already done.

Shikadai’s throat had been crushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THE CLIFFHANGER! I will post the next chapter in like two days, so bare with me.
> 
> I am aware that I have made it _really_ hard to believe that happy ending-tag. My apologies.
> 
> (Shikadai won't die.)
> 
> *Take a deep breath*
> 
> The six remaining chapters are covering the last chapter in BbL.


	23. Three minutes and a lifetime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, I'm not within the medical profession, just someone who spends way too much time researching life-threatening injuries. Hopefully I managed to portay everything realistically.
> 
> As always, no character deaths!

Ino was the first one to realise the danger in the situation.

“Yamato, _stop_!” she screamed and lunged forward, trying to get the pillar around Shikadai’s neck away from him. His head hung limply to the side. Yamato released Shikadai immediately, confused by the situation. He had still not realised what had happened.

Ino was there to embrace Shikadai’s limb body. She pressed a hand pouring in turquoise medical chakra against his throat, where the bruise from the internal bleeding grew by the second in purple-red colours over his neck and cheeks. That was when the rest of the company realised the level of the damage.

Yamato backed off, releasing both Shikamaru and Temari from the pillar prison by the walls. He just stared at the boy, not still grippling the consequences of his actions, which he had believed were necessary.

Ino looked up, straight at Tsunade.

“You swore to not hurt him! You promised!” she hissed with a voice burning of every stressed-out emotion there is. “You _promised_ he would not be punished!”

They had less than three minutes. Less than three minutes to heal Shikadai's larynx, before the lack of oxygen would inflict brain damage and kill him.

Ino laid Shikadai down on the floor, still not letting her palm leave his throat.

“Shikadai?”

Temari moved as in a trance. All she heard was white noise, and she didn’t even feel her leg as she walked up to Shikadai. She could put weight on the leg. She didn’t feel anything.

She kneeled down beside Shikadai, stroking his hair and forehead. Temari still didn’t really grasp what had happened. She just understood that he was dying and yet somehow, she was calm. All she wanted was for Shikadai to feel safe.

Shikadai was still conscious and looked up at her. His beautiful desert eyes stared at her, gaze screaming _Mum, I can't breathe, help me, I’m dying, I don’t want to die…_

"It’s okay, sweetie", Temari said, still completely level-headed. She worked as on autopilot, no emotions allowed. “I’m here. Mum won’t ever leave you anymore.”

It would later turn out that these were memories her brain never stored. This day would forever remain as a black space in her memories and she wouldn’t remember anything of the feeling of having her dying child between her hands.

That is what trauma does.

“Move!”

Tsunade pushed Shikamaru, who had Shikadai’s hand in his, out of her way. She pressed her hands and the medical chakra against Shikadai’s throat.

“Damn you all. Damn you! Let’s do something about this”, she snarled.

Ino stood up, hands in the Ram sign, sending signals to Sakura, Shizune and the best medics in the hospital. _Sakura! We got a fatally injured boy. Ready the surgery room, now! Get your best medics here now, the execution room in the East Wing of my prison. Bring tools to secure an airway. NOW! Shunshin!_

“You’re doing so good, I’m so proud of you”, Temari said to Shikadai, and now the finality of what was happening slowly crept into her and her voice began shaking. Her child is dying in her grasp. “I love you, Shikadai. I love you so, so much.”

“Oh god, this isn’t happening”, Shikamaru said, and pressed his hands harder around Shikadai’s lame hand. With a last effort Shikadai opened his mouth to say something and blood instead of words came out of it.

That was when Shikadai’s eyes turned inwards and he lost consciousness.

In that moment, there were no enemies in that room. There were no Suna versus Konoha in a bloody war, no conflicts, no betrayals nor executions. There were only two medics and two parents trying to save a twelve-year-old child from a way too early and traumatic death.

And when Shikadai didn’t look up at his mother anymore, when his eyes had closed, all emotions came rushing at Temari all at once. There was no need to be the secure parent anymore.

“He is dying!” she screamed as she imagined his skin turning cold against her hands.

The sound of white noise increased in her ears and she did not realise she had been screaming it out loud before someone took her by her shoulders and tried to drag her away from Shikadai.

“You need to give space to the medics”, someone hissed in her ear.

She did not care that she probably snapped her leg again as she fought against the person grabbing her.

“No! NO!” she wailed. “Not Shikadai! No, don’t let him die!”

Medics appeared out of clouds of smoke around Shikadai and Tsunade.

“My Lady, what is the situation?” Sakura asked, voice almost drowning in Temari’s screams.

“Crushed larynx, he can’t breathe”, Tsunade said. “Medical chakra is not working, damn it. I think he’s breathed down blood into his lungs. Sakura, remove the blood when you get him to the hospital and stop the bleeding. We need to puncture his airways.”

There was no time. Shikadai hadn’t been able to breathe for over a minute. Time was running short.

Shikamaru turned white as he witnessed the process of Sakura slicing up a thin incision below Shikadai’s Adam’s apple and then another, inserting a small tube into his throat. This was below all the damage, which had occurred in the upper region of Shikadai’s throat.

But it worked. Now they all could witness Shikadai’s ribcage rise and fall. He was breathing, but it sounded wrong. There was still blood in his lungs and the danger was nowhere near over.

“Get him to the hospital”, Tsunade said. “Perform a tracheotomy on him. I’ll join you later.” She turned to Temari, who was pinned to the floor by a backup jonin. “I’ll tend to her first.”

“I will kill you”, Temari whispered, as she out of the corner of her eye saw the medics remove her son from the room. Ino followed them, apparently more inclined to save Shikadai’s life than seeing what will happen to Temari.

Temari had zero patience left. It felt like someone had ripped her soul out of her body. She panted, she cried, she was an utter mess when Tsunade crouched beside her. “I will… fucking obliterate you.”

“Tsunade, don’t even think about it!” Shikamaru said as he was held down. A jonin had grabbed his arm and brought it back behind his back into a joint lock, and weak as he had become after starving for a week and for witnessing what he had witnessed, he didn’t have the strength to lunge forward.

“Why is it so damn hard to kill you?” Tsunade asked Temari. “Why is it that not even one of my skilled shinobi can kill you? What magic is it you possess, thief?”

Temari growled like a demon as Tsunade placed her hands on Temari’s leg.

“What are – what are you doing?” Temari panted. “Where did they take Shikadai? I – I must get to him.”

“You were ready to kill him, remember”, Tsunade pointed out as medical chakra made its way out of her open palms into Temari’s leg. She was healing the broken bone inside Temari’s leg. “They brought Shikadai to the hospital. He needs to get a proper tracheotomy done if you want him alive. That is beyond our medical ninjutsu. We can secure the walls of the throat with our ninjutsu, but this is safer.”

“Take me there”, Temari said in a hoarse voice. She looked at Shikamaru, beaten down by the other jonin.

They had been so occupied with the fight and with Shikadai that they hadn’t noticed the shredded butcher lying in the corner. The butcher Shikadai had killed. The smell of his wrecked, disfigured body hit them all eventually.

“I’m too old for this”, Tsunade muttered and rose up. She threw one single look at Temari and Shikamaru. “Get them into cells. I need time to think about this.”

“Tsunade!” Shikamaru yelled after her as she turned her back to them. “Don’t let Shikadai die!”

Tsunade’s lips formed a thin line.

“I will try”, she said and left them.

Before Shikadai opened his eyes, he felt pain. His whole neck hurt so badly he didn’t know what to do with himself. He tried to open his mouth, but couldn’t, since his tongue had swollen so much and his jaw felt locked in place.

He didn’t get a single noise out of him. As soon as he even _tried_ to make even the softest whine pain struck him like a knife right in his throat. He wore a neck cast, preventing him from moving his head around.

That was when he realised he wasn’t breathing through his nose. He didn’t feel the sensation of air flowing through his nose and down his airways to the lungs, the only thing he felt was his lungs breathing.

And that sound.

That hollow sound of air moving inside a tube, back and forth.

When he finally opened his eyes, all he saw was white at first. When his eyesight focused properly, he realised he was staring into a lamp.

_Hospital._

He lifted his hand, which was covered in tape to keep the hypodermic needle in place on the back of his hand. He was connected to an IV drop.

_Please, give me painkillers._

Slowly, he brought his hand up to a place right above his sternum and felt a tube inserted into his throat. Touching it hurt.

Tears fell from his eyes, soundlessly, when he realised he was breathing through the tube and not through his nose.

He couldn’t move his head, he couldn’t produce any sound whatsoever and he was all alone in the hospital room. He felt scared and vulnerable.

Someone opened the door. At first Shikadai didn’t recognise who it was, but when she began talking, he remembered her voice. It was the prison lady who had healed his ears and who had talked so gently to him before. Inojin’s mum.

“Hi, Shikadai”, Ino said. “Are you in pain?”

Not being able to even nod, Shikadai just pointed at the drop by his bedside and showed his thumb down.

“I’ll call for the doctor”, Ino said. Moments later a pink haired doctor came inside. Her eyes were tired, but happy when she saw Shikadai was awake.

“Hello”, the doctor said. “My name is Sakura and – “ Her voice faded when more tears came out of Shikadai’s eyes. Her lips drew into a thin line. “Morphine. More morphine.”

They injected the liquid pain reliever into the tube going into Shikadai’s hand through the hypodermic needle and Sakura returned her attention towards him. She sighed deeply, looking for the right words.

“Do you know what happened to you?” she asked. Shikadai showed his thumb down. She sighed again. “I’m going to be upfront with you, okay? You have a severe traumatic injury in your neck. Your throat was crushed. We have now stopped the bleeding and secured the outer walls of your airways, as well as we have secured your breathing.”

Shikadai pointed towards the pipe above his sternum.

“That is a trach”, Sakura explained. “You are currently breathing through it and we hope that you can soon breathe without it. It is possible you could already breathe without it, but we didn’t want to take any risks.”

Shikadai closed his eyes. It was a lot to take in and a lot of pain to handle. Even if the pain dulled out as the morphine entered his system, it couldn’t take it all away.

“It is early to tell”, Sakura said. “But… we don’t know if and when you will be able to swallow anything.” She gently lifted the blanket coving Shikadai’s lower body and showed a tube going into his stomach. “We’ve fed you directly to your stomach. This is only temporary, until we better know your condition. And we will have to remove it soon, because as you see, it goes right through your jinchuuriki seal. I think Shukaku is trying to repel the tube, since we had a very hard time getting it to fit. As soon as your throat allows it, we’ll put a feeding tube in your nose instead.”

Shikadai stared down at the tube coming out of his skin. He didn’t feel like a human anymore, with tubes connected to every part of his body.

_I want mum and dad here. Where is mum and dad?_

He settled to stare at Ino, trying to communicate that he wants mum and dad here. Ino returned his stare before forming her right hand into the activating sign.

_You can talk to me through a mind connection,_ Ino told Shikadai into his head.

_Are mum and dad okay? Did – did I save them?_ Shikadai asked.

_You saved them,_ Ino said. _You were very brave. I’m sure they are so proud of you._

Shikadai seemed to relax a fraction more. He closed his eyes very slowly.

_It hurts so much,_ his mind whimpered.

Ino smiled a sorrowful smile to him.

_I will bring your parents here,_ she said. _You should rest._

_It hurts! I don’t know what to do._

Ino swallowed.

_It will be okay,_ she said. Or lied. She didn’t know at what degree of “okay” he’d be. Will he ever be able to talk again? Would he be able to swallow again? Or would he be disabled for the rest of his life? _Just rest. Don’t try to talk and don’t move your head._

_Why did this happen to me?_ Shikadai asked and his thoughts were shaking. Ino could almost hear his mind break apart.

This boy needed his parents’ support now. He’s all alone as a prisoner in a foreign country and he’s injured to the stage of almost death. Ino looked quickly at Sakura and switched to her head, to talk to her without Shikadai hearing what they were talking about.

Sakura threw a pitiful gaze at the injured enemy boy, the jinchuuriki of the Sand that had all this time been pictured as a monster – an enemy to be kept chained away from everyone. But all she and Ino saw was a damaged boy, not evil enough to be regarded as a threat and too young to deserve this to happen to him.

Ino left the room, feeling nauseous. All she, once again, could think of was what if it was Inojin there in Shikadai’s stead, tied to tubes to keep him alive in a fragile and injured body.

She expected Shikamaru to be in the mess she found him in, when she walked around the corner to the cell he was placed in. He had no chains around his wrists and no seal making him blind.

His eyes were red, his skin was blotchy and swollen and his hair appeared greasy from dragging his hands through it so many times.

When he noticed her, he jerked up from the mattress and almost threw himself at the iron bars.

“Ino”, he said, voice shaking out of rage – out of fear – out of lack of control over the situation. “Ino, please tell me he’s okay…”

Ino nodded.

“He is awake”, she said. “We had a meeting with Tsunade earlier. You can visit him now, but I can’t let you go freely – “

Shikamaru eyes the hand cuffs Ino had in her hands.

“Aren’t you a hypocrite”, he snarled. “First, you promised to _help me_ and now – now you dare to have authority to keep me in chains _again_!” He didn’t even let Ino open her mouth before he let out a growl of frustration. Ino just stared at him, letting the person she once loved so dearly get it all out. “He’s my son, Ino. He’s my only child… I can’t – I can’t – what terrible father lets horrible things happen to his son?”

“Shikamaru…”

But Shikamaru was beyond stressed out. Beyond traumatised from seeing Shikadai almost die.

“Why did he come after us? _Why_ did he feel the need to save us? It’s the parent’s job to save their child, not the child’s job to save their parents!”

“I – “

“Why is Konoha so fucking rotten?!” Shikamaru practically yelled at Ino. She took a step back. “Why did you _do this?_ ”

“Calm down”, she said.

“He _sacrificed_ himself for us, Ino”, Shikamaru got out.

“I’m sorry!” Ino yelled back as furious tears made their way down her cheeks and Shikamaru blinked at her. “I’m so sorry for taking you. I didn’t know better, I didn’t know! I thought that we could _end_ this if I followed the orders, Shikamaru. I wanted to do what was good. I believed I did my duty for peace. And I’m sorry Inojin didn’t force Shikadai with him – I’m sorry!”

Shikamaru stared at Ino.

“I will take you to him”, Ino continued. “But you have to trust me. Trust me like you once did.”

“Trust you like you took us hostage!” Shikamaru growled. He had lost all his patience, all his cool now. He had yesterday witnessed someone almost behead his wife and the minute after that he had witnessed his son getting life-threatening injuries. Of course he was scarred and out of his mind. “If you just had let us pass, none of this would’ve happened.”

“If you just had killed Temari none of this would’ve happened!”

Ino stepped over the line. The silence that followed could be cut with a knife.

“Don’t you dare bring that into this”, Shikamaru finally said.

“I’m sorry”, Ino whispered.

“Do whatever you want to me, just take me to Shikadai”, Shikamaru said and his voice broke apart more and more on each word.

Ino brought the cuffs over Shikamaru’s wrists and bound them together.

“I’m sorry”, she just repeated.

The look in Shikadai’s eyes was heart-breaking when he finally saw his dad. A week in loneliness and darkness and a day in pain and fright in the hospital later, he was finally reunited with his dad.

Shikadai remained silent, unable to produce any sounds. He waved instead. The gleam in his eyes and the very weak smile was enough to tell them how relieved and happy he was.

“Oh, my boy”, Shikamaru said as he sat on the edge of the hospital bed. His gaze fell on the trach sticking out of Shikadai’s throat. “I’m so sorry.”

Ino left the room to give father and son privacy. Sakura remained by the door as a guard, looking down at nothing in a try to maintain the privacy between Shikamaru and Shikadai.

Shikamaru caressed Shikadai’s arm. Shikadai glared down at the iron cuffs around Shikamaru’s wrist, binding his arms together.

“I was so worried about you”, Shikamaru continued in a low voice. “Has mum been here already?”

Shikadai showed him his thumb down. Shikamaru threw a look at Sakura, as if to ask her to _please bring Temari here too, don’t you see Shikadai needs her too_.

Sakura said nothing and soon enough redirected her gaze to look at something else. Shikamaru suppressed an irritated groan as he returned his attention to Shikadai.

“I am so proud of you for surviving this”, he said. “Shikadai… I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry for making you a jinchuuriki. I’m sorry for being a bad father. Can you ever forgive me?”

Sakura pinched her lips together at Shikamaru’s gentle and shivering voice. Shikadai said obviously nothing and he showed his thumb sideways, showing neither his thumb up nor down.

“It’s okay”, Shikamaru said. “I don’t deserve to be forgiven by you. I am just so proud of you, Shikadai. You saved us. Thank you.”

Shikadai’s corners of his mouth twitched slightly in an attempt to smile. His face was so swollen and his whole lower face was bruised from blood that had climbed upwards from the trauma in his throat. Shikamaru barely recognised him. His hair was laid down on the pillow, surrounding his head in thick, dark locks.

Then Shikadai pointed down at himself.

“What do you mean?” Shikamaru asked as he followed Shikadai’s movement. He pointed at his own crotch. “You need to pee?”

Sakura looked up.

“I’ll assist him”, she said and lifted the blanket off Shikadai’s body. Shikamaru stared at the tube going inside Shikadai’s stomach. “There you go. Be careful to not tug at the drop.”

Shikadai made some kind of whimper, raw and torn, as he rose from the bed. It was unimaginably painful in his throat as he moved. He could walk on his own, but Sakura walked behind him to make sure he didn’t tug his drop going into his hand, or tore any of his tubes, especially not the one going through his seal into his stomach.

He made it to the toilet he had in his room and Sakura waited outside. She and Shikamaru shared an awkward silence before Sakura looked at Shikamaru with a defiance in her eyes.

“Long time since last”, she said. “And before you accuse me of anything, you should know that Ino has fought for your rights. Hard. If Ino hadn’t been so headstrong, both your son and wife would’ve been dead.”

Shikamaru swallowed.

“How comforting to hear”, he said at the same time as Shikadai came out of the toilet. He tried to communicate something with his hands, but neither Shikamaru nor Sakura could understand what he tried to say.

They could see the frustration grow inside his eyes as he realised he had no consistent way of communicating anymore. Sakura helped Shikadai back into the bed and he fell asleep after smashing his head back into the pillow and blinking rapidly from the pain.

This was the first time he had been awake since his surgery where his trach and food tube had been inserted. His throat was, however, stabilised with medical ninjutsu only, since the Konohan medical team didn’t possess the skills of performing a surgery to heal it in any other way.

“We’ll have another meeting later today”, Sakura said. “About all you three. That is when we’ll decide Temari’s fate and how to accommodate you and Shikadai.” He looked down at Shikadai. “He will stay here for a long time, I’m afraid. That is no simple injury he got.”

Shikamaru felt all of a sudden a great grief and fatigue gripping him. He had spent the past days on needles, so tense and scared and worried and now all that was switched to… the oddest relief he had ever felt. Shikadai would survive, but at what cost. Temari would most likely not be executed, but at what cost?

Shikadai was now totally dependent on Konoha and their skills in the medical field. Shikamaru had to now act dependently on Konoha, because of the future for Shikadai. He must probably agree on every deal Konoha delivers him and Temari for the sake of Shikadai.

How pathetic. Now he was in the exact same position in Konoha he once was in Suna.

_There is no place in this world where I can feel happiness._

_Or there was. Once Konoha was my happy place. Then Suna became my happy place._

_And now I’ve got neither._

“He might never talk again”, Sakura said bluntly. “He might never be able to eat again.”

Luckily Shikamaru was already sitting, otherwise he would probably have to sit down. He made a pathetic noise of shock and grief as he grabbed Shikadai’s hand. Shikadai didn’t wake up from the touch, exhausted by the simple action of going to the bathroom.

“I … hate you all”, Shikamaru whispered, tears prickling out of his eyes. “Why did life go this way?”

“I can’t answer your question”, Sakura said. “But I promise we’ll do what we can to guarantee Shikadai’s wellbeing and independence in the future.”

“Where is Temari?” Shikamaru asked. “When can I see her?”

“I can’t answer that either – “ Sakura said at the same time as the door opened and Tsunade came inside.

“You…” Shikamaru hissed.

“I heard you were here”, Tsunade said in a rather cold voice.

“This is the correct place for a father whose son is injured”, Shikamaru said, barely keeping his voice low. “Do you understand what you’ve done to him? You’ve disabled him. Life was hard enough as a jinchuuriki already – “

“And that is not Konoha’s sin”, Tsunade answered.

“It doesn’t matter!” Shikamaru hissed. “We were escaping. We were trying to protect him. This Will of Fire of yours is hollow and fake, when you are ready to murder a child for who he is.”

Tsunade remained perfectly still, not moving a single muscle in her face.

“Shikamaru of the Sand”, she said. “Follow me.”

Sakura nodded to Shikamaru, wordlessly telling him that _I’ll be here with Shikadai. He is safe with me. Now go._

“Fine.”

Shikamaru followed Tsunade during silence. The only sound that could be heard was the tapping of her heels and the soft rattling of Shikamaru’s chains.

She brought him to her office, where Shikamaru was prepared to face something similar to interrogation. Because he had spent almost the entire week in the Konohan imprisonment alone and without having Ino or someone else looking through his brain, he was certain that was what awaited him. Tsunade wanted him probably to tell her everything about Suna’s military strategies and all the weaknesses the nation holds.

He did not expect to see the woman sitting inside Tsunade’s office, slowly turning around with a withered face. Her grey hair was tied in a high ponytail and she still had those baby hairs framing her face.

“Mum?” Shikamaru said almost voiceless.

Yoshino stood up, bringing up a hand to her mouth as tears rose in her eyes and her face scrunched together in a painful expression.

“Mum, it’s me”, Shikamaru just repeated, finding himself at loss of words. How many emotions is it possible to feel during the same day?

Yoshino began sobbing.

“I know it’s you”, she said between the sobs. Shikamaru briefly wondered how much his appearance had changed since he was eighteen and left Konoha for what he believed was going to be a month but ended up being almost fourteen years. He was about to turn thirty-two. He had grown into a man and a father since they saw last time.

Yoshino walked closer to him.

“My son”, she said as the tears began falling. She ignored the cuffs and chains, she ignored that Shikamaru looked horrible from all stress, she ignored how dirty he was from not being able to bath in a while and she ignored that he had the traitor stamp across his face.

“I’m here, mum”, Shikamaru said.

She lifted her arms and pulled her son into the gentlest hug Shikamaru had ever received. And before he knew it, he was also crying into her grey hair. She smelled of humus and grass, of deer and forest, a smell he hadn’t sensed in so many years.

“I’m here”, he said again, almost choking on his own words. In that moment, he shrunk into his eighteen-year-old self again, his younger self before his world turned upside down and he finally realised how _much_ he had missed his mother.

“Shikamaru”, Yoshino said, and it felt amazing to say his name out loud. “Welcome home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, yeah. How many emotions did you feel while reading? This chapter was quite the rollercoaster, in my humble opinion. I almost made myself cry, haha.


	24. Sign with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We officially made it over 100k! It was a dream of mine when beginning to write this, so I'm really happy.
> 
> Tw: suicidal thoughts.

Shikadai stared down at the thick book Sakura had given him.

A guide to learn sign language.

He had just woken up after another nap, a nap where he had drawn the blanket to cover his entire body. He had not wanted to see anyone. This situation, this injury as well as the devastating fear of losing his parents had brought very dark thoughts into him, thoughts he never had imagined before. Not even during Shukaku’s worst tantrum had he wished to disappear.

Now, he looked out of the window and briefly wondered what it would feel like to step out of it and fall down. To disappear from this situation which seemed to worsen every day. To just take the one final leap of ending this _damn_ trial.

Dealing with Shukaku was bearable. But dealing with life as a disabled felt unbearable for a soon to be teenager in this naked moment.

 _I’m sorry to tell you might never be able to talk again,_ Sakura had said. _And we don’t know if you will ever be able to swallow solid food. Or if you will be able to swallow at all. I’m so sorry._

Being mute. Being forced to eat through a tube in his stomach, or through a tube in his nose when his throat got a little better. It truly felt like the end of the world. He could maybe deal with the mutism if he learned to sign, but the inability to swallow was horrid. It meant he couldn’t swallow his own saliva and had to spit it out or drool it out all the time, it meant he had to sleep in a sitting position since he would breathe down said saliva into his lungs during the night when he couldn’t swallow it, and if that happened and he would have to cough, he could rip up his throat again. It also meant that the enjoyment of eating and tasting food was robbed from him.

Sakura tried to keep a good spirit when talking to him. They had taken out the trach that same morning and closed the hole he had above his sternum and he finally got to breathe through his nose. The swelling around his face and neck as well as in his tongue had gone down, but the bruising was still bad.

“In a few days you will start visiting a speech therapist to see if your vocal cords survived or not”, Sakura had said. “And if they did, you will practise talking again. Sadly, no guarantee it will work, but the speech therapist will evaluate your progress.”

Shikadai felt a little happier after those news. He still wondered why and how Konoha all of a sudden were so nice to him. Before his injury they had him by a chain around his neck, and now they paid for a speech therapist for him.

The pain was still raw and he got strong painkillers every day.

_This is so troublesome._

Shikadai opened the book, leafed through it, and began practising the alphabet with his hand.

Learning sign language provided to be exactly the mental stimuli he needed when being trapped inside a hospital room with tubes connected to him.

He learned to say the entire alphabet as well as a lot of useful verbs and phrases, such as “It hurts” and “I’m hungry” and “I need to pee” effortlessly by the time someone opened the door. He wished and yearned it for to be Temari – he missed his mum, or anyone who was familiar – from home, but the blond hair that came into sight was someone else.

“Hi”, Inojin said.

Inojin! Shikadai lightened immediately up. He had missed him too.

He waved to him and later pointed toward his own throat.

“I know”, Inojin continued. “My mum told me what happened.” He chanced and sat down by Shikadai’s feet on the bed. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault, I’m so sorry.”

Shikadai looked at Inojin, not really knowing what to do. He waved dismissively to tell Inojin to stop apologising, that it wasn’t his fault.

“But it is”, Inojin said. “You… this happened to you. And if I just – ”

Shikadai put his finger over his mouth, trying to say to Inojin to stop talking. Inojin broke off fast.

Shikadai pointed towards Inojin and then to his own head, trying to sign a mental connection. Inojin lifted his fingers into the activating sign.

_I got what you meant, but I’m not g –_

The signal broke and Inojin groaned in annoyance. He tried again.

_I’m not good enough at talking into people’s heads yet. I can’t hear your thoughts, only send my own to you._

Shikadai rolled his eyes, in the lack of better ways to say _what a drag_. Inojin looked down at the sign language book.

“Mum told me you were going to learn signing. You can sign to me”, he said. “I can learn to read it.”

Shikadai pointed towards the small table by the door, where a stack of paper and pens laid scattered. He told himself he was too lazy to get up to get it, but the truth was that he was too afraid of the piercing pain in his throat that came whenever he moved. He could manage it when he had to visit the bathroom, but other than that, he had the nurses helping him with everything. They even assisted with showering, since he couldn’t move his head and it was so painful, and he was embarrassed by it when they washed his hair for him.

Inojin got the paper and pen for him and he wrote down:

_Would you really want to learn signs?_

Inojin nodded.

“Of course”, he said. “I told you I’m your friend. This is the least I can do for you.”

 _I still don’t get why you want to be my friend. I’m a jinchuuriki._ Shikadai showed Inojin the new message.

“Shikadai”, Inojin said. “I don’t care you’re Sunese, I don’t care you’re desert-born, as we call your people here, I don’t care you have a demon inside you. What do I have to do to make you believe me? Wasn’t committing treason for you not enough? You know, they took my forehead protector away from me as a punishment. I don’t even know when I’ll get it back, so I’m off missions now for an unknown time. So now I’ll just work in my parents’ flower shop, but I sit rather here with you.”

Shikadai stared at him, and then opened the sign language book at a specific place. The word for “care”.

 _You care for me?_ he signed two times so Inojin would have time to look at the sign from the book to recognise it. Inojin nodded eagerly. Shikadai flipped the pages to the sign for “talk”. _I can’t talk._

“I don’t care that you can’t talk”, Inojin said and took the book after Shikadai had guided him towards another page.

Friend.

 _Friends?_ Shikadai signed to him.

Inojin smiled.

 _Friends_ , he signed back.

Temari didn’t know what to expect when she finally was let out of the cell. It had been days since she believed she had lost a son, and days since she had learned he, in fact, survived, even if he required hospital care for a long time. Ino had come and healed her leg, and Temari had got to shower and change into clean clothes. The sudden care Ino showed her made her feel less exhausted from the sleepless nights and the pain still lingering in the leg.

Temari had leaned against the wall out of relief when she had got it confirmed that Shikadai would survive. She didn’t cry. She didn’t have it in her to spill more tears. In fact, she didn’t have any tears left after this hell.

“Ino…” she said as Ino once again came around the corner into her view. “You know I am not one to beg. But please. Let me see him.”

Ino showed a chain meant to bind cuffs together with, similar to that she had provided Shikamaru with.

“Good thing I am in a good mood today”, she said, but the words were not the slightest hostile. “Tsunade allows you to go and see him, if you promise to be a good prisoner.”

Temari rolled her eyes and snorted to Ino.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever”, she said as she, the cruellest of kunoichi, remained still when Ino brought the cuffs around her arms. She still had the chakra cuffs on, the lithium ones mutilating her chakra and now they were linked together by a chain. “It’s not like I’ve been humiliated enough.”

“Shikamaru agreed nicely”, Ino said.

“Has Shikamaru been allowed to see Shikadai?” she asked. Ino nodded. “Where is he now? Is he okay?”

“He is okay, you don’t have to worry about him”, Ino said and looked down on the bruised leg. The scarring was horrible. “Does it still hurt when you step on it?”

“Yes”, Temari said. “Hurts like hell, still, but I can suck it up.”

Ino chuckled lightly.

“I expected that of you”, she said. “Let’s get to your son.”

Shikadai was for once not sleeping in bed but stood up in the small room. He had no shirt on, and the feeding tube in his stomach was connected to the nutrient bag, hanging from the same IV pole as the intravenous drip. He turned around and his eyes were gleaming when he saw his mum for the first time in days since he almost died.

Temari stared at the tube going into his stomach and at the nutrient bag for a second before regaining her posture.

“Oh, Shikadai”, was the only thing she managed to say.

Shikadai waved to her and pointed towards his throat, trying to tell her that he can’t talk. She already knew he had become mute, Ino had told her that much.

Temari walked forward, staring at the neck brace he still wore to avoid moving his head, and thus also his fragile throat. Her gaze dropped once again down to the tube in his stomach.

“Can I – can I hug you?” she asked, wondering if any touch would be too much for him to endure.

Shikadai showed his thumb up and Temari brought her arms around him, hugging carefully, to avoid pressing at the tubes.

“I love you”, she murmured as tears escaped her waterlines. She wanted to say that she was so sorry and that she hated herself for being the cause for his suffering, but none of the words were formed.

She hated seeing Shikadai like that. So fragile and sick.

“Has dad been here already?” she asked. Shikadai showed his thumb up. “How was he?”

Shikadai opened the sign language book. Temari lifted a hand to her mouth when severity of Shikadai’s injury dawned upon her and she realised she might never get to hear his voice again. For a second she ignored the page Shikadai had opened for her to read and just stared at the nutrient bag and the tube going into Shikadai’s stomach.

Was this life even worth living? She felt incredibly guilty for even thinking that.

Shikadai pushed her arm gently with the book and she took it, looking down at the sign.

 _He was sad,_ Shikadai signed to her and Temari wanted to curse and scream at their situation. He showed her another page. _I was sick._

“Can’t you tell me where is Shikamaru?” she asked Ino in a growl.

“In a house arrest”, Ino replied. Temari wrinkled her forehead in confusion.

“House arrest?” Temari sneered. “Where?”

Ino glanced at Shikadai before turning defiantly towards Temari again.

“Shikadai was extremely brave, coming to save you”, she said. “And what a high price he paid for it. That sense of selflessness, to instead of saving oneself when the opportunity was there, save one’s parents, made Tsunade rethink our actions. Konoha’s actions.”

Temari laughed a sarcastic laugh.

“Oh please”, she said. “All it took was for my child to be fucking _crippled_ – “

Shikadai stared at his mother. Did he hear her correctly? Did she call him a _cripple?_

“Be careful what you say”, Ino interrupted when she noticed the mortified face Shikadai made at his mother’s hurtful words. “You might hurt him more than you imagine, Temari.”

 _I want to die,_ Shikadai thought to himself. Temari had unintentionally hurt him deeply. She had called him a cripple, just because he in an accident had lost his ability to talk and eat. It wasn’t his fault, it was an injury! And that choice of word hurt.

Temari snapped her mouth shut and dragged her hand through her loose hair.

“God, this is just…” she whispered with a voice shaking of rage. “This is a nightmare.” She looked up at Ino. “This is your damned fault! If you hadn’t tattled like a little girl to your Hokage when you first got me then – “

“Don’t act like you are not to blame”, Ino said. “Temari, this is not the time for this conversation. Shikadai clearly wants you to engage in a discussion with him, on his terms. Take the damn book and learn how to read signs.”

In that moment Temari realised that she can’t show her anger in front of Shikadai. He was suffering the most, and he needed her support. This was just like when he became a jinchuuriki, where she had to just stop blaming herself and begin to trust in him, to help him and make him feel better.

She realised she had messed up in her own heated, emotional moment. More than a simple sorry could cover.

Shikadai looked at her with angry, cold eyes when she turned around. He waved her off.

“Shikadai, I’m sorry for saying that”, Temari tried. “You are more than just – “

Shikadai put his hand up, telling her to stop. He pushed the book into her hands, at the first page with the alphabet.

He knew the alphabet by heart already, given how bored he had been earlier. His hand began shaping signs.

_I am J- I-N-C-H-U-U-R-I-K-I_

_I am C-R-I-P-P-L-E_

_I H-A-T-E M-Y-S-E-L-F_

“I’m sorry”, Temari repeated. “I really shouldn’t have called you – “

She didn’t get to finish her sentence before Shikadai waved Temari off in a frustrated gesture of hurt and anger. That was when he wanted to attack his bed, to crawl in under the covers and fall asleep and dream of the times he still could talk, but forgot he was still connected to the feeding bag.

The tube tore in his skin as he tried to crawl up in the bed and it hurt. Because he was unable to produce any sound he bent forward and pressed his hand against the hole in his stomach as a sign of pain. Luckily the tube didn’t rip out.

“Shikadai!” Temari gasped when she saw his face wrinkled in pain.

“Watch it, watch it”, Ino said as she investigated the tube. “Please, you have to be careful. It’s harder than usual to get it to stay where it’s supposed to stay, you can’t forget you have it there.”

Shikadai smacked Ino’s hand off his stomach and settled to swipe his hands through his hair to show frustration. Ino lifted her one hand.

 _Listen now, I know you are angry, but you can’t let it affect your health right now,_ she said into his head.

 _Can’t you all just leave?_ Shikadai snarled back into her head. _This sucks, this sucks so much and it hurts everywhere! I want to go home… why can’t you let me go home…_

_I know it sucks, but you can’t make it worse. Please, just let me make sure it’s okay and we don’t have to re-applicate it._

Shikadai sighed deeply as he sat down on the bed and let Ino check the tube. He didn’t look at Temari. If things were normal, Temari would’ve called Shikadai out for such a rude gesture to someone who wanted to help, but right now it felt like all air had left her.

Her words had hurt Shikadai to his core.

All she did was watching when Ino checked the tube, before leaning against the wall, twisting her head to hide her face against the wall when she began to cry.

Cried for Shikadai. Cried for the awful situation they were in. Cried out of regret. For everything.

In that moment filled with desperation she wished she had used the cyanide on Shikadai.

**_That was a lot of fuss for what? For getting yourself ruined,_** Shukaku mused inside Shikadai’s being. **_If you just would’ve allowed me to go to into the final state I would’ve killed the Hokage Lady too._**

 _I didn’t know what I was doing,_ Shikadai snapped back. _I just followed, I don’t know, instincts or whatever._

 ** _You seem in a bad mood,_** Shukaku said.

 _Guess why,_ Shikadai said. _I’m a fucking cripple. I can’t swallow and I can’t talk. You are the only one I can talk to! And it’s your fault we’re in this position._

**_My fault? Let me remind you that I didn’t volunteer getting stuffed inside you._ **

Shikadai pinched his lips to a thin line. It had taken a day or two before he even had the energy to move his lips after he woke up from the accident. The speech therapist he had met a few times had encouraged him to practise opening and closing his jaw, and the first time they had done it he had cried out of pain.

He hadn’t managed to open his mouth widely but having the support of a professional helped finding the spirit to get better.

He was lying if he said he wasn’t bitter at his parents and his situation. He didn’t know what Shikamaru and Temari’s situation was, as they had after the first and only times they got to visit him, not come back since. Sakura only said they were safe, but whatever ‘safe’ meant wasn’t ever discussed. The hospital was precisely like a prison. He wasn’t allowed anywhere, he didn’t get to see his parents and every time he walked over to the speech therapists reception in the other wing of the hospital, someone walked behind him like a prison guard.

The only beacon of light in this hell was Inojin.

It had been two weeks. The tube in his stomach was taken out the other day and they put a feeding tube down his nose instead. It had been one of the most unpleasant things Shikadai had been through – after having his throat crushed and a demon sealed in his body of course.

His throat was, with the help of medical ninjutsu, stable, but his ability to swallow hadn’t come back, and neither had his ability to talk. He could barely even whine, and when he tried to produce sound it hurt. At least five different doctors had looked at his MRI-scans and some of them agreed that the vocal cords were saved, others had a more pessimistic outsight.

Shikadai had now a tube sticking out of his nose, taped to his cheek. He was now feeding himself for most of the times, as he had been taught how to connect the tube to the nutrient bag and how the pump pushing the food inside the tube worked.

It was a drag, but Shikadai had no choice. He couldn’t swallow. He couldn’t eat. He would die without the feeding tube.

Shikadai sighed deeply.

 _I’m sorry for that,_ Shikadai said and he could feel the tanuki inside him draw back inside his prison.

 ** _Huh?_** Shukaku asked.

 _All my life I’ve fought against you,_ Shikadai said. _And now I should’ve trusted you. I should’ve let you take complete control and kill them all. I am an idiot. Because I didn’t trust you, this happened._

Shukaku fell silent, thinking for a while.

 ** _Weird, little boy,_** he said. **_Because sometimes I sense off you that you like being here._**

 _How dare you say I like being confined to tubes and bedrest in a hospital?_ His words made Shikadai angry.

 ** _Because of the other boy,_** Shukaku said. **_You like when he visits you. You like when he brings drawings to you. You enjoy it when he slowly learns sign language. You like when he sits by your feet –_**

 _Okay, stop, you are making me sound like a fool,_ Shikadai muttered. _Yes, I like Inojin. He’s the first one who isn’t Shinki who has said he wants to be my friend! He’s the first friend I’ve ever had._

The door opened and Inojin came inside. That was of course why Shukaku had sensed that little sense of yearning off Shikadai, since he knew that Inojin would come soon and longed for the hour he spent time in hospital with him to begin.

“I brought you some pens”, Inojin said as he showed paper and pens. “I figured we could draw together.”

 _Yes,_ Shikadai signed. _Draw what?_

Inojin knew already what those signs meant.

“I don’t know”, he said. “You can draw whatever you want. I already have something in mind.”

 _Give ideas,_ Shikadai signed and Inojin checked the book to understand what _give_ meant.

“Oh”, Inojin said. “You could do a self-portrait. Put all your feelings and everything you hate about this situation and you into it. Empty yourself inside your portrait. And one day, when you are healed and happy again, you redraw your self-portrait and look at the progress.”

Without thinking Shikadai touched the tube taped to his cheek.

 _Good idea,_ Shikadai signed to him when he brought down his hand from his face. _Give me the pen._

He and Inojin sat in content silence, drawing and sketching together. Occasionally Shikadai would touch Inojin’s arm to tell him something, and sometimes Inojin knew what the signs meant, but sometimes he had to look through the book.

Shikadai knew Inojin had practised reading signs at home, and just knowing that _someone_ in this world wanted to communicate with him, wanted to be his friend was all he needed to want to become better.

He fought through the sessions with the speech therapist, trying to learn how to swallow again, doing breathing exercises, trying to learn how to produce sounds again, because he wanted to. He wanted to be able to talk to Inojin, to talk audibly – he wanted to be able to laugh without having a needle poking the inside of his throat.

“I’m done”, Inojin said. “This is for you.” He flipped his paper and showed Shikadai what he had drawn.

A boar, a stag and a butterfly.

Ino-Shika-Cho.

Shikadai looked at the painting in awe. It was beautiful.

 _Dad told me that story,_ he signed. _About the animals. Many times. Do you also know that story? Is it popular here?_

It took Inojin a few tries to decipher what Shikadai was saying. Shikadai was still not fluent enough in sign language to express himself in longer sentences and Inojin wasn’t fluent enough to read with ease.

“You don’t know about Ino-Shika-Cho?” Inojin asked. “Damn. Your dad kept his secrets. But you have heard the story about what our name represents?”

 _Name_? Shikadai signed.

“Our parents have been in an alliance since generations back”, Inojin said. “And, if your dad never had left Konoha, he would still be in the trio with my mum. And, if you would’ve lived here, you would be in my team. With me. And Chocho. I know Chocho hasn’t visited you because you are still a protected secret of the state and my mum gives me special permission to visit you, but I promise, she is really nice.”

Shikadai didn’t lift his hands to sign anything. He fell in deep thought, dreaming about a reality where he could be on a team with Inojin. It was so weird. He had during his whole life cursed Konohans, cursed his heritage and where half of him was from. The desert was his home, not this place.

Konoha was maybe nice to the forest-born, but he wasn’t. He was desert-born and a prisoner. He might not be chained in a dungeon, but he was still removed from his parents and he was chained in tubes. He would not survive without the medical knowledge of the doctors here.

He looked out of the window, completely zoning out as Inojin patiently sat by his feet. The leaves in the tree outside the window rustled in the wind. If things didn’t change soon, he might have to stay here for a long time, he realised. And by “things”, he meant two things.

The war. He knew Konoha would keep him as a spoil of war, and he was in such a weak position that he had to give in whatever demands they had.

His health. _If_ things between Konoha and Suna cleared up and the war ended by some freaking miracle, but he never got better, what then? He can’t rely on using the feeding tube out on mission in the wild desert. Drinking through the tube took so much longer time than drinking normally, and in the desert, you had to drink fast. He imagined getting sand inside the tube that was taped to his cheek, even if it had a little stopper at the end.

He realised that if he never gets better, never learns how to swallow again, he can’t work as a shinobi anymore. And he who just became a genin and got his forehead protector he so proudly had worn could feel his career end before it even had time to begin.

Just because of who he was. He sighed deeply and –

“Oh”, he said.

_Said._

Both he and Inojin stared at each other as they understood what had happened. Shikadai _talked._ Or produced sound overall.

“Did you hear yourself?” Inojin asked. “You – you said something!”

Shikadai hadn’t expected to become that emotional over it. He hadn’t expected to slap his hand over his mouth and squeeze his eyes shut in an emotional rush of tears as his shoulders began shaking while he tried to choke his cries of happiness.

He had _produced a sound._

After two weeks of total muteness. After two weeks of feeling pain while even trying to use his damaged vocal cords. After two weeks of painkillers in different dosages and two weeks of not having a single thing going down his throat. After two weeks of zero freedom.

After two weeks of barely seeing his parents.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay”, Inojin said as he moved to sit beside Shikadai. He brought his hand up to Shikadai’s shoulder and rubbed it gently. “You can cry, it’s okay.”

 ** _Oh, little kid,_** Shukaku said. **_Happy to make you happy, I guess._**

 _Did you do that?_ Shikadai asked.

 ** _You can bet I did it,_** Shukaku answered, and he sounded extremely pleased with himself. **_I just put a little bit more of my chakra into what is damaged inside you. Looks like it worked._**

 _Heal me,_ Shikadai pleaded. _Please, Shukaku. Please._

 ** _Oh, so now you want to get something off me,_** Shukaku snickered. **_Sure kid, but I don’t do it for free._**

Shikadai didn’t have time to reply to Shukaku as Ino opened the door.

“Mum!” Inojin said. “Shikadai produced a sound! He can learn to talk soon.”

Ino blinked at the sudden rush of excitement from her son, but her face softened.

“Really?” She was now looking at Shikadai. “That is wonderful news.” She walked by the bedside to Shikadai. “It makes me happy to hear that. I’ll tell your speech therapist about this improvement.”

Shikadai signed, _Yes, thanks._

Ino cleared her throat.

“Shikadai”, she said. “Come with me. I’m bringing you to Tsunade’s office. Your mum and dad are there. The council has decided your fate now.”

All happiness Shikadai had felt disappeared. His stomach hurt out of anxiety and nervousness, as well out of longing from seeing his parents again.

When he left the room, Inojin remained to look at the self-portrait Shikadai had drawn. He had drawn himself in the transformation state, with half his face being Shukaku’s and his cheeks bleeding out of claw marks.

Inojin let his drawing of the boar, the stag and the butterfly lay on Shikadai’s bed so it could be there when he returned.

If Shikadai returned, that is.

Gaara’s hand was shaking out of rage when he put down the phone on the table. He had felt nothing when the Hokage’s stern voice had bluntly told him that his sister, brother-in-law and nephew relied on her mercy.

And she was tired, bitter and not really in mood for mercy anymore, after the shitshow that had happened.

_They’ve got them._

_Konoha had taken them._

He walked out of his office, mouth drawn into a thin, angry line. He knew Kankuro had just come back from Tea Country. He had been leading a really nasty mission, a mission that should have made Gaara’s heart ache out of guilt, but it had been blunted of feelings ever since they invaded their neighbour country. Kankuro’s squad had sacked a town in Tea Country. The stronger take from the weaker, and Tea Country was and had always been weak.

Kankuro was down in the workshop, cleaning the joints of his puppets. He was concentrated and had been a bad mood for the past month. Gaara knew exactly why Kankuro had been in that terribly bad mood ever since Temari and Shikadai left a month and a half ago. It was because Kankuro had handed Shikamaru cyanide to have as an emergency solution to a difficult problem and ever since Kankuro had cursed himself for it.

He regretted it. He regretted being possibly the reason for his nephew’s death. For his sister’s death. For her husband’s death.

“Kankuro”, Gaara said and Kankuro jerked from his chair. His face turned pale as he noticed the look on Gaara’s face.

“No”, Kankuro said. “No. Get out. Just. Don’t say it.”

“They are alive”, Gaara said. “But they are in Konoha. Captured. And Shikadai is gravely injured, not fatally, but… he will probably never be the same again.”

Kankuro slammed his hands against his face and in this restless moment ran his hands over his mouth and nose as a tic.

“Fuck”, he said. “What are we going to do? How do you know it?”

“I got a call from the Hokage”, Gaara said and Kankuro rolled his eyes hard. “She wants to meet us personally. And she demands we surrender.”

“Surrender? From a war _they_ are the root for?” Kankuro spat. “How low of her. What a lying snake she is.”

“Temari is captured”, Gaara said. “And so is Shikadai and Shikamaru. We have to do _something_.”

At that time they were not aware that a teenage boy stood quietly outside the door, pressing his ear to the door to eavesdrop on his father and uncle.

Shinki bit down on his lip as it began shivering. He had gone through many tantrums since Shikadai left because he was so lonely. His best friend and cousin – hell, he could be ready to call Shikadai his brother, had been gone for a month and a half, and all those days Shinki had longingly looked out of the window, dreaming and wishing for Shikadai’s safe return. They had all said that Shikadai will return in the fall when the war hopefully was over from being a refuge in Lightning Country, where jinchuurikis supposedly would be safe.

Shikadai would return, given he didn’t fall prey to Konoha and their policing on the Tailed Beasts. It was a _promise._

But right now, it had turned into a lie.

Konoha had taken Shikadai. They had hurt him, wounded him, injured him.

Shinki felt his iron vibrate around him as his charka shivered in rhythm with the shock waving through him.

 _This is unfair_ , he thought and made a choice. _Why Shikadai? He doesn’t deserve this._

Shikadai and him had often joked about being in the front in the war against Konoha. That they would bring peace to the world together with their combined powers. It had mostly been games and brags, to talk about fighting at the front, since Shikadai in the end was too broken for functioning as a jinchuuriki in the final form.

Shikadai had been injured. Shinki closed his fist as he thought about his cousin. He would honour Shikadai in his young, reckless, desperate action.

Shinki made his way out of the Kazekage’s building with anger clouding his mind.

He was going to go to Konoha and bring back his cousin with force if needed. He was going to punish every Konohan dog he got his iron coffin around.

And finally, when he would reach Konoha, he would find their Hokage.

And avenge Shikadai.

_I swore to protect Shikadai. He is my cousin and if you mess with him, I will kill you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. You think Tsunade will gladly hand over Shikadai when one (1) angry Sand boy comes knocking on her door? I wouldn't count on it.


	25. Let us hug

When Shikamaru saw Temari again, he did not know such outburst of emotions existed. Or rather that strong release of emotions.

And he had been through a lot.

He had tried to murder her. He had been tortured because of her. He had believed he would die, and he had hanged for her. He had betrayed his nation for her.

But she gave back so much.

She gave him a home. She became his wife. She gave him a son. She fought hard against her own council for him. She gave him a life.

They had raised a child together, through all the highs and lows. Through all the _damn pain_ and through all the blinding love.

“You’re alive, oh my god, you are alive”, Shikamaru breathed against Temari’s crown of her hair as he hugged her hard. “My Temari, my sunlight, oh god, I was so scared they’d execute you.”

It had been two weeks since Temari’s failed execution had taken place. During that time Shikamaru had spent one week in prison, and the other week in a house arrest in an apartment. He had been surprised by the special treatment he received, but he figured pretty soon that is was his mother who had been persistent and demanded he would get special treatment. It was evident since Yoshino had been allowed to meet him. They had talked until early in the mornings.

Shikamaru had told her everything. About how he almost died, about Shikadai, about the baby that never got to be born, about his life in Suna. How he learned to love the desert, the village, his work as a cryptanalyst and his new family. How he had learned to move on – but never forget – and how he treasured his childhood in Konoha deep inside his heart.

Yoshino had with shaky hands felt over the branding on Shikamaru’s wrist and the edge of the whiplash scar reaching up over his neck. He had felt so bad in his heart when she had described her thirteen years of heartbreak.

Her son had literally come back from the dead in her book.

But right now, all Shikamaru was focusing on was the feeling of Temari against his chest. It was embarrassing to hug and display emotions in front of everyone, but Temari returned all the hugs to Shikamaru. They were surrounded by jonin in the Hokage’s office and in a very vulnerable position, in a position where Temari usually would have all her walls and defence up high and aggressiveness on the ready for anyone trying to engage.

Not this time.

She was exhausted and she knew she relied on Konoha’s mercy. Shikadai relied on their mercy. She had to play a good prisoner.

“I’m so happy to see you again”, Temari whispered against Shikamaru’s neck. She didn’t dare to say much more, since they were being listened to and stared at by all these jonin. She pulled away from him, not wanting to have this serene moment between them shared with all these random soldiers. She was humiliated as it was.

Her hands were bound in lithium, just as Shikamaru’s, but her leg was treated somewhat. The pain was dull and annoying, but she could put weight on the leg, and that was all she needed. She could fight through this. She could fight for Shikadai’s rights.

She could sacrifice herself for Shikadai if needed.

“I did not think this day would ever come”, Tsunade said as she leaned against her desk, half sitting on the edge of it. Her position radiated nonchalance, not professionalism. “Temari and Shikamaru of the Sand, here in Konoha.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and made a frustrated sound. “And what a little treasure you brought with you – “

“I might be bound but I’m not going to shut up if you talk about my son like he is an object”, Temari snapped.

One of the jonin behind Temari took a step forward and Temari imagined them having a kunai in their hand, pointing it at her neck like a threat. Tsunade eyed the jonin behind Temari’s back and nodded to them.

Instead of a knife to the throat the jonin grabbed Temari’s shoulders and Temari stiffed up.

“Kneel”, Tsunade said.

The jonin began pressing Temari’s shoulders down and Temari let her knees bend under her as she kneeled before the Hokage.

Shikamaru didn’t need assistance. He kneeled before Tsunade just like he had knelt before Gaara all those years ago, letting himself become even more vulnerable than usual, more humiliated, more like a lesser human.

He and Temari shared eye contact before looking up at Tsunade again.

“I have decided to spare your lives”, Tsunade said. “You are more valuable alive than dead, admittedly. Forgive me for doing the rash decision to execute you earlier.”

Temari smiled her fakest smile.

“How wonderful to hear”, she said sarcastically. “To be used as a bargain chip to bring Suna to their knees, right? Threaten to kill me until you’ve got Gaara begging? I hate you.”

Tsunade did not seem affected by Temari’s words.

“I saved your son”, she said. “Shikadai would have died without me.”

“Shikadai wouldn’t have been wounded if not for you”, Temari said spitefully. “Why didn’t you just let us be?”

“Don’t test my patience, Temari”, Tsunade said and turned to Shikamaru. “And you. Once shinobi who abandoned their own village and their duties were to be killed for failing their duty. I heard you once faced the gallows.”

Shikamaru swallowed, the feeling of being suffocated by a noose very present.

“I had my reasons for abandoning Konoha”, Shikamaru said as his breathing picked up speed and _fuck not this again it has been so many years now, can’t it just stop?_ Being sent into that vulnerable state of panic and hyperventilation was the last thing he wanted in front of the Hokage and every jonin. Temari grabbed his hand, as she realised what was about to happen.

The door opened. Ino and Shikadai stood on the other side. The distraction was all Shikamaru needed to push the feeling of suffocation to the back of his head. He had gotten better at controlling those attacks.

“Oh, dear Shikadai”, Temari exhaled. She hadn’t been allowed to see him after her first and only visit, a visit that had left a bitter taste of both her and her son’s tongues. She regretted her words so much, but nothing could take her calling Shikadai a cripple back.

She did an effort to stand up, but the jonin behind her pressed her down.

Temari and Shikamaru looked at their son, who seemed a little frightened by the amount of people standing inside the Hokage’s office. His cheeks began burning red of the unwanted attention and he felt alienated by having the tube stick out of his nose and being taped to the cheek. He looked so different compared to everyone else.

His parents hadn’t seen him with the tube and the look on their faces sent the message clear. They pitied him. Or felt sorrow for him. Or both at the same time.

Everyone stared at him. All jonin stared at him like he was a freak.

“Welcome, Shikadai”, Tsunade said. “And let this be my apology. I am sorry for capturing you.”

Shikadai stared at her, before throwing a gaze at Ino.

“He asks if you will let him go”, Ino said, after having read Shikadai’s mind via the Mind Body connection.

“No, I will not”, Tsunade said. “I only apologised for all the pain my actions have caused him.”

Like an apology was going to take away the fact that Shikadai had been disabled, because of Konoha’s actions.

“What is the point of apologising if you’re going to prolong this?” Temari snarled.

“Last chance, Temari, my nerves are short and if you interrupt me one more time I will have your tongue sealed”, Tsunade said without even looking at Temari. Temari made a frustrated growl and the jonin pressed down on her shoulders even more. “You were brave, Shikadai. And that act of selflessness you showed when you barged in to save your parents reminds me of another boy I once knew.”

She let a tired sigh escape.

“His name was Uzumaki Naruto, and he was a jinchuuriki just like you”, Tsunade said. “He would also sacrifice himself if it saved someone else. He wanted to help people.”

“Do you know where he is?” Shikamaru asked. “Naruto?”

“No”, Tsunade said. “No word of either him or Sasuke. But we don’t need him here to prove his legacy. We, and by we I mean the council and I, once thought that keeping the Tailed Beasts out of the world would bring peace. There would be no more jinchuurikis, no more Tailed Beasts bomb, no more powerplay with them. They would be stored here, as a solution to peace.”

Temari snorted loudly but shifted her gaze away after one single burning look from Tsunade.

“But I have now seen that even if Suna betrayed our trust in them, and brought war to the world – “

“Tsunade, it was Konoha who – “ Shikamaru began.

“Traitors have no room to talk!” Tsunade snarled. “You are not one of us anymore, Shikamaru, you are an enemy to Konoha just like your wife, so keep your eyes down and your mouth shut.”

Shikamaru instantly looked down. Shikadai squirmed a bit where he stood with Ino towering behind him like his interpreter, but also as his guard.

“I am prepared to forgive you”, Tsunade continued. “I am ready to bring back the legions of shinobi who are as we speak making their way towards Suna to breach your walls.”

Temari stared at Tsunade, a low growl coming from the very bottom of her throat.

“I will end this was if Suna surrenders and pays a war indemnity”, Tsunade continued. “And basically what Suna pays for, is him.” She pointed straight at Shikadai. “There was a written contract, signed by your very brother, a promise to never use jinchuurikis again. And you broke it. As punishment, you pay for getting your Shikadai back.”

Ino glanced at Shikadai, realising that having him here, listening to a debate whether to pay for him, like Suna was buying him back like livestock, was a mistake. She didn’t know this conversation was going to be held in front of him. She could feel his mind quiver, she could sense his heartrate pick up speed and then she sensed it.

The Beast inside him, laughing at him.

**_They are going to sell you._ **

Ino kept her mouth shut. She had no room to talk in this discussion, because of the treason she had committed earlier. Shikadai’s injury was her fault. If she only had helped only him and let Temari die instead. If only, that fucking _if only._

The only thing she had a say in, in this situation, was the care of Shikadai as well as being his interpreter.

“Shikadai is no object”, Temari said. “He is nothing that can be bought back and forth like cattle. He is a human and humans have no price. You are a disgusting – “

“Tsunade, Temari is right”, Shikamaru said. “You can’t just put a price tag on him.”

Shikadai closed his eyes and Ino caressed his shoulders to offer support.

 _Take me away,_ Shikadai said into her head. _I don’t want to be here._

 _I’m sorry, I can’t,_ Ino said back.

“A price has to be paid for the sins Suna caused in the world”, Tsunade said.

Temari decided to be quick.

“Okay then”, she said. “Tell your price directly to the Kazekage and not here in front of my son.”

Shikamaru shot her a look and Temari’s eyes pleaded him to not say anything.

“Until we get an answer from Suna, we are going to keep you here”, Tsunade said. “I have decided to not have you stay in the prison. We are going to let you stay here as political prisoners, guarded 24/7, but you may go outside. But both of your powers are going to remain sealed by chakra cuffs.” She looked at Shikadai, who glared back at her. “Shikadai’s treatment will continue normally like the plan Sakura and Ino had made up.”

Ino raised her hand.

“Yes?”, Tsunade said.

“I just want to tell, on Shikadai’s behalf, that he has made progress in his recovery”, she said and Shikadai snapped open his eyes. “He was able to produce a sound today.”

“Is that true?” Shikamaru said. “That is wonderful news, Shikadai!”

It was so absurd to share this intimate, important moment between a family who had been torn apart multiple times the past month, with so many outsiders.

“Oh, for god’s sake, let them hug”, Tsunade said.

The jonin let go of Temari’s shoulders and Temari hauled herself up and rushed towards Shikadai, with Shikamaru at her heels.

She hugged Shikadai like she never had before and Shikamaru did the same, bringing his arms around both Temari and Shikadai. Now there were no neck brace, trach or feeding tube coming out of the stomach to avoid. Just a fragile throat to be careful around.

Shikadai buried his nose against his mother’s shoulder as he blinked away tears. He was so tired, all he wanted was to just disappear, but the smell of familiarity and to finally be reunited with his parents after a week of worrying they’ll die and two weeks of barely seeing them and not knowing how they’re doing and what is going on, made him want to keep being hugged.

“I’m sorry”, Temari murmured into his hair. “I’m here, mommy won’t ever leave you anymore.”

She had called herself “mommy”. She hadn’t done that since Shikadai was small and in need of a secure mother who chased away the demons from under his bed. She was here. His family was here.

Mommy and daddy were here.

He felt so small and fragile as he cried against her.

All the jonin squirmed a little bit at the sight. This moment was too private to take part of and they all looked at Tsunade, begging if they can go and let this poor family be alone for a while.

And while looking at the family curled in a tight ball of never-ending hugs and _I’m so sorry-_ s, _I love you so much-_ s, and _I’ll never leave you again-_ s, Tsunade pinched her lips together. For the first time, she did not see enemies.

She saw only victims.

Yoshino’s heart almost stopped when she for the first time saw Shikadai. A boy, who resembled his father so much, but still held the sense of foreign in him, inside his green eyes, his posture and his skin tone.

“Hello, Shikadai”, she said. “I’m your grandma. My name is Yoshino.”

Shikadai waved at her and smiled.

“Hi”, he said, a weak sound, more like a breath with sound in it.

He had fought hard to learn to speak again. He had now sessions with the speech therapist every day, and he had in the past few days learned to say the vowels. It was hard and it hurt to move his larynx and to feel vibrations of his vocal cords, but he fought for it. Because Suna shinobi don’t give up.

Shukaku helped him sometimes. He put some of his chakra into Shikadai’s throat before every speech session, easing the struggle in his task.

S was fine. T, B, D, F, J were also fine.

R, K, V, M, N and G were still almost impossible to voice. He hadn’t even begun practising producing other sounds than those. He couldn’t even say his own name without omitting half the letters in it.

He still signed as support to his broken words, and Shikamaru and Temari had devoted hours of the days to learn to read the sign language. It made Shikadai happy that he once again had a consistent way of communicating and they could be the interpreters where Shikadai’s words didn’t reach.

Shikadai took a step forward into the living room of the Nara household. The house was so weird, he thought. The walls and floor were made of wood instead of stone or clay, and it smelled weird inside.

“Can I – can I hug you?” Yoshino asked.

Shikadai nodded and signed _yes._ He was extremely tired. When was the last time he actually had slept a good sleep? Probably before he and Temari had fled, and that was over seven weeks ago. The ground had been hard, and he had been scared during the time they had lived in the wilderness. In Konohan prison he had a chain around his neck, and he had cried every night. Since his accident pain was keeping him awake.

Another hug won’t harm him, he figured, and he let Yoshino drape him into her arms. Her hug was warm, and she smelled weird. Different.

 ** _Deer,_** Shukaku noted. **_She smells of deer._**

 _Snout shut,_ Shikadai said back to him.

“I am so happy to see you, Shikadai”, Yoshino said when she pulled away from him. “You should know that you will always be welcomed here to this house. No matter what – you are always welcome.”

Shikadai nodded. They still didn’t know their fate – what the price of Shikadai’s life was. His freedom was measured in money, and it made him nauseous to think about, and he tried his best to not think of it.

He missed home. He missed the desert, he missed the feeling of sunrays at the nape of his neck, he missed feeling the strong wind, but also the dead silence during the nights and the most beautiful sky out of all.

And he missed Shinki and Gaara and Kankuro terribly.

“This is the house your father grew up in”, Yoshino told him and gestured over the living room.

Shikadai looked around in awe. He had no idea people could live like this, with a forest right outside, with doors that slid sideways instead of opened outwards, sitting by the table on the floor instead of chairs. Shikamaru had already stepped inside the living room, breathing in his past.

“I’ll wait here”, Temari said as she remained on the porch, shifting weight from one foot to the other.

Yoshino turned to Temari. She was still standing outside the door, not daring to step over the threshold.

“Please, come inside”, she said and Temari shook her head.

“I don’t think I should”, Temari said. “I can wait outside.”

“No, Temari, I am inviting you”, Yoshino said. “And I want to thank you for everything.”

Temari stared at her.

“Why are you thanking me?” she asked. “I am the reason Shikamaru was taken away from you.”

“I want to thank you for loving him”, Yoshino said. “For giving Shikamaru a life when he could have died. For giving him a home, a family and a purpose in life. Please, Temari. I am too old to feel hate against you. I have forgiven you and the only thing that remains is gratitude for everything you have done for my son. Come inside, please.”

Enormous tension left Temari in one great sigh.

“Thank you”, she said.

During this time Shikamaru and Shikadai had walked a little deeper into the house.

“Want to see my old room?” Shikamaru asked and Shikadai nodded.

Shikamaru had been here once before he brought his family here. That time he had lost his breath when walking into his old room. Nothing had changed, absolutely nothing. Yoshino hadn’t moved a single item in his room since he had left thirteen years ago.

It had been a time capsule of his eighteen-year-old self.

One single thing was changed, however.

Yoshino had put cigarettes into the box he used to store them in. The cigarettes she had hidden from him when he was upset all those years ago was there. She had given them back to the essence of his room after he had been declared dead, so the room would remain as he would have wanted.

Shikamaru’s smoking had come to an abrupt halt and he hadn’t taken up the habit again in Suna. Shikadai didn’t even know his dad once used to smoke.

Shikadai looked around in the time capsule.

 _It’s big,_ he signed. “Bi-h”. That was his pathetic way of saying ‘big’.

“Bigger than your room, yes”, Shikamaru said, totally lost in time.

“If… you ‘ou…” The words came slow and the pronunciation was off and Shikadai hated it when he sounded so weird. He took a deep breath, trying to collect himself. “’ould… oose…” He gave up and resorted to signing. _If you could choose between K-o-n-o-h-a and S-u-n-a, which one would you choose?_

Shikamaru opened his mouth, left it open. His hand found itself playing in his beard.

Konoha had let him down. This village was praised for peace yet was the foundation for most conflicts since ninja villages were founded and Konoha was found guilty for many crimes against humanity. Konoha had sent him on a mission to kill the one he loved. Konoha had made way too many mistakes and crimes for him to ever forgive them as a village. But that was the village of his childhood.

Suna was another tough choice. Their leadership was rotten, and the villagers had adapted an attitude of “each man to their own”, but he had grown to love that village during his years there. His family lived there and it was Shikadai’s home village.

He was honest.

“I don’t know”, he said. “I would live where you live.”

Shikadai was dying to return home – to just forget this nightmare of pain and trauma injuries and believing his parents were dead. He found the sounds of the forest weird, and the humus smelled so strongly, and the houses were so different here.

But there was one good thing this march through hell had brought him.

Inojin.

He had gotten a _friend_ here, someone who wasn’t in Suna. He had no friends back home, he had only his family.

And when he would return to Suna, he would lose Inojin, the boy who brought light into the darkest of moments.

Inojin had sat with him in prison, talked to him and brought him fruits and snacks. Inojin had let him _free_ , had committed treason because he cared for Shikadai. And Inojin had come to the hospital, Inojin had learned sign language to be able to communicate with him, Inojin had saved him from dark thoughts of just wanting to die when all hope seemed to be lost.

Shikadai’s heart twisted when thinking about saying goodbye to Inojin.

Tsunade leaned her elbow against her desk, forehead buried in her palm. She brought the glass of wine up to her lips, not bothering to look up at Homura standing like an ominous shadow by the door.

“You didn’t inform Temari her incoming punishment”, Homura said. “When are you going to?”

“She’s a good prisoner”, Tsunade sighed. “She’s back in the arrest the second her curfew begins, she hasn’t tried to remove her lithium cuffs, she doesn’t spit and yell when being talked to anymore. I don’t want the boy to hear it and she never leaves him.”

Homura snorted.

“It’s not death we’re talking about”, he said.

“Chopping off her arm will be rather devastating too”, Tsunade said. “Get out. I don’t want to think about them.”

“Has the Kazekage responded to the price of the jinchuuriki?” Homura pressed on.

“Homura, there is wine to drink”, Tsunade said. “Get out. I’m not in the mood for thinking about jinchuurikis and Suna shinobi now.”

“Yes, my princess”, Homura said and walked out.

The following day, everything changed.

The family was at Yoshino’s again, and Shikadai was in a scavenge hunt for old manga Shikamaru might have owned as a kid – he was dying to get something to read after Inojin had left for the day. They were not allowed inside the library and Shikadai had forgotten to ask Inojin to bring something to him.

Being a political prisoner was boring. Not as boring as being a prisoner in jail, but he had no rights, and he could not move like he wanted. He was being guarded every minute of the day and the ANBUs watching them forbade other citizens spotting them from interfering with them.

Mostly he spent his time inside the apartment that were their prison fighting with his damn feeding tube, since he sometimes had to change tube (and the process of getting it down into his stomach was unpleasant) or at the hospital trying to say the sound K even if it hurt like a shredder in his throat. During the evenings he was usually sitting with Inojin on some hill looking at clouds, or spending time with his new-found grandmother.

Shikadai was just about to look through one of Shikamaru’s old drawers when a great crash was heard from the living room where the rest of the family were.

He heard Temari growl and another boom – the sound of a person being smashed to a wall.

He ran out in the hall to see what had happened, only to witness a Konohan shinobi pressing Temari to the wall.

“What are his weaknesses?” the jonin yelled in her face.

“Let me go!” Temari yelled back and when the jonin didn’t budge his forearm from her throat Temari resorted to a knee right in the balls of the man. He dropped her and a second jonin brought Temari’s arm in a joint lock behind her back.

Because Temari’s powers were sealed, she didn’t have chakra to use, and was once again pressed against the wall, this time with her face pressed into the wood.

“What are his weaknesses? The Sand boy?” the other jonin hissed.

“Which boy?” Temari snarled, looking up at Shikadai. It didn’t make sense. The only Sand boy here was Shikadai, and his weakness was his throat – everyone knew it.

Shikamaru realised who they spoke of.

“Shinki”, he said. “Is Shinki here?”

Shikadai lit up at the realisation, but all happiness got flooded away by a tsunami of horror. Shinki was here. And the whole of Konoha is his enemy.

“The boy with iron around him”, the jonin said. “He’s down in the town centre and is going havoc on everything. People have died! He shouts Shikadai’s name all the time.”

That was the moment when the earbud in the jonin’s ear – an earbud probably connected to the Jonin Commander, gave a sound.

The Jonin Commander’s voice inside the earbud was loud and clear.

_“Karahama, do you hear me? Come back to the centre. Trying to negotiate with this boy is fruitless. We will now proceed to kill him.”_

“No!” Temari yelled. “Don’t kill him, let me talk to him.”

It felt like someone had carved a hole in Shikadai’s belly and everything inside it had poured out. The terror made his knees shake and he froze in place when thinking about Konoha slaying Sinki somewhere out in the streets.

He wanted to fall into a ball and try to do something about the overwhelming feeling, but his legs did something else. He threw himself right out of the open door and began running.

“Come back here!” the jonin bellowed behind him but Shikadai didn’t listen as he ran as fast as he could down the gravel road towards the centre of Konoha. It hurt terribly inside his throat and neck as he slowly became out of breath from running so hard after weeks of bedrest.

_They will kill Shinki…!_

Shinki, who had been his number one support during his upbringing. Shinki, who had been there for him when school was though, when the segregation became more evident, when Shikadai’s own people turned against him.

_No, not Shinki!_

_I can’t let them kill him!_

**_Are you in need of assistance?_** Shukaku asked, rather pleased from his inside. **_I can kill them for you. We can kill them together, this time._**

 _Yes!_ Shikadai yelled back to him. _Shukaku! This time I will trust in you. Konohans are nothing but murderers, we must do something. Use all your powers, all of them! We’ll go into the final state when I give you a signal._

This would be Shikadai’s first time going into the final jinchuuriki state, the state where the demon is exposed in their true size and is free to use all their powers.

_We will go into our final state and protect Shinki._

_He is my cousin. And if you mess with him, I will kill you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Shikadai in the final state together with Shukaku, huh? How will it go, dear readers?
> 
> And yeah, Konoha does not have that much patience left for Sand boys...


	26. There is no enemy, there is no victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully everyone is safe out there.

The jonin behind Shikadai caught up pretty fast. Shikadai threw a gaze over his shoulder and a kunai swished just by his cheek.

_Shit, he is going to take me!_

**_Use our tail!_ **

This time Shikadai let his tail break out of his back. The jonin behind him got hit in the side by the strong tail and Shikadai could hear something inside him break as he fell to the side.

Another kunai came rushing through the air and it dug itself into the tail. It didn’t really hurt and just one single swish of the tail made the kunai fall out of it.

Then he felt how his throat ripped again. Shit. It hurt terribly and he spat out a mixture of saliva and blood.

Sakura had told him to not exercise. No running, no shinobi training, nothing that could make him out of breath before his throat was healed as much as it could be. Ever since Shukaku began helping him – pumping in chakra into his vocal cords and larynx – it had began healing at a faster pace and Sakura had smiled at him after she had examined him with medical chakra inside his neck the other day. He was supposed to _learn to talk!_

He could feel the progress tear apart inside him, but his legs moved forwards and fast. He was lucky to not have the feeding tube inside him right now. He had taken it out just a few hours ago to switch to a new one.

He dashed between the houses and stumbled down trough alleys.

Then he smelled what he hadn’t smelled in almost two months.

Shinki’s iron.

Shinki’s iron which smelled of hot metal after turning warm under the scorching sun. It smelled of companionship and like home. Shikadai didn’t know other people couldn’t smell this iron, but Shukaku could and thus could Shikadai. He had gotten used to enhanced senses since long and never gave them a second thought.

Another kunai swished right beside his ear, but he continued, and now he heard the fights.

_People have died._

Another iron smell reached Shikadai’s nose. The iron smell from blood. Shukaku twisted inside him.

**_Is it my turn now, boy?_** **_I want to daaaance!_**

_Soon,_ Shikadai said. _I’ll give you a signal._

He stumbled around the corner and saw Shinki.

Shinki was standing in the middle of a market square in the town of Konoha, surrounded by Konohan soldiers on a formidable distance. His iron twirled around him in a hurricane of metal and occasionally whips of iron chains would disintegrate from the hurricane and attack anyone trying to come in closer.

Two bodies in Konohan armour laid by Shinki’s feet, with iron spears sticking out of their chests.

“Where is Shikadai?” Shinki asked in a demanding tone, downing out the low whistling of iron flakes in motion. “Give him back to us!”

Shinki hadn’t yet seen Shikadai.

Shikadai heard the Jonin Commander growl as he brought his hand up as a signal.

“Lightning Squad!” he yelled over the market square and multiple shinobi – probably the ones with Lightning Style – positioned themselves in a pattern around Shinki. “Ready yourselves. His iron protects him from outer attacks, let’s turn it into his disadvantage.” The Jonin Commander took a deep breath, eyes never leaving Shinki. “Electrocute the boy.”

All seven jonin of the lightning squad shot lightning from their hands, from seven different directions and different height, making it difficult – if not impossible – to avoid all at once. If Shinki controlled sand, he wouldn’t get hurt. But it was iron. And iron attracts lightning.

And this was strong, high voltage lightning.

_Now, Shukaku!_

Shikadai let go of all control. It went against his senses; against everything he had learned and been taught and against his common sense. To let the Beast go.

For the first time he went against his better knowledge and just let go.

The feeling of being totally overtaken by Shukaku was like being pulled in all different directions and his brain was exploding of new senses, of seeing with a different vision, of smelling with a higher accuracy than normally, of hearing things from far away. His senses were even more enhanced now.

And then came the overwhelming sense of power and bloodlust.

It was weird feeling a new body, but Shukaku made him feel secure. Shukaku covered him in his chakra, wordlessly telling him to **_let me do this, boy, let me_** _, **I’ll take care of you.**_

_Do whatever you want,_ Shikadai told Shukaku.

Shukaku’s body was big and his tail swished across the market square and almost all of the lightning bolts struck his tail. It didn’t hurt too much and Shikadai was surprised over how easy it was.

Panic amongst the civilians still lingering to stalk the Sand boy, erupted.

Of course there was panic. A gigantic Tailed Beast had appeared from the prisoner, the prisoner who Konoha just had began trusting in. Konoha trusted him enough to not have Wood Style forcing him into submission, and he didn’t have any chakra cuffs either. Maybe that was Konoha’s way of making up for all the pain and consequences of the injury.

Maybe Konoha shouldn’t have trusted Shikadai.

“Shikadai!”

Shikadai didn’t know who was screaming his name, he just let Shukaku arch over Shinki and curl the tail around him as a protective wall before him.

**_Shinki!_** Shikadai through Shukaku yelled. **_Are you alright?_**

“Are you?” Shinki yelled back. He sounded surprised and scared but dead serious at the same time. He quickly adapted to the situation, not really seeming bothered by having Shukaku towering above and around him.

In reality, his knees were shaking.

**_Let’s murder these Leaf Ninjas together, okay?_** Shukaku said.

_I – I don’t want to murder them, I want to protect Shinki,_ Shikadai said as Shukaku raised his fur to appear even larger and more threatening than he already was.

**_Watch out, the chain woman is here!_ **

They could curse Konoha for an eternity for having the means of forcing a Tailed Beast into submission. In the midst of all panic Uzumaki Karin had run forward and chains came out of her back. Shikadai gasped inside Shukaku, wordlessly begging to _no, no, no, don’t capture us again._

Because Shukaku now was in total control, unlike when Shikadai had been caught by Karin, he managed to grab the end of the flying chain in his paws.

**_Shinki!_** He yelled. **_Kill the chain woman! She is our weakness!_**

Shinki crawled over Shukaku’s tail, iron ready to stab Karin as she had a tug-of-war with the chain Shukaku kept in his paws.

A lot of things happened next.

While Shinki was in full motion – his eyes and concentration focused on Karin – one of the lightning shinobi saw his chance to strike from the back. Shukaku rose up, moved forward to protect Shinki, but that was when Yamato had arrived at the site.

A huge whip of Wood snatched around Shukaku’s snout, very similarly to how Yamato had whipped a pillar of Wood around Shikadai’s throat, almost killing him.

An Earth Style jutsu trapped Shinki’s feet and the lightning struck Shinki in his side.

**_No!_** That was one hundred percent Shikadai’s wail through Shukaku’s mouth as he watched Shinki fall on his knees.

“Kill that Sand boy and break the jinchuuriki down!”

Another chain snatched around Shukaku’s body. Since Shinki was hurt by the lightning he had to force back his iron, leaving Karin open to focus on Shukaku again.

**_Shikadai, boy…_** Shukaku growled. **_I’ll retreat now. It’s the only way to get these chains off us._**

_Thank you, Shukaku,_ Shikadai said and his Beast disintegrated into the depths of his body. Shikadai jumped down onto the ground, through the loops of wood and chains, and stumbled to Shinki.

He felt his mouth fill with blood and breathing became hard.

_No, no, please Shukaku, give me chakra to my throat, I think it has ripped again, please, help me!_

**_Take it all._ **

“’Ou’t ‘ill ‘im!” Shikadai tried to say as he fell on his knees in front of Shinki, who was shivering by the electrical impact in his body. His feet were still trapped inside the earth. _Don’t kill him…! Please!_

Shikadai chanced to touch Shinki, and when he touched Shinki’s shoulder everything came rushing at him at once. A piece of home was here. His cousin and best friend was here, he was _here_ and he had come here to save him.

Shikadai’s underlip began shaking uncontrollably.

“Shin-i”, he managed to say as he threw his arms around Shinki, who after the first utter surprise hugged him back. His body was still stiff and Shinki didn’t seemed to have yet recovered by the electrical shock.

_Shukaku, help me talk._

Being strengthened with raw Beast chakra in the vocal cords Shikadai blurted into Shinki’s hair.

“A-e you o-ay?”

R and K were still so hard to say.

_Shukaku, more, please, more!_

“Shinki!” Shikadai said again as he pushed himself out of the hug to look at Shinki. “Are you okay?”

“Shikadai”, Shinki had time to say before looking up and realising they were under an attack again. His body was still spasming and he was hurting, but his iron worked as a shield against the attack from the front.

Then the lightning came from the back.

Shinki was focused on the attacks coming from the front, and since he manually controls his iron, it didn’t react in time at the back. Shikadai had time to bring up his hands and a flurry of wind stormed out of them, but wind is weak against lightning and Shinki’s iron wasn’t there to protect him. He wouldn’t make it.

Shikadai made an effort to roll over, to avoid the lightning, but it felt like a knife in his throat and he whimpered at the pain as his mouth filled with blood and –

Something flashed in front of Shikadai’s eyes and ink splattered over his feet.

An Ink Beast had stopped the lightning bolt from charging towards him. And then a blond-haired boy stepped in front of Shikadai, a paint brush in one hand and a scroll in the other.

“Don’t touch him”, Inojin said to the jonin who had sent the lightning towards them.

It felt like time had stopped.

“Yamanaka Inojin”, the jonin said. ”Move.”

Inojin changed his posture, spreading his stance, making him seem more threatening.

“No”, Inojin said. “I can’t let you hurt Shikadai.”

Shikadai stared at Inojin’s back as Shinki leaned forward to send an iron spear towards the jonin attacking them. Shikadai grabbed Shinki’s arm, his gaze telling him to wait.

Shikadai’s spat out blood and every time he took a breath there came a whistling sound from his throat. He had ripped it again.

“Do not hurt Shikadai”, Inojin repeated.

“Yamanaka, you have already once committed treason and if you don’t move you will bear the stamp of a traitor to our village”, the jonin said.

“I am no traitor”, Inojin said. “I’m simply helping my friend from this _rotten behaviour_.”

This made the jonin second guess his position.

“Sir!” the jonin yelled to his commander. “What should I do?”

The Jonin Commander bit his teeth together, looking down at the angry Yamanaka heir, the jinchuuriki and the Sand prince with iron shaped as spikes in every direction.

By now Shikamaru, Temari and the guards watching over them had reached the market square.

“Shinki!” Temari yelled and Shinki threw one gaze at her, face stiff of fright. Temari swallowed at the sight of his face. Shinki had never been much of showing his emotions, so she understood it was serious. He was hurt. Then she looked at Shikadai, at the way he sat, leaning back in fear. His lips were bloody, and Temari realised he had gotten another bleeding from his throat.

She wanted to lung forward, but with her chakra sealed she had very limited powers to do anything. The jonin behind her grabbed her arm.

“This is not your place to interfere”, he hissed.

“Fuck you all…!” Temari hissed as she stared at her nephew. Her nephew, who once was so afraid so disobey authority out of fear of abandonment. He had come, seemingly by himself to Konoha, to save Shikadai. He had overcome his fear out of love for his cousin.

Shinki’s iron was powerful, but not as powerful as Gaara’s sand. Gaara’s sand moved independently, without him even reacting at the threat. Shinki’s iron did not. He had to consciously move the iron, which meant that wherever his blind spots are – there lies his weakness.

“Yamanaka Inojin, move”, the Jonin Commander said.

Inojin turned to stare at the Jonin Commander.

“No”, he said. “Because if you do, it’s only going to spiral more hate and I am… _tired_ of living in a village that does _this – “_ He flashed a hand towards Shikadai. “To other kids. Shikadai didn’t choose to become a jinchuuriki. What part of ‘escaping war’ is it you damn grown ups don’t understand? He just wanted to be safe. And then we captured him and injured him. We took away his ability to talk! And then we dare to, after everything we have done to him, put a fucking _price tag_ on him!”

“Who told you that?” the Jonin Commander snarled.

Shikadai raised his hand. He didn’t have the energy to say anything, his throat hurt too much.

Inojin looked at Shinki, who didn’t seem to trust him just yet.

“I assume iron boy here is Shinki”, Inojin said. “Shikadai told me about him. They grew up together – do you realise he has walked all the way from Suna to us to save Shikadai? Do you realise the sacrifice he was about to make for Shikadai’s sake?”

Inojin didn’t let the Jonin Commander get any time to figure out a response before he continued.

“If you kill Shinki, or hurt Shikadai any more than you’ve already done… then I will gladly become a traitor to this village because you are just as rotten as our enemies.”

With those words he turned around and crouched in front of Shikadai.

“Can you breathe?” he asked and Shikadai nodded. With a hand illuminating turquoise medical chakra Inojin put his hand up to Shikadai’s throat. He smiled apologetically. “You ripped it again.”

“What are you doing?” Shinki asked. “What has happened to him?” He had still not lowered his defence and the iron buzzed around them.

“Healing him. His throat is damaged”, Inojin mumbled under his breath. “Nice to meet you by the way.”

“What is going on here?”

All three looked up at the sight of a woman standing on one of the rooftops, two long pigtails waving in the wind and golden eyes flashing at them.

Shikadai shrunk down a bit at the sight of the Hokage. Inojin threw a gaze at Tsunade before returning to look at Shikadai, focusing on pumping medical chakra into the walls of his larynx.

“No medic ninja shall ever stop medical treatment until the lives of their party members have come to an end”, Inojin said, trying so hard so sound secure, not looking at his Hokage. “I just do my duty, my lady.”

Tsunade jumped down from the rooftop and slowly walked up to them. Shinki’s tense nerves failed him and he commanded an iron spear to attack Tsunade. Tsunade swished her fist, knocking the iron spear out of its path towards her face.

“Stop it!” Inojin hissed to Shinki.

“I don’t take orders from Konohan dogs”, Shinki said back, not once letting his eyes leave Tsunade.

“Well, you will make it hell of a lot worse if you attack her”, Inojin said out of the corner of his mouth.

Tsunade stopped a few metres from them, looking at them while clearly figuring out how to solve this problem. Inojin had his back against her, purposely not looking, while his cheeks were burning red of whatever emotions stormed around in him – mostly anger and fear. He held one hand against Shikadai’s throat and the other at the back of Shikadai’s head.

Then Inojin let go of Shikadai’s throat, smiled to him and turned around. He stared Tsunade straight in her eyes.

“You are the worst Hokage ever”, Inojin said straight to her face. “The worst _ever_. Let Shikadai go home. Now.”

Tsunade looked up at Shikamaru and Temari, staring at her and the children. She also noticed Ino and Sai standing a bit away watching the show with horror, but not really daring to interfere.

Finally, Tsunade took a deep breath, and rubbed her forehead.

“Shikamaru, Temari”, she called out. “Fetch your kids. Ino, Sai. Get your boy out of the way. Someone, get the bodies to the morgue.”

The jonin holding Shikamaru and Temari back let go of them and the parents dashed towards their son and nephew. Likewise, Ino stumbled forward and grabbed Inojin, guiding him a bit away from Shikadai when Temari let herself fall on her knees in front of Shikadai.

“You used the final form”, she said. “Oh dear, you used your final form, are you okay?”

Shikadai nodded. Temari looked up at Shinki.

“Are you hurt?”

Shinki shook his head.

“Does Gaara know you are here?”

“Father is as we speak on his way here”, Shinki said.

“Did you run here without notifying him?” Temari asked.

“I left a note.”

Shikamaru almost slapped himself at Shinki’s words.

“You ran away to the enemy’s nest and only _left a note?”_ he asked. Since he had lived in the same house as Shinki for most of Shinki’s life, even he had become a trusted adult in Shinki’s life. He had also every right to scold Shinki when needed, as he had been part of the process of raising him. And now was damn needed to scold him. “You do not run into the enemy alone. What if Shikadai hadn’t saved you?”

“I wouldn’t have gotten hurt”, Shinki said, but his voice was shaking, making his true fear shine through the stoic façade.

A little bit away from them Ino had put her both hands on Inojin’s shoulders, staring right into his eyes.

“You brave boy”, she said as she rubbed his shoulders. “You were so brave.”

“I had to”, Inojin said and now, when he didn’t have to look the jonin or Tsunade in the eyes, his knees began shaking as an after shock.

The jonin around them had ushered away all bystanders, civilians and random genin and chunin, that had been staring at the show. There had been a jinchuuriki in their final form in the market square, and that was something worth watching from a safe distance. To them, this was a circus.

To Shikadai, this was his life he was fighting for.

“Tsunade…” Shikamaru said. “Let us _end_ this shitshow now… Let us go.”

Tsunade glared at Shikamaru, glared at Temari, glared at Shikadai, and glared at Shinki. Glared at the reason for this war.

If not for Temari, if not for Shikamaru, if not for Shikadai, this might not have gone this way. It is easy blaming people for the past without thinking about the future. Tsunade wanted to hate them. Wanted to punish them for the sins of the world. For Temari’s theft. For all the Konohan shinobi Temari had slaughtered by the trading route. For Shikamaru’s betrayal. For Suna for breaking the contract and promise to never use jinchuurikis again.

But Shikadai had almost sacrificed himself for his parents’ sake. He had almost died for the sake of love for his parents. He ended up disabled for their sake.

And Shinki had made his way alone from Suna to Konoha for Shikadai’s sake, had attacked Konoha in a try to save Shikadai, had killed for Shikadai. Not the smartest of moves, but a bold one.

Tsunade threw a sideways glance at Inojin.

Inojin had already twice stepped out of line to help Shikadai. The first one was under the influence of Ino – and Tsunade was still angry at Ino for not following orders – but the second one was driven by something else.

Friendship.

Tsunade heaved a sigh.

“I…” she began when one of Konoha’s ANBU soldiers shunshinned to the market square.

“My Lady”, she said. “The Kazekage and his brother are outside our gates. They have an army with them. I already commanded by ANBUs to hold the line. The Sand might engage in battle.”

“What?” Tsunade roared. “No battle inside the village, avoid fighting at all costs!”

Temari raised on her feet immediately.

“Gaara… Kankuro…” she whispered and threw a gaze at Shikamaru. “Oh god, they’re here.”

Gaara and Kankuro had arrived. And they were pissed off and furious at Konoha for doing this to their family.

And they were not going to leave without their family back.

It was time to end the war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell yeah, Inojin, I love one blond brave lil boy!
> 
> I figured I could share my "inspirational music playlist" for this fic :D in case anyone want to have a listen
> 
> One Truth - Globus. For Shikamaru and Temari's relationship.  
> Ghost Love Score (live) - Nightwish. For Shikamaru and Temari's relationship.  
> Save me - Globus. For Shikamaru's suffering in the beginning of the fic.  
> Europa - Globus. For the war and desperation.  
> The Final Solution - Sabaton. For the chapter called "The Final Solution" and for the war.  
> Cliffs of Gallipoli - Sabaton. For war and desperation. And this chapter is called after one line from that song.
> 
> Those songs have been on repeat for quite some time now, haha!
> 
> And OH! Now everyone is mixed into the mess! *rubs hands together*
> 
> The next chapter is a long one.


	27. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last chapter! We're so close to the end now!
> 
> 7k long chapter for all of you! Please enjoy, and hopefully I manage to get all the loose threads together.

**_You were brave, Shikadai._ **

_Ugh… My throat hurts so bad._

**_Well, you did pass out from pain again._ **

_Where am I?_

**_I guess you’re in the hospital again._ **

_Again? I can’t do this…_

**_Sure, you can! You’re a little spunky kid, we saved Shinki together, ey! Open your eyes._ **

_I don’t want to…_

**_Waddya mean?_ **

_At this point… I could just disappear… there’s no place in this world am I safe…_

**_Come on, Shikadai, you did great! And your friend is here. He has been sitting here for quite some time already._ **

_Is Inojin here? Lend me chakra, so I can talk._

**_On it._ **

_And Shukaku… stop being an ass to me, okay?_

**_You are one funny kid, ya know? Yes, yes, take my chakra now._ **

Shikadai finally managed to open his eyes to spot Inojin sitting on the other side of his bed.

“Oh, you woke up”, Inojin said. “They decided to sedate you for the healing, that’s why you have been asleep for so long. Sakura healed your throat again.”

Shikadai opened his mouth but found himself being too fatigued to talk. He turned to signing instead.

_Where are my parents?_ he signed to Inojin. Inojin stared at his hands.

“Are you asking where the other ones are?” Inojin asked, not really recognising the sign for “parents”, and Shikadai signed _yes_ back. “Well… after your mum began running towards the gate you began transforming again and I think you had some sort of panic attack –“

Ah, that had happened. Shikadai felt a little embarrassed at the memory.

After he had heard that Gaara had arrived he had become so emotionally charged by fear, by the thought of a great battle taking place somewhere close – when he was injured and weak and he didn’t want anyone from his family to die anymore, that his head had started spinning and his breathing picked up and he had inhaled blood from his throat, forcing Shukaku into action.

He had begun transforming in the mess he was and at some point, he had passed out. He didn’t remember if Wood Style or Uzumaki chains had brought him back to his human form or not, but someone had cancelled the transformation and his memory was all fussy.

“How are you feeling?” Inojin asked. “Can you talk?”

_I don’t know,_ Shikadai signed, took a deep breath and closed his eyes to gather strength to use his fragile vocal cords.

“Wa-h?” Shikadai asked, just above a whisper, as she simultaneously signed “war”. _Where are the others?_ “Whe’ a the othes?”

It tore and stung him in his throat, but there was no bleeding.

“Tsunade invited them to her office”, Inojin explained. “Your cousin too, and your parents. They are going to solve this issue together.”

_How do you know?_ Shikadai signed.

“My mum kind of told me”, Inojin said. “In my head.”

“Nice”, Shikadai whispered. He had a feeling his communication would be a mix of signing and speaking in broken words for a while now. Suddenly, his stomach announce hunger. Right. He had taken out his feeding tube that morning to switch to a new one, but he never got to switch because Shinki had arrived. He hadn’t eaten his lunch at all.

It was already dark outside, so he hadn’t eaten dinner either.

He sighed deeply at the thought of entering the feeding tube down his nose and throat, because there was always the hassle to not get it in his lungs, because he couldn’t still swallow properly. Sakura and the speech therapist had talked about practising drinking water and eating cold soup soon, because he could mimic the swallowing motion, even if everything inside his throat wasn’t really working yet – Shikadai had looked so much forward to it. He didn’t want to know what his larynx thought about him ripping it again.

_I don’t want to,_ he thought to himself and looked over at the cabin in the room, where the tubes were stored. He knew it already. He knew how to change tube already. And it was a drag.

Inojin fetched the tube for him. He had also already witnessed the process of getting the tube into the throat.

“Inojin”, Shikadai said. _Why are you here?_ He signed.

All of a sudden Inojin’s cheeks burned red against his pale skin.

“Eh”, he said. “I kind of have to. The door is locked. They locked me here to look over you while they are having their meeting. They said I’m the best one at keeping you ‘emotionally stable’ or whatever they said.”

Shikadai snorted.

_Am I a drag?_ he asked through signs.

“No, no, you are no drag”, Inojin quickly said.

“Hung-yh” _Hungry_ , Shikadai sighed and played with the tube in his hands.

The nutrient bag was already placed on the IV pole, as if the nurses knew Shikadai would be hungry, but they couldn’t or didn’t want to come and check on him, so they had just left the food for him to take. There was also a lollipop by his bed, and sucking on the lollipop while getting the tube down made it easier.

Shikadai opened the lollipop and put it into his mouth to suck on it. Sucking on things had helped him learn to mimic the swallowing motion, and that was his ticket to learning to swallowing properly again.

With the fake motion of swallowing while sucking on the lollipop, Shikadai threaded the tube into his nose and down to his stomach.

Shikadai spat out the lollipop saliva he had created, wishing that he one day could swallow it down, when he was done.

“You’re so close, aren’t you?” Inojin asked. “To swallowing.”

Shikadai signed _yes_ as he connected the tube to the feeding bag.

They chatted normally like they did while Shikadai was “eating”, most of the times signing, but sometimes Shikadai also talked with words. Inojin waited patiently when he stumbled as he talked or groaned in frustration when the pronunciation didn’t go like he wanted. Inojin recognised the gaze of defeat when Shikadai sank deeper into his pillow, when his injury once again prevented him from a normal life.

_Shukaku, help me._

**_Oh, what a bother you fragile human are._ **

_Snout shut. Can’t you heal me faster?_

“Shikadai”, Inojin said and Shikadai looked at him. Inojin moved closer and carefully put his hand against Shikadai’s throat. “I’m nowhere near as good as Sakura, I mean, she is a legend… but I’ll try. You are so close to being able to swallow now. Can I… can I try?”

Shikadai signed _yes_.

Both boys fell silent as Inojin’s healing chakra made it’s way into Shikadai’s neck.

Inside Shikadai anxiety and fright were steadily growing. What was going on at the meeting between the Hokage and the Kazekage?

And between the Hokage and her soldier who once didn’t follow orders.

Tsunade tapped her fingers against the table. They were sitting in the meeting hall of Konoha’s council, around a large oval table. Tsunade sat at the short end of it, with her Jonin Commander on one side and Shizune on the other side. Ino was there too, along with the two most influential elder members of the council, Homura and Koharu. They were the Konohan representants of the meeting.

On the other side of the table, the Sunese representants were sitting. Almost the entire royal family was gathered.

Gaara and Kankuro. Shinki. Shikamaru and Temari.

Shikadai was the only one missing. And no matter how much his parents missed him and ached to be together with him again, hurt by having to leave him alone _again_ after all he had gone through, they knew it was for his own good to not be present.

They were going to negotiate his price.

Like he was an object for sale.

“I’m glad you commanded your army to wait outside”, Tsunade said. “It would be unfortunate to begin a battle so close to innocent citizens.”

Temari snorted loudly.

“This should have been done a long time ago”, Gaara said. “The actions Konoha has showed towards us the last thirteen years have been despicable.”

“You should not have made a jinchuuriki”, Homura said. “This issue would not have spiral beyond control if you would not have broken the rules of our world.”

“Rules”, Gaara said, and behind his calm voice spite burned. “Rules made to undermine a person’s entire identity.”

“You made Shikadai out of spite.”

Did Tsunade just propose Shikadai was _created_ as a hypothetical middle finger to Konoha?

“No, he exists because we _wanted_ a child”, Shikamaru spat. “We are talking about a living person, we are talking about _my son_ , not a weapon. How dare you talk about him like that? Tsunade, what has happened to you? This is not the Hokage I once devoted my loyalty to.”

Tsunade sighed.

“I need wine for this.”

“Don’t slither out of the question, slug woman”, Kankuro snarled and everyone looked at him with gazes telling him that calling each other names is not beneficial for anyone in this situation.

“Behave like an adult”, Gaara said under his breath and Kankuro snorted.

“Temari”, Tsunade said and Temari straightened her back. “I want to know why you stole One Tail. Why, when you, when all of your family and nation knew that all the Tailed Beast were going to be stored in Konoha for peace.”

Temari huffed out a short breath.

“You could’ve asked me this way earlier if you really cared”, she said. “Fine. It was my idea, I admit it. I talked Gaara into letting me do it. It was a protest again your monopoly on the Beasts. And this whole damn war is my fault.” She groaned in frustration. “Maybe you could have gotten your way if you hadn’t sent Shikamaru to me. But that is a long time ago now. You lost him to us.”

“You’ve slaughtered 47 of our shinobi throughout the years by the trading route”, Tsunade said. “47 times have our shinobi gone with news of sorrow to families. Imagine what could have been spared if not for you. 47 lives were wasted.”

“You’ve killed twenty-two of our shinobi”, Temari said.

“Temari”, Tsunade said. “I meant that _you_ killed 47 of our shinobi. We lost in total 93 shinobi. And you killed half of them.”

“We needed food! You were starving us! You were slowly starving us and hell, we had to invade Tea Country as a part of this war”, Temari said.

“And you stole the Beast”, Tsunade said.

“The fact that I stole the Beast is nothing compared to you starving an entire village”, Temari almost yelled.

“It was your fault.”

Temari slapper her hands against her own face in a desperate gesture of uncertainty. She growled lowly under her breath. Why didn’t Konoha want to budge from their stubborn grudge?

“Forgive us”, Gaara said and Temari shot her head towards him.

“What did you say?” She wasn’t even sure she had heard him correctly. But Gaara didn’t return a gaze towards her. He kept staring at Tsunade instead.

“Forgive us for all the lives lost”, he said.

“Do you surrender?” Tsunade asked. “If I were in your position, I’d surrender.”

That one concerned wrinkle in Gaara’s forehead appeared as he creased his brows. He threw a sideway gaze towards his sister.

“Where are you keeping Shikadai?” he asked. “Are you aiming to use him as a tool for us to surrender?”

Tsunade stood up.

“Where is my wine?” she snarled.

“Lady Hokage”, Gaara said. “Are you threatening Shikadai?”

“He is safe”, Tsunade said in a biting tone, gaze shifting towards Shinki who also stood up. “And don’t you dare to move, Shinki of the Iron Sand. Children should not negotiate in this.”

“Where are you keeping Shikadai?” Shinki asked.

“Slayers of my people, in my village, on a peaceful market square are not allowed to talk”, Tsunade said. “You can thank your father that you are even allowed to be here in the first place.”

“Sit down, Shinki”, Gaara said and Shinki slumped down in his seat. “Lady Tsunade. Konoha’s council. We are here. Let’s negotiate. And I am not leaving without truce. Not this time. I am tired of this and I want peace.”

His eyes darkened.

“So let’s create peace.”

“We have three conditions to forgive all of your sins in war”, Tsunade said. “First condition. You give Tea Country up. Second condition is that you pay the war indemnity, and thus get Shikadai back. The final condition is for Temari to receive punishment for the crimes she has committed against the peace, for both stealing Shukaku, allowing her son to become a jinchuuriki and for slaying so many of our shinobi.”

“Lady Hokage, it was not Temari who wanted Shikadai to become a jinchuuriki”, Gaara said. “Do not blame her.”

“Still, Shukaku was stolen”, Tsunade said. “We have already decided the punishment –”

“You haven’t had a trial for me!” Temari yelled.

“We don’t need one, you have confessed already”, Tsunade said. “Our punishment for you is to never work as a shinobi anymore. To ensure you won’t do it, we will remove your ability to fight. Your left arm.”

Temari instinctively removed her hands from the table and hid them in her lap.

“What?” she breathed.

“The war remedy for Shikadai, and your left arm”, Tsunade said. “Then everything will be forgotten.”

_My left arm?_

Temari pinched her lips together, holding her left hand hard in her right.

“No”, Temari said. “No, you can’t get my arm!”

“Is that so?” Tsunade said.

Temari imagined having her arm severed, she imagined trying to accustom to a life with only one arm. She was right-handed, so she could still do some of the things, but fighting would be over forever.

The fan was meant to hold with two hands. Wind Style was _supposed to be done with two hands._

She couldn’t even think of a life with only one hand.

“No, no, you can’t get my hand”, she whispered.

“Tsunade”, Shikamaru chanced to say. “Let’s negotiate. This can’t be the answer, this is just continuing this endless damn cycle of revenge and suffering and bloodshed. It has to end. You demanding Temari to lose her hand is _not_ the answer.”

Tsunade snorted.

“Bold of you to have an opinion, traitor”, she said.

“Please”, Shikamaru said. “This is not the answer.”

“Fine”, Tsunade. “Enlighten me, Shikamaru of the Sand. Tell me your solution.”

Shikamaru swallowed.

“Gladly.”

Shikamaru managed to talk Tsunade out of chopping Temari’s arm off. The solution ended up Temari being banned from Konoha and Fire Country, with a Kill-On-Sight-label and a bounty on her head if she was spotted within their border.

They accepted it. They accepted that Temari wasn’t allowed in Fire Country anymore.

Shikadai never got to know what price Suna paid for him. For no matter how much his parents and family negotiated, no matter how many hours the debate went on inside the council room, there was still a war indemnity to be paid.

And they paid for Shikadai.

Even if Konoha had done terrible things to Suna, it was Suna who eventually declared the war in the first place.

That meant that the war indemnity fell on them.

There are no ends of wars without the sore loser. Someone has to lose and the history is written by the victor.

By having Shikadai captured and injured, Konoha had won the war. The jinchuuriki and his Beast who originally were the first stones thrown in the war were the pawns.

Both nations had done filthy crimes against humanity and both councils along with their respective Kage. Shinobi are people born and bred out of war and conflict. Why would they be any different than all past generation, repeating the same vicious cycle of centuries?

Lives had been lost, civilian settlements had been evacuated, food was sparse, and weapons had been manufactured.

Wars are pricey.

And jinchuurikis are the priciest of all.

And finally, Shikadai was able to reunite with his family for real.

He had now been treated a Sunese prisoner in Konoha (or, what no one dared to say out loud, a spoil of war) for weeks. His throat healed faster with the help of Shukaku from the inside, and after all the speech therapy, he managed to whisper somewhat fluently when the sixth week of imprisonment rolled around. Speaking was still hard, but Shikadai learned to whisper instead, to compensate his talking. He still used sign language, as his throat began hurting after producing sound after a while.

For his own health’s sake, Shikamaru and Temari remained in Konoha for as long as Shikadai needed the hospital treatment, while Gaara, Kankuro and Shinki returned to Suna after a few days to meet up with their own council to discuss finances for hours to an end.

“I see you when you come home again”, Shinki said when he had packed his bag, iron collected around his body as a hostile shell towards the outer world.

It was a little bit off for Shikadai to see Shinki with all the iron around his body. At home in Suna he usually left the iron in a pile on the floor, or wore it sparingly around his body. The iron usually heated a lot in the sun, which meant that Shinki, to avoid overheating, held his iron in the gourd on his hip and only a small ring around his torso.

Now he was wearing all of his iron cloak.

“Yeah”, Shikadai said.

He had no feeding tube inserted. His face looked normal again. He learned to swallow again after mimicking and triggering the reflex to swallow by sucking on lollipops. But after so many sessions with Sakura, with Ino, even a few with Tsunade _and_ sessions in speech therapy his swallowing was still weak.

But he was allowed to practise eating again.

Shikadai had cried out of joy when he had gotten the green light. He could soon enough drink through his throat again, and not through the tube.

“And when you come home again, we’ll eat ice cream on the rooftop like we usually do”, Shinki said. “Now that you can eat again.”

“I’m ne-vous”, Shikadai admitted in a whisper. It occasionally hurt to talk louder than whispering. “S’been si-h wee-s since I ate last.” _Six weeks since I’ve eaten the banana Inojin offered me. That was the final thing I ate before my injury._

“Perfect”, Shinki said. “I await your return. When will you begin your travel?”

“Few days, I s-ink”, Shikadai said at the same time as Kankuro and Gaara came into the room. The _th-_ sound was not going well yet.

“Hey boys”, Kankuro said. “Shinki, are you ready? Your father is already by the gate, he’s waiting for you.”

Shinki put a hand on Shikadai’s shoulder, rubbing it gently.

“See you back in the desert”, he said, and offered one of his rare smiles to Shikadai. “I missed you. Don’t take too long. And when you get back, we’ll celebrate your birthday. You missed mine.”

“I know, I was… dyin’ o somesin-”, Shikadai tried to joke. Shinki let out a strangled laugh. The joke was not funny, really.

“Anyways, it’s boring at home without you”, Shinki admitted.

“Didn’t Yodo hang out wi-h you?” Shikadai asked and Shinki looked down, shrugging.

“Dunno”, he said. “She’s okay, I guess.”

“Gaara is waiting for you”, Kankuro said and Shinki slinked past him and out into the sunlight. Kankuro looked at Shinki’s back before turning to Shikadai. Before Shikadai had time to say anything Kankuro snatched him into the biggest bear hug ever. “Shikadai…” he murmured. “Fuck, I’m so happy everything is going to be okay.”

Shikadai smiled against Kankuro’s hoodie.

“Not allowed to swear in front of me”, he said and Kankuro chuckled.

“When you said your first curse word, it wasn’t from me”, Kankuro said as he looked fondly at his nephew. “You can bet that it was from your mum.”

Shikadai laughed too. It did hurt, but the laughter was so genuine he couldn’t resist.

“I know, dad told me”, he said.

Kankuro cleared his throat and Shikadai understood he was about to say something of a more serious matter. Kankuro loved to joke, and whenever it came to topics dear and serious for him – he began clearing his throat constantly.

“I am so proud of you for surviving”, Kankuro said. “We really thought we were going to lose you for a second.”

Shikadai just nodded. Soon he had reached his limit of talking for the day, and the pain still lingered after laughing.

“You know, I don’t have children on my own”, Kankuro said. “It’s not for any reason, really, but… I have to say that I don’t regret not having own kids. I look at you, and I look at Shinki, and you are the only kids I ever need. If I had lost you, it would’ve hurt me like I had lost my own child.”

Shikadai smiled harder against Kankuro’s shoulder. He knocked on Kankuro’s shoulder to signal that he was going to talk through signs, and Kankuro pushed Shikadai gently away from him. Shikadai signed _thank you_ and that was a sign Kankuro had already learned to read.

“Damn, it will be nice when you’re home again”, Kankuro said. “When there’s no war.”

Shikadai nodded and Kankuro left, walking towards the gates to accompany his brother and other nephew.

Shikadai knew they had paid for him, and he knew it was pricey. It was hard to not feel guilty when thinking about how Suna will face hardships in the future because of the bad economy. Because of the war.

Because of him.

Choji.

Shikamaru hadn’t seen Choji in very soon fourteen years.

Shikamaru didn’t even have time to say ‘Hi, Choji’ before two strong arms bent around him and that voice, Choji’s voice, sobbed into his ear.

“Shika-maa-ha-ha-ruu”, he bawled into Shikamaru’s ear. “You’re here! You are heereee!”

Shikamaru didn’t answer immediately. He just let himself be consumed by the warmth of his former best friend, his former teammate. He took a deep breath and sensed Choji’s smell, mildly salty and warm.

“I’m here”, he said. “Oh god, Choji, it’s so good to see you again.”

“I thought – I really thought…” Choji began but had no idea on how to finish without crying even harder. “I thought you had died.”

Shikamaru took his shoulders and rubbed him.

“I nearly did”, he said. “I nearly did. But it doesn’t matter now. I am alive. And I’m here.”

He looked over Choji’s shoulder at the dark-skinned woman, who was eyeing him with suspicion.

“This is Karui”, Choji said after he had collected himself. “And this –“ He gestured towards the girl standing behind Karui, with a bag of chips in her hands. “This is Chocho. My daughter.”

“Hi”, Shikamaru said. “So… you had an Ino-Cho-duo, if I’m correct.”

“Yes”, Chocho said. “Inojin and I fight together all the time. But not really, since we’re still only genin. Our missions have been kinda lame with the war going on. They can’t send us to war yet, you see.”

“The war is over”, Shikamaru said, throat tightening slightly.

“I know”, Chocho said. “Suna lost! The desert bastards lost!”

“Chocho!” Choji hushed her. “Don’t – “

“It’s okay”, Shikamaru said at the same time as Inojin and Shikadai came into the house of the Akimichi family. “I’m used to being a desert bastard anyway.”

“Okay, so this is Chocho’s house – “ Shikamaru heard Inojin babble on. “And Chocho is the Cho in Ino-Shika-Cho.”

They came around the corner, and this was the first time Shikadai laid his eyes on Chocho.

“Hi”, he said, suddenly very shy.

“The Shika!” Chocho burst out. “You don’t know how many stories I’ve heard about the legendary Ino-Shika-Cho, and I always heard that out generation is broken because the Shika is gone, but here you are. Oh _my_ , you look just like your dad!”

“Oh”, Shikadai said. “I… ‘an’t spea-h…”

“Chocho knows you can’t talk”, Inojin said. “I gave her the sign language book we’ve been using, so she can deal with signs too, now.”

“Come into my room”, Chocho said, swinging her arm in the direction her room was. “Let’s hear some gossip!”

That evening was the best evening Shikamaru had had in his whole life.

He was _together_ with his old team again.

Choji and Ino were there with him. For the first time in soon-to-be fourteen years they were together again, sitting by the dinner table in the Akimichi household. They could hear the chatter of their children from Chocho’s room, and later Shikamaru heard Inojin interpret Shikadai when he, because of fatigue and pain in his vocal cords, began signing instead.

Two generations of Ino-Shika-Cho has assembled.

“I never believed this day would ever come”, Ino said over the rim of her teacup. “Us together again. I never thought I would sit by a dinner table having tea with you guys.”

Chocho burst out laughing from the other room. Inojin joined her and Shikadai remained silent – most likely because laughing was still painful for him.

“And I never imagined our children would ever meet”, Ino continued, smiling fondly at the sound of laughter from around the corner.

They spent over an hour just covering the past decade. Ino was pretty up to date with Shikamaru’s life from Temari’s memories and from interrogating the family, but Choji had been held in the dark. Not to speak of Shikamaru, who had no idea what his friends had been up to after he left for Suna.

But it was hard. It was hard listening and noticing their past heartbreaks between the lines as they spoke. How they had mourned, grieved, and cried over him. In the end, they never judged or blamed Shikamaru. They understood or tried to understand as good as they could.

Shikamaru had tried to tell them about his failed execution, and with the help of Ino, managing to talk about without relapsing into that state of panic. He told them about Shikadai, about the sealing and about Shukaku in the family. He also told them about his brothers-in-law and the enormous love the family possessed towards one another.

“If you could, would you change it?” Ino asked after Shikamaru had finished talking.

“What do you mean?” Shikamaru asked.

“If you could change your life, would you? If you now got a chance to rewind time and could choose to never ever leave for the mission to Suna fourteen years ago”, Ino said. “Would you take the chance to change it?”

Shikamaru didn’t even hesitate.

This road to hell and back had been anything but easy. But it had given him so much. A wife he loved. A family. A son. A new country and culture. And no matter how much he had missed Konoha, he realised he wouldn’t change the years spent in Suna.

“No”, he said. “I wouldn’t change it. For sure, I wouldn’t have wanted to go through all of the things I did, but… I wouldn’t change away Shikadai, or Temari. Never ever.”

Ino pinched her lips together.

“You’re going to return, won’t you?” she asked. “You will return to Suna.”

Shikamaru looked down at his empty teacup. He nodded.

“Why?” Choji asked. “Why would you return? Now that we’re finally together again – why – this is your home.”

“Konoha was once my home”, Shikamaru said. “And, trust me, there is a space in my heart that is saved for this village. I love Konoha, deep down. But Suna is now my home. It’s Shikadai’s village. And I belong to Suna now.”

“I – I understand”, Ino said slowly, but her voice was thin and shivering. “I understand.”

Choji failed to get his voice to remain steady. He snivelled against his sleeve before talking.

“No. No. I don’t get it”, he said. “ _This_ is your home! This is where we are, the Ino-Shika-Cho! We belong together, and now we’re finally together again after a decade of _heart ache_ , why would you want to leave?”

“Choji”, Shikamaru said. “I understand you are upset. But I can’t stay. Temari is still under watch here in this village, and she’ll be banned from entering Fire Country the second we cross the border. She has no future here. But I have a future in Suna.”

Choji brought up a hand to his face, trying to rub his firmly squeezed shut eyes.

“You don’t mean it”, he said in a strained voice. “Please say you don’t mean it.”

Shikamaru was silent for a second or two before continuing.

“It’s against the law for me to become a Konohan shinobi again, and… this is not my home anymore”, he said silently, not looking at Choji. “It once was, but so much has changed. I don’t know if I ever can explain it but… I am a Sunese shinobi now. Nara Shikamaru exists only in memories anymore. Shikamaru of the Sand is the person who lives. I’m sorry.”

Choji didn’t want to understand. Didn’t want to accept. But then, he finally let out a sigh, and accepted that he would never understand. He hadn’t been through the same life changing journey. But accepting didn’t make it easier to process.

In Chocho’s room the children had a similar discussion. Chocho had been nattering on about how the future of Ino-Shika-Cho was saved, how they will continue the legendary formation – how all past mistakes were forgiven.

“And this time we’ll surpass all the previous generations”, Chocho said. “Because we’ll have a jinchuuriki on our team!”

This made Shikadai look oddly at her.

“But… we’re not on h-e same team”, he said slowly. His voice was thin and fragile.

“From now on, you are”, Chocho said proudly. “You’re no longer a prisoner, you are one of us now.”

Shikadai furrowed his eyebrows together, swallowing (yes, swallowing! He was so happy).

“I’m not going to stay”, he said and Chocho opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. Inojin stared at Shikadai.

“What, why?” Inojin said. “You are here now! Chocho and I have grown up with stories about the legendary formation, and we’ve always felt like we’ve been half. Like something we never had was missing, and it was you.”

Shikadai didn’t expect his eyes to fill with frustrated tears. He was going to let Inojin down, his friends who had sacrifice so much time to be with him. Inojin wasn’t paid to sit with him in prison or in the hospital, he did it out of his own good heart. Inojin didn’t have to save him from the lightning, but he did anyways. Out of friendship. Love. Something.

“I’m sorry”, he said. Somehow, his voice completely failed him, and his tongue froze in place. With half his articulation still sounding ridiculous, according to himself, he just couldn’t trust his words to carry. His hands began moving instead. _This isn’t my home, I-n-o-j-i-n. And believe me, I’m so happy I got to meet you guys, and I’m happy to call you my friends, but I can’t stay. I have to return. I am the j-i-n-c-h-u-u-r-i-k-i of S-u-n-a_.

Inojin stared at Shikadai’s hands.

“Who cares you are a jinchuuriki, when you are also the Shika in our team”, he said.

Shikadai didn’t know what to answer. Suddenly, his throat began aching terribly, but not really from the injury, but for trying to keep a cry down.

_I’m sorry_ , he just repeated.

Inojin didn’t either expected to become so emotional over these news. Somewhere, deep down, he had known had Shikadai was going to return to Suna, and common sense said he had to – hell, _politics and laws_ said he had to.

But Inojin wanted him to stay.

“Why do you have to leave?” he finally burst out, sounding angrier than he ever intended. “Isn’t Konoha better than Suna, like really?”

_This isn’t my home,_ Shikadai said, hands flying more aggressively.

“I don’t want you to go!”

Shikadai avoided Inojin’s gaze, feeling so, so guilty.

_Why do you sound so accusing?_ he asked, not looking properly at his friend.

Inojin groaned in annoyance.

“I don’t know”, he then responded. “I just… I just really thought you would… stay. I thought that you would see that not all of Konoha is evil, that we are not like you believed. I thought you would like to be here when you saw that we are nice. I thought you – … Never mind.”

Chocho shifted uneasily, understanding that this was not her place to intervene in the situation. She hadn’t even tried to keep up with Shikadai’s hands, and had closed to sign language guide.

_I-n-o-j-i-n_ , Shikadai signed, each sign representing a letter. _I don’t think you are evil, and yes, it is a beautiful village. I’m so thankful for everything you did for me. But you know why. I don’t belong here._

Inojin almost spat _you belong with me_ but didn’t say anything. He bit his teeth together, clearly more frustrated at himself than at Shikadai.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you”, he finally said in defeat. “I know. Sorry. I understand you want to return home.”

Goodbyes are never easy.

And tearing apart two generations of Ino-Shika-Cho is harder than most goodbyes.

They were standing on the edge of the gates. Shikadai was able to eat lukewarm soups and soft foods, and he had only to get one meal of nutrients through a feeding tube. He had been freed from Konohan imprisonment. Shikamaru had been freed from Konohan imprisonment. Temari had been freed from Konohan imprisonment.

Shikadai’s price had been paid.

The war was over.

Suna had lost.

And the Sunese royal family was now going to leave the cursed village. The village Shikamaru once loved so dearly, but that had turned into a place he no longer could call home.

Inojin hadn’t come to the gates to say goodbye to Shikadai, and it had hurt quite a lot in his heart, in an inexplicable way.

“Shikamaru”, Temari said as she stepped over the stone pattern signalling that the village officially has begun and stepped on the soft gravel ground, signalling that the village has ended. “Come. Come home.”

“It’s okay”, Yoshino said behind him. She gently pressed her hand around Shikamaru’s wrist. “You can go. I know you’re alive. I know you have found love in Suna and I can’t take that away from you. That is why I haven’t ever asked you to stay for me. Because I know your heart lies in the desert.”

“You won’t ever loose me again”, Shikamaru said. “You know where I am.”

“Shikamaru.” Yoshino turned him so she could look at her son. Her grown up son, her child she had believed she had lost. “This is not a goodbye. This is a ‘until we see each other again’.”

Shikamaru smiled at his mum.

“I’m sorry”, he said. “I’m sorry life went this way.”

“Don’t be sorry”, Yoshino said and put her own hand against her chest. “You will always be here for me. And we will meet again, because you will come back to drink tea with your aging mother, right?”

It sounded like she was teasing. Shikamaru chuckled.

“Of course I will”, he said. “When the peace has settled again.”

“We will choose a new Hokage soon”, Yoshino said. “Tsunade has decided to step down. She admits she has handled the war in a poor way and will retire now.”

Shikamaru’s jaw tensed.

“Good”, he just said. “Good.”

“And I heard there might be a vehicle called trains in development in a few years”, Yoshino continued. “If trains someday go from Konoha to Suna, you can be sure I’ll visit you.”

“That would be amazing”, Shikamaru said, glancing over his shoulder at Temari and Shikadai. “Mum… I really have to go now. I’m sorry – “

“Don’t be sorry”, Yoshino repeated. “I love you, my son. Go and live your life. And I’ll be here, waiting for you when you come for a visit.”

Shikamaru smiled as the wetness in his eyes increased.

“Yes”, he said. “I love you too, mum. Thank you for everything.”

They hugged.

But no hugs can go on forever. And soon enough, Shikamaru released himself from the hug and Yoshino waved to the family, to her son, grandson and daughter-in-law. They waved back.

And this time, Shikamaru was sure, that this goodbye wasn’t lasting forever.

Shinki hugged Shikadai hard when he opened the door to his home – his home he hadn’t been in for closer to three months.

“Finally”, Shinki said. “It had become pretty boring here already.”

“And now I’m free of tubes”, Shikadai said, gesturing his happiness with his arms when his voice still was barely more than a whisper.

**_Thanks to me, kiddo. I healed you quite a lot, ya know._ **

_Yeah, yeah, yeah._

**_Ah, I smell home._ **

_I do too._

“Move, honey”, Temari said behind him, as Shikadai had been blocking the doorway. She looked around in the hallway, in her house, her flat, her home and she dropped the bag she had been carrying. She was so tired she just wanted to fall into her bed, with bedsheets never slept in since they did the bed before they left their home oh so long time ago.

Shikadai being free of tubes didn’t mean free of trouble. His food was cooked to the point of it breaking down, because everything had to be in a some sort of liquid state, to avoid straining his throat with having to swallow down bigger pieces.

“Excuse me while I die”, Shikamaru said as he dropped his bag. “You can find me in the bedroom.”

“Excuse you, I made a ‘welcome home’-dinner for you lot!” Kankuro complained. “It’s only polite to stay awake until after dinner.”

“Great, I’m hun-y”, Shikadai said and made his way to the dinner table. Kankuro had set it for a dinner, a slow pot of potatoes and cooked carrots and chicken. Shikadai couldn’t eat the chicken, but Kankuro had mashed potatoes and carrots together in a soft mash for him.

The whole Kazekage family sat around the table – gathered, healed and _happy_ for the first time in forever.

The war was over, but Suna had lost.

The future was going to be scary.

By the end of the dinner Kankuro revealed ice cream from the freezer, which Shinki and Shikadai snatched quickly into paper cones. Ice cream was soft enough for Shikadai to eat.

“Come one”, Shinki said. “Let’s eat on the rooftop.”

They made their way to the rooftop and ate the ice cream while chatting about trivial matters. When they had finished their desserts Shinki squirmed where he sat and Shikadai raised an eyebrow at him.

He didn’t really dare to talk because he had eaten earlier, and swallowing _did_ tire out him fast. Shinki knew basic signs, however, and Shikadai chanced to sign to him.

_What is it?_ He asked.

“Remember how we used to talk about how weird it is that neither of us, who are the heirs of the Kage seat, are pure blood Sunese”, Shinki said. “I’ve been thinking quite a lot about it, since you became captured and since all this drama with getting you back and us losing the war and everything. When father retires from the Kage seat and I take over… I don’t know if I will do this nation justice when it comes to the future of peace.”

_You will do great,_ Shikadai signed. Shinki looked at his hands, at it was obvious that he didn’t really understand what Shikadai said.

“Konoha as a village has a lot of influence”, Shinki continued slowly. “And you made friends there while you stayed.”

“Yeah?” Shikadai said, voice weak, and the sound was more like breath.

“Having friends in other nations is crucial when leading a village”, Shinki said. “It is true that I am powerful, given that I possess the powers I do. That is why everyone always told me _I_ will be the next Kazekage. I sort of assumed it was because you are our jinchuuriki that I was chosen as the heir.”

Shikadai bit his teeth together, realising where the conversation was going.

“But then again, father was a jinchuuriki when he was crowned as Kage”, Shinki continued. “And he had once friends in Konoha too. Foreign friends who came to the rescue when he was injured. Foreign friends who saved Kankuro’s life when he was poisoned.” Shinki’s gaze was now drawing towards the horizon, towards east, towards the bay leading to Tea Country. “You were born here. I was not. I possess a strong release, but you possess two vastly different techniques and Shukaku’s powers. I might be the stronger fighter, but you are the survivor out of us two.”

His green eyes were looking straight into Shikadai’s.

“Shikadai, I want you to be the next Kazekage”, Shinki said. “Let me be your advisor and protector.”

Shikadai stared at him for a second.

_I can’t talk properly,_ he signed. “Can’t talk too mu-h…” He wanted to keep saying that while the prognose was okay, he would never ever again be able to talk as much as he could before. His voice would tire out after just a few hours. If he laughed, his voice would disappear for a while. It could get better, but never like before his vocal cords got damaged. He would always have to rely on signs as a clutch for when his voice would fail him. He couldn't fight like he once could. There was so many things he couldn't do anymore. Was he even worth the title of a Kage if he was at some degree disabled?

“I know”, Shinki said. “But the council can damn learn to read signs, or we fire those who aren’t willing to learn. And I will make sure they accept you. Shikadai, I am serious in this. You are the best choice – the absolute best out of us. You deserve to be the Kazekage.”

A warm feeling spread in Shikadai’s stomach and he began smiling.

“Do you accept my request?” Shinki asked and returned the smile Shikadai offered him. “Do you want to become my father’s successor?”

Shikadai nodded.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought I would write a story where Shikadai is fully a Sand shinobi and NOT make him Kazekage, you were _wrong!_
> 
> Go Shikadai, go and be great! 
> 
> The final chapter, called "The Sixth Kazekage", will be uploaded on Monday.
> 
> See you then, my absolute best readers <3


	28. The Sixth Kazekage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, this is the end!
> 
> If you've read this far, thank you. 
> 
> You've been there with Shikamaru as he struggled and as he became a traitor. You've been there with Temari as she fought for her child and family. You've been there with Shikadai as he fought to survive and to reclaim his happiness.
> 
> You've been to hell and back with this family, and now, it is time for them to get their happy ending. If you cry tears of joy while reading this chapter, then I have achieved my goal. If you want, listen to the Return of the King soundtrack from Aragorns coronation while reading, it made me cry while writing.
> 
> Please enjoy ❤

“How are you feeling?” Shikamaru asked of Shikadai, who was sitting on the edge of his bed. The nervous butterflies in his stomach didn’t want to calm down.

 _Are there a lot of people there?_ Shikadai asked, hands a little shaky, not daring to look out of his window.

“The Konohans arrived a moment ago”, Shikamaru said. “I’ll soon go down and spend some time with your grandma. She just arrived. How is your voice feeling? You know you should talk then they are here.”

 _Voice okay, I just don’t want it to sound weird at my speech,_ Shikadai signed before clearing his throat. “Eugh. Um. Did Ino-Cho come too?” Shikadai he added, now switching to audible language instead. He had gotten so used to sign language during the years he sometimes forgot that most other people couldn’t read it.

His voice had stabilized itself a year after his injury, and the pronunciation was now almost flawless, but his voice would never keep up more than a few hours at a time before the throat began hurting and his voice disappeared. Shikadai had become bilingual with the sign language and his mother tongue, as well as his whole family had learned to read signs. It was everyday and normal for them to communicate through signs.

Shikamaru nodded.

“Yes, they came at the same time”, Shikamaru said. “Everyone is here now.”

“I’ll come down soon”, Shikadai said. “I just want to stay here a bit longer.”

“It’s your big day, you can’t be hiding in your bedroom until the ceremony begins. Our guests have been dying to meet you, you know. Grandma was so worried she wouldn’t make the trip here, even with the train. Her legs are getting tired”, Shikamaru said, smiling. “And Chocho wouldn’t stop babbling about the views here.” He gently nudged Shikadai on his shoulder. “Is everything okay?”

Shikadai shrugged his shoulders.

“I guess.”

Shikamaru sat down beside him.

“You can talk to me”, he said.

“I’m just nervous”, Shikadai said. “About the coronation. And the responsibility.”

Shikamaru looked at Shikadai. He had grown so much during his teenage years. He was now eighteen years old and as tall as Shikamaru, had broad shoulders and a deeper voice. He still had a few faint scars on his face from the abuse he had faced six years ago when Shukaku was at his worst. He still had a round, red scar from the trach that once had been inserted into his throat above his sternum.

Puberty voice change had been tough for him. Because his vocal cords were damaged and began going through the voice change, he had felt odd and in pain and hated the way his voice sounded. But now, years since his voice stabilised into its adult self, he learned to accept the way he sounded.

Six years had passed since Konoha captured him and caused his traumatic injury. Six years had passed since Temari almost faced her execution. Six years had passed since Suna paid the war indemnity to get Shikadai free.

During these six years, Suna didn’t have it easy, after having to give up Tea Country and let them reclaim independence. After a lot of negotiations, Kiri in Water Country began trading with them once again, as well as Konoha let the trading routes be in peace. There was no lack of food anymore, only a poor and strained shinobi society among the sand dunes.

And today, The Village Hidden in the Sand, was getting their sixth Kazekage.

Shikadai of the Sand, the One Tail jinchuuriki.

Shikadai was eighteen years old, and Gaara had decided to pass over the Kage kasa hat of Wind Country to his successor. Getting the council to agree to have Shikadai as the successor was a surprisingly easy process, especially since Shinki had delivered his reasoning well. _Shikadai is the true heir to my father._

He was going to become their Kazekage and Shinki was going to be his advisor.

“You are going to be okay”, Shikamaru said. “And remember, you’ve got a whole network of people who will advise you. You got Shinki, you got Gaara, you got me. We will all help you.”

“Yes, but you can’t help me now during the coronation”, Shikadai said, smiling. “I have to smile and wave and all that all by myself. And ugh, my speech…”

“I could have helped you if you had let me read it beforehand”, Shikamaru. “But you didn’t want me to.”

“No”, Shikadai mumbled.

“Is it personal?”

“I don’t know”, Shikadai said. “Kind of. It’s a lot about being a jinchuuriki.”

Shikamaru smiled to him.

“I’m sure it will bring me to tears”, he said. Shikadai chuckled. “Are you sure you don’t want to come down? Your grandma is probably going to smother you in kisses.”

“I’ll come really soon”, Shikadai said. That was the moment Inojin opened the door.

“There you are!” he said. “Your cousin said you were here.”

“Hi, Inojin”, Shikamaru said. “Well, I guess this is my cue to go down. Come down when you have finished pondering about your life. We have guest to tend to.”

He walked out of the room.

“Do you like the desert?” Shikadai asked and Inojin snorted playfully, looking out of the window.

“It’s beautiful”, he said. His hair had gotten long, as it fell down below his shoulder blades in a long silky ponytail. “And it’s so quiet here. No leaves rustling in the wind, no birds singing, no rivers fizzing. It feels like it’s just you and the eternity.”

“That is why I like Wind Country”, Shikadai said. “The whole world is by your feet when you walk into the desert. In Konoha, everything was so closed in on you. There was no freedom.”

Well, there were a lot of other factors making Konoha feel like a prison other than just the closeness of trees. The growing nervousness made Shikadai’s throat feel tight.

“Did your travel go well?”

“Yes”, Inojin said. “The train is really handy. It takes only eight hours to get here. And now that I became Konoha’s international ambassador, I’m going to travel here quite a lot.”

“Yeah, mum told me”, Shikadai said. “You know you can stay here when you’re here during business travels, don't you?”

“Even if I’m supposed to stay at inns paid by the state?” Inojin joked.

“Pfft”, Shikadai said. “Stay where you want, but know that my door is always open for you.”

“Thanks”, Inojin said. He was silent for a few seconds. “Are you nervous?”

“You are the fifth person to ask that of me”, Shikadai said and smiled. “Yes, I am. I have to talk in front of a lot of people and I’m scared my voice won’t make it.”

“Well…” Inojin said and looked at the clock on the wall. “You still got three hours. So, you don’t have to feel bad just yet. Wanna sign to rest your voice?”

Shikadai signed _yes._

He walked around in Shikadai’s room, looking around. Looking at the photographs on the wall made with a polaroid camera from some parties Shikadai had attended.

 _It was from the River Feudal Lord’s coronation_ , Shikadai signed and pointed at the photo Inojin had been inspecting inspecting.

“You get invited to royal parties?” Inojin asked.

 _I-n-o-j-i-n, I am a royalty_ , Shikadai signed at he let a little laugh loose. _And yeah, they can be pretty boring. Don’t you remember when I was at the Sixth Hokage’s coronation. Those kinds of events. And now I just have more to attend once I become the Kage_.

Inojin chuckled lightly.

“You know, I never guessed we would be here one day, when I sat by you in the prison”, he said, smiling sadly as he thought of the memory. “There was a lot of things I didn’t think would happen back then.”

Shikadai wanted to talk, wanted to tell Inojin how lucky he was to survive, to earn him as friend, to be able to return home after the hellish weeks, but he knew his voice would fail him. It always happened when he tried to talk about that summer six years ago.

 _Well, I certainly didn’t think I’d become the Kazekage one day_ , Shikadai said. “ _It all felt like a dream I couldn’t reach. Because I’m a j-i-n-c-h-u-u-r-i-k-i or because I’m half K-o-n-o-h-a-n. But what did one know!_

“Shikadai, come down now!” a voice belonging to Temari bellowed. Shikadai looked at Inojin, rolling his eyes.

“You know, Yamato, the man with Wood Style who hurt me, actually came to apologise a few years ago”, Shikadai said, voice weak. “And your Sixth Hokage came too and apologised for Konoha’s actions and swore he would keep up peace with us, with me, once I become the Kage.”

“Wow”, Inojin said.

“Yeah”, Shikadai mumbled. “It made me happy.” He looked up at Inojin. “Let’s join the others.”

“Wait”, Inojin said. “I’ve got a gift for you. Like, personal for you. Don’t worry, we got an official gift for you from the Ino-Cho-duo and from my parents too, but I had something myself.”

He reached down his bag and took out a little net bag containing fruits.

A banana, a peach and a persimmon. All yellow fruits.

“Do you remember the joke?” Inojin asked.

“Oh god”, Shikadai said, thinking of when he didn’t know the difference between the fruits he never had the chance to try when he was younger. “Thank you. I’ll feast on them later. Tomorrow when I’ve got a hangover, maybe.”

Inojin laughed and bit off his laugh fast when he looked down in his bag again.

“Eh. There’s something else.” He reached down in his bag and took out a binder. “Hm. Well. I don’t know if you care about these things, but I figured that this could be fitting. Eh.” He was now quite red in his face. “Okay, I don’t know, ehe, why I became so embarrassed. But, um, here.”

He reached out the binder and Shikadai accepted it, opening it.

And inside, there were all his drawings that he had drawn with Inojin in the hospital as a twelve-year-old injured political prisoner. First in the pile was his old self-portrait, the one where he was mid-transformation, looking as a hideous half-human and half-demon.

Shikadai hadn’t really been that good at drawing, and his face was wonky on the picture – but it didn’t matter. This picture, where he had drawn angry, thick lines to represent the scars in his face, where he had cluttered his one eye with black to represent Shukaku’s eye and where one of his ears was a tanuki ear, represented his feelings back then.

Shukaku hadn’t taken over him in a long time. He had learned how to control him. They had peace. Shikadai even enjoyed Shukaku’s company nowadays.

“Damn, I didn’t even remember I made this one”, Shikadai said, looking at the crying face on the picture. “It was sure a… sad time.”

“And – and the point of self-portraits is that you redraw them as some point to look at the progress, but I guessed you hadn’t done it… so I did it for you”, Inojin continued. Shikadai smiled at him.

“What?”

“I drew it from memory, okay, so it probably sucks, but, um, it’s there in the binder”, Inojin said and pointed at the binder.

Shikadai found a gorgeous lead pencil drawing of himself.

“Oh damn, you are _really_ good”, Shikadai said, looking at the portrait. “Wow. Thank you.”

“You are welcome”, Inojin said, rubbing his face to hide it. Shikadai raised from the bed he was sitting on, and closed his arms around Inojin. He held on as tight as he could, feeling the smile on Inojin’s face against his neck.

“I’m glad everything worked out for you in the end. So glad”, Inojin said.

The door opened and Shikadai pushed himself off Inojin. Temari stood on the other side of the door, wearing a purple dress and hair done in more carefully folded pigtails.

“Don’t make me ask you one more time to come down, we have guests and you are not supposed to be hiding when it’s your big day”, she said. “We have the pre-drinks done already. Everyone is waiting for you.”

 _Wine_? Shikadai asked through a simple sign.

“Yes, sparkling wine”, Temari confirmed. “You should brush your hair, Shikadai, you can’t be crowned with your hair in tangles.”

 _It’s not in tangles, I already brushed it!_ Shikadai signed.

“Brush it again and come down”, Temari said and walked out of his room, leaving the two boys alone.

“My parents are a drag”, Shikadai said audibly this time, while awkwardly laughing. He liked switching language depending on the mood and did so quite often. Especially now when he was so nervous. “Um, anyways, actually, there’s – there’s one thing you could help me with, Inojin.”

Inojin looked at him with anticipation in his eyes.

“Hit me.”

“These are tuna tarts, the tuna is from the southern bay and should be all fresh, and these are fried scorpions, I suggest you all try them, because they are really good”, Temari said as the huge company sat around the dinner table in the lowest floor of their house, where they had a bigger reception hall. “And – oh, good Shikadai, you came down – what have you done with your hair?”

Everyone turned around to look at the Kazekage-to-be, who had now a side fringe. Rough Nara hair brought down over one side of his face, almost covering one of the green eyes. He still had a ponytail high up on the back of his head and had now added the side fringe.

“I brushed it”, Shikadai grinned to his mother and Inojin made the scissor sign with his fingers. Shikadai turned to the guests. “Hi everyone, thank you for coming to my coronation. I’m really, really grateful that you took your time to come here.”

“You restyled your hair”, Temari said accusingly.

“It’s okay, Tem”, Shikamaru said as he smiled at Shikadai. “Looks good.”

Shikadai sat down, looking over the table filled with finger-food and pre-dinner appetizers his parents and Kankuro had prepared this morning. He had his own plates of dishes – mushed food, and a carrot soup. He had since long accepted that he was never going to be able to eat normal food anymore.

The table was surrounded by family and friends.

Gaara, Shinki and Kankuro were there.

Ino, Sai and Inojin were also there.

So were Choji, Karui and Chocho.

Shikamaru and Temari were there too.

And finally, Yoshino was there.

The whole of Shikamaru’s family was gathered. All of them. Every single person and family he cared about the most in the whole world had come to Suna, to his house, his home, to celebrate Shikadai’s coronation to become the Kazekage.

“And now, I’d like to raise a toast for Shikadai”, Shikamaru said when everyone had gotten a glass. He rose from his chair, with the glass of sparkling wine in his hand.

“Save the tears for Shikadai’s speech, crybaby”, Temari said jokingly at him. Shikamaru shot her a look and raised his glass higher.

“When I was just as old as Shikadai is today, I was sent on a mission that changed my whole life”, Shikamaru said. “I thought I hated my situation and my life. But then, I didn’t know I was about to get married to the greatest woman on earth, who did so much for me and Shikadai. I didn’t know I was about to get the best son in the whole world.”

He blinked and had to snivel against his white sleeve.

“Shikadai”, he said and looked straight at his son. “Growing up for you wasn’t easy. We had to do hideous things to you, we had to make you a jinchuuriki, but you forgave us for it. You didn’t have many friends growing up, but look at you know. You got the Ino-Cho from the old Konohan formation by your side, even if you don’t live in the same country. You earned respect again from your own village, you have a team and friends here too.

You suffered a serious life-threatening injury, but you survived. You learned to swallow and talk again even if when the best doctors of Konoha believed you could never do it. I can’t ever express enough how proud I am of you.

But even more, you _saved_ mum and me. I don’t think you know in how many ways you have saved me since you were born, Shikadai. And you overcame all the trials you have faced and now you will be crowned as Kazekage. I am so honoured to be your father. Thank you, Shikadai. I love you.”

Shikamaru had begun crying now, as had Yoshino and Choji. Ino snivelled quietly and Chocho tried to dry her eyes in secrecy. Temari’s eyes were also wet and Shikadai smiled to hard his cheeks hurt.

“For Shikadai”, Shikamaru said and everyone at the table raised their glasses.

“For Shikadai”, everyone said. Shikadai rose from his chair and shuffled over to Shikamaru, burying his head in his shoulder.

“Thank you, dad”, he whispered against Shikamaru.

“No, thank you”, Shikamaru said and the hug felt like never-ending. “I love you so much, my boy.”

“I love you too”, Shikadai said.

**_Ugh, this is so icky-sticky lovey-dovey I’m getting nauseous!_ **

_Shukaku, snout shut._

**_But damn, Shikadai! You made it! This is the second coronation I attend hehehe._ **

_I know, so you can also prepare a speech for me, okay? You’ve got the practise already,_ Shikadai said and inside his mind, winked at his Beast. His Shukaku, his friend. Being a jinchuuriki wasn’t so bad, after all.

He felt how his eyes couldn’t hold in the tears of joy, pride and love anymore.

“Ah damn, I was not supposed to cry!”

The company laughed.

“You are both crybabies”, Temari said. “Want a tissue?”

“Temari, your eyes are also a little bit red”, Yoshino said, winking at Temari.

“It doesn’t count”, Temari said.

It was the best pre-party dinner they had ever attended.

Temari and Shikamaru were in the first row of the audience during the coronation together with the company that had attended the pre-party at their house. They heard Gaara’s speech (and not a single eye remained dry after that) and then Shikadai came up beside his uncle.

“Lord Shikadai of the Sand, jinchuuriki of Sunakagure and son of Konoha, I, Lord Gaara of the Sand, former jinchuuriki of Sunakagure and the fifth Kazekage, dub you the sixth Kazekage of Sunakagure”, Gaara said and placed the kasa hat on Shikadai’s head.

The applauds knew no end.

The audience was filled with guests from far and wide, with the whole upper class of Suna, with Shikadai’s family. Shikadai could spot Kakashi, the Sixth Hokage, as well as his guard Yamato (who had sent Shikadai a private present a week ago, another apology for the pain).

More than just a private present from Konoha had arrived. A hawk, with a short letter from the Nine Tails jinchuuriki, had arrived. Uzumaki Naruto had asked forgiveness for not being available during Konoah’s hideous actions, but he didn’t intend on returning from the never-ending journey of life he had decided to take with Sasuke. They were on another continent somewhere.

The Tailed Beasts of Konoha had been sent out to the nations again, and each country got to decide what they wanted to do with them. A few jinchuuriki children existed again, and they were in the audience too.

And finally, when the applauds died out, Shikadai placed himself behind the microphone. Everyone listened in anticipation to hear what the new Kazekage had to say in his speech.

Shikadai fiddled with the paper he had written his speech on. He looked down at the title of it.

_The Trial of our Hearts._

He took a deep breath, looking over at his parents. Shikamaru, who abandoned his birth village, and was the best dad one could ever wish for. Temari, who had done her utmost to ensure Shikadai’s secure upbringing. She had killed Nanashi for him, she had almost sacrificed herself for hom. She had been the best mum one could ever wish for.

He looked at the rest of his family.

Shinki, who had protected himself from self-hatred and insecurity. Shinki, who had come to Konoha to _save him._ The best cousin one could ask for.

Kankuro, who had been the best uncle one could wish for, always, always having time for him.

Gaara, who had always been there for him and helped him overcome the trial of being a jinchuuriki.

Oh, he cherished this family so much.

And then he looked over at Inojin. Inojin, who had saved him in Konoha, in so many different ways. He owed his life to him.

Shikadai smiled at them, feeling his heart burst of joy.

**_Hey, you forgot me!_ **

_I never forget you, Shukaku. You will always be there with me._

**_Shouldn’t you begin your speech already?_ **

_Yeah._

**_Will they cry?_ **

_Absolutely._

**_Will I cry?_ **

_You don’t cry._

**_Haha! Let’s see about that, kid! Come on, open up the tear canals of everyone here._ **

_Tanukis can’t cry._

**_Damn it, Shikadai, let me be happy for you for once!_ **

_I love you too, Shukaku._

**_Hmph, fine, fine, you are alright, kid._ **

Shikadai looked over the audience, smiling.

This was a beginning of something good.

Finally, his trial was over.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so, this story ended.
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for reading. Please, let me know what you thought about this story.
> 
> You are the best readers.
> 
> I have already begun writing on my next longfic, that I will upload in about three weeks. The fic is called To dance above the Stars and is a sequel to my longfic To go down with the Sun from 2019. If you like the angst I'm writing, please consider hanging around for that other fic! I would love to meet you again in that fic.
> 
> twitter: majsasaurus  
> tumblr: unioncolours.tumblr.com
> 
> Once again, thank you. Now the Trial of our Hearts is over. 🖤
> 
> -Majsasaurus


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